Lisa on the Psychiatric Ward

[Tobin S.]

This is about my last little stint on a psychiatric ward in my misadventures in mental health. The woman I'm about to tell you about is not really named Lisa.

I was on a psychiatric unit getting stabilized back on the meds I had stopped taking which put me there in the first place. That will never happen again- not by my choice anyway. The night before, after I had been there about 12 hours, I came to the small area they had for eating our hospital food and saw Lisa for the first time. I think she had come in not long after I did.

She sat down across from me at the table in front of her tray that had been set there for her by the nurse. Her eyes were down cast. She would not look at me at all, at least not directly or when I was looking at her. I took the lid off my plate- meatloaf, carrots, and some kind of dessert I don't remember. I asked her what she was in for. She said depression and anxiety mostly. I told I was there for pretty much the same deal, although I think we both were lying. I was for sure.

I took a closer look at Lisa. She appeared to be in her mid-twenties, chronologically speaking, but her appearance gave the impression that she had a lot more miles on her than that. Nobody is going to be on their best when you land in a psychiatric unit, of course. She had long blond hair that was greasy and tangled. My hair looked pretty much the same. She had a couple of small scars on her face that hinted at what might have been the hands of an abuser in the past. She was also quite thin.

I ate a couple of bites of my food and found it to my disliking. I decided not to eat more and went back to my room.

It was a rough night. One of the toughest nights of my life. I've talked about it a little with friends and family. I don't think I'm going to be able to do that more openly for some time to come. Early in the morning another round of meds came and that seemed to start getting me back to where I needed to be. They called us in for breakfast and my appetite had returned.

I sat down for breakfast in the little designated room and Lisa came in and sat down across from me with her breakfast.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked.

"I feel better," she said and smiled a little- still not quite looking at me directly though. But I noticed that she looked strangely pretty despite my original impression of her and the fact that neither of us had been allowed to get cleaned up yet.

"What kind of meds did they start you on?"'

"Zyprexa and Wellbutrin, " she replied. I knew what those drugs were for but didn't say anything about them or her diagnosis. She looked right at me this time when she spoke, however. Then she looked into a mirror that was actually a one way glass (so we could be observed from another room), and tried to straighten her hair a little. She still had that little smile on her face. How long had it been since a man had said a nice word to Lisa? I'm not much to look at, and I've got some facial scars of my own, but I've got a feeling that hers hurt a lot more than mine did when they were put there.

I confessed, "I have bipolar disorder and I stopped taking my meds. Big mistake!"

She looked at me and smiled a big grin- pretty straight white teeth and gorgeous blue eyes. The pain and ambivalence in them from the night before were now gone.

We ate the rest of our hospital breakfasts in silence and with gusto.

[csziggy]

1. Beautifully written as always

You must be feeling better, Tobin! For a while your writing was not as flowing. This feels much more like the old you, with the wonderful descriptions.

Thank you - I feel as though I have met Lisa from your story.

Glad to see you back.

[Tobin S.]

2. Thanks ziggy. No, I was not feeling well. I did a little write up about it in GD a few days ago.

You will find it at the link if you missed it.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210017944

On edit: I'm feeling much better now days.

[csziggy]

3. Yes, I saw that - I've just been writing very many replies

While you were having your problems I had some of my own. I was diagnosed with a severely stenotic aortic valve this fall. Because I was considered low risk I was looking at open heart surgery unless I could get into a clinical trial to get trans arterial valve replacement (TAVR) approved for low risk patients. (It had been approved for intermediate risk last spring and for high risk about 2011.) The trial would give me a 50% chance of getting TAVR.

While they were doing the final tests to get me into the trial, a CT scan showed a mass on my left kidney. I was referred to a urologist with the hopes they could resection the mass and could still get into the trial. Instead, the surgeon insisted I get the TAVR first (done Oct 23) and then get my kidney removed (Nov 29). As a side thing, when they took the kidney they repaired an umbilical hernia that had been a problem for several years.

The TAVR was a breeze - five tiny incisions, one night in the hospital,major improvement in how I felt within a week. The kidney/hernia thing kicked my butt - I had trouble holding food down, four days in the hospital, and just now getting so I feel on the mend.

The worst problem I have now are my healing tummy muscles - sneezing and laughing are painful. Christmas was hard - two hour drive both ways and the belly laughs with the family left me really sore last night. But I am better.

New Year's Day my husband is driving us down to St. Marks to go hiking and birdwatching. I think I am up for a short hike and I know where I can watch the birds from close to a parking area. Now all I am worried about is the weather!

Let's hope this next year is better for both of us - and for the entire country!

[Tobin S.]

4. Wow. Only in the hospital for four days after that!

That's pretty incredible if you ask me. Was that by choice or was it one of those deals where the insurance company kicked you out the door?

I'm glad you're on the mend. Sounds like some rough stuff.

[csziggy]

5. Actually the original estimate was two days

But I had trouble holding food down for two days. They wouldn't let me out until I could hold down solid food and the morning of the fourth day I ate a bowl of oatmeal. After that I was good to go!

I was ready to come home - the hospital diet was all stuff I just couldn't handle - way too acidic for my iffy stomach.

The scariest part was that my blood pressure and sugar levels skyrocketed - I think my pancreas went on strike. The last night they tested me for diabetes and my A1C was fine, plus my sugar level dropped to nearly normal. Since I've been home my blood pressure has been normal, too.

That hospital has a great discharge procedure - a patient advocate comes by, lets you know your rights, and gives you a number to call if you don't think you're ready to go home. Then a nurse comes with a big sheaf of paperwork that covers everything you need to know - medications, diet, followup treatment and appointments, etal. While they are reviewing all of that, they call for transport to take you out in a wheelchair. Any questions I have had were mostly covered by that paperwork.

My best news is that I have lost nearly twenty pounds since I was discharged - well, I lost more, but yesterday put back on two . Since I am supposed to start physical therapy next week, hopefully I can get back to losing!