I am a vegetarian. You've known me as a vegetarian for 20 years. Please do not invite me

[Luminous Animal]

to dinner if the only thing that I can eat is bread and salad or some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing.

You've been a guest at my house for many years. I've fed you turkey, fried chicken, pork roast, steak, burgers, brats, and dogs.

None of which I eat but I purchase and prepare and receive much praise for the deliciousness because, even if I can't taste any of what I've prepared for you, I've take the time to understand the nuances of scent and touch to deliver amazing food.

So no. Frozen tortellinis and jarred sauce is not an acceptable substitution for the feast that you have prepared for all of your other guests.

[madaboutharry]

1. Many people don't have any idea

how to prepare a vegetarian meal. It isn't on their radar. I also think it is thoughtless not to reach out to you and ask for advice and recipes, but a lot of people just don't think.

[Luminous Animal]

2. Yet again. I got invited for dinner and was assured that their would be a vegetarian

option.

While everyone was enjoying meat lasagna, I had caprese salad and bread.

Really dudes? You couldn't have made a small pan of meatless lasagna?

[madaboutharry]

3. You should say something to them.

Tell them it was thoughtless not to have an actual meal for you and how easy it would have been for them to have prepared something. If they're your friends they should get the message.

[Luminous Animal]

9. We've said it like a bazillian times. They are our best fiends and they are not getting

it. And the weird thing is, I cook them meat.

Just getting tired of it. And just had to vent.

[laundry_queen]

23. Um, yeah

I would start by stopping cooking them meat for them. Next time they come over cook them your most bland, boring vegetarian option. Don't say anything. Just be like, "here you go. Enjoy!" If they ask where's the meat, simply say you are vegetarian and have decided that you'd rather not give any money to factory farming anymore.

I will say, though, that while good friends should respect you and your dietary choices, it's also hard for other people who don't have the same restrictions. I'll never forget the time when my now-ex's co-worker came over for dinner with his whole family, where his wife and son had celiacs. I made sure to cook a gluten free meal. The wife mentioned something a few days in advance about other possible allergies in her son, but I forgot about it. The next day she asked me if I had put anything other than meat in the burgers because her son had a tummy ache. "Oh, no! Just meat!" I said confidently. 3 weeks later I was making burgers again, and cracked an egg in as usual. I suddenly gasped in horror at the realization I may have cracked an egg in the burgers without even thinking. And that I had no idea where the spices I used came from and if they possibly had gluten in them. After that, I didn't invite them for dinner anymore...just too worried I'd fuck it up.

So maybe it's just too overwhelming for your friends to think up how to cook something filling that doesn't have meat. Maybe next time bring a 'dish' for the meal for everyone (read: YOU) to enjoy. That way at least you don't have to go hungry. And maybe they'll eventually get the hint.

[merrily]

31. Why does it have to be the most bland vegetarian option? Did they serve the worst possible caprese?

If they served good bread, good cheese and good tomatoes, and good olive oil, a caprese is one of my favorite summer meals and I am not a vegetarian.

Why is the idea to be spiteful to one's friends?

[laundry_queen]

36. Because they are being thoughtless

sometimes thoughtless people need a little bit of their own medicine.

And if the poster served the most delicious veggie meal, somehow I don't think it would sink in, as they do seem incredibly dense.

It's not about spite.

[merrily]

37. Are they? As I said, a caprese is one of my favorite summer meals.

I would not have seen it as thoughtless or as a slap in the face. If I did, my reaction would not be to be spiteful to my friends.

[laundry_queen]

110. Well, the OP seemed to think it was a bit of a slap.

Or at least quite thoughtless considering the poster has discussed this with this friends before. And the fact that there was lasagne too makes me think it wasn't some great salad that could be a meal. I think you are projecting your love of caprese onto this situation.

[merrily]

113. Well, my love of caprese and how I think friends behave toward each other.

Deliberately serving people crappy food, to punish them, out of spite for having been served a caprese doesn't fit with either one.

At that point you have to question whether a friendship is even involved.

[Arugula Latte]

197. Caprese is my favorite food. Period.

I get where the OP is coming from, but I would have been thrilled with a big ol' caprese salad as my entree.

[kentauros]

198. "a big ol' caprese salad"

Sure, if it is truly big. A meal. Not a side-salad, or appetizer salad. I got the impression it was one of the latter types.

This also brings up an enduring assumption that vegetarians don't eat big meals. "It's rabbit food." Of course, it doesn't help that too many restaurants don't have decent veggie options. Salad, or salad-on-a-bun, and that's it. Which also conditions omnivores into thinking that's all we eat or can eat.

Imagination aplenty for meat-based meals. Imagination-desert for vegetarians. It's like their brains literally stop working at the mention of "no meat"

[Luminous Animal]

200. It wasn't the entree. The salad was for the table and there was enough for about 3 slices of tomato

per person. That and bread was my dinner.

[Arugula Latte]

204. I get it. I understand why you were upset.

I just had to express my deep love for Caprese, though.

[Luminous Animal]

206. Thank you.

[Aerows]

217. Sorry that happened that they gave you cheese

But even the best vegetarian chefs have a hard time with strict vegan recipes.

I love lentils, beans, and rice. An egg, some cheese as a binder, and you have meatloaf, omelets or tacos for days.

The day I give up dairy is the day I quit knowing how to milk goats, cows or sheep, and believe I have a survival diet because I am opposed to anything tasty, nourishing or happy.

For some, food must be the most depressing event in their day.

Edit, forgot that you don't do eggs either.

[Luminous Animal]

220. I've no problem with cheese. I have a problem with the vegetarian option was 3 slices of tomatoes

with cheese. Not a dinner in any way sense or form.

[Aerows]

222. So you are a vegetarian?

If you are a vegetarian, that was rude - at least it would be in my house. I have a number of ways I can make dishes without meat.

Vegan, no cheese, no dairy no eggs? I am completely unable to cook that way.

[Luminous Animal]

224. For a vegan.

Sautee onions with a bit of salt and pepper. When onions are soft add garlic add smoked paprika. Cook for like 30 seconds. Toss in some hearty greens like chard or kale. Cover for a minute, remove the cover and let the liquid reduce a bit while leaving the greens stiff looking. Add fresh chopped tomatoes with tomato paste or add canned tomatoes with a scant bit of liquid and nuts or seeds and chick peas or any bean. I like the chick peas for their crunch. Taste and salt and pepper. Add a splash of balsamic. And perhaps some raisins. And taste for seasoning.

Serve over rice or bow tie or spiral pasta.

The colors are beautiful and the flavors are bright and it only takes about 20 minutes from start to finish.

You can elevate it with some lemon zest.

[kentauros]

229. There's a new miracle egg-substitute around called "aquafaba"

and people are using it to make everything they couldn't before, including tasty and meltable cheese

Aquafaba generally refers to the liquid in a can of chickpeas, and is a revolutionary new vegan egg replacer which can be used in recipes like meringues, confectionery, and baked goods. It's probably in your pantry right now!

Mozzarella Aquafaba Cheese
(recipe with step-by-step instructions and photos of the process and results)

13 Amazing Things You Can Do with Aquafaba
(Simple meringues, Pavlova, Lemon meringue pie, Mousse au chocolat, Nougat and fudge, Baked Alaska, Strawberry ice cream, Buttercream, Marshmallow fluff, Brownies, Macarons, Gluten-free cinnamon blondies, Mayo)

I've made meringue cookies with it, and they came out great!
(I've also had colossal failures. Never add cornstarch to help reduce the sugar content. It ruins the foam-structure.)

[bvf]

45. That's a bazillion - 2 opportunities you've had

to politely decline their dinner invitations and suggest other social venues for get-togethers.

[treestar]

83. Maybe the answer might be not to cook them meat

Invite them over and each time you do, you train them about vegetarian meals. Have meatless lasagna and they can see how easy it is to make while they make lasagna with meat anyway. Some people need illustration and visuals before they "get" anything.

[Warpy]

157. Well, there's your problem, right there

Stop cooking them meat. Explore options in ethnic cooking that are hearty, satisfying, and contain no meat. There are hundreds of those, I know because I've cooked them.

Most meat eaters have no idea how to cook. Meat tastes like meat no matter how indifferently it's prepared. Just throw in a starch and a veg and it's dinner and nobody complains. Veggie options, on the other hand, require attention to things like proper seasoning. If you're an indifferent meat cook, you go buy something frozen for that problem guest or let them fill up on salad and bread. Veg heads don't require protein, you know.

Before I went to nursing school and simply ran out of time to cook, I was unapologetic about serving non meat dinners to omnivore guests and my contributions to pot lucks always disappeared quickly, usually before the meat options. I gave out recipes gladly.

Most people need to be educated on what's out there that isn't frozen. It can start with you if you're willing to share recipes.

[roody]

166. Stop cooking them meat!!!

[snooper2]

236. It'll be okay in the morning :)

Unlike this guy

[kpete]

246. I cook meat for my grandchildren

but they are learning that vegetarian food can be delicious

in time, i hope to bring them to the green side

gamma is patient......



peace,
kp

[PoliticAverse]

7. Or even left off the meat on a small part of the main one. No excuse for that one.

Having to watch other people eat lasagna you can't have is cruel.

[Aerows]

218. Vegetarians won't eat it because it was in close proximity to meat

and the fat could "contaminate" their portion.

Vegans won't touch anything made in a pan that at some point in time has had meat cooked in it.

[snooper2]

237. meat cooties!

[pnwmom]

38. A lot of people think that's all vegetarians eat. Or they're confused about differences

between vegans and vegetarians. You need to do some educating, I think.

Vegans wouldn't want that meatless lasagna, if it contained cheese. So I think you need to be clearer on what you will eat.

[malaise]

67. Funny - we always make vegetarian lasagna

We eat seafood and bird but have found ourselves at parties with only red meat. It's not hard to include a decent vegetarian option.

[Aerows]

139. I've always made vegetarian lasagna

I prefer it.

The only thing vegan that I can make that everybody would eat is red beans and rice, but I do get liberal with the seasonings - onion, garlic, celery, peppers.

Vegetarians, no problem. Vegans, I've got one dish, and since it is an all-day crock pot cooking meal that you can eat several days in a row, there is no way for me to make it "less spicy" or "less oniony" or "less garlicy" without ruining the whole pot for eating as leftovers.

Since everybody else seems to enjoy it (meat eaters and vegetarians alike - wipe the plate clean) the vegan that complains about it when I made something everyone could enjoy, including said vegan, tells me that it isn't about being vegan. It's about wanting attention.

[malaise]

151. I agree

I try to make stuff everyone can enjoy

[LisaL]

99. But you said they gave you a pasta dish too.

Did you want them to make it from scratch, or what?

[Luminous Animal]

130. They didn't. The pasta dish reference was from another time and a different

person who realized that they hadn't provided the promised vegetarian option. He realized his mistake when we all sat down to dinner. By the time the tortellini's were done (and I begged him not to go out of his way), everyone else was nearly done with their dinner.

