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This message was self-deleted by its author (Soph0571) on Mon Oct 5, 2020, 09:37 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
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If you don't give yourself time to grieve, it will still find a way to get out and that might be less helpful.
We care for you here on DU and wish you healing.
It is way too soon for any new plans.
You need to take care of yourself the best way it seems to be. Whatever it seems to be. This is a very fresh wound and it will take a lot of time to get past it.
I wish I were there! I would never avoid you. I hold you in my heart.
PS That was very cool and brave of you, returning all his meds to the NHS.
A long time ago, I had a loss that threatened me, though it was not as big as yours. Anyway, I found this article and it helped me a whole lot.
It may be too soon for you to read, but I hope you will, sometime. It gave me a lifeline.
Grief is hard to experience. And everyone does it differently. The process of getting through it is more growing a scab over the wound than it is healing it. You get used to the loss, strange as that sounds now. It will always be part of you. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. I read that somewhere and I think it's true.
Anyway, here's the link to the article:
https://www.tickld.com/heartwarming/1848120/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man
I hope it will help.
I'm guessing your friend has been lucky enough to have not gone through the kind of grief you are experiencing. If she had lost someone she dearly loved, she would know that a week is a blink of an eye, that you are still trying to figure out how to get out of bed and swallow food, not plotting out your new plan.
I'm sure she is well-meaning; she just doesn't have the experience to know how to help you through this. Someday she probably will. In the meantime, lean on your DU family as often and as hard as you need to.
Although I'm sure it was well meaning, as clumsy as it was.
That meds thing, though... that would never fly here. 
Take care, and let yourself grieve the way you need to grieve. 
Unopened, with a seal, totally brilliant!
Heck, there are items from the grocery store here that have to be automatically trashed even if they are unopened upon return (and not even perishables).
Take care, and know we have your back!
This is the only real help I can give you other than an open ear and open heart. You are welcome to both.
-Laelth
It's only been a week and you aren't ready for new plans. Your friend means well but probably has never been in your situation. Don't plan, just be.
everybody grieves differently.
Do what you need to do and we will remain here for you.
I want to thank you for telling us about him. Sounded like a great guy.
What did Biden once say - something like soon the smile will come to your face before the tears when you think about him.
Until then, {{{{{ Soph }}}}}
It's going to take a whole lot of time, but we're all here. We'll be here. 
You are well loved here, {{{Soph!}}}
Sending wishes for healing and comfort your way.
You just wrote two coherent paragraphs describing your feelings after losing your life partner. That is amazing and no one should expect you to accomplish more just one week past his death. Certainly not to make any plans, beyond what you might eat for dinner.
Hang in there. We care.
so of course you're grieving -- and not just emotionally. In my experience, grief is also physical.
So all I can advise is to let yourself cry. And cry. And cry.
Over the weeks and months the grief will be less devastating, and somewhere along the way you'll figure out what you want to do with yourself now.
It doesn't matter where we live. It doesn't matter if we have met in person or not. We are all family here. You are not being a pest. You are a family member who needs support and comfort.
I am so glad you told your well-meaning friend to shut up. I wrote this in a previous post to you, but you may not have read it through your tears. There is no wrong way or right way to go through this. There is only your way, and whatever works for you.
If you sit and cry 24/7, then that's what you need to do.
If you decide you need to keep busy and keep your mind off of it, then that's what you need to do.
Whatever you are doing in any current moment, is what you need to do.
You are going to experience a lot of measurements in time. You just hit the first one. A week ago today you were with him. They will become markers in your life. And at first you will remember every single minute.
Time does help us to heal. But the problem is we actually have to go through it to get to the other side.
And it takes however long it takes. There is no timetable. There is no schedule. There is no plan.
There is you, and your feelings, and your love for this man. That love will always be there. Hold on to that right now, and be kind to your soul. Give yourself permission to feel and do whatever it is you need, to get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day.
And ALWAYS reach out to us. The great thing about DU is that the lights are always on and people are always here.
My advice is all of the above, and because you're not alone.
But I don’t, so here’s a hug instead....
Re that friend of yours .... gosh people can be such inconsiderate jerks sometimes ....
I hope you can rest tonite with comforting thoughts of what you both had together and how he will be waked and put to rest which will be hard to think of with out sorrow
Stay away from those pesky life planner type people right now and for awhile
A friend’s husband was kiled by a drunk driver . A couple of people were trying to talk to her about what would be her plans and had suggestions while she was basically still in shock about what happened . Although no surprise, I am sure you are still in some state of shock too And covid on top of it all I am so sorry
Condolences
Some of my friends have been widowed and each dealt with their loss in different ways. One immediately got rid of everything that belonged to her SO, the other still, fifteen years later, has his voice on her answer machine as well as all his clothes still in the closet. Another has done a little of each, but kept the things that meant the most to him, while giving other items to their daughter and friends.
Each person has to take it in their own time. You will find your way though it may not seem like it right now.
My thoughts go out to you.
You need to do what you need to do to heal and you need to do it your way. You can be that chick. On posts like this I try not to read what is before me because it is of such a personal nature but I do catch some here and there. From those that I do catch I can safely say that there are lots of people here on DU who care about you deeply.
Come here, be that chick. Whatever you need. Cry on our shoulders ... yell, scream, cuss, we are here for you.
Wish I was in the U.K. I’d planned to be there this fall. 
a loss of a loved one is devastating to the core, to the cell, it triggers a void. There are so many here on this board, probably all of us here, have lost someone or more than one and we know. I know, and now you are going through something so intense, its hard to express or put words out.
I am so sorry, please reach out often. I will certainly check in to send you best thoughts...
But some day eventually, the happy memories will exceed your sadness. Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own speed. So don't let anyone else tell you how to grieve.
All the best to you Soph!
My daughter and I were in London 2 years ago for a British Summertime Concert in Hyde Park...ended up Wimbledon, Pride Parade, and the Brits winning the semi-final World Cup all happened while we were in your beautiful city! What a time we had watching football with the locals in a small pub near Hyde Park! Everyone made us feel welcome, and we made new friends we’re still in contact with...
There are no profound words I can give you other than, there is no time limit on grief...take each day, an hour, a minute, or a second at a time and know there people who love you and are here for you.
And next time I’m in London-town we’ll do high tea together!
