This message was self-deleted by its author

[Soph0571]

This message was self-deleted by its author (Soph0571) on Mon Oct 5, 2020, 09:41 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[MontanaMama]

1. I'm very sorry for your loss, Soph.

It happened so quickly. No words. I’m just sick to hear this.

[ZZenith]

2. My heart is with you, Soph0571.

I wish you strength.

[LiberalLoner]

3. I'm so sorry for your loss.

🙏😭

[leftieNanner]

4. Sending you love and compassion

(((Soph)))

[FM123]

5. Oh Soph, I am so sorry.

Wish I could give you a hug right now...

[LisaM]

6. I'm sorry.

I've been following along, and my heart breaks for you. This must be very difficult.

[revmclaren]

7. I am so very sorry for your pain and loss.

And you have every right to be pissed. Your feelings are your own to feel.

Try to rest and get your head around this terrible situation.

We are here.

[tblue37]

8. I am so sorry, Soph. My heart hurts for you. nt

[TruckFump]

9. I have been where you are.

There is no greater ache in one's soul than losing the love of one's life.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand the anger and the hurt. It burns deep.

Hugs to you.

[Fla Dem]

10. Soph if you have close family or friends now is the time to lean on them.

Your husband would not want you to be alone. It won’t take your sorrow or anger away. But they will be there for you to share your grief.

[calimary]

93. Good advice.

[Nictuku]

11. All I can do is give you a virtual *HUG*

[Eko]

12. Big hug to you.

[LizBeth]

13. Allowed to be pissed, allowed to be drunk and allowed to post as many threads as long as YOU

need or want. This is a unique journey for all of us and none do it right or wrong. Do what you need.

You take care of you.

And I am sorry that you experience this. What I found with death is it was all my world, as if I was in a bubble of mourning and the whole world went on all around me without a notice, as I sat in a storm.

[WheelWalker]

53. ...and the wheel turned.

[skylucy]

14. I am so very very sorry Soph.

[MaryMagdaline]

15. I'm so sorry Soph

How horrible for you. 💕💕

[sinkingfeeling]

16. Anger is a part of grief. Get blasted and then sleep.

[gristy]

17. Oh, soph. I am so, so sorry. :(

[Newest Reality]

18. So sorry!

That is a difficult experience and words don't do much other than to maybe comfort just a wee bit.

Feel whatever you feel as it comes and be who you are and remember that we all care about you a lot.

I acknowledge your incredible loss, anger and pain.

[bronxiteforever]

19. Soph I am so sorry.

[GeoWilliam750]

20. Sending big hugs and comfort

Will raise a glass to him as well.

[vercetti2021]

21. I'm so sorry

I can't imagine what you're feeling and I can see that you're mad at the whole situation and I wish I could make it better

[democrank]

22. We hear you

and we care.

[cayugafalls]

23. I am so sorry for your loss.

Take all the time you need. I know it is difficult to handle the pain you're feeling.

We are here for you, anytime.

[Ohiogal]

24. I don't have any words of wisdom

Just a hug



I am so, so, sorry,Soph

[japple]

25. Yes, that is part of it. Anger is what I felt when my husband died suddenly of a heart

attack. I was angry that he left me. It's a natural response to a situation such as yours where you are not prepared for it. I hope you are fortunate enough to have family, friends, angels, to hold you aloft during the dark days ahead. My heart breaks for you and I am sending comforting, healing energies in your direction. May you soon find peace.

[bluestarone]

26. So sorry!

[herding cats]

27. It's one of many, many natural responses.

I completely get it. Feel all your feelings. There's no wrong ways to grieve.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

[PatrickforO]

28. May he have eternal rest and perpetual light.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[alfredo]

29. Sometimes one needs some self help.

Let grief have its day, and someday the sun will shine on you.

[CaptainTruth]

30. Let it out.

I would do the same. Just let the grief out.

[cachukis]

31. Once in a lifetime. Your time.

[yellerpup]

32. Tight hugs, baby.

See you in the morning.

[FailureToCommunicate]

33. We are here for you.

So sorry that this is happening to you.

[renate]

34. I'll have a drink in his honor tonight too

I know it's only words, but I truly am so sorry.

[Generic Brad]

35. I understand

[Mira]

36. I am so sad with you

and wish this had not happened. My deep felt condolences, and please, take care of yourself (this is not a reference to your drinking) be extra careful..
We are at risk when in deep pain. Stay safe, and with your pain.