[LisaL]

155. There really is no way to figure that out from reading the OP.

[kentauros]

186. I'm not teacher of grammar

but this seems like an obvious separation of events:

"...if the only thing that I can eat is bread and salad or some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing."

I emphasized that little, tiny, two-letter word because, while it is tiny and easy to miss, it's probably the most important word in that sentence.

[LisaL]

187. So somehow I am supposed to figure out that OP is also mad at somebody else for

offering OP a frozen pasta dish at a completely different time and place? There is no indication in the OP that this pasta dish was offered at another event, as opposed to the particular one she is describing.
If I tell you "do you want bread and salad, or a pasta dish" does it mean I am talking about two separate events? I think not.

[kentauros]

193. Admittedly, I didn't take it to be two different people,

just that upon first-reading, I took it to mean two separate events, only at the same host's abode. It was self-evident to my reading of it.

But here, let's look at it again:

I am a vegetarian. You've known me as a vegetarian for 20 years. Please do not invite me to dinner if the only thing that I can eat is bread and salad or some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing.

Okay, the friends have known that she is a vegetarian for 20 years. Twenty years ago, vegetarianism was still pretty rare and looked upon with disdain by even more omnivores than now.

LA is asking their friends to remember this because it's pertinent to how her food choice is being treated by her friends. That is, as an afterthought. "Look, we have salad!" "Oh, sorry, we forgot you didn't eat meat."

Now, it may seem I'm going off-topic here, but stay with me. What the second sentence has established is that they have been friends for at least two decades, and that she is a vegetarian. The third sentence is now referencing the second by pointing out examples of how she has continued to have her food choice treated as an afterthought by these friends. It is not a statement of what happened at one event. It is an example of events that have occurred over the twenty years.

That is why her statement is self-evident as separate events.

[LisaL]

194. Well, it wasn't evident to me, and quite a few other posters.

In her last sentence, OP again says it's not acceptable to invite her over and then give her a frozen pasta dish. To me it sounded she was talking about this single event.

[kentauros]

196. It was also evident to quite a few posters that it was separate events.

So, everyone reads differently.

Nonetheless, the host was treating her friend and guest without thought or care. If you can't remember that a friend of twenty years is a vegetarian, then write it down, or have someone else remember for you.

[kcr]

210. I agree with you. I read it the same way you did.

It wasn't clear.

[C Moon]

207. I sounded rude...but I didn't mean it in that way. I meant I think it's kind of funny

that some people assume we just eat salads all the time.
So, you are right: some people simply have no idea. Makes sense. Why should they?
And believe me, eating salads all the time would be a lot better for me than the junk I eat.


BTW: I want to add, that at Thanksgiving, my mom would make me and my wife a special little veggie loaf. I think that's awesome!

[Syzygy321]

4. Dude, if someone invites you over and prepares

a special meal for your special demands, on top of making a feast for everyone (you included) who wants to partake, you don't turn up your nose and sniff that their efforts to please you are unacceptable.

What exactly do you think you are owed? Didn't your mama teach you manners?

Next time - if there is a next time - just decline politely. You and your host will both be relieved.

[Nictuku]

5. Word.

[Luminous Animal]

6. Um. I, as a vegetarian, prepare a special meal for my meat eating friends.

That is, I cook meat that they enjoy., When I make a Thanksgiving feast, I don't serve my meat eating friends sliced turkey from Safeway deli.

I make a beautiful heirloom organic turkey.

When my husband has his annual chicken and waffle party, I don't go out and buy frozen chicken tenders.

[Syzygy321]

16. You cook - and keep score - so now they owe you?

Do you even like these people?

It's your business. I'm just saying, most people don't approach friendship as a quid pro quo thing.

Hope you work it out.

[Tipperary]

41. I am actually surprised that you would participate in the turkey killing that occurs every year for

this holiday. My sister is vegetarian and she would not dream of cooking a turkey (or any other meat) at any time for any reason. It is not that hard to have a vegetarian Thanksgiving.

I have to ask this. What is an "heirloom" turkey? One that has been passed down through the generations lol? Oh no, that can not be it because they all are dead. "Heirloom" turkey is making me laugh.

[TipTok]

58. No one wants a vegetarian thanksgiving..

... Except those who decided to go the vegetarian route.

To a normal person, the two are not comparable.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

62. It's non-traditional, not non-normal

I prepare a vegetarian Indian feast, it's delicious. I don't even try to fake a traditional with tofurkey.

[yeoman6987]

105. That's nice but at my house we have the full turkey meal

Everyone is different. I'd never complain about your meal and would never expect complaint from others about what I eat.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

114. Yes, you are right

But you also didn't infer that I was not normal like the poster I was replying to did.

[yeoman6987]

117. I would never do that.

Some are just rude and nasty. I just ignore them....not put them on ignore, just go on to the next reply after eye roll or whatever else happens after I read some of them.

[NRaleighLiberal]

65. so what is normal, anyway? you, I assume? and you get to judge?

[handmade34]

92. normal?

[uppityperson]

175. Define "normal" please. Autumn harvest food can be many different things, and

there is no need to buy a factory enhanced bird. We've had the "normal" thanksgiving feast of salmon, crab, clams with locally grown vegetables. We have also had vegetarian thanksgiving dinners as that is what we grew, harvested, for it.

[yeoman6987]

108. Thanksgiving meal is the most popular in america

I absolutely love it. Turkey for thanksgiving. Ham for Christmas. Pork and sourcrut for New Years. Easter is some kind of beef. Wide variety at different holidays.

[dsc]

133. and heirloom turkey

is a turkey that is genetically similar to turkeys before they were bred to have huge breasts and legs.

[Facility Inspector]

149. like artisanal arugula

and bacon infused kale cupcakes (only $7.99 each!)?

[dsc]

150. I like food, frankly way too much

but the day I spend 8 bucks on a cup cake I better be living in a time of massive inflation or else I will have truly lost it.

[Facility Inspector]

148. But when you do nice things for other people

you do them because you want to, from your heart, without expectation of recompense or reward.

There's no quid pro quo for human kindness. Unless you expect something in return. Then you should never have cooked these people a beautiful heirloom organic turkey (whatever that is).

If you expected something in return, you didn't really mean it. You cooked something with the expectation that the appearance of your kindness would be rewarded. Kinda like keeping score.

[Luminous Animal]

188. I didn't expect something in return. I expected what was promised

We eat with them often. 75% of the time, I cook. Even at their house. It is a passion of mine and I am very good at it. When I don't cook, I'll bring a vegetarian entree for the table.

In this case, we were having dinner at her mothers house and to meet her brother and nieces and nephews. When she invited us, she said that they were making lasagna and that there would be a vegetarian option.

Yes. A caprese salad was served and meant to be shared by 10 people. Which meant about 3 slices of tomato per person.

Her mother noticed that there was very little for me to eat and became very agitated that her daughter hadn't told her that I'm a vegetarian.

[nadine_mn]

273. Well that right there is asshat behavior by your friend

I am sure the mother was mortified to find out afterwards that you were a vegetarian and her daughter hadn't told her.

I know I would be pissed and embarrassed to find out someone I had over for dinner had a special diet, that it was known and not conveyed to me.

Vegetarian cooking is not that freaking difficult. My mom has been a vegetarian for 46 yrs - I was raised a vegetarian as a kid but occasionally eat meat as I grew up and as an adult. I married a meat and potatoes man - like meat for every fricking meal. I am trying to get us to go all vegetarian all the time...not hard for me but he needs some prodding. So I work very hard to make vegetarian meals that include all his favorite veggies and he doesn't miss the meat.

Just made him a fantastic vegetarian lasagna soup - lots of zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes, spinach, pasta and a dollop of ricotta cheese. I am a very picky eater - can't stand most vegetables but he loves them.

[Luminous Animal]

10. Didn't your mama teach you manners? You don't invite a Jew to eat pork.

You don't invite a vegetarian to eat meat.

[merrily]

33. They didn't invite a Jew to eat pork or a vegetarian to eat meat, though.

You just did not like the meatless option they provided. That is your prerogative, but inviting you to eat meat is not what they did.

[Luminous Animal]

73. The meatless option was for everyone. Not just me. So, my dinner was 3 hearty slices

of tomato. A couple of basil leaves, and a tablespoon of mozzarella.

And bread.

[merrily]

81. They did not have enough food then.

[oberliner]

90. What about the tortellini and sauce?

Did you refuse to eat it because it was prepackaged?

Do they know you don't eat vegetarian frozen prepackaged meals either?

[Luminous Animal]

132. The tortellinis referenced were from another time and a different person

person who realized that he hadn't provided the promised vegetarian option. He realized his mistake when we all sat down to dinner. By the time the tortellini's were done (and I begged him not to go out of his way), everyone else was nearly done with their dinner.

[oberliner]

138. Oops - sorry about that

Last edited Sun Aug 30, 2015, 02:47 PM - Edit history (1)

I have a better understanding of the situation now. Sorry for being snarky about it!

[oberliner]

85. You were provided with a vegetarian entrée and a caprese salad

Specific accommodations were made by the host to present you with a full vegetarian meal.

[kpete]

248. nuff said:

You don't invite a vegetarian to eat meat.



and, if they are friends, family - they SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

[madaboutharry]

11. I think you are wrong here.

All they gave them was salad. That isn't preparing a meal. The friends are the people with bad manners.

[Syzygy321]

17. Caprese salad! Yum!

Guess we were raised under different rules. I have always believed that the host should try to please, and the guest should appreciate everything and demand nothing.

If they were good friends, the vegetarian would groan, "Hon, you're starving me here!" and the host would apologize and laugh and then bring out PopTarts and vodka as a main course.

Apparently they don't have that kind of friendship. So in my view, the guest should default to Emily Post manners. Smile and praise everything.

[IVoteDFL]

19. Poptarts aren't vegetarian because of gelatin

Most veg meals take at least a little time and preparation.

[beam me up scottie]

42. No kidding. They put gelatin in everything now.

I guess because it's cheap.

[LanternWaste]

270. I used to pretend I know what kind of friendship strangers may or may not have too...

I used to pretend I know what kind of friendship strangers may or may not have too... it certainly allowed me the opportunity to maintain the righteousness of my habits over those of people I don't know.

[DonCoquixote]

25. nods

I would have at least prepared a pasta dish. Now if you scoffed at the pasta, I would have thought you were a jerk.

[merrily]

34. A good caprese salad is made with lots of good mozzarella cheese and tomatoes.

If all the ingredients are decent quality, and served with good bread, it's one of my favorite summer meals, providing more than enough protein. It's not just a side salad.

[oberliner]

87. The OP says that the host also gave them a vegetarian pasta dish

For some reason the writer of the OP did not find it suitable because it was a frozen entree (apparently?).

It seems like the host made an effort by specifically purchasing an individual dinner for the vegetarian in addition to the caprese salad.

[jtuck004]

24. You need to work on your reading comprehension so people don't laugh at what you write.

"Dude" <

Gas about respect and can't even show it for the person you are addressing.

Don't bother replying.

