The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsThis message was self-deleted by its author
This message was self-deleted by its author (Soph0571) on Mon Oct 5, 2020, 09:41 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
diane in sf
(3,913 posts)Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Not many get this in the time of Covid. My heart will always be thankful to those in the hospital that made it happen.
mnhtnbb
(31,374 posts)So sorry he is gone too soon.
Hugs for you, my friend.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)He was not conscious, but i think that he could hear me. We 'talked all night' and I was stroking his face as he died. It was remarkable in this time of Covid that they found the space for me to be there and for that I will be forever grateful.
lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)my heart aches for you. You did everything possible to keep him close to you. I know he had to feel your love, every minute, every second, every day. There's no more that anyone could ask.
Now your healing will begin - it must, even if you don't feel yet like healing. But even before that, you deserve some good sleep (with pleasant dreams), some good food and nourishment, and time to fully grieve.
He loved you, you loved him. That's all we really have in this world. Hold the good memories close.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Is much more than many can hope for, thank you for your kind words. It has been a difficult week, and I know more is to come. But he would hate me to be a morose snivelling bint. I can hear him now telling me to pull my socks up and get on with it. He was a stiff upper lip chap.
lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)Maybe he was a stiff upper lip chap, but we know he had a very soft spot for you.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)barbtries
(28,774 posts)hugs to you. I hate the thought of you being alone through this. Please check in as the spirit moves you.
Also so glad you were able to be by his side.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)brer cat
(24,525 posts)Take time out for yourself to grieve and heal.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Cause of new Covid restrictions I can't even get a bunch of us together for a wake. So I sit alone, and that is shit.
dawg day
(7,947 posts)so sorry you have lost him.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Jim__
(14,063 posts)More_Cowbell
(2,190 posts)I'll be thinking of you.
polmaven
(9,463 posts)to you, Soph! May he Rest in Peace, forever feeling your love for him.
littlemissmartypants
(22,600 posts)❤ lmsp
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)All of what you said.
babylonsister
(171,036 posts)Soph0571
(9,685 posts)All hugs are welcome for the forseeable
murielm99
(30,717 posts)Soph0571
(9,685 posts)N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,664 posts)Soph0571
(9,685 posts)livetohike
(22,124 posts)for comfort and peace. May every good memory of your times together help to comfort you.
a la izquierda
(11,791 posts)My heart breaks for you.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)I am shattered, but I am a strong old bird. There has been some serious ugly crying going on, but that is hardly surprising. We spent the last 10 years as our own little bubble, so it is very hard that the bubble has burst.
a la izquierda
(11,791 posts)In the meantime, know that youre loved and were all pulling for you.
See you soon x
Squinch
(50,922 posts)gademocrat7
(10,645 posts)I am glad you were able to be with him. Holding you close in my prayers.
fleur-de-lisa
(14,624 posts)rurallib
(62,387 posts)pazzyanne
(6,546 posts)May you receive comfort from your family, friends, and wonderful memories. Prayers for you are in the wind.
duforsure
(11,885 posts)Ligyron
(7,622 posts)I don't know if you got that room and were able to spend a significant amount of time.
I had just written a long post proposing a mass intervention on who or what denied you 2 that room if they actually did
I'm atheist but will think good, positive thoughts about you as you go through the grieving process and I urge you not to miss any steps along the way in doing so or leave any unfulfilled as I once did being male. Women are usually more sensible about this process, especially in releasing stress and sadness by crying. Still, it can happen so it pays to be aware.
You seem to have a lot of friends here, don't be afraid to call for help if it gets too much wherever you are.
Peace, bobby
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Got to the hospital at 2200 GMT and he died at 0830 the next morning and I was there every step of the way. He was also an atheist. A church of England atheist but an atheist none the less - a very English thing! LOL. I am blessed in this time of Covid to be with him at the end. Not many people are so fortunate.
Ligyron
(7,622 posts)Must be some good people there at that hospital.
You know it's funny, I was an Anglican myself growing up...
dawn5651
(603 posts)NNadir
(33,477 posts)MissMillie
(38,533 posts)vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)God I can't imagine. Please know we love you and we'll be here when you need us.
tavernier
(12,370 posts)DU heldped me through the loss of my father and husband. Never doubt that you have family here.
