I am so happy and so sad at the same time!

[Lady Freedom Returns]

I am happy that I have a start, but it hurts too.

My SO and I had so many dreams.

They came crashing down in one day! Yes that man that came into our lives work us for a year, but it just took one day for me to end up without the man I still love.

I keep seeing him in my mind. I see him being so happy! I can hear him say "That's my Girl!" and holding me close.

He has blocked my number. He blocked it the same time he was sending me away. I tried a couple of times to call him here , but he has all 417 numbers blocked now.

Tried to send him a letter but I don't know if he got it or not! I don't know if he at least sent it back and ne of my "we know what is really good for you" family members threw any letters away!

So here I am having to dream without him. To succeed without seeing his smile when I cross another barrier.

Everything that is happening makes me happy, but yet so sad!

[Denninmi]

1. I can relate.

It has been a long time since I was in any kind of relationship. The last woman I was interested in was, IMHO, my soulmate. But, it wasn't to be -- she was married, Catholic, and wouldn't leave the ass she was/is married to. And, it wouldn't have worked for some other reasons, too. But, it still hurts. I am the one that broke it off, after we acknowledge our feelings, and we still try to be "just friends". And, when I finally decided that it wasn't practical to be "just friends" with the underlying emotional tension, it really was devastating to me. It was to her, too. It felt like pulling a bandage off a large wound. And it hurt for a long time, it still does to some small degree.

In the end, we have ourselves, and we have to recognize that we are worth it, we are deserving, and we are good people. I think when you can come to love yourself, to recognize that you deserve the good, you can come to a place of understanding, where it no longer hurts. That is a place of strength, and with it comes peace, and wisdom. I am working to get there, it is NOT easy, and it takes time. But I think when I get there, I will have a good perspective on so many things, and they won't hurt. At that point, if something is meant to be, it will come back to me, because life works like that, and I don't believe that many things are "coincidence" at all.

Please be good to yourself, LFR. Your struggle has touched me, and I know it has probably been harder than you have even been able to express here, possibly even to yourself. Trial by fire. Just remember that the Phoenix from the ashes is beautiful.

Peace.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

2. Thanks!

[Denninmi]

3. Right back at ya!