The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMy brother was found dead yesterday
I was out of town, and just about to jump in the car to begin a long drive home, when I got the call.
He was 74 and lived alone, and he'd apparently had been dead at least several days. His ex found him while on the phone with me, asking if I'd heard from him.
I'd talked to him about two weeks prior, but I should have known something was up when he didn't call on my birthday. The alarm just didn't ring...
Not much of the family left now, parents long gone, both brothers gone. Just some elderly 1st cousins and a few nieces and nephews.
I keep having the feeling that I should call him and tell him about this, 'cause that's what I do when someone in the family dies...
regnaD kciN
(26,045 posts)IrishAfricanAmerican
(3,820 posts)Man, that's a tough way to find out.
hlthe2b
(102,421 posts)I think the message for the rest of us may be to call those for whom this scenario may resonate--this weekend without fail. I can assure you that I will. May your brother be at peace and may you soon be able to remember first only the good memories.
MuseRider
(34,135 posts)I am sorry. I hope you got home or are getting there safely.
Maraya1969
(22,507 posts)family left. That is my situation also. No one prepares us for this.
My prayers are with you.
underpants
(182,951 posts)Very sorry for your loss
JudyM
(29,294 posts)Such a very sad shock.
Wishing you comfort as you deal with this great loss.
livetohike
(22,165 posts)hold and the stories you tell always comfort you .
onetexan
(13,071 posts)a kennedy
(29,724 posts)And so sorry to even mention this, but they were both my favorites of six of us. Just always makes me sad when I read siblings die. ?️.
Stuart G
(38,453 posts)choie
(4,111 posts)KT2000
(20,593 posts)As my family is dwindling too, I feel for you.
thecrow
(5,519 posts)Losing a family member is harder when you dont get to say goodbye.
My deepest condolences to you and your remaining family.
Getting older really sucks a lot.
💔
2naSalit
(86,854 posts)Having lost two siblings already, I can say it's a tough transition.
Response to 2naSalit (Reply #14)
MLAA This message was self-deleted by its author.
MLAA
(17,340 posts)LoisB
(7,239 posts)Tanuki
(14,924 posts)I can relate to the momentary impulse to call someone, only to realize abruptly that it is no longer possible. Be gentle with yourself at this difficult time.
Ocelot II
(115,900 posts)irisblue
(33,037 posts)essaynnc
(801 posts)I'm not sure what I'll do if siblings die. its gotta be a tough one.
geardaddy
(24,931 posts)zbird
(1,595 posts)Warpy
(111,383 posts)and don't beat yourself up that the penny didn't drop on your birthday, likely there was nothing you could have done by then.
It's tough to look around and realize you're "it," there's nobody else left.
diehardblue
(11,001 posts)MontanaMama
(23,357 posts)As someone who only has one family member left, I think I know a little of what this feels like. Be kind to yourself during what I know are difficult days.
The Third Doctor
(241 posts)SimplyHadEnough
(46 posts)Picaro
(1,527 posts)SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)OldBaldy1701E
(5,177 posts)Please accept my condolences, empty though they may sound.
WestMichRad
(1,340 posts)Ive lost both my brothers, so I feel you pain. Hope you can find someone to provide comfort.
FalloutShelter
(11,887 posts)You have my deepest sympathy.
Joinfortmill
(14,481 posts)spooky3
(34,498 posts)Evolve Dammit
(16,783 posts)sprinkleeninow
(20,268 posts)🕯
nuxvomica
(12,452 posts)I still come across things where I think, "I should call Mom and tell her about this." But my mother passed away in 2018.
CanonRay
(14,121 posts)Blue_playwright
(1,568 posts)Im so sorry for your loss. Its never easy.
NoSheep
(8,133 posts)onecaliberal
(32,931 posts)bluboid
(563 posts)time is the healer. take care of yourself.
Phoenix61
(17,021 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,482 posts)CJW
(120 posts)Sorry
Ilsa
(61,707 posts)him to be found. That feeling when you almost pick up the phone to call is a like walking into a break wall. Hugs to you.
Bettie
(16,132 posts)I wish you peace.
DownriverDem
(6,232 posts)So sorry for your loss.
Pinback
(12,171 posts)So I know something of what you must be going through. This is a tough one. Sorry to hear of your loss.
Scrivener7
(51,054 posts)plcdude
(5,311 posts)So sorry
TigressDem
(5,125 posts)We kind of have our people that are older under "watch" as it were.
MIL and FIL are at assisted living and get checked on multiple times daily and FIL sister has my niece staying with her or my sister because she broke her femur and didn't want to go to transition care.
But we've still had close calls where we weren't sure what was going on.
berniesandersmittens
(11,346 posts)Lucinda
(31,170 posts)Meowmee
(5,164 posts)That is terrible... rip to your brother
I have had two great losses also in a few months, first my father and then last week my neighbor and close friend of 94.
GreenWave
(6,777 posts)tavernier
(12,410 posts)I always wished for a brother. Treasure your memories.
Lonestarblue
(10,107 posts)Marthe48
(17,049 posts)And a sad way to find out.
Nululu
(842 posts)Response to CanonRay (Original post)
rebe303 This message was self-deleted by its author.
rebe303
(143 posts)My condolences for you and others close to him.
