What to Say (& Not Say) to Someone Who Lost a Pet

[HarveyDarkey]

As too many of us know, the death of a pet is devastating. Our pets are more than just animals; they are integral parts of our families, they are our confidants, our best friends, and our biggest fans. So when they pass, the feelings of grief we experience are very similar to the feelings we experience when we lose a person that was important to us–anger, denial, depression…they are all part of the healing process through which we eventually reach acceptance.

Pet loss is a delicate topic, and even if you’ve been through it yourself, it’s difficult to know what to say when someone you know experiences the death of a pet. Pet advice expert Steven May understands this, and in a recent essay titled What to Say, And What Not to Say, Following the Passing of a Pet, he offers some great insight on what to do.

“Throughout my long career working with both pets and [pet parents] I’ve assisted in more than 3,000 euthanasias and have been present in countess situations where a pet has passed due to natural or unnatural causes. And no matter how many times I go through the process it is never easy. The loss of a pet hurts. They remind us of milestones in our lives and often represent the true meaning of “unconditional love”…So what do we say to a person who has lost a pet? And, just as importantly, what do we not say?”

Say This

“Your pet was so lucky to have you.”

During times of grief many people look inward and ask themselves if there was anything else they could have done differently. Reminding someone of what a wonderful pet parent they were, and that their pet enjoyed the best life possible, can help to alleviate any guilt a pet [parent] may be feeling.

Don’t Say This

“When are you getting another pet?”

This implies that a pet is like a piece of furniture–if it breaks or gets old you just throw it out and get a new one. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our pets provide the kind of emotional connection that, for some, can resonate deeper than what they feel with human beings. Pets demand that we be selfless and in return we are rewarded with unconditional love. That’s not something that can be erased immediately.

http://banoosh.com/blog/2013/07/23/what-to-say-not-say-to-someone-who-lost-a-pet/

[hrmjustin]

1. I hug them and say I have been throught this and I know how hard it is.

If you have not been through this just say you know how difficult this is and i will be there for you. And say I am so sorry.

[snappyturtle]

2. Excellent post. I gotta remember the 'lucky pet' part. Thanks. nt

[sarge43]

3. "You gave her a good life."

What I said to my husband when his parrot died. It seemed to help.

[orleans]

4. wow--i've been crying all evening over missing my little baby

i recently posted a thread in the bereavement group about her
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1234673

i can't tell you how many people have asked me if i was going to get another dog.
unreal.

i tell them i don't know. i tell them for right now i miss her and am heartbroken. i tell them i'm just so sad. i tell them it's okay for me to feel sad and i just want to be sad about it for awhile.

i'm grieving.

i loved. i was loved. i lost. i miss her. and i feel sad. and that's okay.

it's a habit our "move on" society has. everyone wants the bereaved to have the instant cure/fix. go back to work. keep busy. don't think about it. replace the pet--quick!

we do that regarding people. time off for grieving is short. get back to work--pretend everything is back to normal. don't' make others feel uncomfortable because you're still sad. otherwise it's awkward for people. don't let your grief make others awkward.

yes, my baby was lucky to have me. and i was so lucky to have her as well. we had each other. she was my little friend. my shadow. my sweetie. my baby doll.

i don't know if i'll get another dog. i'm not a fortune teller or psychic. but i do know i loved her. and am so thankful she was a part of my life and i was part of hers. she was one of a kind. and if i do end up with another dog it will not be to replace my baby. she is irreplaceable.

but they all are, aren't they?

thanks for posting this. i think a kind thing to say would be "you were so lucky to have each other." because we were. we always are. both us and them.