[Demeter]

27. Second that

I regularly prepared food for a "friend" whose diet grew more and more restricted as she adopted every passing fad in the quest for immortality without any pain....

until it got to the point where I couldn't fix anything. So I stopped inviting her over, period.

Now she told me she's allergic to quinoa! And her "doctor" has her eating meat. It's crazy-making!

Thankfully, my unfriend has moved away.....her dietary needs and health issues are no longer my concern. Nor her mental health.

[smirkymonkey]

48. Allergic to quinoa? That's a new one.

I had a friend who couldn't eat dairy, gluten, meat, sugar. She came over for dinner. Once. It's just no fun having people like that around.

[still_one]

28. I agree. I am a vegetarian, and guess what, when I am invited over to someones place for dinner, I

tell them DON"T make anything special for me, though many times they do, and if they don't, I enjoy the salads, and sides just fine, but most important, I enjoy the company. The food is incidental.

I agree with everything you said

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

239. Great post.

In my family, we have Jews who don't eat pork, gluten sensitive folks, a pescetarian, and a vegetarian. And a diabetic. It's getting ridiculous to try to plan meals!

I refuse to cater to so many different palettes and needs. Too much work. No fun for me. I just won't do it if I have to cater to so many needs and palettes. I serve a variety of foods, making sure that everyone can eat something, but if someone gets nothing but bread and salad, I make sure the bread and salad are delicious and substantial.

[still_one]

241. It is the people and getting together that count

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

247. Frequently, the menu is also dictated by finances.

Which some people seem to forget.

Some chickens purchased on sale on the smoker, a big pot of beans, garlic bread, and a big green salad are not expensive to cook for a crowd.

But, oh, my. Some won't eat the chicken and the beans. Some won't eat the beans and the bread. Some won't eat what's in the salad. Oh, I forgot to leave the butter off of some of the bread. Some don't want the homemade vinaigrette. The low-carb folks want to take what is obviously more than their share of the chicken, so I have to cook huge amounts of food because they "can't" eat carbs.

I don't remember my parents dealing with this crap when I was growing up.

I think I'm just burned out by hosting big family gatherings. It's someone else's turn.

And don't get me started on picky houseguests! arggghhh

[still_one]

249. LOL

[Adrahil]

127. I love bloody juicy meat, and get annoyed by snooty vegetarians....

But ya know what? If I invite a vegetarian to my home for dinner (and I have, often), I ensure that they have a delicious meal available for them to eat. If I can't do that, I don't invite them, or if I do, I warn them.

I dunno... I just think that hospitality means taking your guests needs to into consideration, and not treating them as an afterthought.

[Syzygy321]

141. :) maybe then it's more an attitude about

hosting. I figure my friends come over for the fun and not the food. And if I ever made caprese salad, I would consider myself the kickass queen of Good Housekeeping magazine, and i'd serve it with excited pride - and be pretty hurt, shocked and furious (in that order) if a guest sniffed.

[Adrahil]

145. It depends upon the event...

If I'm throwing a party, then I don;t sweat individual food preferences much. We'll work something out.

If it's specifically a DINNER party, well, it kinda matters. But I'm older now, and do more "grown-up" kind of dinner parties than I used to, where such things were not much of a concern.

[uppityperson]

174. Seriously.

[Nictuku]

8. Maybe you will get your wish.

[Luminous Animal]

13. I hope so.

[Nye Bevan]

12. I can't believe they served you frozen tortellinis.

They should at least have warmed it up.

[Luminous Animal]

14. :)

[No Vested Interest]

15. This is why I don't have dinner guests.

First of all, I, along with many others, I would guess, am not a great cook.
Secondly, there are a lot of nuances in vegetarian meals. - Some will eat fish, some are vegans, etc.

Getting all the parts of the meal on the table at approximately the same time is a feat for me.
I will have worried and planned since whenever the entertaining plans were made.
It is much easier to take my guests to a nice restaurant and let them choose what they prefer.

My daughter, who is a vegetarian, along with my son, who is not a vegetarian, prepare beautiful meals for me twice a year - on my birthday and on Mother's Day. The main course includes fish, which she eats and which I love.

While I understand your pique at being served "last-minute" food, you would do well to give your hostess a pass, in that she/he may be doing the their best possible, in unfamiliar territory.

[ellisonz]

18. McDonald's run?

[IVoteDFL]

20. I've only been a vegetarian for going on two years

I basically either don't go out to eat anywhere or I bring my own food. Most of what my friends and family eat is pretty unhealthy anyway. Lucky for me, nuts and quinoa travel well. It's not a substitute for a meal, but at least I don't starve.

[msongs]

21. seems to be a conflict here - claim to be vegtarian yet cooking meat for any old occasion nt

[mucifer]

56. I'm guessing the OP is vegetarian for environmental or health reasons and not the animals.

Lots of vegetarians cook meat for others. I would never do it.

[Luminous Animal]

134. My husband and daughter eat meat. We host 3 feasts a year. Since I am a far better

cook than either of them, I do most of the cooking and they assist.

[Kablooie]

22. Someone should post vegetarian recipes that non vegetarians could use as a guide.

part of the problem is that meat eaters don't know what a good vegetarian meal is but if they have some guidance they would be happy to try it.

Heck if it's good you might even get some of them to eat less meat.

[kentauros]

29. Then let's start with Jamie Oliver,

one of my favorite chefs, even though I am also a vegetarian (with a similar complaint for the lack of imagination in some omnivores) :

14 Veggie Recipes to Make Meat Eaters Envious

15 Vegetarian Recipes Even Meat-Eaters Will Love
(Shape Magazine)

6 Meatless Meals for Meat Lovers
(Real Simple)

Healthy Vegetarian Recipes That Satisfy Even Die-Hard Meat Eaters?
(The Kitchn - more recipes in the comments)

Meatless Meals for Meat Eaters
(nicely-done blog with recipes linked to the image thumbnails)


The above was just from a quick google search on "vegetarian meals for meateaters" without the quotes. That's the search linked, too, if y'all want to look further.

[SoCalDem]

39. I am not a vegetarian, but one of my all time favorite meals is

totally vegetarian....

gently grilled asparagus..fresh white corn on the cob, steamed broccoli &/or cauliflower..steamed haricot verts, and baby carrots..

and cubed watermelon for dessert ...yummmmmmmmy

[tblue37]

52. I imagine that innumerable such recipes are already available on the internet. nt

[WinkyDink]

103. What---we don't eat pasta dishes? Vegetables?

[gwheezie]

26. I bring my own food, so does my daughter

We both feel that we'd rather enjoy the company of our friends and family than go through the awkwardness of constantly explaining what we choose to eat. If the friends are insulted I tell them to get over it.

[LisaL]

102. It sounds like they did purchase a vegetarian pasta dish specifically for the OP.

Although apparently it was not to her satisfaction.

[gwheezie]

185. There's usually something I can eat

But I've had friends for years, if I come with something to eat I try to make enough so people get a taste. I don't cook or serve meat in my home I'm just not going to do it, so I don't expect anyone to alter their menu for me.

[Le Taz Hot]

30. Wow!

First of all it is completely unacceptable to criticize what a host/hostess serves you at a meal. I'm not a vegetarian and I've had to choke down my share of vegetarian/vegan food, of cooked-to-death veggies and, goddess forbid, LIVER at dinner functions and I smiled, ate it, and thanked the hostess for the wonderful meal. It's what you do when you are a GUEST at someone's table.

Secondly, I've entertained and have been told that so-and-so is a vegetarian/vegan. That means my already-planned-menu now has to have additional items to fit the requirements of ONE guest. Fine, I'll do that, but don't bitch about what I feed you because it was a big pain in the ass to have to plan for ONE guest in the first place.

<stepping down from soap box>

[Luminous Animal]

78. When they invited me and my husband (who eats meat) they explicitly told me

that there would be a vegetarian option. They told me this because I was coming straight from work and they knew I wouldn't have time to eat before hand which I regularly do when invited to someone's home for a meal.

This was a special occasion for her. She wanted us to meet her brother and her nieces and nephew. She was bouncing up and down saying, "Please come! We'll make vegetarian food for you!"

I truly do not mind NOT being invited.

[LisaL]

106. But they did purchase a vegetarian option for you.

They had purchased a pasta dish. Hopefully they heated it up and not given it to you in a frozen form?

[Luminous Animal]

129. Actually. The only option presented was a caprese salad offered to everyone. My meal

was 3 slices of tomato, some basil, a couple of globs of mozzarella and bread.

The frozen tortellini was from another time. When everyone sat down to eat BBQ ribs, greens with bacon, and potato salad - again with bacon, the host realized that he forgot the vegetarian option that he had promised.

[No Vested Interest]

144. So the host forgot the vegetarian option? He was tending to his relatives, the "guests of honor",

so to speak?
It happens.
He made a mistake.
Move on.

[Luminous Animal]

221. Actually. The host was my friend's mom who was agitated that she hadn't been told by

my friend that I don't eat meat.

[No Vested Interest]

231. For your sake, I hope you can and have already moved past this incident.

I'm sure this family will not forget the next time.
It's understandable that they were embarrassed in not providing the vegetarian options you had been promised.
A good and gracious guest is flexible, because she/he does not have control of the situation.

It's good of you to prepare meat dishes for your family members.
My daughter, a non-meat eater, prepares meat for me occasionally, though I am quite happy when she prepares fish, as she does it well and I especially enjoy fish.
I never discuss her choice to be a vegetarian - it's her business and she is a mature adult.

One son, growing up, eschewed most vegetables, as well as eggs. Like any conscientious mother, I encouraged him to "take one bite", etc. When he did, he gagged and wouldn't swallow. In time, we just stopped encouraging him to eat what he chose not to - it just wasn't the upset it caused at the family meal.

Hope your next meals out work out better for you.

[Aerows]

123. Vegetarians are pretty easy to deal with

because at least you can make normal things, just minus the meat. Heck, I always make meatless lasagna - I prefer it.

Vegans? Now THEY are a pain in the ass. I refuse to cook with fake meat, fake cheese, fake milk and other strange products. I can only cook one thing for vegans, but thankfully, I like it, too. Red beans and rice. As a rule, I usually don't put sausage in it anyway, so no loss there. Of course, some want to complain about it being too spicy.

Frankly, I think some people are vegans simply because they want to feel special and want everyone to go out of their way to accommodate them. If everybody is enjoying the red beans and rice that are completely vegan and you have to come up with some excuse as to why it isn't compatible with your lifestyle so that an exception is made for you, then don't bother coming to dinner or bring your own.

Sorry, no, I didn't inspect the beans to see if they were free range heirloom kidney beans or that the rice was organically grown and harvested by Buddhist monks.

[Le Taz Hot]

124. . . .

"Sorry, no, I didn't inspect the beans to see if they were free range heirloom kidney beans or that the rice was organically grown and harvested by Buddhist monks."

OMG! Classic, Aerows, classic!

