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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsPost a line from your favorite comedy of all time
Last edited Mon Dec 25, 2017, 03:59 PM - Edit history (1)
"No one ever called me Leo before...Even in kindergarten they called me Bloom."
HopeAgain
(4,407 posts)This is the top to, uh, you know, what we use on stage, but it's very, very special because, if you can see, the numbers all go to eleven. Look (pointing at the amp dials), right across the board. Eleven, eleven, eleven ...
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)...And the answer is none...None more black.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,924 posts)sweetloukillbot
(11,121 posts)"Heavy metal's deep. You can get stuff out of it."
"What's wrong with being sexy?"
"Kick this ass for a man!"
"I'm just as god made me sir!"
"Mime is money."
"So when you're onstage you see yourself as a preserved moose."
"Don't look for it, it's not there anymore."
"We'd love to stay and chat, but we've got to go and wait in the lobby."
Nac Mac Feegle
(972 posts)"You can't really dust vomit for fingerprints."
Docreed2003
(16,888 posts)And:
Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Docreed2003
(16,888 posts)Beartracks
(12,821 posts)Docreed2003
(16,888 posts)We got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, its dark, and were wearing sunglasses...
kairos12
(12,891 posts)kairos12
(12,891 posts)Clerks.
CentralMass
(15,265 posts)Docreed2003
(16,888 posts)You know I love you baby...I ran out of gas...I had a flat tire...I didnt have enough money for cab fair...my tux didnt come back from the cleaners...an old friend came in from out of town....
(Such a great freaking scene)
Sedona
(3,769 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)WiffenPoof
(2,404 posts)brush
(53,930 posts)lastlib
(23,346 posts)"HOLD IT! Next person makes a move, the n----- get it!" "Oh, Baby, you are SO TALENTED!"
"Oh, it's TWUE, it's TWUE! Oh!"
Hysterically funny movie!
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)"What did he say?"
"He said the sheriff is near!"
"Oh!" [continues clapping]
-----
One of THE funniest movies ever!
==========
SeaDoo77
(540 posts)To ever be released today.
How about "We'll take the n____rs and the Chinks, but no Irish.
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)... media consumers seem to focus on getting offended at the WORDS, rather than listening to the MESSAGES.
=============
brush
(53,930 posts)Last edited Fri Dec 15, 2017, 05:11 AM - Edit history (1)
the current sexual harassment climate but I finally said, "screw it", I posting it anyway.
Glad I did. One of the funniest movies ever.
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)We were talking about using cameras with big lenses, and I just blurted it out. I made it all the way to "whip" before I realized what I saying.
===============
brush
(53,930 posts)Beartracks
(12,821 posts)At least, I'm pretty sure no. There was already some joking and laughter going on when I whipped out that line, and as I finished saying it I made sure to not react myself (so as to draw no more attention to it). Of course, I made no eye contact with anyone for a while after! lol
==========
He was nothing, the bitch was inventing the Candy Gram and they probably won't even give me credit for it.
brush
(53,930 posts)rzemanfl
(29,576 posts)that when she met Mel Brooks he grabbed her ass with both hands. Different times.
Still Blue in PDX
(1,999 posts)Botany
(70,626 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)For You Tube Video:
Google "Blazing Saddles - Farting Cowboys - Greatest Fart Scene of All Time"
DBoon
(22,414 posts)"... but I got better"
HopeAgain
(4,407 posts)"I fart in your general direction..."
ms liberty
(8,615 posts)Ive actually used that line this week - I was out of work all last week with the flu, yesterday one of my colleagues saw I was back and asked me how I was doing.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)"He said, the Greeks will inherit the Earth!"
A HERETIC I AM
(24,380 posts)and as they wheeled me from the prep area into the OR, I told everyone who was near that "I don't want to go on the cart....I feel Happeee! I want to go for a walk!"
Only a couple people got the reference!
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I am just picturing that and it's cracking me up!
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)A truly great line from a very funny movie!
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)"Eet EEZ the rabbit!"
===========
SeaDoo77
(540 posts)Beartracks
(12,821 posts)longship
(40,416 posts)Brainstormy
(2,381 posts)cos dem
(903 posts)Why do you say that?
He hasn't got shit all over him.
cos dem
(903 posts)A scratch? Your arm's off!
No it isn't.
Jakes Progress
(11,123 posts)your father smelt of elderberries."
dchill
(38,578 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)LES NESSMAN:
"This is Les Nessman, your on-the-scene reporter, here at the Cincinnati mall."
(People are walking around him, in the parking lot, wondering who the hell he is)
"The crowd is....curious!
