Dear white people, please don't touch a black person's hair....or anyone's hair without permission

[Cali_Democrat]

Black people are not pets

-----------------------------------------

Teyonah Parris Promptly Put An 'Old Man' In His Place After He Inappropriately Touched Her Hair

It's been said so many times, you would think it was common knowledge: Don't touch a black woman's hair, or a black man's hair, or anyone's hair at that -- especially without permission.

Sadly, some people are still grappling with practicing common sense and have to learn some lessons the hard way. That is precisely what happened this week when actress Teyonah Parris was approached by an overzealous stranger who couldn't keep his hands to himself.

On Monday, the "Mad Men" actress, who usually wears her hair in beautifully elaborate natural styles, was out dining with friends when she said an "old man" approached her and grabbed her hair. Not only did she put the rude man in his place, she also publicly shared the shocking ordeal via her Twitter account.

Here's a recount of what Parris said happened (our jaws are still on the floor):

Having tea at The Ritz w/beautiful brown folk. Old Man walks over boldly asks me "Is that yours or an add on?!"Clearly referring tomy hair.
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

I firmly state "Sir, that's rude." And turn to finish enjoying my company. He continues w/ "I told the manager he should have the waitresses
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

wear that hair bc it's stimulating." I say "Excuse me?" He says "I'm saying I like it." I reply "That's all you had to say. You like it."
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

I turn back to my company to once again END this convo w/ my body language and this man grabs my hair- I swear to Goodness- as he says
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

"It's stimulating!" His 40 something yo daughter is clearly uncomfortable as she sees my and the whole group of brown folks reaction and she
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

goes "He's trying to give you a compliment. C'mon Dad!" I'm dumbfounded and in shock. You have objectified, fetishized, attempted to demean,
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

and a number of other things all in one quick exchange. The sad thing is after all of my explaining to him about how inappropriate he was-
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

Im pretty sure he left as clueless as he arrived. Yup, it's 2015. There's levels to this type of #ignorance and #privilege.
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

Anybody see this lil movie I did called #DearWhitePeople ? It's on DVD and OnDemand! Go check it out!!
— Teyonah Parris (@TeyonahParris) June 9, 2015

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/10/rude-man-touches-actress-_n_7556506.html?utm_hp_ref=black-voices

[B2G]

1. One crazy old coot warrants a general warning to white people?

[Cali_Democrat]

2. Yes. You'll be surprised how often this happens to black people

and it's usually white people doing the touching.

[B2G]

4. Well I am surprised.

Completely shocked in fact. I've never witnessed such a thing.

Chances are this man was suffering from some sort of mental ailment.

[BainsBane]

11. We have seen enough discussion about black hair on this website

that you shouldn't be surprised that it translates to real life behavior as well.
You also might consider that the fact you aren't African American means you aren't in a position to see it very often.

[bettyellen]

16. Really? I've heard black women talk about this my whole life! It's funny because I have an unusually

thick and tempting head myself, so I've had some people ask me if it's happened to me.
It did only once, to a drunk who thought it was a wig and tried to swipe it off my head!
But yeah it's a thing.

[CTyankee]

115. Another thing is people patting a pregnant woman's abdomen...

I guess they think they're being tender and maybe even protective, but damn...

Kids need to be taught boundaries of a person's space early on.

[Starry Messenger]

21. If you call being a racist asshat a mental ailment, sure.

That's the ticket.

[Snotcicles]

23. Maybe he had dementia and didn't realize he was offensive. My mom

would say some strange things she would never had said before she had it.

[LanternWaste]

25. We often fail to see that which invalidates our biases...

We often fail to see that which invalidates our biases. Hence, I'm not surprised you've never seen it happen... regardless of how many times you've observed it happening.

[cherokeeprogressive]

37. I've never seen it either.

I always miss out on stuff like that. Check out lines at the supermarket are boring as hell too.

[JonLP24]

132. What the poster or the topic in question is very common

There are various hair styles when it comes to black woman hair that some are unique to white people. White women are usually or only ones from my personal experience I can remember -- I remember requests to touch it usually but lacking the perspective or the insight to know it comes across as irritating usually.

Airport pat-downs of black women's hairstyles discriminatory: ACLU

Two black women who said their hairstyles made them targets for airport security pat-downs said on Thursday the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) had agreed to stop singling out women for screening based solely on their "sisterlocks."

