Screw it!!! Post your best medical advise here!!!

[LynneSin]

Go for it!

We all need help!!!

[cyberswede]

1. "Dont get sick..."

[LynneSin]

6. I think you just won the grand prize!!!

You've won this large basket of kittens!!!

Woohoo!!

[OriginalGeek]

20. I love me some Grayson

can't wait to vote for him in Nov.


but the best medical advice i got came from Cheap Trick:

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch."

[AnneD]

2. Wash your hands.....

Last edited Thu Sep 6, 2012, 05:05 PM - Edit history (2)

often and with with soap and water after using hand sanitizer.

Normal Saline Nose spray...love it, use it.

Meet Clorox, your new best friend.

I am a nurse and am here to tell you an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

The Guy translation: a condom is cheaper than 18 years of child support.

edited to add wash your hands with soap after you have used the sanitizer for five times (removes build up) and sanitizer does not remove dirt and sticky stuff. Yes, some Nurse actually did a study to estimate the limits of the effectiveness of sanitizer as opposed to soap and water. Florence Nightengale was considered the first bitchy Nurse because she insisted doctors wash the hands between surgeries and patient dressing changes and documented how cleanliness lessened infections and death from infections. The Docs may have tried to ignore her but the Generals took notes.

[LynneSin]

7. I refuse to use hand sanitizer unless there is no soap/water option

They say the reason allergies are getting so much worse is because we have over sanitized ourselves and all those germies are building up immunities.

I'm a religious handwasher.

I have sanitizer around but last time I used it was after I was stuck using a portapotty.

[AnneD]

38. I have always believed that.....

if your body never learns immunity to the harmless stuff, how can it handle the big stuff. I am scrupulous around patients because they might have a suppressed immune system, but between trips to Braddah's farm, being a school Nurse in ES and MS, and picking up odd shifts in hospitals....I have the immune system of a CDC test monkey.

In fact, I donated platelets to one of my leukemia patents. I recognized the number on the bag but didn't say anything. The next day when the Doc was charting, I happened to be seated in the work area next to him. I heard him whistle as he read the the lab results. "He must have gotten a bag of elephant platelets." I laughed and told him I recognized my number on the bag. "It figures, he said, Nurses are pretty much germ proof." After that, he would occasionally ask me to donate in the name of certain of his patients that he thought could use an extra boost.

[LynneSin]

39. As a nurse you have good reasons

I just think for non-medical folks there is a lot of overkill

[AnneD]

52. I think my exposure....

Has made me healthy. We always talk about the new Nurse graduates being out sick and using all their sick days their first year. After that, you have the constitution of a horse when it comes to infections.

Hubby hates to see me with the sniffles because it means when he catches it, he will be sick and flat on his back for 2 weeks.

[blaze]

40. My Mom, '86

told me Grandma said there's nothing wrong with a little good, clean dirt!!!

We played in dirt. Ate dirt. Got all the "necessary" child diseases.

I'm rarely sick. Almost never get colds or the flu.

Let them eat dirt!!!!

[AnneD]

50. If things keep going the way the are....

We may be eating mud pies and sawdust bread.

[GermanDem]

9. Excellent advice!

Here is mine: get enough sleep. Try to live a steady, not too stressful life. Enjoy friendships, music, and the arts. Eat healthy foods like veggies and fruits, and drink red wine, all in moderation. Get a yearly check-up, to detect any problems early. Brush your teeth with an electric toothbrush twice a day and floss, this will keep your teeth and gums healthy. Take a mini Aspirin every day. It's all about maintenance!

Also, if you don't have a pet, get one! They are great for de-stressing!

[Aristus]

34. Good, sound advice, GermanDem; all of it.

Except for a pet peeve of mine. (I'm a physician assistant practicing clinical medicine in the community health setting). Please don't go to your local clinic and ask for a "check-up". I don't know what that is. They didn't teach us to do "check-ups" in PA school. If you need a general physical exam, then that's what you request. (Although the National Board of Internal Medicine has recommended against annual general physical exams. Studies show they lead to mis-diagnosing, overdiagnosing, and overtesting of all sorts; blood tests, radiological imaging, specialty care consults, etc. The NBIM recommends instead focussed physical exams for at-risk populations in patients with adverse symptoms.)

[GermanDem]

56. That is good to know!

[rocktivity]

3. I left my last job due to illness

Last edited Wed Apr 9, 2014, 04:33 PM - Edit history (1)

My boss said he was sick and tired of me!


rocktivity

[Major Nikon]

4. Do NOT get romantic with a park bench

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/weird/man-gets-penis-stuck-in-park-bench/story-e6frev20-1111117185767

[LynneSin]

8. Fortunate for me I don't have one of those things

If I did I'd chop it off. I don't know how you men live with that thing dangling between your legs.

[Major Nikon]

13. Comes in handy when you want to pee standing up

[LynneSin]

14. I can pee standing up

Of course I'm gonna get it all over my clothes but I can still do it!

[Major Nikon]

15. That's why I say it comes in handy

Walking around smelling like pee tends to make people think you're a bum. However it is a good way to score pocket change.

[pipi_k]

21. Go girl

With one of these babies, you'll never pee on yourself again.

I have one. It's great. My knees are bad and sometimes toilets are too low to the floor and I can't use them without fearing I'll have to call for help.

http://www.go-girl.com/

[Major Nikon]

26. Pilot supply stores have them also

They also make disposable ones.

http://www.aeromedix.com/aeromedix_articles/traveljohn/index.html

[blue neen]

42. Well, that is just about one of the best ideas I've ever seen!

This is what all my friends will be getting for their birthdays!

Thanks!

[awoke_in_2003]

45. DUzy. nt

[Liberal Veteran]

5. If you are republican and have a stuffy nose.

Mix equal parts Clorox and Ammonia and breath in the fumes.

