Know any Zen Buddhist jokes?

[red dog 1]

Last edited Mon Sep 30, 2019, 06:30 PM - Edit history (3)

3 Zen monks go into a cave to meditate.
After a month or so, a noise is heard outside the cave.
3 months later, one of the monks says:
"Did anyone else hear that noise?..I think it was a cow"
6 months later, the 2nd monk replies: "That wasn't a cow, it was a goat!"
A year later, the 3rd monk says: "If you two are going to keep arguing, I'm leaving!"

[Unbelievable]

1. Ok I made this one up

Why did the Buddhist Monks business fail.

He was selling nothing.

[OilemFirchen]

3. A variation:

A man entering a monastery takes a vow of silence. He is allowed, each year on the anniversary of his entry, to say two words.

After the first year, he meets with the head monk. "Food stinks," he says, then returns to his room.

After the second year he states "bed's hard".

The third year he proclaims "I quit". The head monk responds "I'm not surprised. All you've ever done is complain."

On edit: RandiFan1290 beat me by two minutes. But he/she cheated.

[RandiFan1290]

2. Copy and pasted

There once was a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words. After spending his first ten years at the monastery, one monk went to the head monk. "It has been ten years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Bed... hard..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk's office. "It has been ten more years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Food... stinks..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Yet another ten years passed and the monk once again met with the head monk who asked, "What are your two words now, after these ten years?"

"I... quit!" said the monk.

"Well, I can see why," replied the head monk. "All you ever do is complain."

[red dog 1]

4. That's hilarious!

[Itchinjim]

5. I do.

[CanisCrocinus]

6. Why don't Zen monks

vacuum their couch cushions?

Because they have no attachments.

[red dog 1]

7. For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the Zen master a big box with a ribbon around it.

When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside.
"Aha," he exclaimed. "Just what I wanted!"

[red dog 1]

8. What does a Zen Buddhist comedian say when the audience stops laughing?

"I know you're out there.. I can concentrate on your breathing!"

[red dog 1]

9. Says the master to his pupil: "Do you understand that you don't really exist?"

Upon which the pupil replies: "To whom are you telling that?"

[red dog 1]

10. My Zen Buddhist teacher told me to "do the opposite of what I say," so I didn't."

[jpak]

11. Three Zen Buddists walk into a bar

and then

Nothing

[Brother Buzz]

12. Yes and No

[Doc_Technical]

13. After the Zen Buddhist receives his hot dog (the one with everything),

he gives the hot dog vendor a $10 bill and the vendor ignores the monk.
After a minute the monk asks for his change.
Then vendor then says to the monk, "Real change comes from within."