Malaika Singleton, a neuroscientist based in Sacramento, said she was on her way to London last year for an academic conference on dementia when a TSA agent at Los Angeles International Airport began pulling and squeezing her hair.

"I was going through the screening procedures like we all do, and after I stepped out of the full body scanner, the agent said, 'OK, now I'm going to check your hair,'" Singleton said on Thursday.

The same thing happened when she passed through the Minneapolis airport on her way back home, Singleton said.
ADVERTISING

She contacted the American Civil Liberties Union, and it turned out that one of the lawyers there, a black woman who also wears the tiny, stylized form of dreadlocks known as sisterlocks had the same experience - twice.

Novella Coleman, the ACLU attorney, had already filed a complaint about the practice in 2012, to no avail, Coleman said on Thursday. She filed another complaint based on Singleton's experience, and on Thursday the two women said that the agency had agreed to conduct anti-discrimination training sessions with its officers to avoid what they called racial profiling of hair.

"The first time I was on a trip with colleagues, some other attorneys who were white and Latina," said Novella Coleman, the ACLU lawyer who filed the complaint.

"The woman said, 'I need to search your hair now,' and she just started grabbing my hair and squeezing it from top to bottom," Coleman said. Her white and Latina colleagues underwent no such searches, she said.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/03/27/us-usa-california-hair-idUSKBN0MN01L20150327

I don't know what you're referring to exactly with check-out lines but lines in general here in Arizona provide opportunities to overhear Republican and/or racist rhetoric which is ridiculously common in the most conservative city of +250,000

[ariesgem]

46. perhaps you haven't witnessed it because you

are not in a position to experience it. Happens to me ALL THE TIME. Especially when I wear braids.

I get the usual - "ooh can I touch 'it?'", "is that that really ALL your hair or extensions?", "can you WASH 'it'?"...smh

[Cali_Democrat]

54. " I've never witnessed such a thing"

That doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Try listening to black women and they will tell you.

Instead of talking, try listening.

[JonLP24]

134. Larry King "I never learned anything while I was talking"

[malaise]

78. It's happened to me several times

First time was in Macy's in New York 1970.

[Glassunion]

94. No mental ailment.

When wore a fro, folks would constantly touch it.

[JanMichael]

60. Not me or anyone else I know. nt.

[bettyellen]

64. Ask next time you're hanging out with a bunch of black women- because I've never heard of it NOT

Happening, multiple times. I think it's much less frequent with men. Ask, and you will learn.

[jwirr]

125. I have heard the comment - "I wonder what it feels like" so I believe this post.

[MADem]

8. OFFS...DEAR WHITE PEOPLE is the MOVIE TITLE!!!!!!

Read the post...the WHOLE post, contextually.

https://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=Uag2G0J6iqw

[B2G]

9. I am totally aware of the context, thanks.

[MADem]

18. What's up with the ' general warning' gripe, then?

DWP is a way of prefacing a meme. It's not dissimilar to the phrase Pro Tip.

[Capt. Obvious]

13. It's a lot more common than this one guy

[Snow Leopard]

72. was thinking the same thing

I can imagine if the post said "black people please stop ...... fill in the blanks" Everyone gets up in arms about sweeping generalizations or stereotypes unless it is about white people. This is not going to help the situation imho.

[SMC22307]

133. No, that would be okay because... institutional racism. Oppression. Something.

I think that's how it goes...

[NuclearDem]

3. Wait, this is actually a thing that happens on a regular basis?

For the love of God people, keep your hands to yourself.

[B2G]

6. It's a common thing because one instance of it was posted on Twitter. nt

[Capt. Obvious]

14. Are you really that sheltered?

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=white+people+touching+black+people+hair

[bettyellen]

17. You need to get out more, lol. And stop gaslighting people when you are obviously out of your depth.

[jeff47]

49. I eagerly await your post explaining that you have black friends. (nt)

[Cali_Democrat]

55. LOL

You're funny.

[snooper2]

7. country of 330 million people...chances of it happening to one person a day

possible...?

[F4lconF16]

53. Yeah, it really is.

People mess with other people's hair all the time. The two guys with afros in my high school band had to deal with people touching their hair constantly.

