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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy Mother passed away this afternoon
She was almost 94 in failing health. 3 weeks ago she was in the hospital with a bladder infection that went septic and her kidneys shut down. Her wonderful caregivers massaged her kidneys and basically were her nurses at the hospital. She was in the hospital for 6 days and I had her brought home under hospice. She seemed happy coming home and was eating baby food. Last night she refused food. Today, Her caregiver called me and told me I should come to her house. When I saw her I knew she was going to leave me. I held her hand and told her I loved her and it was ok if she moved on. About 45 minutes later she passed while I was holding her hand. It was such a peaceful spiritual moment. Since 2008 I was taking care of her financial affairs and had excellent caregivers living with her who became my family also. They treated my Mom like she was their baby and mother. Her years with them were happy. Up until May 1st we all went out for lunch which was sadly her last outing. After she passed they cleaned her up. Put on a clean change of clothes, put on her blue eyeshadow, lipstick and traced her eyebrows. She looked so beautiful. It wasn't until the mortuary came and took her that we all lost it. Yesterday was my 27th wedding anniversary and I feel somehow my mom hung on so I wouldn't associate her death the same day.
But the really strange thing was when I got the call, I left my house immediately about 4 blocks from my house I saw a car parked on the street that was the same car my parents had when my Dad passed. I made my mother sell it because it was a big car and wanted her to drive a smaller one. At that moment. I knew then I was going to lose my Mother. My Dad's car was coming for her I thought at that moment. My Mother is at peace tonight. She lived a good life and traveled the world. She was a gadfly fasihionista woman with a sparkling personality. And I was proud she was my Mother.
Silver_Witch
(1,820 posts)I rejoice that you had such a wonderful mother and shared such a long time with her. You are a lucky one indeed.
Coventina
(26,874 posts)My condolences and love to you and your family.
CurtEastPoint
(18,552 posts)I held my Dad's hand when he went. I'll never forget it. Much love to you.
notadmblnd
(23,720 posts)SusanCalvin
(6,592 posts)I'm happy you shared your memories of such a great person.
2naSalit
(86,061 posts)I am thankful it was peaceful and that you were prepared for this transition.
Peace to you and yours.
joshcryer
(62,265 posts)Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)sheshe2
(83,355 posts)May your mom rest in peace.
I agree, bless the caregivers. They know when it's time and make the call so we can be with them as they pass.
TexasBushwhacker
(20,044 posts)I lost my mother in 2004 and I still miss her. She shows up in my dreams though. Your will too.
Kaleva
(36,147 posts)bkkyosemite
(5,792 posts)notemason
(298 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(149,308 posts)It's a tough loss. My condolences to you...
You both were lucky to have each other, and for so many years...
May she rest in peace.
villager
(26,001 posts)... and congrats on the anniversary, at the same time.
It sounds like it went as well as a passing can go....
Be well.
RandySF
(57,661 posts)It's a void that's never filled. Bit with time, you'll smile more than cry when you think of her.
oldandhappy
(6,719 posts)You mom leaves a big hole in your heart. Keep talking to her.
Danmel
(4,892 posts)retrowire
(10,345 posts)And left an everlasting mark on your life and others.
You have my condolences and she has my thanks.
Hoyt
(54,770 posts)Texasgal
(17,029 posts)What a beautiful story though! Sounds like she lived a beautiful long life. For you to have the blessing of being there till the end is amazing!
Hugs and blessings to you and your family! *hugs*
MarianJack
(10,237 posts)This July 19 will be 10 years since my mom passed on. June 5 will be 16 years for my father in law. You always love them but will always feel their absence. Peace to you and your family!
PEACE!
NanceGreggs
(27,813 posts)... but uplifted by your lovely tribute to your mom.
Today marks the one-year anniversary of my husband's passing - and so it has been a difficult day. But reading this, I am reminded of all of those who remembered him as fondly as you now remember your mother.
My thoughts are with you and yours, and all who will remember your mother as the vibrant soul she obviously was in life.
kimbutgar
(20,882 posts)I'm in shock and feeling peaceful at the same time.
Writing about this has been cathartic and surreal but comforting.
NanceGreggs
(27,813 posts)I know what you mean by feeling shock and peacefulness at the same time. It is a strange sensation - and yet a very human response.