[Liberal_in_LA]

153. I am a "pain in the ass" vegan. I expect nothing. I would just eat the bread and salad

And get my protein later

[Aerows]

162. If served a purely vegan meal

i.e., Beans and rice, one inquires about the origins of said beans, rice, and whether the spices came from fair trade countries, it is going a tad overboard.

If everyone eats it but one still has a criticism that it isn't fair trade enough, isn't exclusive enough and heaven forbid expensive enough ... I am pretty sure that person won't be satisfied by eating a delicious vegan meal that doesn't come with a side of piety, self-righteousness and a dash of scorn.

We all know who these folks are in our social circles.

I don't know that you are one of those. You right away said you are a "pain in the ass" vegan, so use your own judgment to determine who is the difficult party - is it your hosts for being insensitive in not providing top shelf vegan dining, or are you being overly critical of your hosts?

Food for thought, no pun intended.

[Liberal_in_LA]

164. I say nothing about my veganism. i simply assemble a plate of

Things I can eat. Usually meat eaters notice what I cannot eating and begin with "you don't eat chicken?" "You must eat fish, you need the protein!" "You need to bbc restore than that" "how long you been a vegan?"

[Aerows]

223. When I offer you beans and rice I've cooked all day

and you inquire what country the spices came from, what region the rice came from, you are doing it wrong.

[Liberal_in_LA]

268. I don't ask about spices!

[Hekate]

160. LOL Beautiful, Aerows. I just inspect the beans to pick out the gravel, myself...

Last edited Sun Aug 30, 2015, 04:27 PM - Edit history (1)

Seriously, I've known how to cook vegetarian ever since Diet for a Small Planet was first published, and I don't hesitate to cook that way.

But when my son became vegan I worried about whether I could feed him appropriately as a guest in my home..... Right up until he informed me that he was vegan in his own home and vegetarian elsewhere, "Because I don't want to be an asshole." I found that very funny, and an acute observation on modern life on so many levels.

My son is into this for both health and ethical reasons, which I understand completely. He had celiac disease as an infant, which showed up after I weaned him at 13 months and wasn't diagnosed until he was over 2 y.o. So his diet was restricted until he outgrew it ( or as I now understand, went into a long remission). He headed down an undesirable path with alcohol, then quit completely in his early 20s; same with smoking. He doesn't talk about these things, he just does them and I find out later. He's now 37.

Sadly, one of my brothers in law has to talk about it. He is also into every kind of fake processed meat and foodlike substance, instead of learning how to cook well.

[Trailrider1951]

214. And we have the thread

WINNAH!

[merrily]

35. What I would do: decide if you really want to be friends with these people or not.

If you do want to continue being friends, first, stop preparing meat for them. Obviously, you resent it unless the equivalent is being done for you and what you choose to prepare for them is your choice, not theirs. Either give them a nice, vegetarian meal or invite them for dessert, coffee and cordials. Or for cocktails and lots of meatless appetizers. Or go out to eat somewhere that offers something you are happy to eat. And enjoy the event, without resentment.

Or, if you are preparing meat because you like the praise about the deliciousness, recognize that and decide if the praise is enough reward.

As for their invites, after 20 years, you know what the drill is. So, fill up before you go over to their place so that whatever they give you is a snack. And enjoy the event without resentment.

Let go of all else.

Or drop them as friends.

[Euphoria]

46. ^^this^^. My advice as well. n/t

[pnwmom]

40. Do you really not want to be invited to someone's house if they aren't very

imaginative cooks or well-informed when it comes to your food preferences?

I have a worse problem -- I have to not only avoid gluten, but avoid food that is even touched by gluten. Cross-contamination is a problem, unless I want to bleed the next day.

So what do I do when I go to my book club? Most of the time, I just bring my own food. A few of the other women have taken the time to figure out how to cook for me, so when it's their turn I can safely eat. But I NEVER expected or asked them to do that. When it happens, it's a treat for me. But the rest of the time, I pour my own dressing on some plain salad, and eat whatever else I may have brought. I enjoy everyone's company and don't worry about what I'm eating.

P.S. You don't need to cook meat for them. No reasonable person would expect vegetarians to do that. I bet they'd like one of your meatless lasagnes. And everyone knows it's healthier to eat less meat. I don't know anyone who expects to find a slab of meat on their plate at every meal.

[hedgehog]

147. My daughter dropped by with a friend of hers who has celiac disease and lactose intolerance-

I felt so bad because the only things I could think to serve her were salsa and corn chips. I had some nice frozen pizzas for everyone else in the group. I wish it had occurred to me to bake some nice potatoes.

[pnwmom]

179. I know it's hard to figure out at first. Rice, potatoes, and corn are fine with most Celiacs.

And some people with lactose intolerance can tolerate butter (lactose is the sugar part of milk, not the fat) -- you could ask.

Meats and fish and eggs should be fine for her, as long as they're prepared without gluten or lactose. But anything that involves flour or milk is out. So ingredients can be steamed, roasted, baked or stir fried in oil, but not breaded and fried. And most processed foods seem to contain gluten (or you can't tell by the label.)

Fruits, vegetables, and green salads are fine ( with some kind of vinegar and oil dressing).

Next time maybe you could encourage her to poke around the refrigerator for ideas? Assuming she wasn't allergic to eggs, too, that might have been an easy option.

[Takket]

43. Confused....

You said frozen tortellinis then you said caprese salad. Was it both? Did they at least give you the lions share of the salad.

Were you still hungry? You could have asked whoever you were with if they could run out with you real quick to get something else to eat. That probably would gave gotten the message across.

[beam me up scottie]

44. I guess I'm lucky.

My friends go out of their way to make sure there's something tasty for me on the menu.

I actually get embarrassed when they make such a big deal out of it, like at the company picnic.

I'm more than happy to bring my own Boca burgers and Smart Dogs.

[alphafemale]

47. My daughter was a vegetarian

She got accepted to live among the Masai for a semester.

I told her. Eat what they give you.

[alphafemale]

49. It wasn't about you.

You were invited.

Ever heard of gracious?


GASP! The Dates have pits! How DARE THEY!

Grow up.

[Tipperary]

51. I think this is a great response! I am actually having difficulty with the many levels of wrong in

this op.

[Luminous Animal]

201. I was invited on the promise that their would be a vegetarian option

to the lasagna that was on the menu. Ordinarily, I would bring a vegetarian entree to augment the table. But I was working all day and the inviter assured me that there would be a vegetarian option available.

The actual host of the event, my friends mother, was pretty agitated that no one had told her.

[Hun Joro]

50. Why not cook a delicious vegetarian meal for your friends instead of flesh?

Better yet, a delicious vegan meal. They will likely have questions about the food, providing you with a perfect opportunity to explain what and how to prepare it. That way you will be showing them what is possible, providing them with a healthier, more humane meal.

[Orrex]

53. Henceforth I will only serve vegetarians

Ten minutes per pound, right?

[oberliner]

54. I cannot believe this post can be serious

The person specifically got a frozen prepackaged vegetarian meal to accommodate you.

You were given a pasta dish, a salad, and bread for dinner and you are complaining?

If you don't like the meal they bought for you, just eat the salad and then have some more food later if you are still hungry.

[mucifer]

55. Wow you cook meat for people. I'm thinking you probably aren't a vegetarian for ethical reasons

Personally, I can't imagine cooking meat for anyone. I will buy meat products for my 80 year old mom and no one else. That is as close as I go to that.

But, for me 32 years vegetarian and now 2 years vegan I know that my choice is to be vegan. When I go to someone's home I eat the salad and bread and hope they didn't put a bunch of cheese in the salad or ranch dressing because then I got nothing. But, being vegan is my choice as is the choice not to cook animal products. Sometimes I eat before I go if I think there might not be food for me. Yeah, it's frustrating. But, it's my choice and I do it for the animals not for me or my friends and family. So at these events if people have nothing for me they feel bad and that is ok. It's about socializing. I do wish everyone was vegan. But, that's not our world.

[WinkyDink]

107. I live one mile as the crow flies from this vegan bakery. Apparently even Hollywood types order from

it!

The pastries are fabulous!

http://vegantreats.com/accolades/

[enough]

57. You sneer at Caprese salad? Tomatoes, basil, and garlic, all straight from the garden.

Fresh mozzarella from the farm down the road. Some good oil and bread right out of the oven. If you need a better meal than that I guess you're better off staying home. And nobody has to keep score.

[WinkyDink]

109. Got my own tomatoes and basil; home-made-mozzarella store 4 miles north. German garlic from the far-

mer's market. Now I'm hungry!

[Vinca]

59. Some people just aren't into learning about cooking.

Look at it from the perspective of the host who hasn't a clue what to make for you. Maybe you'd be better off declining invitations if you take the lack of creativeness as a personal affront.

[jopacaco]

60. Don't let it bother you

I have been a vegetarian for close to 40 years. My rule has always been that I do not cook meat in my house. If you are a guest, you eat vegetarian or find yourself a restaurant. For most people, I try to make normal food without any meat, like vegetable lasagna, pizza, or eggplant parmesan. Often they are surprised that vegetarian food isn't as weird as they thought. I make everything from scratch and bake all of my own bread so it is good.
I have spent many meals (including Thanksgiving) at other people's houses eating the vegetable side dishes with no protein. I make sure that I eat something before I arrive. I am always greatful when someone makes an effort but I don't count on it. It has gotten soooo much better than it used to be since being a vegetarian has gotten more acceptance.

[Lars39]

61. ~

Sounds like you've been a great host for many years, showing a generosity of time, effort, and spirit that has not been reciprocated. No one likes to be considered an afterthought.
Plenty of vegetarian sides with separate meat for those wanting it would have been my solution, but I'm still trying to get the hang of cooking vegetarian for family.

I like the idea of cooking only very nice vegetarian meals for them for now on.
If someone wants meat, let them bring it.

[madaboutharry]

63. Luminous Animal,

There is a lot of judging going on in this thread, but I get what you originally talked about. I saw your op being more about how you felt people you consider your best friends were treating you. I saw your op as being more than just about food. And I also think that a person is entitled to feel slighted and isn't obligated to only feel grateful for being invite in the first place. None of us were there and none of us saw what the host of this dinner party prepared for everyone else.

[Logical]

79. My advice to her is to lighten the hell up. I don't do carbs. But NEVER expect that....

to be the hosts problem, it is MY PROBLEM.

[oberliner]

84. You don't do carbs?

Like zero?

[Logical]

86. Sorry. < 30 a day. For a year now. So some carbs yes. nt

[oberliner]

89. That is fascinating

I've heard of people on low carb diets, but never zero carbs.

Is it pretty manageable to do the <30 a day? Have there been many positive benefits?

[Logical]

93. I got to my high school weight and off my HB meds. Worked for me. nt

[oberliner]

95. Can I ask how old you are (approximately) ?

I really need a major overhaul to my diet (it is as bad as bad can be and involves primarily carbs and processed foods).

[Aerows]

168. Lowering your carb intake

can dramatically aid in weight loss and reduce blood pressure.

That said, you will be thankful for the carb reduction in your diet because you will feel better doing the other side of the equation - exercise.

