Hoping to make it home (to CA from AZ) to see my dad before he passes ...

[mr_lebowski]

Last edited Mon Oct 21, 2019, 10:37 PM - Edit history (3)

EDIT: This post is from October 1 originally. I did make it home and got to spend time with him Wed-Sun ... though he was too out of it to have a conversation with. He did say my name a couple times, so I know he knew I was there. He passed peacefully on 10/8 after being put on straight morphine on Sunday 10/6 (no forced feeding, increasing doses every few hours, basically it was doctor assisted death ... all of us in the family agreed this was best after having spent the last week watching him suffer and become less and less responsive).

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes back when I posted this.

Also I made sure to tell him impeachment had started, and that 'Nancy has him, Dad, he's going down!' ... I know he heard, even if he didn't respond ...


This has all gone down so quick ... Friday, my beloved 75 year old dad fell at home, luckily his phone nearby, he called 911, they took him to hospital. He was anemic with whacky high calcium ... Saturday, they gave him a CAT scan and discovered the worst ... lump on the pancreas, dark spots on the liver.

For some odd reason they don't do biopsy's on weekends, so yesterday they took him in for a liver biopsy, assuming that if the spots were cancer, they came from the pancreas.

But then, it's 72 hours to get the biopsy results back. Ridiculous. Apparently the docs told my brothers (who are local to him and been at the hospital daily) that it's really unlikely it's benign, and in all likelihood (about 80% chance) he has stage 3 or 4 pancreatic cancer

I spoke to him ... I guess you could call it that ... today ... was hard for him to hold anything like a conversation, kept having to say 'Dad ... DAD!', he could only say a few words at a time. I cannot BELIEVE the situation is THIS BAD, THIS QUICK?!?

Anyways I asked him (2 or 3 times) if he wanted me to come home, and he finally said 'yeah son I would like that' ... so I went into my boss and told him I had to go. Earliest semi-reasonable flight was tomorrow at 4pm. I really really hope I'm not too late. I missed saying goodbye in person to my grandmother 9 years ago ... by 2 hours.

Wish me luck, and though I'm not a praying sort myself, I know my dad would appreciate them if you have any to spare ...

EDIT: Maybe worst of all, I'm not entirely sure he knows that the official impeachment had begun ... he HATES Trump like all the rest of us, and everytime we've spoke in the past 2 years, he was SURE (whatever was the latest news) was "THE END for this motherf****r, son!"

I definitely have to get home to tell him Trump is GOING DOWN ... for real ... before he goes.

[RandySF]

1. Swift, safe travels, my friend.

And may your father's passage be a peaceful one.

[applegrove]

2. .

[dem4decades]

3. Best of luck. You're doing what you can. .

[pnwest]

4. Safe travels. It is very scary how quickly a

decline can accelerate once it has begun - I’ve seen it in my own family. Life is so fragile and precious, I hope you can get there to see him.

[MontanaMama]

5. I wish the best for you

and your dear dad. Safe travels...keep us posted.

[lunasun]

6. Good luck and I hope you have some time with your dad .Hope he has more time then the docs think too

[radical noodle]

7. I hope you make it in plenty of time

Perhaps the reason he was having trouble talking is that his medication is affecting him. He sounds like a great guy, and I'm sure he'll be glad to know Trump is about to be impeached.

[sprinkleeninow]

8. Safe travel. And yes, if you'll receive from me, a heartfelt prayer for your dad, and you and

yours. There is no distance in spirit to spirit. I pray strength and a 'knowing' for all in this time.

[Hoyt]

9. Hoping for best, take care of yourself, and let us know. trump is done.

[sheshe2]

10. God speed that you make it there in time.

Safe passage for your father, 75 is to young.

[RestoreAmerica2020]

11. Safe travel. Paz.

[wasupaloopa]

12. Where in CA?

Where are you flying into?

[mr_lebowski]

16. Oakland, smack in the middle of when the A's will be playing the Wild Card game across the road ...

And I'll be wishing the four of us (dad and my bros and me) ... were at the game ... as we've been so many times for the A's and Raiders

Really hope to at least be able to watch the latter part of the game w/him when I get to the hospital in Pleasanton.

[EveHammond13]

13. did you ask the airline if there is a special fare available

for this type of family emergency situation that might allow you to take the earliest flight even if more expensive

may be worth asking

[mr_lebowski]

17. It's Allegiant, they have like 3 flights a week ...

If I'd known that might be option I'd have asked Southwest but their fares are way higher on such short notice, and Allegiant doesn't do re-scheduling unless you pay 75 at time of buying ticket, which I didn't ...

Thanks for bringing it up though ... will remember for next time ...

[vercetti2021]

14. Be safe on your travels

Godspeed

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

15. Wishing you the best of whatever is appropriate.

A couple of thoughts here.

1. Pancreatic cancer tends to kill very quickly. I personally see that as something of a blessing. If you disagree, that's beyond okay.

