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Fri Nov 24, 2017, 03:39 PM

"Holy crap! Where did THAT come from?"

Various forms of this question have been asked by a good many guys in my life recently. Some of them are guys whom I'm pretty sure have never skeeved on women, maybe never told anything more sexist than the odd PMS joke. Some who've done what they can, as allies, to be sure other guys in the workplace or social environment don't get away with 'locker room talk' among themselves, even.

I've heard it again and again. "Wait, what? Why now? Why so MUCH? WTF??" It reminds me of people walking along the street at the foot of a 50-story skyscraper, chatting about where to have lunch and not paying much more attention to what's around them than they have to, to avoid the idiots with their noses in their mobile phones. Lovely day, nice breeze, and then...

WHUMP!!!

A couple of yards in front of them, a monstrous body hits the sidewalk, narrowly missing another pedestrian and grossing EVERYBODY out. It's hideous. It was hideous even before it connected with the pavement, a grotesque, barely-human fiend.

"Holy crap! Where did THAT come from?"

Dudes... it's the Patriarchy. You're only surprised because you haven't seen the women who've been dragging it up the stairs, all fifty stories, one flight at a time, as it's struggled and fought, lived on every time they pounded a stake into its heart, yanked it onto the next flight and plodded upward again.

Fifty fucking stories. It's been kicking and screaming, every flight, but you never heard. You didn't pay any attention to those noises coming from the stairwell.

You know nothing of the women killed, crippled, left for dead on the landings, as their sisters grimly pounded in another stake and heaved it onto the next stair upward. Sometimes losing their grip and letting the revolting thing bump-bump-bump back down to the landing below.

Every staircase, every floor, more women have arrived to join the task, because this is one effing HUGE monster, this patriarchy, this sleazy predator that regards half of the human race as domestic animals for its own consumption.

Many have died. Many. Hauling that monster up the narrow, dark, smelly stairwell is not for the faint of heart.

But we got it up there, onto the roof. A tag-team effort. Finally, finally...

WE knew.

Women have seen every moment of the fight. We've all had a hand dragging it, we've all got the scars to show for that. We know that monster.

And with a massive heave, we got it over, and let it drop.

THAT'S where it came from.

If you're shocked, it's because you haven't been paying attention.

I have no idea if that thing is dead. Probably not.

But it's seriously damaged, and I thank every one of my sisters, and the occasional brother who's joined in the effort, too.

It's been worth it.

informatively,
Bright

42 replies, 11477 views

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Arrow 42 replies Author Time Post
Reply "Holy crap! Where did THAT come from?" (Original post)
TygrBright Nov 2017 OP
Squinch Nov 2017 #1
Plucketeer Nov 2017 #6
Iggo Nov 2017 #2
OceanChick Nov 2017 #3
True Blue American Nov 2017 #9
raccoon Nov 2017 #26
LittleGirl Nov 2017 #30
calimary Nov 2017 #33
krispos42 Nov 2017 #4
Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #5
librechik Nov 2017 #7
crosinski Nov 2017 #8
Habibi Nov 2017 #10
TygrBright Nov 2017 #13
radical noodle Nov 2017 #16
volstork Nov 2017 #11
HeiressofBickworth Nov 2017 #12
annabanana Nov 2017 #28
calimary Nov 2017 #35
HeiressofBickworth Nov 2017 #41
Leith Nov 2017 #14
zentrum Nov 2017 #15
calimary Nov 2017 #37
Soph0571 Nov 2017 #17
DesertRat Nov 2017 #18
marcopolo63 Nov 2017 #19
TygrBright Nov 2017 #20
calimary Nov 2017 #38
marcopolo63 Nov 2017 #40
druidity33 Nov 2017 #21
Hekate Nov 2017 #22
RandomAccess Nov 2017 #23
LuckyLib Nov 2017 #24
nolabear Nov 2017 #25
annabanana Nov 2017 #27
cachukis Nov 2017 #29
coeur_de_lion Nov 2017 #31
RussBLib Nov 2017 #32
homegirl Nov 2017 #34
ismnotwasm Nov 2017 #36
calimary Nov 2017 #39
smirkymonkey Nov 2017 #42

Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 03:45 PM

1. I'm always surprised that even some of the most well-meaning men are surprised.

It must be nice to live in the world they live in. My world is nothing like theirs.