[mainer]

5. It's also a male-female thing

Men who say leering things at women will excuse it by adding it's all "just a compliment."

[Lilith Rising]

123. Ain't THAT the truth!

Gross.

[WillowTree]

10. Conversely, I once had a teenaged black girl touch my hair.......

.......saying that she always wondered what "yellow" hair feels like. In that circumstance, I thought it was cute, but I do understand how other people in other situations might find it intrusive. Or maybe I should have looked for a video called #Dear Black People and thrown a hitsy over it.

People are naturally curious about people who are unlike themselves. Granted, it's poor manners and surely the older fella should have known better, but in the scheme of offensive and intrusive things that people do, this is on the very low side. Then again, other people seem to get a lot more enjoyment out of getting offended than I do.

[MADem]

22. It's an award winning film, not a video.

[WillowTree]

35. OK

[treestar]

86. Once a black small child

rubbed my arm. I think he wanted to see if the white stuff comes off!

[closeupready]

12. As a white gay man, I once had a black boyfriend

who said that when he was in college, all his white guy friends wanted to touch his hair. It was a 'thing'. He thoroughly loved it.

More generally, I imagine there are plenty of black people who bristle at self-appointed black leaders telling people (in general) what black people do want and don't want. A VERY patronizing thing to do, IMO, as we saw here recently with NYC_SKP's PPR.

On edit, it's thought-provoking that of 12 responses, I see only 5, 10, and 12 (my own).

[JI7]

52. But those were his friends

I think the complaint is more with strangers

[pnwmom]

15. I'm sure it happens and it's WRONG. Sadly, however, I suspect this old man

might have some sort of dementia -- which is why he was so persistent.

People with various forms of dementia experience changes in behavior. They often say whatever comes to mind, without censoring themselves at all.

Of course I know nothing about this particular man. He may have always been a racist jerk. But there is the possibility that this is something new -- and his poor daughter is stuck dealing with it.

[gaspee]

61. That's what I thought too

My dad has dementia and he does inappropriate things he never would have done before hand.

And yet, I still believe it is a thing - even though in this particular incident, I thought the guy had dementia as soon as I read it.

[KamaAina]

19. What about Rand Paul's?

I mean, it's not like it's really his.

[bluesbassman]

65. With Rand you take the chance that it will bite you.

And I believe he's an anti-vaxxer too so there's alway a chance of rabies.

[Prism]

20. Jessica Williams just mentioned this on the Daily Show

During the bit about the McKinney pool party. It's a common thing.

Weirdly, I get the same thing more often than one would think. I have medium brown hair that goes kind of golden red in sunlight. When Uber driving, maybe once or twice a week, I'll have a passenger try to touch my hair if it's showing red. Every single time, it is an Asian passenger from Asia. And usually guys (I assume gay. Maybe they're hitting on me. I have no idea).

A black friend of mine constantly has this problem. Tourists from Asia are always stopping him in San Francisco, wanting to touch his hair, wanting to take pictures with him. He takes it good naturedly, but you can tell it wears him down over time. And some days he is just not. in. the. mood.

I don't blame him.

[HubertHeaver]

63. Red hair does seem to be an attractant.

Fifty or so years ago, when I had hair, it was bright red. Seems like there was always somebody scruffing it. My children all have bright red hair. The youngest seemed to attract the most attention. He had one of his brothers cut it off. The only way to even it out was to turn him into a skinhead. Then his ears prominently protruded from the sides of his head inviting ear-pulls.

[LibertyLover]

98. In 1980 my mom and I went to China

Mom had blonde hair that at the time was only a little Miss Clairol. Mine was reddish gold. We were in Guongzhou, Nanning, Kunming and Beijing. In the 2 smaller cities of Nanning and Kunming we were followed around by a whole bunch of men who kept wanting to touch our hair. It was a bit disconcerting, as I had never wanted to touch anybody's hair except my own. I don't even really like to,touch my daughter's. I know it happens, but I just don't understand it.

[all american girl]

111. We lived in Japan when my son was a toddler.

He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and chubby cheeks. It was amazing how many people would poke him in the chest and say how cute he was. He hated it. Some people don't know personal space, I guess.