SalmonChantedEvening
(31,950 posts)I'll be thinking of you, and holding you in my heart.
diddlysquat
(1,156 posts)Sanity Claws
(21,841 posts)Peace to you in this difficult time. My experience is that the enormity of the loss will hit in a couple of days.
LittleGirl
(8,280 posts)catbyte
(34,341 posts)sl8
(13,679 posts)Callalily
(14,887 posts)Your husband may not be there for you in person, but his love will always stay beside you and around you. His memory lives on in your heart. (((((hugs)))))
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Quite frankly if he is keeping tabs he is going to be very cross at how wet I being...
soothsayer
(38,601 posts)SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)I am so sorry for your loss, Soph, but glad you were able to be with your loved one when he transitioned. I hope you are able to find comfort in your memories.
Please remember to engage in good self-care, eat sleep, and do some good deep breathing to stay centered.
Remember your DU family is here for you!
Healing vibes on the way to you!
gab13by13
(21,264 posts)You made me feel like I know you well. You helped us here, I never missed your posts, now we are here for you.
My heart goes out to you.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)empedocles
(15,751 posts)LiberalLoner
(9,761 posts)Illumination
(2,458 posts)MFM008
(19,803 posts)flamin lib
(14,559 posts)I grieve with you.
samnsara
(17,606 posts)Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)You need time to gather your thoughts and to grieve in your own time. Hugs!
PJMcK
(21,998 posts)Treasure your memories and care for your heart.
Find some peace.
We'll be here later.
Blue_playwright
(1,568 posts)Dont forget to take care of yourself right now. Its hard to do it, but he would want you to.
TxDemChem
(1,918 posts)Alacritous Crier
(3,813 posts)judesedit
(4,437 posts)You put yourself aside and did all you could for him. He certainly appreciated it. Take time to mourn. Then it'll be time to move on and pass on your love to others. It is so needed in the world at this time. God bless you for being such a wonderful partner and hanging in there. xo
sazemisery
(2,608 posts)judesedit
(4,437 posts)You put yourself aside and did all you could for him. He certainly appreciated it. Take time to mourn. Then it'll be time to move on and pass on your love to others. It is so needed in the world at this time. God bless you for being such a wonderful partner and hanging in there. xo
irisblue
(32,933 posts)🕯️
Freedomofspeech
(4,223 posts)Midnight Writer
(21,719 posts)Laffy Kat
(16,373 posts)LuckyCharms
(17,414 posts)yardwork
(61,539 posts)Kitchari
(2,165 posts)Wishing you peace
TNNurse
(6,926 posts)hope you find some comfort in that in time...it takes time.
Hopefully you gain some comfort from knowing people here and elsewhere are thinking about you.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)He went far too quickly, but we knew he did not have much time. I thought we might get one more Christmas. But he went down hill so quickly last week, he was in so so much pain. They tried their hardest but his kidneys went and potassium went to insane levels. Dying was a blessing for him, not so much for me. But he is out of pain and that for me is always the front and centre in my grieving process.
TNNurse
(6,926 posts)Knowing that people care really does help.
handmade34
(22,756 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,438 posts)LuvJoe
(50 posts)LuvJoe
(50 posts)marked50
(1,364 posts)csziggy
(34,131 posts)Lars39
(26,107 posts)Wicked Blue
(5,821 posts)Maraya1969
(22,464 posts)Blue Owl
(50,291 posts)Cosmo Blues
(2,467 posts)Anything you need
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Like a drunk mans drunk things cause the Laird is gone. My heart is broken.
Cosmo Blues
(2,467 posts)Just don't go out and watch out for sharp corners. That should pass some time for a few hours. I'll give a toast to you in about 3 hours. You may share my heart until yours starts to mend, I wish I could do more.
N3w0rld
(5 posts)My maiden name is Laird. Been through this. Cuts like a knife. But you are strong. One day at a time, each day is easier.
JDC
(10,117 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(149,534 posts)It's a huge loss.
We are all holding you close as you travel through this landscape of loss in the midst of love.
How wonderful it was to be there with him!
Please take care of yourself.......and come back to us when you're ready. We'll keep the light on for you.
mia
(8,360 posts)GemDigger
(4,305 posts)Your JJ was a kind and incredibly funny man. I feel honored that he shared his wit and humor with us for as long as he could. I am saddened that the people here didn't get a chance to know him because they would have loved and appreciated him as much as I do.