Great OP.

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Response to Squinch (Reply #1)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:38 PM

6. As a man, I can tell you

 

that if there ARE any guys that are genuinely caught of guard about the facts of what women put up with - check for a pulse.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:02 PM

2. Privilege is blinding.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:11 PM

3. Wow, this is an epic post - thank you!

I've experienced discrimination, harassment and abuse since I was a 10-year-old. As a cute natural blonde, I was always treated in a sexual way as well as in the corporate world when I rose to the rank of a Vice President. If I wanted to keep my job(s), I had to just deal with it. There was no recourse for women and I actually lost a high-paying job for going to HR.

Back then, when I went to a male superior's office angry, he couldn't wait to get me out of there. They could confront each other but let an angry woman corner them and they were like a deer in the headlights. Sometimes I was so angry that I would cry in frustration - they liked that because I had just lost my power. I hated it when that happened!

My 80-year-old neighbor who was a schoolteacher just can't believe this was always part of my life. I had to share a few of my horror stories for her to understand and she was astonished.

I'm so grateful to the women who are speaking out. I'm 66 and retired so I'm not in the working world anymore but I still get treated like a dumb blonde. The maintenance guy at my apartment blamed me when my dishwasher died, saying I was using the wrong soap, wrong cycle, my water wasn't hot enough, blah blah blah. When I confronted him and told him to stop treating my like a dumb woman, he got aggressive and physically in my face. He couldn't handle being confronted with his sexism. I've already spoken to management about him so they send the young guy who I love to fix my stuff. Fuck him, I never will back down again!

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Response to OceanChick (Reply #3)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:04 PM

9. I heard the same thing

Went in the car wash,the machine did not work after I put in my money. The old attendant came out,said, I do not know what you did wrong! My answer? Your machine did not work.

I reported him to the owner. His comment? He is a grouchy,old man.

Just one of numerous occasions.

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Response to OceanChick (Reply #3)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 07:03 AM

26. I'm glad you confronted that maintenance guy

I'm glad you confronted that maintenance guy and told management about him. No way you should have to put up with that kind of BS. He was way out of line.

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Response to OceanChick (Reply #3)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 01:21 PM

30. Thank you

Im not blond but could have written your post! Excellent. Dont take any shit!

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Response to OceanChick (Reply #3)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:29 PM

33. Welcome to DU, OceanChick!

I think we women have all got scars from years of bad, sexist, and sometimes criminal treatment simply because we're women. I was SOOOO looking forward to the election of the first woman President, to start changing the narrative and the national zeitgeist. I texted to my daughter who lives in another state about that on the day before the election last fall.
What that was going to mean, to us as Americans.
What that was going to mean, to us as women.
What that was going to mean, to the rest of the world, especially those looking to our country for leadership.
What that was going to SAY - to the world, and to ourselves, about who and what WE ARE, as Americans.
What that was going to say about a new era of awareness and enlightenment and ... (yeah, uh-huh. Our votes for the first black President sure turned a new page, didn't it.)

I was naive enough to be absolutely THRILLED, beyond all imagining, when Barack Obama got elected. What that meant to, for, and about us as Americans. What that meant as far as turning the damn page and leaving that old racism crap and that old stupid Confederacy crap BEHIND. What that meant as far as our evolution, our maturity, our growing up and GETTING THE HELL OVER IT, as a nation. What that said - about us, and to ourselves, about culturally and systemically and societally GROWING THE HELL UP! What that signified, as far as turning the page on all that old, obsolete shit, and the mindset that went with it.

Well, MAN-OH-MAN was I ever wrong. I had such faith. I had such hope, for a brighter, saner, more mature and more reasoned future. What that meant... I just reveled in it, that night. That I had lived to see this moment when we finally GOT OVER IT. When we finally embraced the new century, in the new millennium.

