To the People of Japan, and His Excellency, Prime Minister Shinzo Abe
Last edited Sun Feb 12, 2017, 07:19 PM - Edit history (1)
Dear Japanese friends, and Your Excellency,
America is in your debt. This letter acknowledges the debt, expresses gratitude, and offers you a proposition which I hope you will consider favorably.
First: Abe-Sama, domo arigato. Arigato. Arigato goziemashita. (I'm sorry I don't know the kanji characters, but this keyboard isn't equipped for them, anyway. Please accept the intent and pardon any clumsiness of expression.)
It would have been so embarrassing for us, had the North Korean missile launch last night resulted in a belligerent public statement full of dick-banging and veiled threats from our man-baby Chief Executive, or had it touched off another explosion of childish rage-tweeting.
It was the leverage of your presence, your experienced and rational analysis and response to the incident, and the need to, at least temporarily, maintain some semblance of respect from a world leader of your stature that prevented that. (Of course, all those mulligans and easy-putt gimmes you allowed on the golf course didn't hurt, either. Don't think we don't know about that, Sir. And thank you.)
The actual response was, in the circumstances, the best we could have hoped for and one of the most normal and world-leaderly-appearing actions we've yet seen from The Don Baby. For this, we are much in your debt.
So, here is the proposition: Could you extend your visit for a few days?
Not long, I promise, he has the attention span of a fruit fly and no good influence has much effect over a longer term. And we don't want him to decide you're a threat, throw a tantrum and put you on his encyclopedic Enemies List. But just for a few days. I know you people of Japan can't spare your head of government any longer, in any case.
Just enough to give him a longer glimpse of how an actual head of state appears, acts, speaks, responds to challenging situations, and handles anxiety. He is capable of mimicry, if he thinks he's mimicking something respect-worthy.
I realize this is the equivalent of asking the people of Japan to loan us their head of state as a glorified babysitter, and that is far, far beneath the dignity and importance of your nation and its leader. But consider the stakes. It's not just any baby. The Don Baby has that nuclear football thingie following him around and the economy of your major trading partner trapped in his playpen. You do have an interest in preventing the kind of chaos he's proved himself abundantly capable of creating.
We have a long friendship, many experiences in common, and shared interests in peace and prosperity to consider. And really, that idea about the high-speed train development is worth serious discussion. It could be of great mutual benefit, if we can work out the details. It'd have to be sustainably powerable and operable over the long haul, of course. But our infrastructure sure needs work, and that looks like a potential job-creator, assuming The Don Baby isn't allowed to divert everything to his cheap-labor cronies as contractors. Let's talk, anyway.
With very great esteem and friendship, and most cordial gratitude,
TygrBright
P.S. I apologize for making fun of the Matryomin thing. Really, what you want to do with theramins and Matryushka dolls is your own business, and it's certainly no more bizarre than line dancing or American football. Gomen nasai.
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is much more eloquent than mine has been though. 