My heart is with you Dear Soph.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)But she was out. So many that did not know him here but knew him elsewhere have reached out. We were all blessed to know him, me more than any. Gem this fucking sucks. And we cannot even have a funeral until like The 10th October cause Covid.
GemDigger
(4,305 posts)Anyone and everyone who knew him liked him, that is the kind of guy he was. Not being able to have a funeral in a timely manner is hard on the heart. You are right, this sucks.
Pace yourself hon, and don't forget to eat. He would be pissed if you didn't take care of you.
I know some of the peeps are on twitter (I am not) but if you are: fieryone, lorretta, plantsmantx, john galt, bernie, mcspocky and a few others. I am sending you a DU email with my phone number if you ever want to talk, I am a good listener. If you just want to listen to someone I can talk your ear off.
Also I am not sure if you saw this but it was last night and now buried. It is to you and for you.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181407256
Fla Dem
(23,593 posts)He will be with you always.
Wawannabe
(5,634 posts)Heartstrings
(7,349 posts)My condolences....
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,615 posts)but I hope you can take a little comfort in the fact that you were with him. Your devotion and your presence meant everything to him.
Aristus
(66,294 posts)deek
(3,414 posts),
Phentex
(16,330 posts)My heart goes out to you.
We will be here for you when you choose to return. Take good care of yourself.
AwakeAtLast
(14,124 posts)Sending lots of love and hugs!
Solly Mack
(90,758 posts)live love laugh
(13,081 posts)Harker
(13,988 posts)and he'll be with you forever.
kpete
(71,965 posts)hugs,
kp
Dem2theMax
(9,646 posts)Weeping for you. I'm so sorry you both had to go through this. Please take care of yourself. We are here for you.
jmbar2
(4,865 posts)I wish you peace during this time of grief. You have honored his life so lovingly on this board.
Oppaloopa
(866 posts)3catwoman3
(23,952 posts)Youve been leaned on. Its time to do some leaning of your own.
kimbutgar
(21,060 posts)You were fortunate you were there!
Did you feel him when he left? I was with my mother when she passed and I felt her spirit leaving passing though me with a last hug and though I was sad I felt at peace. I hope you had that.
Richard D
(8,741 posts)ms liberty
(8,558 posts)ChazInAz
(2,559 posts)From personal experience, I know how hard this has been for you.
StarryNite
(9,440 posts)CaptYossarian
(6,448 posts)I am so genuinely sorry for your loss.
Niagara
(7,566 posts)I'm sending you strength, thoughts and prayers.
Take all the time that you need to grieve.
voteearlyvoteoften
(1,716 posts)😘😢
bearssoapbox
(1,408 posts)So Sorry. Please take care of yourself.
CaptainTruth
(6,576 posts)RainCaster
(10,842 posts)Cha
(296,893 posts)am so Sorry for your unbearable loss.
Marie Marie
(9,999 posts)catrose
(5,061 posts)sheshe2
(83,669 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
seta1950
(932 posts)Virtual 🤗 hugs to you
Ilsa
(61,690 posts)AmyStrange
(7,989 posts)-
Condolences!
========
GeoWilliam750
(2,521 posts)I can say no more
Alliepoo
(2,209 posts)Im holding you in my thoughts and wishing comfort and peace for you. I just wanted you to know that I released a beautiful monarch butterfly this afternoon and I named him Sophs Love. I took him outside and put him on a flower to warm his wings before he flew up toward the sunshine-flying free on his way to Mexico. Your love is flying free too, much too soon, carrying your love with him forever. Take care of you. Be kind to yourself and know we love you.
BarbaRosa
(2,684 posts)good you could be with him.
dlk
(11,514 posts)Take all the time you need.
bluescribbler
(2,113 posts)My beloved Stephanie passed away nearly 11 years ago. Even though I found a new love, a wonderful woman, I still miss Stephanie every day. The grief never truly goes away, it just gets easier to bear.
I miss her especially today, as we were married 35 years ago today.
volstork
(5,399 posts)So sorry. Glad you were there with him.
niyad
(113,095 posts)and know that your DU family is here with you, and for you.