And all it did, really, was rip the scab off whatever grievous social and national wounds we thought were finally starting to heal, or that some of us actually dared to believe already HAD healed, or WERE healing. MAN-OH-MAN was I wrong. It just let all the pus and the virulently infectious toxins ooze out into the open. It brought out the ugly underbelly of our national psyche and wrapped it all up in shiny spangled red, white, & blue, and paraded it down Main Street on the back of a fancy convertible, with fireworks and sparklers and marching bands following close behind it.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:24 PM

4. Nicely summarized.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:37 PM

5. Agreed, an EPIC POST, Bright.

Kudos to you!

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 04:51 PM

7. can't express how much I love this post

I've been deep in despair over this issue for weeks. We women must learn how to speak instead of surrender, and fast

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:03 PM

8. Thank you for this.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:24 PM

10. Marvelously written post!

I would love to share it on FB.

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Response to Habibi (Reply #10)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:33 PM

13. By all means. Share any way you wish. n/t

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Response to TygrBright (Reply #13)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:49 PM

16. I'm sharing it too, TygrBright

Thank you for your wonderful OP and for letting us share it.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:32 PM

11. Well-said, Bright.

Thank you for this essay. Many of them have no idea.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:32 PM

12. I'm 72

Sexism and its ramifications have been with me since the beginning.

When I first looked for a job it was in the want ads under the heading Jobs For Women, not Jobs For Men.

In high school I was told I should take typing and shorthand so I could get a job later.

In civics class, when the class discussed the comparative provisions of constitutions of various countries, I was told I couldn't participate because I was to take notes for the class. The boys were allowed to do all the talking.

My parents said the only reason to send me to college was to get my Mrs. degree. They thought being around college students would ensure that I "married up".

And there are many more, none being dramatic, but the cumulative message was always there: women just aren't good enough.

Subtle, but always there.

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Response to HeiressofBickworth (Reply #12)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 07:42 AM

28. On the nose. Those of us who came of age in the 50's and 60's remember.

Many younger women have no idea. It's up to all of us gals to tell the stories.

"And what would you like to be while you're looking for Mr. Right?

Here are your choices:

secretary
telephone operator
teacher
nurse
stewardess (for you 'adventurous' types)
waitress
coed

And THOSE are mostly for the white girls . ..

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Response to annabanana (Reply #28)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:42 PM

35. That used to bother me, BIG-TIME! The label "coed."

There was even a Barbie outfit called "Cutie Coed." "Former Uni-High Coed Found..." - that was a headline in the local paper after what I believe was a rape story. I didn't even read it. I was stopped, dead in my tracks, by the headline. "COED"? What the fuck is THAT? Is that a thing? If I'm female and I'm in that school or in this community taking note of me in that school, I'm now a THING?

When I first got into radio, professionally, I landed my first several jobs simply because the station needed to "check the box", acknowledging that they'd hired somebody outside the norm (which was always automatically presumed to be "male" and "white". And I'd come out of four years of college radio with actual broadcast experience, and an official FCC 3rd-class license with a broadcast endorsement, which you needed back then, in order to handle the equipment and engineer for yourself and turn the transmitter on in the morning or turn it off at night and note it in the official log, and for which you had to study and take a test at the FCC offices in downtown L.A. so you knew what meter readings were and the difference between AM and FM and other stuff like that. (Amplitude modulation and frequency modulation - THERE! I still remember that much! LOL) So I got right in.

But I remember, while still in college, with all that actual broadcast experience, going to the local CBS offices to apply for a job (that I naively hoped would lead me to one of their broadcast properties) and being promptly directed to go down the hall and report to a particular room to take a typing test.

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Response to annabanana (Reply #28)

Mon Nov 27, 2017, 03:08 AM

41. Stewardess

was under the heading of trying to "marry up". A pilot was a prize commodity. Similarly, being a nurse was considered a good game plan for snagging a doctor.