Grumpy Old Guy
(3,179 posts)brer cat
(24,626 posts)That must have been a terrible shock. To have lost your parents and siblings must leave you feeling terribly alone. We are always here if you need to talk through your grief and feelings.
peacebuzzard
(5,183 posts)thinking of you, CanonRay.
Elessar Zappa
(14,087 posts)Im so sorry. May your brother rest in peace.
samnsara
(17,650 posts)(((hugs)))
NNadir
(33,576 posts)kimbutgar
(21,224 posts)It seems that because of the pandemic people dont keep as much in touch as before. Hopefully he is at peace.
world wide wally
(21,757 posts)Judi Lynn
(160,649 posts)So many people will be thinking about you with concern and respect.
So sorry you have encountered this deep sadness. Time will help the healing.
❤️️
area51
(11,929 posts)pandr32
(11,631 posts)Withywindle
(9,988 posts)Especially for the awful circumstances. My condolences.
COL Mustard
(5,937 posts)I remember when my father died, strange things happened around the house for a while. It was like he was coming back to say goodbye. Nothing spooky, just weird like my watch making noises, or creaks in the house that weren't normal. They stopped after a few days, but it makes you say "hmmmm".
I'm so sorry for your loss.
duhneece
(4,118 posts)I can't but I wish I could. I'm sorry for your loss seems so cliche
BadgerMom
(2,771 posts)Catherine Vincent
(34,491 posts)gademocrat7
(10,676 posts)Skittles
(153,226 posts)malthaussen
(17,217 posts)Hekate
(90,867 posts)Wicked Blue
(5,859 posts)Losing a sibling is hard.
Lost my own brother in January.
Permanut
(5,661 posts)Lost my only sister last year at the age of 77. We used to call each other to compare news and thoughts.
mzmolly
(51,010 posts)CanonRay
(14,121 posts)My poor brother was dead a week, at least. As a result the house, which wasn't in great shape anyway, is now a hazmat site. We can't even go in to go through his papers until we have it cleaned, so Servpro. We have no wallet, no idea where his life or home owners insurance was with. No idea if he had a will, or where it is. He had a 401k but who knows where. He had two wondwrful kids, but they are a few years out of college and broke, of course. Sigh....
highplainsdem
(49,045 posts)nightmare on top of the pain of losing him so suddenly.
SallyHemmings
(1,823 posts)calimary
(81,527 posts)I find myself thinking about the people in my life who are gone now. Both sets of parents, two uncles and several aunts, sister-in-law and niece, at least two old flames (that I know of), at least a few high school classmates, and a slew of former coworkers.
Others - I wonder where they are and/or what happened to them, whether they're happy wherever they are, and - gotta be honest - whether they remember me.
I guess when we get older, we start thinking about that stuff.
My sincere condolences, CanonRay. I'm glad you posted about it here. That's one of the really great and reaffirming things about this board. You'll have a bunch of us thinking about you and sending thoughts of care and support. Nobody should mourn alone.
Don't forget what our own DUer Skittles once reminded: "someone's always here."
iemanja
(53,093 posts)Cha
(297,818 posts)I know how you feel, CR.. my sister passed shockingly unexpectedly the day after Christmas in 2019
And I kept wanting to call her and tell what all was going on! We talked on the phone almost everyday sometimes.
She was in San Diego and I'm on Kauai.. she was also my best friend.
My heart to yours, still and always.
Cha
(297,818 posts)Mahalo for being there for my voice in the wilderness .. words cannot express how much it's meant to me through the years now.
herding cats
(19,569 posts)A shock of a loss like this makes it all the worse for those of us left behind. I deeply understand how that feels. When they're there and you assume you're both going be there still tomorrow, next week or next month.
MissB
(15,812 posts)Truly, I am sorry.
sellitman
(11,608 posts)Please know there are people here to talk to if you need an ear. I've lost both parents in the past 2-1/2 years and it can really rock your world.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,916 posts)My brother was found dead three or four days after he died by a friend who went to his home every week to help him out with shopping, medicine, and the like.
He'd been in declining health for a number of years.
I understand what you are going through.
MustLoveBeagles
(11,658 posts)summer_in_TX
(2,764 posts)When you said you kept feeling like you needed to call him to let him know about the death in the family, it was a gut punch.
The family dynamic has forever changed now, but the habits of heart, mind, and body go on.
wendyb-NC
(3,335 posts)What a shock. May he R.I.P.
Upthevibe
(8,083 posts)I'm so sorry....
R.I.P.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)cate94
(2,816 posts)UpInArms
(51,285 posts)(((((HUGS)))))
Tarheel_Dem
(31,245 posts)will know for days. Take care of yourself.
yardwork
(61,715 posts)Mad_Dem_X
(9,572 posts)MissMillie
(38,588 posts).
CrispyQ
(36,540 posts)Not Heidi
(1,324 posts)orangecrush
(19,645 posts)Very sorry for your loss.
wryter2000
(46,099 posts)All I have of my family are my brother and sister and their spouses. I have a few cousins somewhere I haven't seen for decades. They'd be like strangers if I met them.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing one of my siblings is too depressing to think about.
turbinetree
(24,726 posts)I lost my younger brother last year (heart attack) he was and will always will be our "Cheezy" ....