We are always shocked to lose a loved one - and yet there is a certain serenity that comes with knowing how their lives had such a positive impact on those of us who loved them.
Laffy Kat
(16,356 posts)tom_kelly
(951 posts)Such a fine tribute to your Mother. You sound like a very spiritual soul and surely made Mother proud.
MissDeeds
(7,499 posts)It was fortunate you were able to be with her, and I'm sure that gave her great comfort.
My mom passed away in October of 2014, and although we had a difficult relationship, I loved her and miss her every day.
Like you, I had a strange occurrence around the time of my mom's death. The phone rang in the middle of the night soon after she passed, and the caller ID displayed her name and phone number. It was chilling, and I was unable to bring myself to answer the phone. It was not possible that anyone was calling from her home as she had been in a nursing home for three years and no one had a key to her house but me.
Not sure what to make of it. I'd like to think there are comforting messages from beyond.
Wishing you peace and fond memories in the days to come.
tom_kelly
(951 posts)Before my mother died in 2005 I asked her to send me a sign that she was fine. She asked what I would like so I said "put a flower somewhere that it would normally not be, and therefore would be obvious that it was a sign from you." About a year after she passed I was taking care of a flower bed in front of the house for my father. I had pulled all the flowers in order to plant new ones and sprayed the bed with round-up. My intention was to let it sit for a few weeks for the round-up to wear off (I don't use round-up any longer). I came back to visit my father in a week and to my amazement there was a full grown array of marigolds in the middle of the bed - the rest of the bed was bare of anything. I went in and told my father the story which he didn't believe. I took pictures and sent them to all my brothers and sisters and most of them were thrilled. Anyway, when I came over to plant the new flowers my father was sitting in a lawn chair staring at the marigold. I planted all the flowers around the marigold.
MissDeeds
(7,499 posts)Thanks for sharing this.
kimbutgar
(20,882 posts)TDale313
(7,820 posts)babylonsister
(170,963 posts)I just bet your mom would have loved this tribute and all the care you bestowed on her through the years. You'll always be a good daughter.
still_one
(91,965 posts)Rosa Luxemburg
(28,627 posts)rjsquirrel
(4,762 posts)who knows how it feels.
cry baby
(6,682 posts)My heartfelt condolences to you and all that loved her.
Triana
(22,666 posts)I'm glad though, that her last days were happy, and that she was well-cared for and loved and that she went peacefully and was not alone. That is not the case for so many people - she was very lucky in that regard.
She'll live in your heart forever now.
Take care of yourself. I hope that you are able to be at peace and I wish you and your family strength at this difficult time.
kimbutgar
(20,882 posts)dflprincess
(28,057 posts)no matter how old they are or we are we're never ready for our mothers to go
Mine died 4 years ago today so I have an idea of how you're feeling.
Zynx
(21,328 posts)Fla Dem
(23,352 posts)mac56
(17,561 posts)Bodych
(133 posts)...being there when she passed. Trust me on this one: The horrible memories of this period will pass, but you'll always remember being there for her and there will be a strong sense of peace and contentment. This was an important decision on your part.
You also did the right thing having a caregiver/hospice. Hospice can be a horribly traumatic experience for those who think they can be caregivers. She knew she was going to die, and YES, she was happy to be home. She likely lingered for a reason, and that reason sounds like it was exactly what you thought.
It is not uncommon to sense "strange" things like you did, to see signs. They may continue for awhile longer, and there is nothing strange about them at all.
Your mom sounded like a wonderful person. She also sounded like a terrific mother because she raised you so well.
allan01
(1,950 posts)k8conant
(3,030 posts)May you and all those who loved her find comfort in remembering her!
shenmue
(38,503 posts)riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Boomerproud
(7,889 posts)My sympathy to you and it sounds like you are at peace, like she is. For your mom and mine.
gademocrat7
(10,623 posts)healthnut7
(249 posts)I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family..
peace13
(11,076 posts)I send you love and peace.
DianaForRussFeingold
(2,552 posts)Odin2005
(53,521 posts)Person 2713
(3,263 posts)Jack Rabbit
(45,984 posts)flamingdem
(39,304 posts)for sharing your beautiful story. Mothers are amazing
pmorlan1
(2,096 posts)I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I've lost both my parents so I know how tough this is for you.
apcalc
(4,461 posts)Peachhead22
(1,077 posts)eom
FailureToCommunicate
(13,989 posts)right about the saints that assist us near the end with caring for our loved one...they feel like family.