May your SO be at peace.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Know I have seen your DU mail and appreciate it greatly. I am holding on. I try and tell myself not to be so stupid. I am privileged. I am economically secure. I got to be at his bedside for the night as he passed. In comparison to so many in this time of Covid, and he is definitely an excess death, I got to be with him and I don't have to worry about the mortgage payment next month or any month, but i am still really pissed that my soul mate has exited the planet. We worked, properly worked together, and I miss him to the deepest part of my soul.
niyad
(113,095 posts)Even though your physical world is safe, your inner, emotional, psychic world has turned upside down, and it is only natural that you feel adrift. Please do not beat yourself up over how you are coping with the loss of your Beloved. There is no right or wrong way. Only your way. Whatever, and however, you need to do things is all that is important.
The only caveat I will add is this: as others have said, make no important decisions for a year. Daily decisions, yes, but any major decisions or changes, no. Give yourself the time you need to let the healing process begin to work. And know for certain that your DU family is here for you, arms to hug and hold you, ears to listen. (((((((((Soph)))))))))
wendyb-NC
(3,307 posts)May you have this time, to find rest, peace and healing. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care, and be well.
wryter2000
(46,023 posts)Im glad you were with him. Take care of yourself.
marble falls
(57,014 posts)AllyCat
(16,152 posts)I am so so sorry.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)Im glad you were with him I was not able to be with my husband when he slipped away.
llashram
(6,265 posts)Tess49
(1,579 posts)chia
(2,244 posts)Gore1FL
(21,104 posts)sdfernando
(4,927 posts)You were able to be there at the very end and that is a blessing. Peace and comfort.
ancianita
(35,950 posts)marieo1
(1,402 posts)Hugs to you, Soph........it is so hard. You and your family have my sympathy.
WinstonSmith4740
(3,055 posts)Message me if you want to talk, scream, cry, rant, or whatever.
Hekate
(90,565 posts)Im so sorry for your loss.
Silver Gaia
(4,541 posts)radical noodle
(7,997 posts)I hope the happy memories of your time together will ease your broken heart.
slumcamper
(1,604 posts)BumRushDaShow
(128,528 posts)I am so sorry. You were and will continue to be a trooper.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)You know me! And after some ugly crying and forehead stress tapping, there will be know other choice. Thank you for just recognising me
BumRushDaShow
(128,528 posts)because no matter how bad you may feel, you always find a way to brighten DU's day with your presence!!!
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)And some very badly photoshopped memes coming soon!
blm
(113,019 posts)😢
warmfeet
(3,321 posts)FailureToCommunicate
(14,007 posts)dont leave us. Take some time, but please come back. DU wouldnt be the same without you!
So sorry for you for the loss of the love of your life.
c-rational
(2,589 posts)cp
(6,617 posts)SaveOurDemocracy
(4,400 posts)malaise
(268,724 posts)Deepest sympathy
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)cry baby
(6,682 posts)Jack-o-Lantern
(966 posts)Tom Kitten
(7,343 posts)My heart is with you
NoRoadUntravelled
(2,626 posts)Moostache
(9,895 posts)May you receive support and healing with all possible grace in this time of grieving.
WVreaper
(620 posts)Remember the person that you loved and all of the life experiences shared.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Sending you peace and comfort during this difficult time.
SergeStorms
(19,187 posts)Trueblue Texan
(2,420 posts)Take time to process and heal. Sending healing thoughts.
Bettie
(16,078 posts)glad you were with him.
MustLoveBeagles
(11,583 posts)Take care of yourself
JudyM
(29,206 posts)Wishing you comfort somehow in all the pain.
appleannie1
(5,062 posts)fantase56
(442 posts)nolabear
(41,938 posts)electric_blue68
(14,822 posts)GentryDixon
(2,947 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(175,729 posts)Please accept my condolences for your profound loss.
Lady Freedom Returns
(14,120 posts)I know loss, I know the weight. The need to step back and process it. Take your time to join us again.
And remember that many are here that will listen if you need a friendly ear. I being one of them.
malthaussen
(17,175 posts)AmyStrange
(7,989 posts)-
Wish I could hear that conversation, and once again my condolences Soph.
===========
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Yes he is and he is learning. Huzzah!!!!!