It's a chicken and the egg scenario - do you feel better because of the reduced carbs, or do you feel better because you are getting more exercise due to the energy you gain from refraining from carbs, or do you get the energy ..."

Reduce carbs slowly and incorporate exercise slowly, not to the point of starvation or exhaustion, but just enough to remind yourself that it is doing something.

[Logical]

183. Mid 50s. nt

[WinkyDink]

111. I'm finally listening to long-ago advice: Eat nothing white. I want to go off HBP meds, too!

[Aerows]

167. I do next to no carbs, too

I genuinely prefer less bread, and more vegetables, cheeses and meat.

BMI is 18.5, cholesterol levels so weirdly good they tested them 3 times, and now that I have also quit smoking, energy to spare.

[moonscape]

169. Exactly! I do the same and

actually stress to friends not to consider my diet when inviting me. There is no way I want them to twist into a pretzel (that I can't eat!) because of me.

I go to friends for their company, the food is immaterial. I always carry some macadamias with me for a quick snack if there's almost zero I can eat. Even restaurants can be a challenge sometimes, so why should I expect others to cater to me?

[kcr]

212. True. I think people tend to read these things and insert themselves and how they'd react

with their own friends. Generally speaking, if you're not careful in how you interact socially, and always assume friends are intentionally slighting you, you'll eventually find yourself lonely. Friendship isn't quid pro quo. But I think you're right. We don't know what happened specifically in this situation with the OP. They could be right in how they assessed the situation.

[Luminous Animal]

219. Thank you. The host was actually rather upset that her daughter hadn't told her.

And see, this is just the thing. My friend invited us to dinner at her mother's house to meet her visiting brother and her nieces and nephews. Her mother was cooking. When my friend invited us, she told us that they were serving lasagna and that there would be a vegetarian option. She explicitly told me this so I would not feel obligated to bring my own entree; which I do regularly and have no problem doing. I love to cook.

It turns out that the vegetarian option that my friend (not her mother) had prepared was a caprese salad, to be shared by all 10 people there and each serving equaled to about 3 tomatoes per person.

When her mother asked me why I wasn't eating the lasagna and I apologized and told her that I don't eat meat. I complimented her on how beautiful it looked and thanked her for inviting me and my husband to share this in family gathering. (It truly was fun, the kids were witty and creative and lovely).

The entire dinner was uncomfortable. My friends mom disappointed that she had little to feed me. Me actually being there to make her uncomfortable. Me getting WAY too tipsy on the wine for lack of food.

Ugh.

[madaboutharry]

228. You seem like a really nice person.

If I knew you in real life, I would cook a Savory Clafoutis with Cherry Tomatoes and Sweet Red Onions. Everyone loves it, It's delicious.

[a la izquierda]

64. I never make meat unless my dogs are sick.

And I have meat eaters over all the time. I'm a good cook, so I make something interesting. If I'm going somewhere and I know there won't be options for me, I make something and bring it. When I go to my mom's for Thanksgiving, I make all the vegetarian sides for myself (and whoever else wants them).

[Bad Thoughts]

66. A feast should be a feast for all

I know how humiliating it can be when you cannot eat anything at someone's party. Leaving aside the issue of providing something to eat, the vegetarian simply sits by, pushing their meager option around the plate, while everyone else eats heartily, praising the food and the cook, and consuming copiously and joyously.

What makes it worse is that it is not complicated to create some great dishes that have either no meat or no dairy. Roast some fennel with onions in olive oil and basil. Steam some quartered potatoes, then sautee them in butter. Stir fry broccoli with garlic and chilies. None of these require much preparation---certainly not as much as the meat dishes. And they can be enjoyed by everyone, not just the vegetarians.

[yeoman6987]

116. If it's not a choice I would accommodate but you come to my house,

You eat it don't eat what is in front of you. Choices are personal and should not impead on others. Good for her for giving up meal. The hosts didn't.

[LisaL]

118. You food choices are resitricted because of your own choice to be a vegetarian.

Might not be complicated for you to create a vegetarian dish, but it might be complicated for someone who is not a vegetarian.

[Bad Thoughts]

176. ICYDK, Vegetables are food

There is nothing exotic about them. We are made to eat them. It is recommended we eat them. Indeed, it is recommended that we eat them more then meat.

So, how hard is it not to put pork into the carrots, or use vegetable broth instead of chicken in the rice? How hard is it to put together a menu that includes both meat dishes and some that have no meat?

BTW, I often cook meat for people, especially for people in my immediate family, all the time.

[Bluzmann57]

68. Don't worry. I won't invite you.

Nothing further to add.

[Logical]

75. +1000 nt

[CTyankee]

69. the problem is knowing what KIND of vegetarian they are...some won't eat dairy

so that leaves out cheese and cream. And are egg dishes OK or are they consdiered "meat"? Is only red meat forbidden or can I serve them fish or chicken? We eat mostly fish dishes because we live in New England and local fish is largely available.

[Syzygy321]

70. You've been a very painstaking hostess for years.

I should have complimented you on that, above.
You may just have very different priorities from your friends. Not everyone goes all-out for guests like you do - in fact, I don't know anyone who does! (I order pizza when people visit. Everyone likes pizza right?)

You don't have to make meat for your guests. Only do that if you enjoy it.


If you've been friends for 20 years, try to let this go or treat it with humor. Good old friends are special.

[RoccoR5955]

71. Can I ask a question?

You don't eat meat, but do you wear it?
Do you wear leather shoes, a leather belt, have a leather wallet or such?
I have gone all the way, and no longer even have anything that comes from dead animals that I know of.
Just a thought, that if you are a vegetarian, and really care about animals, don't even wear them.

[oberliner]

91. They cook dead animals for their friends

So it doesn't sound like caring about animals is the issue here.

[Orrex]

119. If they didn't care about the animals, they'd cook live animals

[snooper2]

240. LOBSTER!

Ever since that Nelly song came out it pops in my head whenever I see lobster being cooked LOL


Its gettin hot in here (so hot)
So take off all your clothes

I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

[MineralMan]

72. You raise a difficult question.

Over the years, I have cooked for people with every sort of food preferences and restrictions. I can prepare delicious meals for any of them. However, when I invite people for a meal, I think about who I'm going to invite in advance. I won't invite just one person with a food restriction if everyone else does not have such a restriction. Instead, I will invite that person another time, when there are others who share those preferences.

Planning and preparing an excellent meal for more than four people is a lot of work. It takes timing and space and lots of other things. Typically, I'm very, very busy as the time approaches to serve the meal. My guests are relaxing with appetizers and drinks and I'm bringing the whole meal together in the kitchen.

Adding just a couple of additional dishes to the menu will probably push me beyond my capacity. So, I simply don't invite people with food restrictions unless I'm feeding a group with similar restrictions. Then, I can focus on creating an excellent meal for my guests that suits everyone present. Different meals; different invitation lists.

[Logical]

74. Wow, lets just say I would never invite you over to dinner. You sound like a PITA. nt

[Hekate]

163. she sounds like a pocket bread?

[Aerows]

172. Fill that pocket bread up

with marinated lamb and beef, douse it heavily with tzazki, then top it with diced onion and tomato.

:Yum:

[Hekate]

180. You're making my mouth water

[LisaL]

192. Mine too.

Not fair.

[Logical]

76. I AVOID CARBS, and you know I avoid carbs, Please invite me to dinner and I will deal with it! nt

[Aerows]

177. I avoid carbs, too

I'm grown and can figure out what I need to do to avoid ingesting them in lieu of making everybody at the dinner table miserable and insulting the host.

Being a guest doesn't mean that just because you are treated well out of courtesy, means you can return said courtesy the second something happens that is not to your taste with insults and indignation.

I thought that was polite conduct 101.

[CBGLuthier]

77. Speaking as a flexitarian I think too many people are giving you too much shit.

So you cook meat for friends, you are obviously not an ethical vegetarian but instead a health vegetarian. Let others walk their own paths and step down from their high horses.

As to your objections, well when you make efforts to accommodate others a little reciprocity would be nice. We tend to follow Indian recipes for our primary sources and would never offer such flavorless insulting dishes. We have cooked meat for friends but recently showed them how good veg bean burritos with guacamole can be, but primarily because our guest had issues with health that meant he would be better without meat and cheese. Caring for your guests is an important function and I think you were slighted and so felt aggrieved.

[MuseRider]

80. Being a vegetarian

is always fraught with these situations, at least in smaller cities and rural areas.

I eat more salads and bread than I care to and give my husband my steak. I live in what we here call BEEF COUNTRY. Very few places even offer vegetarian food but I have found that if I tell them some restaurants will go to real kind effort to make something specifically for me.

Dinner parties? Most never remember. We don't dinner party much anyway but when we do it is the same group and they are always stunned when I say no to the meat after all these years. If we did this more often I would probably feel much like you do.

[oberliner]

88. The OP writer was offered "some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing"

So it's not so much that a vegetarian option wasn't provided - it's that the author of the OP took issue with it because it was frozen/prepackaged. Seems to me that the host made an effort by purchasing said option - not realizing that it would be sneered at because it was frozen.

[MuseRider]

98. It sounds like the OP

has a lot more dinner parties than I do. I can understand. The effort I put in to make meat dishes, especially around holidays, is quite a larger effort than I want to make and I HATE the smell of cooking meat anymore but I do it because I am the only vegetarian in my family. I would think if you were eating with people for 20 years more frequently than I do that they could make an effort to do better than a frozen entree and canned sauce.

[oberliner]

104. Fair enough

I confess to not being particularly well-versed in the ways of dinner party etiquette.

[Bad Thoughts]

97. Is it that hard to add some vegetable dishes to a menu?

Grilled squash and roasted sweet potatoes? Anyone would eat those, even those who eat meat.

[MuseRider]

100. Nope

that would be easy and usually, at least for me, there is something like that that I do eat.

[DrDan]

82. dinner parties can take a lot of planning, shopping, preparing, expense . . .

and to have invited a guest who has a hissie-fit because a special meal was not prepared for them . . . . just WOW

it would be the last time at my house

[oberliner]

94. Also do note that a special meal was specifically purchased for this person

The post indicates that a vegetarian entree was provided. The OP refers to it as "some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing" - so the issue is not so much a lack of a vegetarian option, but that the vegetarian option wasn't good enough.

[TheOther95Percent]

96. I have some dietary restrictions

I start dinner invitations with "What would you like me to bring?" For friends who know my restrictions, it's a bring your such-and-such dish. I always bring an entree option I can eat. I make a pretty good veggie and lactose-free lasagna.

[WinkyDink]

101. As an omnivore, I'm opining---and not because of THEM---that you should not go against your

principles to cook meat----PERIOD.

it is NOT against your friends' principles to cook some vegetable and/or non-meat dishes. There is a huge difference, therefore.

So here is like it is: For some reason known unto them, your pals deliberately take no time and make no effort to make a tasty dish for you that THEY, TOO, CAN EAT, as omnivores themselves.

Feed them what YOU eat, because for you it is a moral imperative. Give them samples of what they might consider offering you in their homes.