[NightWatcher]

24. How bout: Dear People, don't touch other people without consent

It solves a lot of problems.

[closeupready]

32. This. Even if you are Carrie Jean Prejean in a bikini, don't you DARE

touch me without my consent. Period.

Nick Jonas? Okay, I'll let it slide. THIS time.

[Smarmie Doofus]

39. But it's not as much fun. It fails to satisfy.

We feel *stronger* when we're angry.


It's a psychological fact of life and it's REALLY hard to get over.

[treestar]

85. +1

I wouldn't want someone touching my hair, either!

[Behind the Aegis]

26. Not surprising this still happens.

It seems to me it is more common among women, meaning they are usually the recipients of the "pat down." It is similar to "is that your real hair?" or "is that natural?". It is simple as "don't invade someone's personal space"! I have honestly never understood the "fascination" some have with wanting to touch other people's hair.

As a side note, when my brother was in Kenya, the children liked to touch his hair because it was curly and wiry (Jewish genes) and it wasn't something they normally saw.

[Orrex]

27. I believe that this happens, but...

Honestly it would never have occurred to me that it's a thing. I mean, what kind of an asshole would do that?

It's akin to grabbing a pregant woman's belly or mushing the cheeks of someone else's infant. Keep your hands to yourself, dammit!

In the discussions I've had about this--both about the hair-touching and the pregnancy/infant-grabbing--the justification has always been "Lighten up, it's not a big deal."


I'm sure that it's not a big deal to the jerk who's doing the grabbing.

[Behind the Aegis]

29. "I'm sure that it's not a big deal to the jerk who's doing the grabbing."

Or to the person who is not getting grabbed!

[Orrex]

30. Good point

[ileus]

28. Uh yeah...sure....whatever you say.

[get the red out]

31. I am sorry

I had no idea white people did that! WTF is wrong with so many people that look like me???? How can someone ever think of doing that???? I am glad she told him off!

[whathehell]

33. Dear Black People, I have never done that and never would, nor do I know anyone else who has or

would.

Glad we got that covered.

[bettyellen]

41. Was the OP about you? I thought it was about the experiences of thousands of black women- silly me!

[whathehell]

68. The OP was addressed to white people, so it's about them as well.

In addition to checking out the other Caucasians on the thread who, like me, responded as individuals,

you might want to consider that when you address an entire race on one issue, you can expect such responses.

[bettyellen]

69. Lol, if you think your individual denial is somehow relevant to the issue raised....

Well it's pretty self involved, but go for it.

[whathehell]

74. LOL

When one attributes something as idiosyncratic as non-consensual hair touching to an entire

race, I'm afraid questions of "relevance" and perspective have already left the room.

[bettyellen]

84. What baloney. Do you get upset at every PSA directed at humanity when it doesn't apply to you?

Nope. But god forbid a woman of color talks back about a phenomena that bothers her. Dismiss, deny and denigrate is the response here.
Ain't that special.

[treestar]

88. Well apparently there are some white people who do this

Is the poster denying that? I don't think so. You're being pretty mean. Why would every white person know about it and should we all be on a crusade about it? I get that it's a thing, but before I learned about it, I didn't know about it either. I would say the white people who do that are rude and overly curious but that's not the worst of racism in white people.

[whathehell]

93. Um, betty? As the number and content of our posts makes clear,

I am not the one who is "upset". You are upset. I didn't respond in the way

you thought I should, so you've been yammering away at me, putting words in my mouth

in an earnest effort to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Accusing others of emotions you yourself are feeling is called "projection". Help is available.

Enjoy your evening. I intend to enjoy mine, so that means saying "adieu"

to you and wishing you well.

[bettyellen]

97. Instead of answering you offer a personal attack.

I was merely observing what is all too obvious from your many posts in this thread. Dismiss, deny and denigrate. It's all you have to offer.
Poor you.

[whathehell]

114. I have, you just don't like the answers

and so respond with distortions and "personal attacks" of your own.

Sorry, Bet, I'm getting bored -- You'll have to find someone else to fight with.

Buh bye.

[bettyellen]

118. "Get help" is demeaning bullshit, and coming from someone admittedly ignorant on the topic but oh so

Opinionated is pretty fucked up. Angry? Lol, nope.
I just point out gaslighting bullshit when I see it.
Your increasingly hostile responses are pretty interesting. Sad, but all too common here these days.