2. Even when you know your loved one is going to die very soon, the actual end is always a shock. It is. And that's just fine. This is YOUR father and you have an entire lifetime of memories and everything else. It will not be easy.

3. Keep in mind we love you.

I really do hope you make it there in time to say good-bye. Even if he's not conscious, talk to him. Believe that he hears you.

[cate94]

18. True

All of it. Hope you make it.... sending hugs.

[diva77]

19. Try contacting Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

Lots of info and assistance that can help you make more informed decisions. www.pancan.org

My heart goes out to you, your dad, and family.

[Fla Dem]

20. All the best to you and your family. I sincerely hope you are with your Dad on his journey.

Peace to you all.

[BigmanPigman]

21. How is your Dad now?

Did you tell him tRump is in hot water?

[mr_lebowski]

22. Sadly he passed on October 8 ... I did make it home in time ...

He was barely 'there' at that point, so I didn't get to have anything like a 'talk' with him, but he did say my name a couple times, so I knew he knew I was there.

Thanks for asking BP

[BigmanPigman]

23. Oh shit, I'm so sad for you.

My own dad died in his sleep one morning 6 months ago, out of the blue. He was as healthy as a horse. We all thought I would be the first to go. I am still in shock I think. He hated the fucking moron too. When I was told what happened the second sentence out of my mouth was. "Why couldn't it be tRump?". Everything reminds me of him and I still cry all the time. I hope you are doing better than I am. This is one club I never wanted to be a member of.

[emmaverybo]

28. Don't mean to horn in, but I am also in the sad club. I am going on almost three years. Still

tears. I was in shock for a very long time. And my mom was very old. It is a big blow to heart, mind, body. You really got a real shock. Take good care. I tell myself a day at a time and when the day is so heavy, I tell myself a moment at a time.

[BigmanPigman]

31. Thank you.

My little dog has helped me a lot but she is 16 1/2 and I know I am going to feel even worse (if that's possible) really soon.

[emmaverybo]

27. Sorry, so sorry. I can't find the right emoticon. Here is a hug. Hug. You gave me one once when

I needed one.

[mr_lebowski]

29. Thanks Emma :)

[diva77]

30. so very sorry to hear this; I am glad you made it in time to say goodbye

(in my previous post about PANcan, I didn't realize how advanced your dad's condition was)

[Coventina]

24. So sorry to hear this Mr. L.

Godspeed!

[Laffy Kat]

25. Gosh, this is tough. I am so sorry.

Stay safe yourself while you travel. Your presence will help him more than you will know, even if he can't articulate his feelings.

[asiliveandbreathe]

26. May you find reflection healing..he will always be in your heart...

[DFW]

32. Sounds almost like what I went through with my dad

My dad lasted 11 months (he was 78 when he died) after diagnosis, and was mentally all there right up until the end. It was November 27th, 2000, and he was still hopeful the Florida recount would give the presidency to Gore.

But pancreatic cancer knows no mercy, and he knew it. An active member of the Washington print press right up until the end, his farewell column to his readers (after 50 years!) was memorable. I still post it from time to time. Talk about going out in style, if the ignoble ravages of cancer can at all be referred to in that fashion. He told people not to give up hope ever, even if his time was up.

My mom had called me in Germany on November 20, 2000 and said if I wanted a last visit, I should get to Washington quickly. That was a Monday. I asked, "like tomorrow?". She said maybe not, but not to wait too long. I booked a flight for that Saturday, returning to Germany the following Tuesday. When I got to the house Saturday afternoon, he asked me if he looked worse or better than I expected. He looked awful, so I said, "pretty much what I expected." He was joking around on Sunday. Monday morning, he said he was experiencing shortness of breath. Two hours later he was gone, with my mom and me on either side of him as he passed. My brother is in the nearby Langley area, so he was able to take over for me when I had to get back to Germany. My mom said she was sure he held on just long enough for me to be there.

Maybe your dad did, too.

It's really important to be there at the end if you possibly can. You did well.

[mr_lebowski]

33. Thanks for sharing man ...

Nobody knew he had it til he collapsed ... less than 2 weeks later he was gone. Partly because we facilitated it, we could've put him on feeding tube instead of morphine drip and he might've lasted 2-3 weeks doctor said but he was so 'gone' mentally and functionally, and in so much pain whenever anyone had to move him around to change the gown or whatnot, that we were just like 'no way does he want to go on like this' ...

The other day was my b-day ... probably the worst day for me since 'the day' ... not getting that call and 'happy birthday song' that I'd gotten every b-day my whole life was ... rough.

[Wawannabe]

34. ...

[smirkymonkey]

35. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad mr_lebowski!

I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier. How sad, but I am glad you got to see him - and that he got to see you - before he passed. I wish you could have spent more time with him at the end and that he could have seen Trump get impeached, but he is at peace now and no longer in pain.

My condolences to you and your family.