And if next go-round you're served Stouffer's, you can re-examine that relationship.

[kiva]

120. The OP said that her husband eats meat,

so (unless he always eats meat away from home) it's probably not a bit issue to cook it for friends.

[WinkyDink]

182. Ah, sorry. I'm getting ADD as i age.

[kiva]

199. It's a long thread,

so easy to miss

[SwissTony]

112. I'm getting to be an old fart

but I find I like meat less and less. I enjoy very few meats and recently gave up bacon!!

Is this an age thing?

[justiceischeap]

115. When I go to a meat-eater party, I bring my own dish

That way, I don't put my friends out and they don't have to go to any extra trouble for me -- plus, one gets tired of eating salad and/or soups.

If my meat-eating friends come to my house, they don't get meat, unless they bring it prepared. I've been veg almost 30 years now. The only exception my friends make for me is when we go out to eat because that's all I ask of them. I don't expect them to prepare a special course just for me, just like I'd hope they wouldn't expect the same of me (and they don't).

[Deadshot]

121. It's pretty crappy to complain about free food from someone's house.

Instead of complaining about it, how about educating your friends about what consists of a vegetarian diet?

[Avalux]

122. This happened to me a few weeks ago.....

I went to a co-workers baby shower on a Saturday afternoon, hosted by another co-worker I've known for 5 years. She knows I'm a vegetarian forever and has been to my house for get-togethers. Like you, I always accommodate my meat eating family and friends.

So when it came time to eat, the shower's hostess brought out pulled pork sliders, creamed corn and fruit. When she saw that I only put creamed corn and fruit on my plate, she said "I'm sorry, would you like me to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

Yeah. It sucks.

I think what may be getting lost in this is the idea of reciprocation - if I am considerate enough to cook meat for you because I care, it would be nice if you could extend the same courtesy to me when I'm at your house. It doesn't always work out that way though.

[ryan_cats]

125. Normaly I wouldn't invite a vegetarian...

Normally I wouldn't invite a vegetarian but you go out of your way to accommodate meat eaters even though you are a vegetarian so you would be welcome in my house with a nice iceberg salad. No, I'm kidding, I've lived with a vegan for a long time and there are vegan dishes (many many) that people would never know were meat free. That people can't even have a damn vegi burger for you is rude and there are frozen vegi lasagnas if they don't know how to cook one from scratch.

[Aerows]

131. I lived with a vegan

and the things I have seen be eaten, cannot be unseen. The day I came home to BBQ "ribs" made from peanut butter and something expensive in a box from Whole Foods is the day it all went off the rails. I refused to even try after that one.

You want fake cheese? Go for it. I'll be buying cheese for myself. You want soy milk? Go for it. I'll be buying milk, cottage cheese, butter and sour cream for myself. My HDL cholesterol levels are over 100 for the very reason that I don't eat substitute fats, I just know how much to eat and stop there.

You have to eat only organic? Okay - you are welcome to buy as much of it as you like. You want TVP everything? Great. I'll sautee my own chicken and onions, make my own alfredo with luscious parmesan, half and half, and garlic. And I bought the cheap Angel Hair instead of the one imported from Italy!

Some folks enjoy seeing people suffer unpalatable meals, spend exorbitant amounts of money on crap, and interrupt hundreds of years of sound cooking advice. Hell no.

[Liberal Veteran]

158. I follow a strict organic diet.

In the sense that I eat things made up of organic molecules.

[Ms. Toad]

136. The OP has already rejected frozen vegi dishes.

Please do not invite me to dinner if the only thing that I can eat is bread and salad or some frozen prepackaged vegetarian thing.

[GummyBearz]

126. This is why I never invite vegetarian's over for dinner

I would just not have any vegetarian friends, but I went to grad school with a good friend from India who doesn't eat meat for religious reasons. When we hang out its an unwritten rule we just drink booze until we are pretty o_O. Then go somewhere for appetizers.

[hunter]

128. Ah, the Holidays, some of my favorite childhood memories...

... when the supposed "adults" would go to war over things like this, no really, actual war, thrown dishes and kitchen implements, screaming and yelling, people leaving in anger, the whole works. This was after the last of my great grandma's had passed on, their harsh frontier discipline lost. In that family tradition a guest ate whatever was served, or went hungry. In my great grandma's kitchens it was often something very recently killed -- chickens, fish, small mammals, sometimes big mammals.

I remember one Thanksgiving where we had rabbit, no turkey. That didn't go over well with me and my siblings who thought of rabbits as pets, not dinner.

My wife is vegetarian. One of our kid's fiance is vegetarian. I'll eat most anything, even if it's only to be polite. I don't eat much meat for environmental reasons. "Factory farm" meat and "factory fishing" are bad for the environment.

If someone is proud of the turkey they cooked for Thanksgiving, or the venison sausage they made from some deer they shot, I'll eat that. Likewise an entirely vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner is going to please me too.

Don't cook meat for your non-vegetarian guests. It's your house, it's your traditions. Celebrate them. You only have to go so far in accommodating guests. Don't serve pork to Jewish or Muslim guests, don't serve peanuts or shrimp to someone who is allergic to them, don't serve a big glass of milk to someone who is lactose intolerant, don't demand a recovering alcoholic sample your latest home brew.

It's pretty easy. Life's too short to keep score.

[riderinthestorm]

135. Am I the only one who likes the frozen tortellini?

The entire meal actually sounds okay to me - caprese salad, bread, tortellini in sauce...all of it is fine.

I make my own spaghetti sauce but some of the jarred sauces are pretty delicious with some minor doctoring - like the Paul Newman's Alfredo sauce for example is about as tasty as mine.

[Luminous Animal]

137. The frozen tortellinis referenced were from another incident when the host had realized

his mistake and cooked them while everyone else was eating their dinner.

My dinner last night was 3 slices of tomatoes and couple of globs of mozzarella and some bread.

[riderinthestorm]

140. Ok so you're also mad about that episode too

i understand reciprocity and clearly you do too but from many decades of experience, it's obvious the vast majority of my acquaintances do not. Vegetarians are still a minority and many people simply don't know how to cook for them. It's just the facts.

I'd recommend you try to lose the bitterness about it because you still have a long time on this earth and you're going to face this disappointment again, and often. I now always bring a box of the local chocolate shop's sweets so dessert will always have something satisfying. Win win for everyone!

Life's too short. Embrace the friendship and try to accept that they're lousy cooks/hosts. Dinner parties don't come naturally to some (most? many?) people. Obviously your friends fall into that category.

[noamnety]

184. No, you aren't the only one!

Either meal would be a big treat for me! I'm too cheap to spring for tortellini just for a regular dinner - but I was happy this week to find whole wheat store brand spaghetti marked down to 25¢ per box, I stocked up and got 4 boxes. And today I got one pack of gnocchi marked down to 39 cents, they had more but it seemed like an unnecessary splurge since it's not something I need, and no more nutritious than the 25 cents pasta boxes.

When I can get a deal on fresh mozzarella, I'm really excited - so my only problem with the salad would have been embarrassing myself by pigging out on it.

We're at a dollar a day per person for food this month ($62.27 for August right now for two adults). That one package of frozen tortellini likely would have cost the equivalent of four full days of food for me.

Now I'm kinda wishing her friends would invite me over!

[C Moon]

142. Don't you just love that: come on over, we have salad.

[kentauros]

189. I chuckle every time I scroll past this comment

And it makes me think. When the omnivores go to the grocery store, what do they see when they're going up and down the aisles? Do the non-meat items simply not register in their minds as "food"? I'm just guessing here, but it does seem to me that if you were to compare the number of items in a grocery store that were meat or contained meat with the total number of items the store sold, I think the vegetarian items would outnumber the meat items.

And yet, cooking for a vegetarian is "hard" and "difficult"

[Bad Thoughts]

190. Not cooking vegetarian, but cooking vegetables

One thing that bothers me about this whole thread is that posters are trying to make this about lifestyle choices. However, the implication of what the OP wrote is that the host really failed to provide adequate vegetables for his/her dinner. That is not really acceptable.

[kentauros]

195. I agree with that assessment.

And yes, it is about cooking food that doesn't have meat in it. That doesn't automatically mean it's "vegetarian cooking" only that it can be eaten by vegetarians (so long as it's not made with the invisible forms of meat, such as lard or broth.)

I agree, too, about the host failing to cook enough food for everyone. Cooking up some vegetables, or even just bumping up the amount of vegetables in existing sides is not difficult. Well, I guess it is for those that don't want to cook without meat or meat-essence in literally everything...

[Chan790]

143. This somewhat...

I don't mind if people serve me pre-prepared foods but I wish they'd have the decency to I dunno...choose meals that don't immediately register with everybody as inferior and perhaps to taste and choose high quality ingredients.

I mean "Tonight's dinner is Pot au feu as a soup course, coq au vin and bacon almond haricot vert. Oh and for Chan...I have a PB&J." There's a certain part of me that wants to grab a table corner, start flipping shit and declare "Ya know what...fuck all y'all."

When I serve non-vegetarians I don't make me a fancy-ass meal and then serve them ham sandwiches. I also make a point to make or use high-quality sauces rather than the "just add water" envelope gravy.

That said...this is the best pasta sauce on the planet. Better than anything in a jar...it's too bad that it's usually only sold in restaurant supply by the half-dozen case of 10lb. cans. I buy all my pasta sauce for the year in one fell swoop for about $45...I order it through work. (This site sells to the public but the price is much higher...about $10/can or $55 for the case.) http://www.gourmetitalian.com/al-dente-pasta-sauce-p/4198.htm

[Boudica the Lyoness]

146. OMG you cook dead animal flesh????

I would never do that for ANYONE!

When I cook for meat eaters, they eat what I eat and they like it....well they are to fucking scared to complain, lets put it that way.

I would never cook my friends and call them food!!!!!!!

[melman]

154. I agree

I would never serve meat. If they want meant there are millions of places to get it, they aren't getting it from me.

[Zorra]

152. Look at it this way, they may lack creativity, and talent, for cooking.

Or it could be that they are simply thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Talented, creative cooks generally welcome the creative challenge of making something new and different.

So, in reality, the pseudo tortellini with that awful red stuff might be your safest bet in some circumstances, although the host/ess at least making the effort to be considerate would be, at the very least, a warm fuzzy.

When anyone has a meal in my home, I honor them, and always do the best to learn what they prefer, and prepare, with love, something special for them something that they can. or may, enjoy. Mom always said that no matter how much money, or how many possessions someone has, thoughtfulness, and consideration for others, are characteristic of genuine class.

Another vegetarian who can select and cook a mean ribeye here.

[Hekate]

156. Stop preparing meat for others, and share your delicious cuisine. Period. When I'm a guest...

...in a kosher home, I expect kosher cuisine, and would not dream of asking the cook to violate her dietary principles for me.

When I'm a guest in my son and daughter in law's home, I look forward to vegetarian and vegan dishes, which are surprisingly tasty coming from them. I've been introduced to some really nice local restaurants by them too, that I never would have found on my own.

