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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsAsking for a friend....
How does one go about telling a dear opposite sex friend (and possible romantic interest) that as hes gotten older he has developed old people smell. I think he doesnt wash clothes and bed linen enough.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)but kind about it.
L
Heartstrings
(7,349 posts)the approach is the killer!
samnsara
(17,570 posts)appalachiablue
(41,052 posts)Even if he 'cleans up' now, will things ever be okey dokey, for both? I'm a skeptic.
Skittles
(152,964 posts)hlthe2b
(101,714 posts)That would be best.
Some people can never get over being told by someone with whom they might be interested in having an intimate relationship, something inherently embarrassing and open to false interpretation/motivations.
That would be my suggestion if possible.
NJCher
(35,423 posts)Due to getting older? Sometimes people take less care of themselves as they get older--for a variety of reasons. One might be mental slip-ups due to memory issues. Maybe they forget to bath or wash. Another might be that the care is painful due to arthritis or some other condition often associated with age.
If that's the case, maybe having this taken up with a relative who can provide additional help would be a solution.
If money isn't a problem, perhaps a cleaning person or laundry service that regularly takes out the wash could work.
hlthe2b
(101,714 posts)HubertHeaver
(2,520 posts)believe I have experienced it.
Harker
(13,874 posts)is just one of many combos you might encounter.
Having worked in an assisted living facility, I can tell you that nobody seems to know they smell, but they're pretty sure others do.
HubertHeaver
(2,520 posts)My grandfather always smelled of wintergreen from the snuff. The Absorbine smell I always associated with horse people.
Funky body odors can be indicative of incipient major health issues. One is not necessarily able to detect odor on oneself.
TexasBushwhacker
(20,043 posts)"human odor undergoes distinct stages based on chemical changes initiated through the aging process."
cyclonefence
(4,483 posts)without hedging or assuming that my feelings would be hurt. It would be really tough to do, but I think you owe it to your friend to be upfront and tell him yourself. You could preface by telling him how hard it is for you because he's such a dear friend, but that you worry that you're not the only person who has noticed this.
Wouldn't you rather be told?
hunter
(38,264 posts)But we're both the sort who lack filters on our mouths at times. (She works harder keeping her filters up then I do.)
My wife is vegetarian, I'm just mostly vegetarian. When I eat meat, especially red meat rather than fish, she's more likely to tell me I smell bad.
I also don't exercise as much because it hurts. Arthritis sucks. When I was working at jobs requiring heavy labor, or running 5k or more (sometimes much, much more) every day, or swimming in the ocean, I'd sweat a whole lot and then shower frequently. That certainly had an impact on my skin chemistry.
And frankly, my skin chemistry isn't as wonderful as it used to be. If I shower too often I itch and it doesn't seem to matter if I use special soaps or moisturizers, whatever. And some of those potions will mutate into their own peculiar smells after a few hours.
And oh hell yes, depression plays into it too.
Maybe we're evolved that way. Apparently old men are more or less useless to the tribe. It's the grandmas who do all the work.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandmother_hypothesis
My own family was highly matriarchal, as was my wife's. My dad grew up in a house owned by his grandma. Ranches and dairy farms were owned by the women. My great grandmas were all steely-eyed no-nonsense women of the Wild West, proficient with guns and knives and fishing poles, more competent with horses and as hunters than any of their men.