[Kablooie]

37. Wow. Losing a spouse or partner is one of the very hardest things to deal with.

My wife may have limited time due to cancer so I've been thinking about this a lot and it scares me to death.

All I can say is that I sympathize and hope you'll find a way to rebuild your life again in time.

[niyad]

85. Virtual hugs to you in this difficult time. We are here for you.

[flying_wahini]

38. Oh I am so heartbroken for you.

My deepest sympathies to you, my dear.

[relayerbob]

39. Understood. My condolences to you

Having been there, it is very difficult. I lost my wife to cancer. Hang in there and let your feelings flow out. Peace and love to you

[niyad]

86. So very sorry for your loss.

[relayerbob]

97. Thank you

It's been 7 years now, so I've moved past it, but that was a very difficult period. Don't wish that sort of thing on anyone.

[nocoincidences]

40. Oh dear Soph,

your heart will be broken for awhile, you'll be angry and sad, it's how it is. You won't get over it nearly soon enough, but you will survive it. There will be pieces missing but you put them back together somehow.

Just keep talking and drink if you want to. It does dull the pain, makes it a little more bearable. Talk to us, join a widow's group, talk talk talk, until you just want to be by yourself. Do what YOU want to do.

[calimary]

94. Yep. You have to take care of yourself.

And find comfort with friends and other loved ones. And if actual human touch is not possible, human voices still are.

[NurseJackie]

41. Sending love and strength.

[marble falls]

42. All I can offer ...

[NoRoadUntravelled]

43. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss.

I wish there were words to make the pain go away.

[judesedit]

44. Just remember he didn't leave because he wanted to. It was his time.

I'm sure he wanted to stay, but couldn't. It sucks for those left behind. Prayer helps. Pray for strength for you and pray for an easy transition for him. My heart is breaking for you.

[Lonestarblue]

45. Dear Soph

DU is a community, an online gathering but a community nonetheless. And that community is here to share your grief as much as we can. Take your time to grieve. We’ll be here when you need people to listen, to encourage, to hear reminisces. Take care.

[world wide wally]

46. I can only wish you peace

[pnwmom]

47. I am so sorry, Soph0571, that you've suffered such a terrible loss

at a time that couldn't have been any worse.

Of course you are pissed. Shout it to the heavens!

We'll listen and we care.

[Aristus]

48. I don't have the words, Soph...

Just know that you are loved here...

[AirmensMom]

49. I'm so sorry, Soph.

I have no words.

[TygrBright]

50. Get through it however you can, Soph. n/t

[flamin lib]

51. It's a coping mechanism. Been there, done that recently.

Numbness is sometimes necessary. Take your time. It will never go away but it will get better. The sharp edges of pain will soften slowly and let the memories warm you. But not today. Today you have permission to be numb. As someone who crawled into a bottle and lived there for a year I can tell you that the opening lets you out as well as in.

Let it all out. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to shout, scream and sob your eyes out.

Find someone to be near. Try not to be completely alone. The warmth of human touch is very important right now.

[niyad]

87. I am so sorry for your loss, and glad that you were able to climb out of that bottle. We are happy

that you are here with us.

[ornotna]

52. I would be broken

Sorry I don't have words of comfort and healing.

[Laha]

54. Hugs

I'm still recovering from a similar loss. I hope you have good friends to hold you up.

Please be careful about using alcohol to hide the pain. I'm in the process of trying to break a bad habit that started because I was afraid to face reality. It's not worth it.

At least let me say you're not alone, even if everyone seems so far away right now.

[gademocrat7]

55. So very sorry, Soph

Sending hugs and know that you are in my prayers.

[SunSeeker]

56. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[70sEraVet]

57. I cried when I read your post earlier today.

So sorry.

[N3w0rld]

58. Anger is a part of it

Lost my 65 year old husband 4 years ago. He went to bed and all was fine, but he didn't wake up the next day. It's very traumatic. I hope you have friends or family there to help you. It will get better, but not tomorrow, or next week, or next month. You will find yourself crying in Walmart's, grocery stores, and at gas stations. Your sleep and eating patterns will be disrupted for months (or longer). You will worry about money, or how to get this problem fixed or how to take care of that. But, I do promise it will get better, and you do have the strength to deal with this. My thoughts are very much with you.

[cate94]

59. I'm so very sorry.

It’s devastating. I’m sorry.

[pandr32]

60. OMG Soph0571, I am so sorry.

My heart hurts for you because loss of those closest to us is my biggest fear. I have nothing clever or meaningful to say except that I am so sorry. I don't blame you for being pissed both literally and figuratively. I would feel and do the same.
I am so very, very sorry.