[DURHAM D]

34. Your OP was Alerted on -

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service
Mail Message
On Thu Jun 11, 2015, 02:18 PM an alert was sent on the following post:

Dear white people, please don't touch a black person's hair....or anyone's hair without permission
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026816563

REASON FOR ALERT

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

ALERTER'S COMMENTS

This post is racist, rude and unwarranted.

Lumping all white people in this manner is unwarranted.

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Thu Jun 11, 2015, 02:26 PM, and the Jury voted 2-5 to LEAVE IT.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: You must be kidding to report this. Are you sure you're on the right site?
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Context, people!

Bloody hell…
Juror #3 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Hide this racist drivel.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: To the ALERTER - Rand is calling.

Leave

Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

[Sissyk]

38. Bogus alert warning!

[99Forever]

36. While people are clearly the only people that have ever done this.

I'm so ashamed.

[Eleanors38]

71. Now, hold on there. I had a black girl touch and feel my hair....

in a laundromat when I was 14. She was around 1. Apparently, the blonde hair was something new! Her Mom (and I) said it was okay.

[Catherine Vincent]

40. I agree but...

People shouldn't be touching anybody's hair without their permission.

[Inkfreak]

42. I bet it's pretty damn annoying....

I'm covered in tattoos and if it's anything like like what I deal with, it's frustrating. People are always grabbing my arms to look at the tats and twisting and turning the arm to get closer looks. Personal space! Learn about it.

[DawgHouse]

45. Oh my, I'm not one to grab a persons arm but I find tattoos pretty interesting!

Is it rude to ask "why" a person has a certain tattoo? I'm often curious about the choice of body art but don't mean to sound as if I am judging them.

Most people are willing to talk about it but I didn't realize I might be overstepping a boundary.

[Inkfreak]

47. Nah, I'm not bothered by the why or questions about them.

Though I don't have great stories for every one. Some were just cool & I wanted it. Some are personal expressions. The touching thing isn't the norm. But it has happened so I thought of that when reading this.

[Rex]

43. Oh man...haven't heard about this in a long time.

What is it about black peoples hair and some white peoples...fetish?...compulsion...to touch it? As a white person that really freaks me out. I am sure some here have never heard about this 'issue', but I saw it firsthand growing up in south Texas.

Weird and perverse imo.

It is like me walking up to X and saying, "my your arms are so smooth and silky...I must touch them!"

[DawgHouse]

44. It is NOT cool and I've had it happen to me.

I have hair that is long and curls in spirals. Twice I have had a stranger in an elevator reach out and grab a curl, stretch it out and watch it spring back in place. They seemed to think they were complimenting me on my hair because they would comment that they liked my hair or it was "cool".

It's weird to be touched by strangers.

FYI - I'm white, if that matters, but it's not cool to touch anyone without asking!

[Codeine]

48. I get this as a white guy with a shaved head.

It always freaks me out /- I don't know where your hands have been so I sure as HELL don't want them on my scalp!

Add in the layer of racial patronizing that the writer has to deal with and I'd probably deck someone. A better person than I.

[Warren DeMontague]

50. It's a known fact that unwanted rubbing of peoples' heads is a sign of socioapathy.

[Scootaloo]

83. Fuck he's creepy

[treestar]

89. LOL does he think he's a priest?

He looks like he is baptizing them!

[orpupilofnature57]

101. You nailed that !!!!

[JI7]

109. his nickname for Ari Fleischer was "bald jew"

[Warren DeMontague]

110. Captain Charm

I'm sure that sort of thing was good for all sorts of hearty yuks, around the Yale Fraternity Keggers.

On a global leader, though, it looks pretty bad,

[Algernon Moncrieff]

51. Whenever I get my summer buzz cut, people rub my head.

I don't get bent out of shape about it.

[m-lekktor]

56. K & R.nt

[ieoeja]

57. Good thing I'm already divorced. n/t

[Kalidurga]

58. Dear White People who are in this thread you know who you are.

Stop freaking out when a black woman calls out white people over touching her hair. I am sure she doesn't mean #allwhitepeople.