May you get some rest now...
cynzke
(1,254 posts)your family but you can take comfort in knowing her last years and months were relatively happy and peaceful, surrounded with people who loved and cared for her. And most importantly, she could pass on in peace with her child at her side. Could any one asked for a more comforting passing?
Tikki
(14,539 posts)Such great memories and she passed in peace. A true gift.
The Tikkis
skylucy
(3,734 posts)have of her. I am sure she was very proud of you. God Bless.
Dems to Win
(2,161 posts)glinda
(14,807 posts)with us and story. How fortunate you were to be there when she passed and what a gift to feel your father's presence also. That vision was their gift to you. Take that only as love.......biggest cyber hug ever.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)I'm not surprised about the car and your father being nearby. Before my husband died, he spoke of all the people who were floating and sailing..."just everybody" he said in amazement as he looked back and forth across the window. He passed later that evening. I've never felt he really left.
May wonderful memories help you through this difficult time.
C Moon
(12,188 posts)Denis 11
(280 posts)i will pray for you kim.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)ReRe
(10,597 posts)I wish you and your family strength as you pass through this mournful period. I lost my own Mother 9 years ago. Like someone else mentioned in this thread, I dream of her often. And you will too.
Peace.
LibDemAlways
(15,139 posts)very full life. I hope wonderful memories sustain you and bring you peace at this difficult time.
840high
(17,196 posts)blue neen
(12,308 posts)I think your mom would be proud of the tribute your wrote for her.
passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)And you brought much joy to her life. 94 is a good long life.
I'm glad you had this time with her in hospice to say goodbye. To prepare for it.
Please accept my most sincere condolences.
Rest Peacefully Mother
ginnyinWI
(17,276 posts)I had been quite involved in her care, managing her finances (she had memory loss), taking her to doctor appointments and everything, even though she was also in assisted living. She went to hospice and lasted just four more days and passed away due to congestive heart failure at age 86.
As executor I have kept on managing Mom's stuff so have been almost as busy. But it is slowing down and I'm starting to feel the loss more now. My role as daughter-caregiver is over, and I will miss our times together. Since she passed away I catch myself thinking that I really must get over to see her, or call her, or tell her something that's happened in the family, or whatever I used to talk to her about. I would love to have another afternoon to talk to her and have a nice visit. We had those nice times though--usually when she was in the hospital and they'd fixed her symptoms up as much as they could so that she was in the best shape possible. Then she'd be released and go back down again in only weeks.
We thought she had a little more time, but she went into a steep decline the last two or three months. You keep thinking you can fix this thing too, but you have to finally let go.
I wish I had realized how little time she had left because I would have done a few things differently. But I have to keep telling myself that I did what I knew best to do at the time.
Spring was her favorite season. I'm smelling all the lilacs and tulips for her, because she'd have loved them, and appreciating the bird and frogs and everything. But then, she did have 86 Springs and that's pretty good for any one life.,
kimbutgar
(20,882 posts)I took it for granted it was my job and duty.
BadGimp
(4,009 posts)spanone
(135,636 posts)ucrdem
(15,512 posts)When my mom passed away a couple of years ago I was out of the country and some really remarkable coincidences occurred that day and the next.
AgadorSparticus
(7,963 posts)No Vested Interest
(5,157 posts)Your consolation is knowing that you assured that she had good care, and that you were with her at the end.
Continue in the pride you feel that she was your Mother.
dem in texas
(2,672 posts)sounds like she was quite a lady and well loved and cared fir by all. Your father was coming in his big car to get her, what a sweet mystical memory for you.
sueh
(1,818 posts)Bayard
(21,806 posts)But also glad to hear you loved and honored her. You were both so fortunate in your relationship.
Take care of yourself.
NEOhiodemocrat
(912 posts)May memories of your Mother comfort you.
Shoonra
(518 posts)Losing a parent, especially the second parent, is a terrible blow. Nothing I say will heal the pain, but your children got to know their grandma and that's a big thing.