[fierywoman]

61. Dear Soph, I'm so, so sorry. Do what you need to do for as long as you need to --

[Tender hopper]

62. Oh Soph I'm so sorry.

Try to face it with whatever works for you. I think it may be different for everyone. Time will make it better and the grief will come at special moments that you may come to cherish. Thank you Soph, for being who you are.

[BobTheSubgenius]

63. Your plight hurts my heart.

I can only hope that things seem better very soon. I know they will.

[area51]

64. I am so sorry.

[Botany]

65. 3 things

1) The more you hurt will just mean the more you were loved and loved that person. That hurt
will hurt and that is real.

2) The love of your life will always be alive in your heart.

3) Get up tomorrow and go for a walk. One foot in front of the next.

[Mickju]

66. I am so sorry.

[efhmc]

67. Sometimes we just need a little or maybe a lot of soothing relief from this world.

Just be careful about going up and down stairs, tripping over things, etc.

[FakeNoose]

68. Prayers to you Soph

I hope you have family nearby, or close friends to support you. It's such a difficult thing you're going through right now. Of course your DU friends are caring and concerned, but this is a time to be with people you know well, and who want to help.

All the best to you! You'll never, ever forget him, you'll always miss him. But sometime in the future your hurting won't be as great as it is right now.

[mnhtnbb]

69. To lose the love of your life is one of the saddest

events any of us can experience, especially when that person is gone too soon. It's no wonder you are pissed. You are angry and sad and alone because of this damn virus, too. This is only the beginning of figuring out life without him.

Oh, Soph, I am so sorry this has happened. Everyone's journey through grief is different. Give yourself time. Reach out. Let people near you help you. Be good to yourself. Let go. Scream and cry. And know that there is always someone here on DU willing to listen.

I hope you can feel all the cyberhugs coming your way tonight.

[calimary]

95. More good advice. Lots of love here for you, Soph.

One of many things I love about DU is how broad the shoulders are, here. Always available to lean on during a time of crisis or personal loss.

The words of our own wise Skittles always stick in my mind at times like these: “someone’s always here.” I’ve sure found that to be true.

Virtual

[SheltieLover]

70. So sorry, Soph 💗💗💗

My heart is just breaking for you.

I hope you will find peace through your memories.

[bucolic_frolic]

71. Yes

after the death of a loved one you deal with what it means to get off this planet, the absurdity of life, where did he go, and who gave him permission to leave? But spirituality remains, thoughts go up and down, it will rebalance. These are the times that plague me in life, loss of loved ones were easier than loss of relationship. But everyone has their own adjustment to make.

[lonely bird]

72. So sorry

Peace to you.

[smirkymonkey]

73. Oh Soph, I am so sorry! How heartbreaking.

Take care of yourself and try to get some sleep. We will still be here when you wake up.

May your SO finally rest in peace.

[jcboon]

74. I am so sorry

I've been there and I was pissed too.
Do whatever you need within reason.

[BComplex]

75. Soph, I'm really sorry. I'd be right where you are if it was me and the love of my life.

It just breaks my heart for you. I just hope you can feel the hugs and compassion coming from your DU friends and family. I know the pain goes all the way to your soul. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this.

[ribrepin]

76. Sorry for your loss

[Myrddin]

77. So sorry for your loss.

[LittleGirl]

78. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Cyber hugs

[Duppers]

79. I am so sorry!

You need a thousand hugs but even they would not stop your pain - they'd help tho.
Drink all you need to - there'll be no judgements from me.

[KT2000]

80. I am so sorry

Soph0571, it seems to have happened so fast. A hug for you -

[CousinIT]

81. I'm so sorry. Don't try to drink away the pain.

That will only make it worse.

Wishing you peace and strength at this horribly difficult time. I hope you have family/friend support.

And you have us, your DU family. Vent/cry/wail here if you need to!

[BlueJac]

82. Sorry to hear...

[HAB911]

83. So so sad

very sorry for you

[niyad]

84. Virtual hugs to you, dear Soph. It is okay to be pissed, in both senses. I cannot imagine your pain

and sorrow right now. Be kind to yourself, take good care of yourself. Lean on family and friends as much as you need to. Your DU family is here for you.

Sending you vibes for peace and comfort, strength and courage.

[JohnnyLib2]

88. I'm so sorry to hear this.

Hugs from afar. I will say that that I think you've been getting ready for this, even while fighting it all the way. To have carried all the physical and mental load to the very end is greatly admired.