I try to reciprocate, as I am able.

I'm sorry for the rudeness and thoughtlessness of your friends, but is it possible you have enabled them to be so thoughtless by being so willing to violate your own ethics in your own home?

Best of luck turning this around.

[KamaAina]

159. My veggie stepsister serves wonderful meat dishes, too!

[GoCubsGo]

161. Yeah, it sucks to be treated as an afterthought.

I know what it's like to bend over backwards for others, who only treat you as an afterthought. But. you do have choices. You can accept that's how they are, suck it up because they're your friends and you love them, and not worry that they will probably never reciprocate in kind. Or, you can go on silently resenting it. Or, you can just decline future dinner invitations, and save yourself the grief.

[KMOD]

165. I always accomodate my vegetarian friends.

It's not difficult for me at all. My vegan friends are a little harder to accommodate, but that's the great thing about the internet, it doesn't take long to find a vegan recipe or two that I can prepare.

[CrawlingChaos]

208. If I were a guest in your home

I would be so impressed and grateful that you had done that.

Seriously, it's an extremely gracious gesture that would not be forgotten.

But having said that, I don't expect anyone to do that for me. There's almost always something I can nibble on and be content with that.

[noamnety]

170. I would change your attitude.

I'm pretty sure Miss Manners would suggest you make more of an effort to appreciate their company and the fact that they shared their food with you. What they served sounds fine to me - I'm a meat eater, but Caprese Salad is wonderful, and seems to meet your dietary restrictions.

I've done some restricted diets myself, including a year of severe low carbing that left me not able to eat most things as a guest, but that was on me, not them. And I've been a guest at vegans' houses (my daughter is vegan), my sister has at various times been vegetarian, macrobiotic, raw foods, you name it she's done it - and I never expected to eat anything outside of their normal cooking routines, because as a guest I am stepping into their world. I'm used to thanksgiving turkey, but as a guest I've been served tofurkey - and it was fine. Heck, one year I visited my older sister for thanksgiving and she didn't realize she needed to buy a turkey days ahead of time to let it thaw. That year, thanksgiving dinner was dried peas and rice, and it was awesome. And the next day we had fake thanksgiving, which began with us sitting on the floor of her apartment holding our tiny frozen cornish game hens over the heat vent in her floor to thaw them. Great memories from that!

Not everyone is going to get all caught up in the study of the "nuances of scent and touch" to become a gourmet cook in cuisines they don't even personally care for just because you are coming to visit, and that's fine - it's not a requirement to being a good host. They provided something to you that was balanced and nourishing, and if you don't have a gourmet meal 365 days a year, you will be just fine. I promise. I think what you have is a case of First World Problems.

[uppityperson]

171. I shouldn't invite you to eat bread, salad, frozen pepackaged veggie thing I am eating? OK

You aren't invited to dinner at my house since I will never live up to your standards of "nuances of scent and touch to deliver amazing food".

That said, I will never accept an invitation to dinner at your house because at some point you will likely get pissed that I haven't reciprocated in king.

[NuttyFluffers]

173. i empathize. mine was from colitis and high carb stuff.

i have to watch spicy food, one of my favorites, like a hawk otherwise i react like celiac sufferers. and i cannot eat carbohydrates over protein or i pay for it in passing out at the table. which means a lot of vegan and vegetarian dishes are as bad as candy to me. love beans and rice, but it's like a sugar bomb to me, wiping me out for the next few hours. and quinoa salad is just as bad, waaay too high in carbs, just like garbanzo beans.

best i can do vegan, without endangering my kidneys and nerve endings, is hemp seed — maaaybe a sprinkling of flax seed, and nothing else. no seitan. gotta watch my tofu intake (soy screws with my numbers later) which is tragic because i used to eat it by the pound brick. had to give up several of my favorite dishes to eat mostly dairy, hemp seed, and the like.

i still cheat on very special occasions, though.

[mike_c]

178. when someone invites me to share food they've prepared...

...I am grateful for their hospitality, and thank them for it whether I liked the food or not. Damn, some people apparently feel entitled to more than their host's kindness and hospitality. Sheesh.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

181. First-world problems.

[hueymahl]

252. Bingo

There is the rare true celiac or other person with a legitimate allergies or disease. The rest is oh so much privileged whining. Tell it to those who go to bed hungry. See how much sympathy you get.

[Bad Thoughts]

258. People who go to bed hungry=People who lack vegetables.

Lack of vegetables is often part of the problem of malnutrition in many parts of the world.

[hueymahl]

259. Yes, and lack of anything else to eat.

Not sure I get your point.

[Bad Thoughts]

260. Because the broader implication is that the host put out no or little vegetables to eat

It may seem the OP is whining about not be catered to, but this meal was ground meat, tomato sauce, a mountain of pasta, cheese, and a few slices of tomato. It is completely out of balance, and asking that a meal have more vegetables is not a "first world problem," but one that haunts the entire world.

[hueymahl]

263. I respect vegetarians, vegans and everyone else who has eating preferences (taco-tarians anyone?)

My point is that when you complain from some perceived slight or lack of respect that your special way of eating is not being respected or honored, that is, by definition, a first-world problem. You have so much access to food that you can be extremely picky about what you eat, when you eat, how you eat and how much you eat.

Lets get a little perspective here.

[Rex]

191. Just finished off a great yam with some okra and broccoli with cauliflower.

I love being an omnivore and promise you if you came to my house to eat, you would have a pick of stuff to fill your plate with good food. I hate afterthought meals. They are meh...

[DesertFlower]

202. i was a vegetarian many years ago.

when my twin nieces were baptized all i ate was a roll and some potato salad.

when my MIL invited us for st. patricks day she was upset because i ate so many potates and cabbage. what did she expect? several times i brought my own food.

[No Vested Interest]

232. Did you change? Are you no longer a vegetarian?

We don't hear of that very often.

If you gave it up, what were the circumstances?

[DesertFlower]

203. my friend was a vegetarian but she used to make

chicken soup for her dog who was up in age. her roomate tasted it and said it was good.

[Luminous Animal]

205. Aww! So cute.

[leftyladyfrommo]

209. If I invited a vegetarian

I think it would only be polite to have something good for them to eat. Not just bread and salad.

It would be easy to fix some vegetarian side dishes that everyone would enjoy.

[lumberjack_jeff]

211. "Please do not invite me"

Okay.

[alphafemale]

213. A host should not have to prepare 5 different meals to appease at a small dinner party..

Gluten Free. Veggie. Vegan. No carbs. Lactose free. Paleo. etc etc.

The menu can maybe be released ahead of time.

If it it pleases you not bring your own and go for the company if you like the people. Or skip it.

To the OP you really should not make meat dishes.

Make wonderful veggie meals that are satisfying.

I love black bean and lentil dishes.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

215. Something happened to me that utterly baffled me.

I'm not a vegetarian but this is another food battle.

I went to a casual party at a house I had never been to, that was potluck. I asked the host what they were serving and he said "Pizza". I said "I'm allergic to tomatoes." Then later, at his house, he had a stack of pizza boxes. He said, "Can you eat cheese?" and I said yes, assuming he meant cheese and bread only. I said, "What's on it?" and he said "Bell peppers." I said, "I can't eat bell peppers."


I figured if he had pizza I had better bring my own food. He NEVER asked me what I COULD eat. So on the way to his house, I went to a nearby Subway sandwich store and got a tuna melt, chips and a drink. I sat on the patio and ate my own food, talked with the other people, and said nothing about the pizza. It is a good thing I did, because otherwise I would not have had any dinner. I was a good guest and brought my own food.

I brought some homemade brownies with walnuts that everybody liked.

He said nothing about my not eating pizza.

Then three months later, he sends me a nasty e-mail bomb griping about my "excessive food allergies". He did not ask me about bell peppers which are also part of the deadly nightshade family, like tomatoes. He also said he didn't like my "snide remarks". I said nothing about his pizza. I guess saying "I can't eat bell peppers" qualifies as a snide remark. He ended it with
"In other words, you are not welcome at my house anymore."

I'm not losing any sleep.

He complained about his wife fixing food (I counted a stack of 6 takeout pizza boxes in the kitchen) just a few days before she went in the hospital. I don't count ordering takeout as being a serious cooking effort. I had no idea about her going in the hospital either.


I told the group coordinator about it in an e-mail (this was a Meetup group) and she told me I should have gone to her to talk about it. I asked her what I or she possibly could have done, since the host didn't say anything until several weeks later. I couldn't think of anything.


Fortunately, I have forgotten what this passive-aggressive guy and his wife look like. BTW, I drove 75 miles one way with my husband to go to this guy's house to attempt to have a social life with people with similar views to mine. I think this guy has some problems.



I am a super taster and have some major food allergies. A couple of friends of mine have looked at me dumbfounded and unable to figure out what I could eat that they could cook, because I am allergic to shellfish and nightshade. There are a whole lot of veggies I just don't like. I did not have Chinese food until I was a senior in college and Japanese food until I was 33 and went to Benihana and loved it. They can't imagine life without tomatoes. I just went out to a sandwich shop every night.

I am in a picky eaters group on Facebook and I was shamed at the dinner table as a child for not eating boiled-to-death bitter greens (Southern cooking) and other things I couldn't stand. It did not give me an eating disorder. Big bossy grandma thought we were farmhands who ate a lot. We were not on a farm. They did their damndest to make me eat too much and eat things I was either allergic to or couldn't stand the smell of. I never gave in. I just said no.


I have also told people (former in-laws) that I refused to eat too much at Thanksgiving and make myself sick just so I could make them happy. They glared at me hatefully like I said something wrong.

[snooper2]

242. First I ever heard of that, been doing some googles on "nightshades" and some seems like woo

Found a bunch of healthy living woo type links and stuff-


But then just searched on tomatoes and found this

Tomato allergies, while extremely rare, can be quite painful. Learn more about tomato allergies, including symptoms, complications, and treatments.

Symptoms
Symptoms of a tomato allergy usually occur shortly after the allergen is consumed. They include:

skin rash, eczema, or hives (urticaria)
abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
an itching sensation in the throat
coughing, sneezing, wheezing, or runny nose
swelling of the face, mouth, tongue, or throat (angiodema)
anaphylaxis (very rarely)

http://www.healthline.com/health/allergies/tomatoes-recipes



"Why Eliminate Tomatoes and Potatoes?"
This is one of the most frequently asked questions I hear from my students. This query certainly doesn't surprise me. According to macrobiotic theory, tomatoes and potatoes create a natural balance to meat, dairy, fats, and the excess salt found in the Standard American Diet, (SAD). The chemical and energetic qualities of potatoes and tomatoes produce extreme, expansive effects and expand and can weaken the bones, joints, teeth, gums, and all body organs, especially for those who are sensitive and allergic to them. In a study published in the Journal of the International Academy of Preventive Medicine, 5000 arthritis sufferers eliminated Nightshades. Seventy percent of participants reported relief from aches, pains, and disfigurement.


http://www.greatlifeglobal.com/services/health-a-wellness-consultations/29.html

[Lorien]

257. They aren't that rare. I've had it my whole life

and I've met several others who do too. I can eat small amounts of sundried tomatoes and red peppers, but can't handle raw tomatoes at all. Even picking them gives me a nasty rash. Potatoes are also problematic. I'm also a vegetarian, so it's a damned inconvenient allergy to have!

