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rurallib

(62,344 posts)
Fri Mar 27, 2020, 03:12 PM Mar 2020

Jokes my brother sends me: Old time wisdom edition


 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.. - Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die  of a misprint. - Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness.... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W. C. Fields

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 We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out. - Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

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 And the cardiologist's diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.
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Jokes my brother sends me: Old time wisdom edition (Original Post) rurallib Mar 2020 OP
I'd never heard that one from Joe Namath. underpants Mar 2020 #1
I first heard that on a Bill Cosby album way back in the 60s rurallib Mar 2020 #2
Bill Cosby had another similar joke jmowreader Mar 2020 #3
Thank you, you are exactly right! rurallib Mar 2020 #4

rurallib

(62,344 posts)
2. I first heard that on a Bill Cosby album way back in the 60s
Fri Mar 27, 2020, 08:22 PM
Mar 2020

so my guess is that Joe heard it also and used it as his own.

jmowreader

(50,447 posts)
3. Bill Cosby had another similar joke
Fri Mar 27, 2020, 08:30 PM
Mar 2020

For the first ten years of his life, he thought his name was Jesus Christ and his brother's name was God Dammit.

When his dad yelled at him, it was always "Jesus Christ, stop that!" For his brother it was "God Dammit, knock it off!"

His dad quit doing it when BC was doing something wrong and his dad yelled out, "God Dammit, stop that!" to which BC replied, "but Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

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