Bullying...where do kids get it from?

[B2G]

Us. They model the adults in their lives. They aren't stupid. In fact, they are incredibly observant.

So if adults use social media and the internet to mock, denigrate, wish death upon and generally abuse those they disagree with and detest online, no matter how justified they think they are, they shouldn't be surprised if their kids do the same.

Don't tell me it's different if 'you' do it. It's not.

And if another parent tells you your child is cyber bullying their child via social media, take their fucking cell phone away from them. If your child is on the receiving end of it, take their fucking cell phone too. Disable their SM accounts. Be a goddamn parent.

[MineralMan]

1. For too many people with children, parenting amounts

to buying them stuff and having them join stuff to keep them busy and then ignoring everything else. As long as the kiddies aren't burning the house down or getting arrested, it's all good.

Not all parents, of course, but a group that is far too large for society's good is behaving that way.

Real parenting is too much work. As long as the kids are busy, that's good enough.

[B2G]

2. You said it. nt

[MyOwnPeace]

3. How about this?

[Arkansas Granny]

4. Way back in the day, my pediatrician passed out copies of this to each of his patients.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

It was very good advice for a young mother and hold true to this day.

[B2G]

5. Very nice. nt

[Caliman73]

6. Yeah!!

I told my kids.."If I ever, ever find out that you are bullying other kids, I will destroy you!!!" I got up real close and threatened them cause bullying is not okay! (Just in case).

Seriously though, taking the time to check in with your kids, find out who their friends are, monitoring their activities is worth the years of therapy that they might need if you just leave them to fend for themselves so that you can check out after a day of work.

I have to admit that I did not monitor my daughter's online activity closely enough recently and she watched an advertisement for that "Annabel" movie (some creepy doll) going on 3 weeks of sleeping with the lights on and having her show up in our room at 6 in the morning is a good reminder of the adage "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".

[MGKrebs]

7. I stopped in to a nice burger joint last weekend. Walked through the patio to get inside.

They had a TV playing out on the patio and it had that MMA fighting on. There was a family sitting there with a couple of kids about 4 or 5 years old. I cannot fathom letting little kids watch that stuff.

[Orrex]

8. They're primates, are they not?

Most primate species engage in bullying behavior of some kind or another.


That's not to say that all must do it nor that the tendency can't be overcome, but at some level it may be the nature of the beast.

[B2G]

10. These aren't monkeys being raised in a jungle.

Well, ideally they're not.

That's what parenting is for. To teach and shape behavior and not to raise some little Lord of the Flies asshole.

[Orrex]

11. Well, yeah. That was kind of my point.

But my other point was that these traits may very well be, at some level, inherent.

So if the question is "Where do kids get it from?" then we might have to accept that they get it from being primates.

[Kaleva]

12. To deny that some traits are inherent is to deny evolution.

[B2G]

13. There have been a lot of studies

That indicate that kind of behavior typically starts to modify around the ages of 3-4. Until that time, they certainly are acting out on those instincts, but empathy starts to develop pretty early in life.

It needs to be nurtured obviously.

[Orrex]

14. Maybe I'm not clear on why you asked the question in the OP, then.

Your reply suggests that you had the answer, unless the question was simply rhetorical (which is fine, if so).

[Kaleva]

9. As mentioned, we are primates. It's up to the parents to civilize the child.

[haveahart]

15. Trump and their Trump loving parents.

[B2G]

16. Yeah, because this shit just started in January.

[FigTree]

17. Their father. nt

[maveric]

23. Bingo!

I grew up with kids who's Parent/s were Asshole bullies and guess what? They turned out the same way. It's nurtured.

[LanternWaste]

18. Possibly they get it from people who tell us to

Possibly they get it from people who tell us to "take away their fucking cell phone too" and instruct us to be "a goddamn parent."

Though I'm sure someone will rationalize that as "different..."

[B2G]

20. And what would you do, oh Wasted One? nt

[Johnny2X2X]

19. I was a bully

I was a bit of a bully in grade and middle school. Nothing severe, and I didn't single out any kid for torment or anything like that, but I definitely bullied some kids every now and then.

It 100% came from self esteem issues for me that were due to a dysfunctional home life. Neither of my parents were bullies, nor were my siblings. But I became one because I felt terrible about myself and felt compelled to try to bully others to make myself feel elevated. I chose the word elevated very carefully, because bullying doesn't make you feel good at all, it simply is a way to elevate yourself off the very bottom that you feel you are in by pushing someone else down. It makes you feel terrible to bully actually.

I grew out of it early, and back then(late 70s early 80s) bullying wasn't as big of a deal and you remained friends with people then no matter what. Still, I regret acting like a little jerk back then and am glad I grew from it to become a better person. Also glad that I didn't harm anyone and remained friends with the kids I did bully for years.

Kids are cruel, if we would have had social media back when I was that age I don't know what would have happened. The inadequacy that kids can feel normally has to be amplified by 1000 with several forms of social media to drive home the fact that you aren't smart enough, rich enough, pretty enough, popular enough, smart enough, interesting enough, or good enough 24 hours a day. I don't know how you parents do it.

[panader0]

21. I raised four kids as a single dad. Their mom left when the twins were still in diapers.

I didn't have enough time, money or energy to do all the things that
I wanted, but I gave them unconditional love, healthy food and plenty
of activities. All became first chair players in their bands (different instruments),
all played sports (all star team), and all made good grades. Both daughters
have college degrees, both sons are in the Coast Guard. They are all stable
and happy young people. I taught them to be kind to the kids who were
unpopular or disabled. I never took their cell phones away.

[B2G]

22. Because you had no reason to take them.

Well done Dad.

[delisen]

24. Empathy is very strong in babies.

[pansypoo53219]

25. when i was in HS i wrote a paper on cannibalism. lots of psycho talk in research.

i always remembered the term sublimation. those who bully become bullies. explains israel and palestine. the desire to be stronger. you just know fredd bullied teh donald.

[NCDem777]

26. I think a lot of it is lack of punishment or even endorsement by schools

If a bully punches a smaller kid or something he gets a suspension (read: Vacation from school). If the victim punches back, he gets the same or sometimes worse.

And the schools wonder why a bullying victim marches in with a glock.