[Ilsa]

89. Oh, Soph, please lean on a friend.

Let them take care of you for awhile. Try to eat, get lots of non-caff, non-alcohol fluids to help your body and mind. Please know you are in our thoughts and hearts during this horribly tragic time.

[LaMouffette]

90. Soph, your post has brought me to tears!

I am so very sorry for your loss. It has been a few years since I lost a close family member, but I vividly recall the feeling of being absolutely gut-shot. I know you're feeling the same. The hurt will never go away completely—and it shouldn't. The hurt, along with beautiful memories of the time you and your beloved spent together, is proof of your tremendous love for each other. Please take care of yourself during this awful and painful time!

[DarleenMB]

91. In a little over 3 weeks

it will be two years since my husband died. We'd been married for 43½ years. He died of Agent Orange induced cancer and the only thing I can say is thank god it was fast. Watching him suffer the last few months was almost more than I could bear.

I know your agony. I share your pain.

The ONE thing that helped (we had no children and both our families are back in Colorado and Idaho) was having three very close friends who carried me through the first months after his death. I hope you have someone near you who you can depend on and call on. I also wish there was something I could say to ease you through this time. But there are no words to assuage this pain.

The best advice I received was to not make ANY decisions (major or minor) for the first year. I amended it to the first two years. My brain still is not where it should be. My heart is still broken and still searching for his. Just give yourself the space and time you need. There is no timetable for this grief. There are no rules. Each of us processes this and grows from this in our own way.

[mountain grammy]

92. I'm so sorry for your loss..

[cry baby]

96. You've earned a drink or 2......or more.

Sending hug!

[gopiscrap]

98. I am so very sorry...my heart aches for you

[crickets]

99. Oh, Soph. I am so, so sorry.

[GentryDixon]

100. I'm sorry, Soph. You have every reason to be pissed.💔

Take care. Baby steps.❤️

[Larissa]

101. Please take care of yourself

Grief is very exhausting. Take it one day at a time. And, above all, have patience with yourself.

[mercuryblues]

102. Be pissed

Just know that you were loved, through it all. When you have those memories to cherish, you are not alone.

[Niagara]

103. Thinking of you in this difficult time, Soph.

Last edited Tue Sep 15, 2020, 04:32 PM - Edit history (1)

Let it out, don't hold it in.



If you need to talk, someone is always here. Zoom with friends, Zoom with a professional, whatever it takes.



Sending you strength and love.

[WinstonSmith4740]

104. Trust me on this one, Soph.

Don't try to suppress this feeling...you're in the anger stage, and it can work really well for you if you don't let it get control. You have the right to be angry. Mike's been gone for over 10 years now, and I still get pissed off at the fact that a decent man was taken from me too soon, and Donald fucking Trump is still walking around. Don't even get me started on seeing couples.

Feel what you're feeling. Don't try to hide it, and the hell with what other people think. You'll make it through this, but it will take time. Give it to yourself.

[appleannie1]

105. The anger is normal. I know. My son was 24 and my husband had been at my side 54 years.

Find someone you can talk to. A professional if need be.

[soldierant]

106. Not only is it normal,

it is an important part of the process. (The five stages don't always come in the same order, nor do they necessarily progress neatly -one can go through two or three in a day, and then the same two or three the next day, and the next.

May I share a quote from Joe Biden, which never fails to give me strength even as it tears me up?

"I promise you, the time will come that what's going to happen is six months will go by and everybody is going to think, well, it's passed. But you are going to ride by that field or smell that fragrance or see that flashing image. You are going to feel like you did the day you got the news. But you know you are going to make it. The image of your dad, your husband, your friend. It crosses your mind and a smile comes to your lips before a tear to your eye. That's who you know. I promise you, I give you my word, I promise you, this I know. The day will come. That day will come."

[appleannie1]

109. Exactly. It has been since 1988 that my son died.

Only lost my husband last October. And the little things still catch me unaware. A song, a bright colored bird, whatever, will bring a tear to my eye and a smile to my lips knowing they are still with me in my heart. But you have to get through the anger first in order to reach acceptance. And some people need someone to sit with them and listen.

[soldierant]

110. And we are here for that.

[Joinfortmill]

107. So sorry.

[Moostache]

108. I am sorry for your loss...

You are normal and healthy to feel every emotion there is and anger is absolutely one of them. I hope that you are able to get the support you need and move to other emotions as well, but sometimes we need those primal screams to move past the moment and heal...I know I do, sometimes as much as I need air.