I hope all these fugitive Nazis are calling Trump's attorneys.
What's with all the tears, crybabies? Your Uncle Donald has you all taken care of. You, me, and everyone in America DISTINCTLY heard him say that he would COVER YOUR LEGAL BILLS should you be busted for beating up protesters. He is on video saying this! No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
So if I were you, I would dry those eyes, blow those noses, turn those frowns upside-down, and start making some damn phone calls. Start with that Jay Sekulow guy. He seems like he is well polished at getting stupid fuckups like you out of these kinds of scrapes.
If they say no, or they are so rude as to not even return your calls, then find some other attorney AND SUE THE BIG ORANGE BASTARD. He is, after all, the guy that got you into this mess, right? Of course he is.
You are still in deep shit and will most likely will still be heading to the slammer. But at least there's a chance you can make some coin off it. Maybe it can go to pay that child support that's been nagging at you.
Good luck to you. White America is counting on you. Make 'em pay!
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And welcome to DU! 