Wait...I see an airplane...It's carrying a sign...and the sign says;
W......................K.....................R...................P
Now something just fell out of the airplane.......a skydiver, perhaps.
Now another one, and another, and another,,,,..,,I don't see any parachutes....It can't be skydivers.
OH MY GOD THEY'RE TURKEYS!
They're falling to the ground like sacks of wet cement!
The people here are running for their lives!
One just fell through the windshield of a parked car!
Oh the humanity!"
dchill
(38,578 posts)But Mr Carlson's line is, the real punch line! WKRP was not my favorite comedy, but that was my favorite episode, and the most memorable.
cilla4progress
(24,789 posts)Shirley!
Airplane.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)cos dem
(903 posts)It's a big building with patients. But that's not important.
And, stop calling me Shirley.
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)Another of THE funniest movies ever!!
===========
Dustlawyer
(10,497 posts)Reporter -"Ok boys, let's takes some pictures." (guys remove pictures from the walls)
TexasBushwhacker
(20,228 posts)bullsnarfle
(254 posts)"Oh I can make a hat, or I can make a broach, or a I can make a pterodactyl..."
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)"Billy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"
Glamrock
(11,803 posts)cos dem
(903 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)(Also)
"You want a toe?..I can get you a toe by 3 O'clock this afternoon"
Ferrets are Cool
(21,111 posts)This is your wife, huh? Hey baby, you mustve been something before electricity. Al Czervik
Hes a Cinderella story. A former assistant groundskeeper about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac
Its in the hole! Its in the hole! Its in the hole! Carl Spackler
Glamrock
(11,803 posts)Chipper Chat
(9,700 posts)Rodney Dangerfield.
(Also from Caddyshack)
Ferrets are Cool
(21,111 posts)GusBob
(7,286 posts)You scratched my anchor?
Chipper Chat
(9,700 posts)I haven't watched it in years. My tape is a Beta. Lol.
Xipe Totec
(43,892 posts)UTUSN
(70,771 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Glamrock
(11,803 posts)ms liberty
(8,615 posts)Im with you fellas!.
Glamrock
(11,803 posts)Eko
(7,389 posts)Jakes Progress
(11,123 posts)Eko
(7,389 posts)Arkansas Granny
(31,537 posts)No woman ever slept with me and lived.
"Yellowbeard".
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)'It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.'
'Hit it!'
Adsos Letter
(19,459 posts)Ive always loved you.
Glorfindel
(9,740 posts)From "Rat Race"
cos dem
(903 posts)I don't think we need any.
sweetloukillbot
(11,121 posts)Saying, Let me tell you this, or I just want to say that. Well your dead, so shut up!
geardaddy
(24,931 posts)Bradshaw3
(7,537 posts)From Planes, Trains and Automobiles: Steve Martin to John Candy as they woke up next to each other, with Candy's hand - he thought - between two pillows.
That line was later followed by Martin "drying" his face unknowingly with Candy's oversized underwear. By that time I was crying and laughing so hard that I thought I was going to have a seizure.
My favorite comedy of all time.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)SharonClark
(10,014 posts)Permanut
(5,667 posts)made my whole body a weapon."
RestoreAmerica2020
(3,439 posts)Rachael Welch and Rob Lowe.
TlalocW
(15,392 posts)- Dusty Bottoms (Chevy Chase) unable to keep a taco from falling apart as he, Ned, and Lucky are being honored in a small Mexican town.
I have three demands. One: That you stop harassing the innocent people of Santa Poco. Two: That the land of Mexico... be redistributed equally among the people... and a proportional system of government be established... consisting of three separate, but equal, branches... the legislative, the executive and the judicial. And three: (Gets choked by El Guapo) That the girl Carmen be returned to me unharmed.
- Lucky Day (Steve Martin)
Throw down your guns!
*All Mexican banditos drop their guns along with Dusty Bottoms*
Not you, Dusty!
Sorry! (quickly picks up gun again, points at bandito and smiles up at Lucky)
- Lucky Day and Dusty Bottoms
Three Amigos. I used to watch it once a week in college.
TlalocW
Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,924 posts)GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)First Speaker
(4,858 posts)"...he really is an idiot." From Duck Soup, the greatest of all the Marx Brothers films...and thus, automatically the greatest comedy ever...
jmowreader
(50,569 posts)"Naah...I don't like mint. What other flavor you got?"
Dustlawyer
(10,497 posts)A burp is not romantic
Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A fuckin bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?
