Know any good ocean-liner jokes?

[Kaleva]

[griffi94]

1. A nervous passenger asked the captain

Do ships like this sink very often?
No said the captain, usually just once.

[Kaleva]

2. Lol!

[griffi94]

3. Did you finish flash freezing the rutabagas?

[Kaleva]

4. Yes. It's bagged in quart freezer bags and back in the freezer.

[griffi94]

5. Excellent

I tried out a new cookie recipe. Sadly, I don't like it very much. I'll look for a different one next time.

[Kaleva]

9. My wife makes a killer no bake cookie.

[griffi94]

10. what kind of cookie?

[Kaleva]

11. I'll post you the recipe tonight or tomorrow the latest.

I'm getting dinner ready now and I have to ask my wife about a couple of steps. I've never made it myself but can attest that they are very good.

[griffi94]

12. That'll be great.

Thank you very much. I give baked goods for holiday gifts, so I love getting new recipes.

[Kaleva]

19. No Bake cookie recipe

Ingredients:

1 3/4 cups sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup butter (not margarine!)
4 tablespoons cocoa
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Mix sugar, milk, butter and cocoa in a pot. Put on stove and bring to a boil. Boil for 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter, quick oats and vanilla. Scoop out cookie sized portion and place on parchment paper. Allow to cool and harden.

Notes: We found that margarine doesn't work as well as butter. And my wife says that the 1 1/2 minute boil time is very important. Use a timer.

[griffi94]

20. Thank you so much

I'm about to start my holiday baking next week.
I'll give these a try.

[TheCowsCameHome]

8. Better to ask the captain where the lifeboats were, no?

[5X]

6. so, a joks so long its like moby dick?

[Turbineguy]

7. I sailed with a guy

who had been an Engineer on the Queen Mary. 9th Junior 9th or something. He had some hilarious stories. He was 3rd Assistant Engineer on my watch. We had some fun on watch too.

The ship we were on had an elevator, a rarity on containerships of the 1970's. At 0600 the Chief Steward would ring for the elevator to go down one deck to the Galley and mess halls. He would stand and wait for several minutes (longer than it took to use the stairs to go down one deck).

The elevator had several overrides that would take the elevator to the Chief Engineer's deck or the lower engine room stop. The 3rd would time the Steward's movements and then call the elevator. The elevator would come straight down, the door would open and the Steward would step out while having an Alice in Wonderland moment. There was noise and heat and he was standing right in front of one of the boilers with the fires visible through the blue glass peepholes. Pretty scary. The Steward would see us standing 30-40 feet away. This happened twice. On the third day and from then on he took the stairs.

[Kaleva]

13. Thanks for sharing your sea story!

[Turbineguy]

15. Don't get me started.

OK, you got me started.

From the Queen Mary:

A Chief Engineer would come down to the boiler rooms and grill personnel on their knowledge. He would ask a Fireman questions by pointing at something and saying, "What's that?" After answering a few questions one Fireman asks his colleague, "How do I put a stop to this?" "Easy, tell him you don't know!". The next day the Chief comes down and points at the Feed Stop (regulating the water level is THE most important aspect of boiler operation and everybody is expected to know that valve). "What's that for?" The Fireman says, "I don't know!" "You don't know?" "No!". The Chief shrugs and leaves and doesn't ask any more questions.

A senior engineering officer came down to the boiler room, threw some dirty white boilersuits at the Fireman and ordered, "Wash these!" He came back 8 hours later and found his boilersuits behind a boiler, stretched out on ropes and gleaming white. They had been painted white.

[Kaleva]

16. Me and a shipmate had compartment cleaning duty one day

We had to have the berthing compartment ready for the Executive Officer's inspection which was usually about 1100. We noticed that one of the berthing racks wasn't made up and one of us called the offenders work space and said he needed to come to the berthing compartment to make up his rack properly. To teach him a lesson, we decided to stuff him in a laundry bag that had some dirty underwear in it. To his credit, the guy put up a heck of a fight but my friend in I finally got him him the bag, tied it off and tossed him onto the pile of other bags that needed to be taken down to ship's laundry. The victim was in the bag yelling and swearing and threatening to kill us both when he got out of the bag when the Executive Officer came down the ladders into the compartment. My friend kicked the bag and told the guy to shut up as the XO was here. He did so. When the XO was about done inspecting the compartment, he walked by the pile of laundry bags and stopped. One of the bags was moving just a bit and you could hear breathing. The XO just stared at the bag for a bit, then turned towards us, said "Carry On!" and left. We then let the guy out of the bag after we got him to promise to leave the compartment peacefully and not attempt to kill either one of us later. He kept his promise.

While my friend and I haven't seen each other in over 30 years, we are Facebook friends as we belong to a group at that site made up of former crew members of that ship.

[abqtommy]

14. In 1954 at the age of 6 I was traveling with my family by ship from West Pakistan to England.

I was told that it was time for a lifeboat drill and as we all stood on deck with our life jackets on I asked my parents how the ship's crew knew what time the boat would sink. I never did live that down but
after several years people stopped talking about it. I don't know but that I missed out on a career as a comedian!

[Kaleva]

17. That's a long voyage! Did you go throught the Suez or did you transit around Africa?

[abqtommy]

18. On that leg we went trough the Suez Canal to Southhampton, lazed around London for a month

then sailed on to New York. I don't remember sailing from San Francisco to West Pakistan but my Mom told me that's how it happened. That was a lot of adventure for a kid!