[Lorien]

253. I so understand this. I'm allergic to tomatoes too

and soy, and I'm a vegetarian! I also can't handle much in the way of processed foods, or sugary foods. I hate all of the limitations, but many can't be helped. I usually bring my own dishes when I'm invited somewhere for a meal, and then simply explain that I have a bunch of allergies and hate putting anyone out because of them. That's good enough for most people.

Recently I visited my stepmom in South Africa. She's a foodie who loves everything, especially meat (she makes sounds like she's having an orgasm when she eats. It's a little alarming). She hates doing anything for anyone but herself and hates other people's cooking generally (and mine specifically, though she's never had it), so I bought all of my own groceries and made all of my own meals while I visited her, and took her out to several restaurants. Toward the end of my visit she announced that she realized that she could never tolerate having any friends who were picky eaters. She even became enraged with me when we were on safari because I wasn't eating massive quantities of food like she was every evening. I was eating fish and chicken, which I would never do at home, because South Africans generally don't "do" vegetarian meals, but that wasn't enough for her. When I returned to the U.S., despite having paid her way on Safari, she sent me an email saying that I could never come and visit her again because her alone time out on her reserve is too precious to her. I haven't spoken to her since, and she was really my last "family" member. I was very kind and giving to her while I was there. I spent a small fortune bringing bags and bags of items that she wanted from the U.S.-which she said she would reimburse me for, but never has-and yet she still couldn't tolerate my limited diet to such a degree that I'm now "disinvited" from ever visiting again. I don't know why so many people insist on forcing us to consume stuff that we can't or don't want to consume. Why does it even matter to them?

[lunasun]

254. yes I have had people mad at me because I didnt overstuff myself at some holiday meal . I am

thinking when this happens > but i just laugh and say Sorry , it would make me sick and hope they get over it .

Great ! you should be glad you found out about that person's intolerant attitude before you became better acquainted. It would've surfaced about something other than just food at his house no doubt. Someone coming back to you several weeks later to vent is a BIG RED FLAG of crazy

[Manifestor_of_Light]

275. I'll tell you what happens when I eat tomato.

The last time I did I had some chopped barbecue in a tub. I don't know how much tomato was in it.

I went to bed and could barely crawl to the bathroom for two days, I was so exhausted. My allergies make me quite tired, including my animal hair/pollen/inhalant allergies. When I mess with trimming plants and pulling weeds my arms and hands will break out in a rash and itch.

I also had a seriously painful rear end straining with bunny pellets (I know that's TMI) but it's the truth.

Back in high school I ate pizza and it would come back up an hour later. So my reaction to tomatoes/bell peppers/spicy peppers/any pepper that is botanically a fruit has gotten worse over the decades.

Fortunately I have never had anything that caused anaphylactic shock, but I have been pretty miserable at times. Took antihistamines/decongestants/etc. and still felt awful.

I'm glad I didn't get to know that guy any better TOO!!! Thank you. Why people get offended at what we don't eat, or do eat, I really don't know. It's none of their goddamn business.

[cleanhippie]

216. So you're upset that your friends don't go to the same trouble as you do for them?

Even though they DO provide an alternative to what they are preparing just for you, so that you can be there and enjoy the company of your friends?



How does the saying go? With friends like these...

[Luminous Animal]

226. No. I am upset that my friends promised a vegetarian option and that option consisted of 3 slices

of tomatoes and bread. Yep. That is exactly what you would feed your friend who is a vegetarian when promising that person a vegetarian option.

[cleanhippie]

235. Maybe they don't really want you there and this is their passive-aggressive way

Last edited Tue Sep 1, 2015, 10:56 AM - Edit history (1)

of expressing that.


I think you are being ungrateful and unappreciative of the friends you have. One day you may not get an invite at all because they can sense your attitude about them.

[LanternWaste]

269. It is indeed, appreciative and rather grateful to invite a recovering alcoholic out for a few drinks

It is indeed, appreciative and rather grateful to invite a recovering alcoholic out for a few drinks. Or maybe they're simply being passive-aggressive...

[cleanhippie]

271. Yeah, taking an alcoholic to a bar is exactly like making a shitty vegan meal for a vegan.

Are you fucking serious? Equating your plight with that of a recovering alcoholic being taken to a bar is despicable. You should be ashamed.

I think I was correct in my thoughts that's your friends were trying to tell you something. Use this as a learning moment, friend. Or don't.

You have a nice day.

[snooper2]

243. were they really thick slices

like this




or like wafer thin?

[cleanhippie]

272. They were probably the wrong kind, like Hothouse instead of Heirloom

Or some other ungrateful nonsense.

[lunasun]

255. Almost sounds passive aggressive but I do not know the relationship

hang in there

[Aerows]

225. Well this thread went 100 politics, recipes, and ways to make a ziploc bag

work for you. Put in an oxidizer. Put in freeze dried tvpo mean, or freeze dried chili mac.

[aikoaiko]

227. Call Congress right effing now!!!!!

[demosincebirth]

230. Don't worry, I will not invite you.

[LannyDeVaney]

238. OK, I won't invite you.

NM

[dembotoz]

245. Yep my thought 2.

Although funny story
My dad was sorta diabetic....meaning never quite needing insulin
My aunt would cook thanksgiving and she always had some diet jello just for him...my dad hated jello and the only time I ever saw him eat it was at her house.

[kpete]

244. friends i have know for 20plus years

do NOT get it!!!

and STILL wonder why i pick at my food w/o taking a bite

I believe i am an animal too, so, i don't like to eat OTHER animals...





another vegetarian peeve:
no alternative vegetarian dish at weddings?
Vegetarians get hungry too



peace,

kp

[LisaL]

256. Many animals do eat other animals.

[kpete]

261. yes

and some don't



peace,
kp

[bettyellen]

250. I would definitely stop serving them meat- and offer them recipes when they compliment your food.

I agree it is thoughtless, but part of it might be a disconnect because they recall having meat at your place.
They could learn a lot about cooking vegetarian from you, lead by example!

[Lorien]

251. I'm a vegetarian who is allergic to tomatoes and soy

so I just bring my own main dish when I'm invited to someone's home for dinner, and sometimes a couple of sides too. I'm just happy for the invite. I don't care if they don't go to any extra effort for me. The rule in my house when I was a kid was that if you don't like what's served, then provide your own alternative!

[yellowcanine]

262. I suggest inviting them over for a good vegetarian meal.

People who aren't vegetarian do not know how to cook vegetarian. You have to show them. Just because they eat meat doesn't mean they need to eat meat at your house. I am not vegetarian but most of my family is. I eat vegetarian all of the time and am none the worse for it.

[demmiblue]

264. I am a vegetarian... I go into these situations expecting nothing.

People know I am a vegetarian, so they don't get offended when I don't eat some of their dishes (especially 'vegetarian' dishes that have hidden meat sources, like soup).

I am usually pleasantly surprised, though. Part of this is because I am not really that hard to please! If they make the effort, I appreciate the effort.

No skin off my nose, I am there for the company, not the meal.

On the flip side, I won't/don't prepare meat dishes. Though this turns out alright because most people I know eat vegetarian meals often and/or are watching their meat consumption.

[Glassunion]

265. I'm not a vegetarian. I've never met you. I'd still invite you over.

Reminds me... I should update the [link: http://www.democraticunderground.com/115717744|pinned thread] in cooking and baking. There is some good stuff there. Got some decent veggie entrees in there. We've had many many more in C&B, but after I took a break for a while, I had not kept up with updating the recipes.

If I may recommend:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/115729307 - I did this one... I loves me some good Gazpacho!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/115718808 - I also enjoyed... Bif keeps an excellent blog.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/115717752 - One of Mrs. Union's favorites.

Also in the V.V.&AR group a great recipe will pop up from time to time. I've been known to steal some ideas from there.

[GoneFishin]

266. I am pretty flexible. But I was irritated on an occasion when I was sitting with a group who was

planning a class reunion. When the choice of vegetarian options was discussed it was rather brief and one person said "let's just get the veggie kabobs, that's good enough for them."

??

[demmiblue]

267. I have noticed over the years that most everyone likes the veggie option...

in big group situations. Not necessarily as the main component of their meal, but definitely as a side dish (although, a lot of people have the veggie option as the main dish, and the meat option as the side). The vegetarians have nothing left to eat!

[nadine_mn]

274. I am sorry - this is less about what there was to eat and more about

how your friends of 20 years treated you.

They know you are a vegetarian - you didn't just spring this on them.

I don't understand this mentality of "eat and be grateful for what the host serves you".

If I specifically invite YOU to a meal at my house, I want you to enjoy it. Not feel like a second class citizen.

If it's a party or get together for a whole group of people where the focus is on socializing, then maybe I can see not having different options. But dinner - the point is to fricking eat.

Ugh - and so many people complaining about how hard to cook vegetarian meals. It isn't. Roasted vegetables - super easy and tasty. Pasta, rice, salads etc you can have fun with food.

But I would be hurt that someone who is a friend of 20 yrs just is blase about something like that.

We had Thanksgiving dinner for a couple - just the 4 of us. He was diabetic and she is a vegetarian. I was given a list of what he could or could not eat, I was unfamiliar with diabetic cooking at the time. Raised a vegetarian so that was a no-brainer. Made turkey for the meat eaters, vegetarian stuffing for all, stuffed mushrooms, sweet potato and apple side, 2 desserts - one sugar free and one full of sugar.

They were friend for just a couple of years at the time (she has moved away but we are still in contact and she divorced her husband) - I cannot imagine knowing someone for 20 yrs and not making sure there was food to eat.

[Snobblevitch]

276. Ok...

I've seen this thread for almost five days now. My solution is to NOT go to dinner parties in which you do not like the food that is served. It's not rocket science.

[Android3.14]

277. How gracious of you

[herding cats]

278. I haven't read the thread. I may not.

I know how things like this can go.

I will say I live in a region where it's normal to host people with such dietary restrictions. It's not a big deal to us and we're not considered a part of the "blue wave" where I live.

I do make allowances for everyone. Be they the only omnivore or vegan at a private party. Vegetarians are easy to me. As are omnivores obviously! Vegans pose a bit of a challenge, but I love a challenge! I'm getting much better at my vegan fare lately. Not bragging out of hand but I've even been asked for recipes in the recent past. Yeah, I'm proud of that accomplishment. My guest matter to me a lot.

I love hosting events. I only do it because I love the people I invite. That means all of them, no matter what they eat. How silly it seems to me to be nasty to a person you chose to invite to a meal event knowing they had dietary restrictions? Worse yet, then to act offended when they don't have anything meal worthy to eat? You're the one who messed up, not them!

This part of modern society I understand and I get right.