Vinny Gambini: [about his secondhand suit, which has an 18th-century look and is red] I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it's covered in mud. This town doesn't have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it's either wear the leather jacket, which I know you hate, or this. So, I wore this ridiculous thing for you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Are you on drugs?
Vinny Gambini: No. I don't do drugs.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't like your attitude.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)moriah
(8,311 posts)Also, from the same movie: "Shit, I knew it, an insurance salesman. I've already got Prudential."
Sailor65x1
(554 posts)Chicken??
Bleacher Creature
(11,258 posts)hibbing
(10,110 posts)JenniferJuniper
(4,515 posts)NanceGreggs
(27,820 posts)... and I'll go to your funeral in a red dress."
Cher (as Loretta Castorini) in Moonstruck.
DUgosh
(3,059 posts)I could lay under you, eat fried chicken, and work a crossword puzzle at the same time
Skittles
(153,243 posts)pangaia
(24,324 posts)sweetloukillbot
(11,121 posts)Response to sweetloukillbot (Reply #63)
sweetloukillbot This message was self-deleted by its author.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)🤣
sweetloukillbot
(11,121 posts)longship
(40,416 posts)Major Kong!
Laffy Kat
(16,390 posts)"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the war room!"
pangaia
(24,324 posts)Precious bodily fluids
sweetloukillbot
(11,121 posts)ashling
(25,771 posts)I am impressed with the 2 laws of funny lines:
1) very few lines are inherently funny
and its corollary
2) context is everything
continue
3catwoman3
(24,083 posts)" I got green sandwiches, and brown sandwiches."
Beartracks
(12,821 posts)gopiscrap
(23,766 posts)SeaDoo77
(540 posts)jberryhill
(62,444 posts)bdtrppr6
(796 posts)bdtrppr6
(796 posts)but all that cough syrup i drank!
bdtrppr6
(796 posts)"Nothin' but the best!"
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Last edited Sat Dec 23, 2017, 07:03 PM - Edit history (1)
AUDREY:
So what, everybody does that!
COUSIN VICKI:
"Yeah, but daddy says I'm the best!"
GallopingGhost
(2,404 posts)come out sideways...she didn't scream or nothin."
C Moon
(12,225 posts)and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
Freelancer
(2,107 posts)LastLiberal in PalmSprings
(12,600 posts)Jerry Zucker: The origin of that joke is similar to the origin of a lot of jokes in the movie: While we were writing, we used to watch a lot of old, serious movies that had a lot of this overly dramatic dialogue. Wed say, Wait, wait, wait. Stop the tape, and wed go back and wed put in our punch line or our gag in the background. That was one of those lines where someone actually did say, Surely you cant be serious.
David Zucker: The other person might have even said, I am serious. But we added the Dont call me Shirley.
csziggy
(34,139 posts)Then you figure its over and it will all get good again but then what happens is another bad thing happens and then you say Pffft, that was a surprise. I mean, two bad things in a row but I guess thats it for a while cause I just had my quota of bad.
And then what happens is some awful thing happens to you like everything gets taken away from you and you say Pfft, well, thats it, there is nothing else that can happen - I lost everything. And then life plays its funny trick - you die.
Soap Season 2 Episode 16
And since comedy is delivery and context, here is the episode:
The scene with the lines above is at the beginning. Sorry about the lousy quality - it's the only version I can find online.
GallopingGhost
(2,404 posts)Used to watch it with my dad.
hurl
(938 posts)From Life of Brian, a reply to Brian's admonition, "Now fuck off!"
Demoiselle
(6,787 posts)bmbmd
(3,088 posts)"Nobody's perfect".
MountainMama
(237 posts)"Nobody talks like that!"
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Atticus
(15,124 posts)lastlib
(23,346 posts)Robin Williams, Good Morning, Vietnam!
"that's funny!"
Wolf Frankula
(3,602 posts)I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
The Producers, 1968
Wolf
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)..two coats!
diva77
(7,671 posts)from Amadeus -- maybe not of the comedy genre, but a hilarious line!
Alice11111
(5,730 posts)catrose
(5,075 posts)CTyankee
(63,914 posts)jmowreader
(50,569 posts)CTyankee
(63,914 posts)bif
(22,786 posts)GregW
(6,155 posts)So many good lines from Monty Python's "The Life of Brian"...
BRIAN: You mean... you were raped?
MANDY: Well, at first, yes.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)"No Spether Trathys?"
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)..I told you a hundred-and-sixty-eight times --- I can't...stand...little...notes...on...my...pillow!
"We are all out of Corn Flakes. - F.U.".
. It took me three hours to figure out that F U was Felix Unger!