I didn't marry until after losing both my parents, and my wife lost her father. My mother-in-law actually believed she saw her husband at our wedding, beaming with pride -- evidence that she (and presumably he) approved of me. A year later she was dying of multiple causes but amazingly hung on until the day after our first anniversary.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)I felt holding mom and dad's hand when they left that I had done it 100's of times and I do believe it. I had a near death experience and the passing is painless and swift. Your dad was there for her. Take care and know we love you.
ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)...shine through in your words here. I didn't know her, of course, but you made me care...I held my mother's hand as she passed away just 1 1/2 years ago, after watching my Dad give the order to disconnect life support when all hope was lost. My mom and I were separated by a thousand miles when she suddenly collapsed and never regained consciousness. I'm so glad you got to say goodbye.
Please accept my sincere condolences and hopes that you and your family and those who loved your mom find comfort in the memories she left with you.
REP
(21,691 posts)I'm not sure if I really believe it yet, despite everything.
My sympathies to you and your family.
Albertoo
(2,016 posts)kimbutgar
(20,882 posts)i had these emotions in me and they spilled out. My hubby has been comforting but the community at DU have also been awesome!
MFM008
(19,782 posts)On your loss.
BigBearJohn
(11,410 posts)area51
(11,868 posts).
ashling
(25,771 posts)SamKnause
(13,043 posts)Ghost in the Machine
(14,912 posts)She left this world surrounded by loved ones and had a peaceful passing. I hope you and your family find peace, and healing, in your hearts....
Ghost
renate
(13,776 posts)I am so happy that she was surrounded by so much caring and so much love. I hope the love that was given to her gives you some comfort as your mourn your loss.
Rhiannon12866
(203,033 posts)I lost my mother four years ago to an accident and I think about her every day. This has to be one of life's toughest losses. Your post was heartwarming and a wonderful tribute. Your mother would be very proud. She was also very fortunate to have had you...
TrollBuster9090
(5,953 posts)And I think you're right about the car.
mia
(8,356 posts)Thank you for sharing this. Peace to you and your family.
malaise
(267,823 posts)How beautifully stated. Deepest sympathy to you and yours - she had a long life and was clearly loved.
secondwind
(16,903 posts)Fla Dem
(23,352 posts)you had her in your life. My Mom passed when I was 26. There are so many days and events I wish I had just a few more years with her. Peace and love to you and your family.
panader0
(25,816 posts)Surya Gayatri
(15,445 posts)MerryBlooms
(11,728 posts)benld74
(9,889 posts)tavernier
(12,322 posts)stonecutter357
(12,682 posts)whathehell
(28,969 posts)Losing a parent is hard...I know.
Dont call me Shirley
(10,998 posts)You were so very fortunate to have had such a wonderful Mother, kimbutgar.
phylny
(8,353 posts)Mine died at age 57, 28 years ago. I know your pain.
Maraya1969
(22,441 posts)polly7
(20,582 posts)What a beautiful tribute to your beloved Mom. I'm so glad she had such wonderful care in her last years. Peace and strength to you and yours. May your Mom R.I.P.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)It has to be a comfort to you - knowing that you saw her through.
I hope your memories of her become ever sweeter and clearer as the grief becomes less acute.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)I am so sorry to hear this, but you are lucky you got to be there. I was not.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Hospice workers are up there with the angels.
Loryn
(941 posts)kadaholo
(304 posts)"We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the worldthe company of those who have known suffering."
Helen Keller
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)SalmonChantedEvening
(31,947 posts)May your love for her, and a lifetime of memories, keep your heart strong in the days ahead.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)Different Drummer
(7,532 posts)n/t
PJMcK
(21,921 posts)imanamerican63
(13,669 posts)She always be in your heart.
rury
(1,021 posts)I know from experience that losing parents is painful no matter whether you're six or sixty.
Hugs and comfort to you.
Hulk
(6,699 posts)Your story was a warm pleasure to read. The loss is painful, but the knowledge that your mother lived such a wonderful life and had love and care to guide her through to the next life must be cherished. You and your mother were blessed.
It's a part of everyone's life that death awaits us all. I hope when my day comes I can be holding my loved one's hand and have them near to wish me farewell.
RIP
sellitman
(11,596 posts)My condolences.
AwakeAtLast
(14,112 posts)How wonderful to have such great memories, I am truly sorry for your loss.
roamer65
(36,739 posts)cal04
(41,505 posts)My thoughts are with you and your family