How to compliment a woman (Found on Facebook)

[Stonepounder]

Never say anything to a woman in public that you wouldn't want to hear from your cellmate in prison.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

1. Homophobia shouldn't be a tactic in the fight against misogyny.

[cyclonefence]

2. I agree with you, but

I think it's important to make men who carelessly (or intentionally) make sexually aggressive remarks to women understand that the underlying threat is of penetration.

Many men will say in excuse "I was being complimentary" or "I'd love it if a woman said/did that to me"--but they need to understand that the same remark from a woman to a man does not carry the subtext of penetration, which imo makes all the difference.

They need to imagine having those words or actions coming from a man, not a gay man, just a man. I don't know how to remove the stench of homophobia from this, but I believe it's really important.

[marylandblue]

3. That's correct

Unwanted homosexual advances make heterosexual men very uncomfortable. It's probably the only time that a man is in a position similar to what women face all the time.

[Nevernose]

5. Only the insecure ones

Personally, if a gay person makes a pass at me, I’m usually quite flattered. It sure as hell doesn’t happen as often as it used to, LOL!

It’s the “unwanted” part that makes it problematic. It’s like: “Thanks, lady, but I’m trying to work here. Leave me the hell alone. I’ve got a job to do and you grabbing my ass and making package-puns really isn’t helpful.”

Side note: years ago I was hanging out with one of my buddies on the Las Vegas Strip (hometown). We started having a semi-heated discussion about Monet.

We laughed, sat down at a bench with the rest of our friends, and he looked at me and said, “I wish you were gay.”

I tell that story,but I wish y’all could have heard his tone of voice. It was simultaneously the saddes and sweetest thing anyone, anywhere has ever said to me. It kind of haunts me if I think about it too much.

[marylandblue]

6. A man once stared at me on a train for 10 minutes

After that, I knew how women feel when men stare at them.

[Nevernose]

9. Thats the unwanted part

At a party? Someone says someone else is cute, do they want to talk somewhere else? Awesome.

Some guy on the street slows down and says the exact same thing to anyone of any sex or gender? At best, creepy as fuck and probably going to cause nightmares.

A lot of men have serious issues. Ive got no idea how much is nurturing, hard-wiring, hormonal, cultural, etc — or some terrible cross of all four. I do know that it’s supet easy to sexually harass or assault people.

So easy, in fact, that the only thing easier is NOT harassing or assaulting people.

[Glamrock]

10. True dat

Had a drummer who lived with a butch gay dude. Went to his house and he wasn't home. Gay roommate let me in to wait and he was hitting on me. Whatever. Funny thing about it was his bad pickup lines. I told him I was straight and he replied, "have you ever tried it? You might like it.". I literally laughed out loud at that one. Might as well have been talking about bestiality as far as I was concerned (I'm not comparing it to homosexuality, just my interest level in either. You know, "hey man, ever been fucked by a horse? You might like it." ) I told him, "Yeah, no. I'm good man. I give you an A for effort but a D for effect."

I still laugh at that. You should try it! You might like it! LOL!

[Nevernose]

11. I was going for a more bittersweet romance unrequited love thing

I was going for a more bittersweet romance unrequited love thing — at least in the addendum — but you do you

People WILL misjudge the bestiality thing, even if it was meant in a humorous, good-hearted spirit and no harm was meant by the analogy. The analogy is... indelicate.

[Glamrock]

13. My point was

I wasn't uncomfortable being hit on by a gay man. As far as misjudgment goes, if people want to ignore the disclaimer, it's on them. I've spent countless hours in the trenches in conservative Indiana arguing for gay marriage and LGBT rights.

[Nevernose]

14. Im with ya

You’ve got the word “glam” right in your username, so how homophobic could you possibly be?

On edit: part of my day job is professional SJW. It’s hard to drop at times.

[Glamrock]

15. Right?

Soooo what's an SJW?

[Glamrock]

16. Never mind.

I hit send and my brain said Social Justice Worker, dumbass. LOL!

[WhiskeyGrinder]

7. The underlying threat is not "penetration."

I don't know how to remove the stench of homophobia from this....

You can't. Because it's homophobic.

[cyclonefence]

12. I beg your pardon

but penetration is indeed underneath it all. The fact that men penetrate women defines all sexual abuse of women by men. I understand that it carries the burden of homophobia, but really gay love--or any kind of love--has nothing to do with it. Penetration is the unspoken threat to women who are sexually abused, either physically or verbally.

It is not necessary to threaten men with unwanted sexual attention from other men in order for men to understand this.

[bluepen]

8. Actually that happens in prison so what irrational fear are you referencing?

[LuckyCharms]

4. A sincere compliment that compliments anyone, man or woman...

on anything except their appearance is always safe. There are a million things you can compliment people on besides their looks that will make them feel good.

[Stonepounder]

17. I have no problem with a gay guy making a mild exploratory pass and immediately taking a 'no thanks'

As someone said up thread, it sure don't happen as much as it used to!

That's why I specified this was from a cell-mate trying to indicate that there was, at the very least, an implied threat.

And I think that, the vast majority of the time, people can tell the difference between a sincere compliment and a 'compliment' with sexual undertones.