DFW
(54,462 posts)And "What knockers!"
Both from Young Frankenstein
(last line in the scene for "espresso"
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)sarge43
(28,946 posts)sarge43
(28,946 posts)or "You better listen to him, Flounder; he's in pre-med."
itsrobert
(14,157 posts)Nt
rzemanfl
(29,576 posts)rownesheck
(2,343 posts)I am Ahab.
SharonClark
(10,014 posts)you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally.
Yes, I'm a romantic.
TexasBushwhacker
(20,228 posts)Harry - "Nah, you pretty much want to nail them too."
"Why are there no Sunday underwear?"
"Because of God."
bluecollar2
(3,622 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Best line in the movie, imo
TexasBushwhacker
(20,228 posts)you can stream all 6 seasons on Hulu. It's a great Rom-Com. Plenty of Rom and Com.
SharonClark
(10,014 posts)from A League of Their Own
jmowreader
(50,569 posts)Initech
(100,115 posts)"I thought you were pre med."
"What's the difference?"
Initech
(100,115 posts)"And their kiss was the only convincing moment in it."
"When's your birthday?"
"22nd of February."
"What year?"
"Every year."
"Get out!"
Initech
(100,115 posts)"When I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a guy in the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy."
"That was a Shakespeare In The Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones!"
meow2u3
(24,774 posts)Soxfan58
(3,479 posts)Oh Harold how we miss you
jayschool2013
(2,314 posts)Arlene and Betsy to a disgraced Nixon: "You suck, Dick."
kairos12
(12,891 posts)The ocean liner stateroom scene from A Night At The Opera.
geardaddy
(24,931 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,474 posts)geardaddy
(24,931 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,474 posts)Also because I can't help but see that ref as Paul Wellstone.
geardaddy
(24,931 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)OnDoutside
(19,982 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Alpeduez21
(1,759 posts)remember when we were freshmen and your mom was a senior?
Shut up, Ted!
Remember when I asked your mom to prom?
Shut UP, Ted!
VOX
(22,976 posts)I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes...to attack your country. Well, let me finish, Dmitri. Let me finish, Dmitri. Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?
--Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley, in Stanley Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" (1964).
Sellers improvised most of his lines in the film. And satire was never more biting.
Va Lefty
(6,252 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)From "The Jerk" w/ Steve Martin.
RobinA
(9,902 posts)Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
And the Jew eat yet riff from the same movie. One of my all time faves, Annie Hall.
SummerSnow
(12,608 posts)Nigel Powers: "There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)Max Bialystock! ..King of Broadway!..Six shows running at once!..Lunch at Delmonicos..
$200 suits...Look at me now..LOOK AT ME NOW!!..I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
underpants
(182,966 posts)Love and Death
snot
(10,540 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)sakabatou
(42,186 posts)how he got into my pajamas, I'll never know.
Stuart G
(38,454 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)(LSD for short)
Dick Shawn was superb in that role.
red dog 1
(27,884 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)(Get Shorty)
Jakes Progress
(11,123 posts)Different movie; same actor.
lame54
(35,336 posts)Zero Mostel: I WANT THAT MONEY!!!
The Republican Montra
Submariner
(12,512 posts)[link:
|yuiyoshida
(41,867 posts)red dog 1
(27,884 posts)(From "The Birdcage"
Gene Hackman, after his wife takes the wig off Nathan Lane exclaiming:
"He's a MAN!"
GENE HACKMAN
"I feel like I'm going crazy!"
lindysalsagal
(20,777 posts)a kennedy
(29,735 posts)Seinfeld episode regarding gays.
yallerdawg
(16,104 posts)Alwaysna
(574 posts)He says"Im not eating nothing that came from a cow's mouth! Edith cook me an EGG sandwich" !
UnTied
(58 posts)"No"
After getting bitten? "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?"
"That is not not my dog
Thunderbeast
(3,425 posts)"The Russians are Coming...The Russians are Coming"
WiffenPoof
(2,404 posts)One of the funniest scenes ever broadcast... They probably couldn't do this scene today.
All of the women of Soap find themselves up in the middle of the night at the kitchen table. They are all sexually frustrated because they aren't getting any. They can't sleep so they decide to share a cheesecake in an attempt to satisfy their frustration.
They start talking about sex. More specifically, they talk about their preferences. I think Carine says something like...i like it in other rooms. Another says....I like it outdoors....
Finally, Mary stated that she likes to make love with the lights on. That way she can look into her lover's eyes. There is a long pause as Jessica has a confused look on her face. Finally she says "His eyes?"
Priceless. Not sure how they got it by the censors.