What is so sad was that little encouragement was given to girls to achieve all they could or wanted to be.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:38 PM

14. Absolutely Great

Men, even the ones who know and love us, have no idea what we go through on a regular basis. George Carlin had a bit called 50% Universals. He used urinals as his example. My example is fear of looking at other drivers while stopped at a stoplight (after being followed several miles through empty city streets at 2 in the morning when I was 20). That isn't quite as funny, though.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:41 PM

15. It ain't dead. (Patriarchy).

We have a long way to go.

Well done.

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Response to zentrum (Reply #15)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:49 PM

37. No. It ain't dead. Not by a long shot.

We had a chance to deliver a near-mortal wound to it last November. And technically we did, because SHE got three million more votes. And they still managed to steal it for the male.

I LOVE this OP. But the monster still lives. Still walks the earth. Still breathes and thrives and kills and maims and causes chaos and wreckage and injustice and pain and suffering. We're a long way from killing the monster.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 05:56 PM

17. Amen

Just gotta make sure they do not kick us back down a few flights and we have to start all over again. If they can they will

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 06:44 PM

18. Yes! k&r

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 06:51 PM

19. Excellent post, but I just have to say this...

PMS jokes are never funny. PERIOD!!

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Response to marcopolo63 (Reply #19)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 07:35 PM

20. Hah! n/t

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Response to marcopolo63 (Reply #19)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:51 PM

38. Welcome to DU, marcopolo63!

This IS an excellent post! And you make an excellent point, too. PMS jokes are NOT funny. They're just sexist and dreadfully tiresome.

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Response to calimary (Reply #38)

Sun Nov 26, 2017, 12:52 AM

40. Thanks for the greeting Calimary!

I dont post much, but have been actively browsing for several years. I really enjoy the lively dialogue and timely updates on current events that DU offers. Its a great forum and Im glad to contribute what I may - be it opinion, a failed attempt at humor or perhaps not so witty asides. I will try not to be sexist and will also strive to be less tiresome going forward...

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 08:52 PM

21. Heard. K&R, nt.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 10:23 PM

22. Hugs to you, Bright

Hugs to you, Bright.
Sisterly,
Hekate

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 10:41 PM

23. LOVE this post

 

TBH, the ignorance of men who can't believe sexual harassment is this widespread (and more) is nearly as infuriating to me as the harassment self.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 11:07 PM

24. Women I know are so profoundly angry at the

misogyny and sexism in our culture they hardly have patience around bewildered men. Trump has helped open the door to conversations that have needed to happen for a long time.

Thanks for posting this!

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Fri Nov 24, 2017, 11:25 PM

25. Damn. That was righteous.

Thanks for some beautifully laid out truth.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 07:35 AM

27. Wonderful description.

Every woman alive has dealt with this struggle. If you hadn't been dragging that carcass upstairs yourself, it's probably because you thought it was just too big a task . . that it would never, never work.

But . . .

the more people that joined the struggle, the easier it got.

"Can you hear us now?"

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 11:14 AM

29. Good one.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 01:45 PM

31. Well said

Been one of those women dragging "it" up the stairs many times in my life.

Bout time the bastard fell with a crash.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 01:57 PM

32. Fantasy

Feeling very pessimistic today. BTW, have you noticed who is in the White House lately?

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:34 PM

34. I hope you don't mind that I

have borrowed this to the point post and have already passed it on.


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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:44 PM

36. Exactly.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Sat Nov 25, 2017, 02:58 PM

39. This is a WONDERFUL post, TygrBright.

I only take issue with one line, though. I fear the monster is not that seriously damaged, and will rise again MANY times before we finally kill it - if we ever do. Look at the Catholic Church, for example. I don't know if we'll EVER truly reform that one.

Hell, look how long it took us, as a nation, to put a black guy in the Oval Office who wasn't the janitor. And look how well that worked out as far as healing the racial ills in this country. It seems only to have aggravated and enflamed them.

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Response to TygrBright (Original post)

Mon Nov 27, 2017, 04:56 AM

42. Excellent post, TygrBright!

Thank you!

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