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Somebody tell me a funny joke. Spent too much time in GD. (Original Post) sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 OP
A Priest, a Rabbi and an Irishman walk into a bar htuttle Jun 2018 #1
Cute. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #10
The pollen is SO bad this year... pnwest Jun 2018 #2
That's funny. Thanks. NT mahatmakanejeeves Jun 2018 #3
Thanks. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #9
where can I get some? I can't find any Sudafed rurallib Jun 2018 #33
Need some George... pbmus Jun 2018 #4
The past, the present & the future walked into a bar. CrispyQ Jun 2018 #5
Cute. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #8
Did you hear about the two TV antennae that got married? Coventina Jun 2018 #6
Thanks. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #7
My Wife... she likes to talk during sex. Vinnie From Indy Jun 2018 #11
That got a smile. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #12
How dirty do you want it? Vinnie From Indy Jun 2018 #32
A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf mahatmakanejeeves Jun 2018 #13
Thanks sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #15
What do Engineers use for birth control? Turbineguy Jun 2018 #29
You'll appreciate this: CrispyQ Jun 2018 #31
Wife: you haven't listened to a thing I've said. You just tone me out all the time. underpants Jun 2018 #14
Crazy sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #16
A woman walks into a pharmacy, asks for a large dose of cyanide DFW Jun 2018 #17
Good one. Made me smile. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #18
A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder red dog 1 Jun 2018 #19
That's bad. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #20
Well, they can't all be gems! red dog 1 Jun 2018 #22
An Ollie joke red dog 1 Jun 2018 #21
Groan sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #24
Two buddies are out hunting, and one grabs his chest and collapses. SeattleVet Jun 2018 #23
Another crazy one. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #25
I roared on that one rurallib Jun 2018 #34
SIRI SAID ... samnsara Jun 2018 #26
Cute. But president would do. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #27
A man waalks into a bar. Turbineguy Jun 2018 #28
Sick sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #30
The pilot test jmowreader Jun 2018 #35
Thanks sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #40
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his groin Ron Obvious Jun 2018 #36
I like this one. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #41
Avoid eating three square meals a day Generic Brad Jun 2018 #37
Sick sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #42
Old and corny....but I've always liked it.... Xolodno Jun 2018 #38
You're right...corny. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #43
Why can you never trust an atom? OilemFirchen Jun 2018 #39
Cute. sinkingfeeling Jun 2018 #44

Coventina

(27,057 posts)
6. Did you hear about the two TV antennae that got married?
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 03:44 PM
Jun 2018

They said the ceremony was boring but the reception was great!!

Vinnie From Indy

(10,820 posts)
32. How dirty do you want it?
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 09:04 PM
Jun 2018

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?




I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face!

mahatmakanejeeves

(57,290 posts)
13. A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 04:18 PM
Jun 2018
A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.”

The priest says, “I will say a prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor says, “Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.”

And the engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Shamelessly taken from Malcolm Gladwell

Here is the explanation, from the article:

Dept. of Transportation May 4, 2015 Issue

The Engineer’s Lament: Two ways of thinking about automotive safety.

By Malcolm Gladwell
....

There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.”

The priest says, “I will say a prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor says, “Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.”

And the engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”

The greenkeeper explains the behavior of the firefighters. The priest empathizes; the doctor offers care. All three address the social context of the situation: the fact that the firefighters’ disability has inadvertently created conflict on the golf course. Only the engineer tries to solve the problem.

Almost all engineering jokes—and there are many—are versions of this belief: that the habits of mind formed by the profession enable engineers to see things differently from the rest of us. “A pessimist sees the glass as half empty. An optimist sees the glass as half full. The engineer sees the glass as twice the size it needs to be.” To the others, the glass is a metaphor. Nonsense, the engineer says. The specifications are off. He doesn’t give free rein to temperament; he assesses the object. These jokes, like many of the jokes people tell about themselves, are grievances. The engineer doesn’t understand why the rest of us can’t make sense of the world the way he does.

CrispyQ

(36,421 posts)
31. You'll appreciate this:
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 06:45 PM
Jun 2018


A friend said it needs to have the egotist, an empty shot glass with an orange swoop on top, & the liquid spilled beside it.

underpants

(182,603 posts)
14. Wife: you haven't listened to a thing I've said. You just tone me out all the time.
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 04:18 PM
Jun 2018

Husband: Well that's a strange way to start a conversation.

DFW

(54,277 posts)
17. A woman walks into a pharmacy, asks for a large dose of cyanide
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 04:41 PM
Jun 2018

The pharmacist, thinking he has not heard correctly, asks her to repeat her request.

"Cyanide, please, and I need a rather large dose of it, if you don't mind."

The pharmacist rolls his eyes and says, "ma'am, I don't think that is what you want. Cyanide is a deadly poison."

The woman retorts, "I'm quite aware of what cyanide is, thank you very much. It is indeed what I want."

The pharmacist says, "well, if you know what it is, just what makes you think I m going to just hand you over a large lethal dosage of it just like that?"

She reaches into her purse, and shows the pharmacist a large, detailed color photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist studies it for a moment, hands the photo back to her, and says, "well, you might have told me from the beginning that you had a prescription."

red dog 1

(27,771 posts)
19. A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 05:28 PM
Jun 2018

The bartender asks: "Where'd you get that?"

The frog answers: "Brooklyn..There's hundreds of 'em"

red dog 1

(27,771 posts)
21. An Ollie joke
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 05:32 PM
Jun 2018

Ollie tells his friend: "I think my wife died"

His friend responds: "What do you mean you Think your wife died?"

Ollie replies: "Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up"

SeattleVet

(5,477 posts)
23. Two buddies are out hunting, and one grabs his chest and collapses.
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 05:42 PM
Jun 2018

He doesn't seem to be breathing, he's turned an ashen grey, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

samnsara

(17,604 posts)
26. SIRI SAID ...
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 05:56 PM
Jun 2018

'people think I should run for President...but i think im better fitted for Speaker of the House"

jmowreader

(50,528 posts)
35. The pilot test
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 10:28 PM
Jun 2018

Joe the Pilot was taking a written test when he came to this question:

"President Trump fell out of the aircraft you are piloting. What actions must you take?"

Joe wrote:

"Adjust aircraft trim to compensate for shifting center of gravity and inspect tail for damage upon return to airport."

 

Ron Obvious

(6,261 posts)
36. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his groin
Fri Jun 22, 2018, 11:09 PM
Jun 2018

"Hey, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your groin?", asks a customer.

"Arrrrrr, it's driving me nuts.", answers the pirate.

Xolodno

(6,383 posts)
38. Old and corny....but I've always liked it....
Sat Jun 23, 2018, 12:05 AM
Jun 2018

Car driver is on a country rode doing about 30 mph when he notices there is a three legged chicken running along side.

He pushes it to 40 and the chicken is still keeping up.

Then to 50, then 60 and still the chicken is keeping up!

Then the chicken takes off and leaves him in the dust. He follows the chicken into a farm and parks. He gets out of the car and notices a farmer. He approaches him and says;

"Did you see that speeding three legged chicken?!"

Farmer says, "Sure did, we actually raise them here".

The Driver ask's "Why?"

Farmer, "Well, did you ever roast a chicken and you want a drumstick and your wife wants a drumstick....then a friend comes over and they want a drumstick? This takes care of that problem".

Driver, "Wow, that's very smart. How do they taste?"

Farmer, "Don't know, never caught one yet".

......

And you thought I was going to say they "taste like chicken".

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