It'll clear that shit right out of your sinuses.

Note: This doesn't work on democrats.

Side effects may include a burning sensation, blindness, coma, and death but are generally mild and transitory.

[sarge43]

10. Don't pick at it.

If it hurts to do that, stop doing that.

Mae West was wrong. Too much of anything can be bad for you.

With one exception, no matter what you do, you will get old. The exception is fairly extreme.

No sex is that good to risk a STD.

Prevention is usually preferable to the cure.

The net may not be the best choice for medical advice.

[sadbear]

11. Lay off the Cheetos!!!

Oh, wait....this isn't FR, is it?

[pokerfan]

12. Rub some dirt on it (nt)

[Odd Won Out]

25. I like that advice. Too much sanitizing goin' on

Get enough sleep and some exercise and that is all you need.

[Autumn]

16. If you have a cold make yourself an Obama instead of a hot toddy

that would be a shot followed by a splash of water. My choice is a nice whiskey. An Obama really works on those colds.



In case anyone doesn't know this is a drink based on what Obama did to Osama

[ismnotwasm]

17. Warm prune juice n/t

[Arugula Latte]

18. Windex!

[Incitatus]

59. WINDEX!

[hifiguy]

19. Always drink in groups of one or more.

[AnneD]

22. That may not be good advice.....

Most of the Darwin Awards I read involved a bunch of guys, alcohol, and a dare of some sort.

[hifiguy]

24. I think the DU crowd is a lot more silly

than stupid. I can't imagine any DUer, not even MFM, thinking that shoving a firecracker in your ass, as that Aussie dimbulb did a few weeks back, would really be a good idea.

[AnneD]

35. Point well taken....

we are not members of an organized political party...we're Democrats. We may be stubborn, but we ain't stupid. You want followers, go on over to the GOP tent.

[pipi_k]

23. My mom's best advice...

Don't eat yellow snow.

and

Don't cross your eyes. They'll freeze that way.

[HopeHoops]

27. "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."

[LiberalEsto]

28. Take two Republicans

and knock their silly heads together

[Scuba]

29. Take two nurses and go to bed for 24 hours.

[MiddleFingerMom]

30. 3 rules:

.
.
.
#1. Ask your doctor for the drugs.
.
.
.
#2. Ask your doctor for more of the drugs.
.
.
.
#3. WWMFMD?
.
.
.

[AnneD]

41. You forgot #4...

#4 WTHIMFM!

#5 WGAS!

[edbermac]

31. Never kiss a toilet seat.

[rug]

32. Do not stick it in there.

[madinmaryland]

33. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. That will be $50.

Thank you!

[trof]

36. ADVISE? jeez

Surely you know better.

[NecklyTyler]

37. Drink eight glasses of water a day

[nolabear]

43. Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

Courtesy Dr. Sydney Friedman.

[blue neen]

44. Don't potty train your children in a restaurant!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/05/potty-training-in-restaurant-_n_1858510.html

[awoke_in_2003]

46. Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan. nt

[zen_bohemian]

47. ALWAYS wash your hands the minute you walk in the door after being at the store, walmart,

anywhere outside your home. And if you go out to eat, wash your hands before you eat. It never fails, I get a cold when I don't wash my hands.

[AnneD]

51. Again...

Excellent advice and great times to hand wash.

[hobbit709]

48. don't sweat the small shit

[a kennedy]

49. take two puffs, and call me in the morning....

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=pictures+of+rolled+marijuana+cigarettes&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1535&bih=857&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=6S1JkWBtK83qHM:&imgrefurl=http://www.cnbc.com/id/36507665/Marijuana_Tools_of_the_Trade&docid=JSP-Mxm3BCnHjM&imgurl=&w=600&h=400&ei=OFZJUNjRGIPC2wX_3YDoAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=612&vpy=161&dur=1736&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=130&ty=96&sig=117555137801401014185&page=1&tbnh=147&tbnw=211&start=0&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0,i:81

[davsand]

53. Feel free to pick at it as much as you like, and no blood shed means you probably are gonna live.

Another tidbit to live by would be, "No, really, it is SUPPOSED to be that color!"

Probably why I am not on the short list for Mother of the Year...



Laura

[greatauntoftriplets]

54. Take two and call me in the morning!

[mysuzuki2]

55. Change your oil every 3000 miles.

[mnhtnbb]

57. Be sure to sneeze and cough--without covering your mouth--the minute

you take the last remaining seat on public transportation--plane, train, bus, subway--
and then sniffle at least every 90 seconds.

[kwassa]

58. Don't chew your nails, especially if you are a carpenter.

Advice from medical expert Soupy Sales.

[AllenVanAllen]

60. "Never put salt in your eyes."

Haven't been so good at following it unfortunately o_0

[Joe Shlabotnik]

61. Take a dozen beers, some valium and ambien and sleep it off

Last edited Sat Sep 8, 2012, 04:56 AM - Edit history (1)

and if you wake up tomorrow, make some coffee
On edit. Works for me, BUT I'm also Du's resident nihilist, so meh

[Tabasco_Dave]

62. Be true to your teeth

and they will never be false to you.

[LeftishBrit]

63. Some of the best medical advice is in this verse by someone called Edward Anthony...

Eat no green apples or you'll droop.
Be careful not to get the croup.
Avoid the chicken-pox and such,
And don't fall out of windows much.

I would add a piece of medical advice that I recently learned from an unlucky acquaintance:

Never walk too close to someone who is carrying a huge pig's head. They may decide to toss it to their friend, miss, and hit you instead, resulting in a broken nose.

But the most important medical advice of all:

NEVER GET JEREMY HUNT AS YOUR HEALTH SECRETARY!

(UGGGHHHHH!!!)