Some of the posts on DU lately brought an old Emo Phillips joke to mind...

[Gidney N Cloyd]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

[WinstonSmith4740]

1. OMG!

I remember seeing him do that joke, too, but unfortunately not in your detail...I could only remember it as far as "Northern Baptist". Thanks, because I use it all the time to demonstrate the ridiculousness of the inter-party battle we Democrats seem to fight every 4 years.

[mwooldri]

2. I was thinking something similar yesterday.

If you're a Democrat, you're a Democrat. But since America is a two party system (effectively), each party (Republican and Democratic party) should really be looked at as a coalition of various interests, whose core mission is the same.

Yes, one has to build coalitions with one's own party. Working "across the aisles" is finding a coalition on one party whose interests are close to those on the other side and work to form a cross party coalition around that one issue. Something that has been lacking in politics as of late. Building too many walls (figuratively of course).

[tblue37]

9. Or this:

https://m.

[paleotn]

14. perfect analogy.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

18. Yep. I thought of that one, too.

It's a little bit different dynamic from Emo's joke but... yep.

[LonePirate]

26. Thanks for the laugh. That scene is prescient for Dems nowadays. John Cleese was hysterical.

[sandensea]

3. Ha! Reminds me of the old joke in the South about Heaven.

A good, God-fearing man dies and goes to Heaven.

Once there, St. Peter gives him a brief tour.

"These folks are Methodist; the folks over there are Baptist; the group over there are Catholics" - and so on.

The man notices a walled-off area, and asks who would be in there.

"Oh," says St. Peter. "They're with the Church of Christ; they don't realize they're anyone else up here."

[Gidney N Cloyd]

5. That one might apply here these days, too.

[sandensea]

6. Right.

Perfection is the greatest enemy of the good. One has to be flexible - and above all realistic.

[LeftInTX]

4. We had a schism in the Armenian church about 100 years ago

It was all based on politics.
Then a violent episode occurred and made the rift even more.

The sides are now reconciling, but good gosh I never understood it. One branch could not attend the funerals of the other branch. Friends from the old country were cut off from each other. They weren't allowed to marry each other. Instead of marrying an Armenian that attended another Armenian church they married non-Armenians instead.

On and on.

[SwissTony]

7. One of my favourite jokes.

I'd love to claim authorship...but obviously I can't.


Just brilliant.

[Lucinda]

8. KNR Thank you!

[Warren DeMontague]

10. Voted "Funniest Religion Joke of All Time" in an online poll in 2005, or something.

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion

These are good, too:

· When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!

· So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."

· A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."

· I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

· When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster

[WinkyDink]

11. Emo was one of the greats!

[Warren DeMontague]

19. I'm sure he'd be the first to tell you, he's not dead!

So "was"... he's still out there.

[WinkyDink]

20. Oh, I didn't think Emo was deceased; just kind of, not so popular.

[Caliman73]

12. That is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

It showed, with Emo's absurdist genius, what tribalism and closed mindedness looks like.

[JHB]

13. That routine starts at 2:00, but the lead-up is good too...

[Moostache]

15. Wow...blast from my past!

I had a speech/performance piece contest in High School as a sophomore. We had to use a prepared piece and do an interpretation or performance of it in front of the school assembly. I remember that Emo Phillips was unique back in the mid-80's as one of the few comedians that did NOT use profanity (which ruled out Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, much of George Carlin and Andrew Dice Clay...).

Thanks for making me remember that piece fondly!

[paleotn]

16. Once again...

we find ourselves squabbling over millimeters of distance, letting those who are light years away ideologically squeak into office. If anyone wants to see what happens when we fight over purity, take a look at Maine. LePage is a prime example of what happens.

[syringis]

17. It reminds me a very similar joke...

...related to our own problems here (Belgium)

A man stood a fountain to drink some water when another stopped him saying : do not drink, this water is not potable. The first man said in flemish : sorry, I don't understand very well french. The other answered : oh, I just warned you to drink slowly, the water is very cold, you could be hurt...

Sorry, not a very good translation but same spirit as your joke

Humor is universal and probably, same or similar concerns will share jokes close to each despite the country or the language.

[SwissTony]

25. A similar joke (Scottish/English)

A Scotsman is walking in the Highlands and he sees a man drinking from a stream. He says to the man "Dinna drink the watter, It's foo a koo pee and shit" ("don't drink the water, it's full of cow piss and shit&quot . The man replies "I'm sorry, I'm English and didn't understand a word you said". The Scotsman replied "I was just saying 'Take your time and drink deeply'".

[whathehell]

21. I must be the only here who never heard this one..

It's hilarious and I certainly get the DU analogy.

[murielm99]

22. Excellent.

I have heard versions of the jokes in this thread. All of them related to the varieties of Lutherans out there. I was raised Lutheran.

[TimeToGo]

23. Original

I think was Lutheran, but the same joke, so . . .

[Gidney N Cloyd]

24. This version quotes Emo (got it from same link Warren had in post 10 above)

That's not to say Emo didn't himself once say Lutheran, though.

[TimeToGo]

27. I could easily be wrong

But the joke works the same either way