[randys1]

80. White people arent used to being called out, period, let alone by a Black Woman

[Kalidurga]

95. Yeah I should carry smelling salts when I come in here.

[JanMichael]

59. This is a manners thing. I have NEVER touched anyone's head without permission.

Not the stupid mo-hawks or Dreds or braids or bald or tattooed or pony tails etfuckingcetera.

Do not lecture me.

[romanic]

62. This does happen sometimes.

I know my step sister had a similar experience when an older Middle Eastern woman asked if she could touch her afro. She was nice enough to let her (the woman was one of the patients in the senior home she worked in) but at least the woman asked! I get that some are fascinated by afros but its rudeto just touch someone without consent.

That said, was anyone side-eying the language of the tweets with the "brown folks"? Why not just say friends instead? Struck me a bit of a race separatist. js

[MattBaggins]

66. Darn it... Can I still randomly rub the bellies of pregnant women?

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

67. Yes, and then you can rub your sore jaw ...

.. an ice bag will help.

[bettyellen]

70. That's another weird one that's very common.

[laundry_queen]

99. I was just going to post about this

I can totally believe black women deal with this constantly, as when I was pregnant people constantly touched my belly. Total strangers did it. EW! By the time I was pregnant with my 3rd I would stand in such a way as to avoid anyone being able to accost me. The worst was when, with my first, my husband's dad's old friend ran up to me, got down on his hands and knees, and starting rubbing and stroking my belly while talking to the baby. He was a stranger to me - I had briefly met him once before. I was so icked out.

I'll have to ask my SIL if people do this to her. She's half black but we live in an area that is very diverse and she said she's never experienced any racism at all. So I'll have to ask her about this. I do know neither me nor my kids have touched her hair - and we know her pretty well, LOL. It's called respecting people's personal space. Apparently that is a very difficult concept for some people.

[greytdemocrat]

73. Here is what I find strange...

Having tea at The Ritz w/beautiful brown folk.

Brown folk?? People find it necessary to mention their color?

Now that I find strange. Whatever.

[randys1]

77. That is what bothers you about all this?

[greytdemocrat]

87. It doesn't bother me

I simply find it strange someone would
use a phrase like that.

And I tend to believe the old coot probably
had a degenerative disease that was affecting him.

The whole thing strikes me as over blown anyway.

[JustAnotherGen]

106. To show

The environment, who was with her, and the general reaction from the company she keeps.

[orpupilofnature57]

79. Like the ' The Round Table ' at the Algonquin ??

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algonquin_Round_Table

[MrScorpio]

90. Yes, it is necessary...

I can explain why in detail, if you'd like.

[JustAnotherGen]

113. Don't

There are some du-ers who can only focus on one task at a time.

Same folks will pretend that rubbing your head isn't offensive (they know it is)

But pointing out a white person who doesn't keep their hands to themselves - and having them mocked in a public forum -

Is the worst thing in the world.

It's so mean.

The woman who tweeted this out - she's mean. Is sensitive. Etc etc.

Yet - they have empathy for a boar who lacks basic manners.

All I can think is the elderly man's mother was worthless because my mother - who is also white - taught me to keep my hands to myself and respect boundaries.

His mother was worthless.

[polly7]

75. I would never even think of touching someone else's hair.

My sisters and I sang on tv once - it was a regional entertainment thing on once a week where people sent in names of those they thought should be on. I had bouncy, super long hair that my aunt had made even curlier. Before the cameras started, the host kept grabbing my curls and watching them bounce back. He was so, so strange. Something that should have been fun and exciting, and all I felt about it was creeped out.

[orpupilofnature57]

76. No one has the right,,,,,,wait a minute I don't want to be banned.

[hfojvt]

81. and whatever you do

don't EVER shoot a woman's hair

[NaturalHigh]

82. Does this really happen that often?

Come on now - I'm not feeling it.

[bettyellen]

91. Ask any group of black women. I've heard about it all my life.

[JustAnotherGen]

116. See bettyellen the mistake you made

Was assuming that all Democratic party members "rub shoulders" with us.

[bettyellen]

117. It's an amazing thing to offer opinions when you really don't know.

I'm sure they don't intend to gaslight or "mans plain"... But when you offer your two cents before considering you really don't have a clue, what are others to think?

[Glassunion]

96. Yes. Yes it does.

[Liberal_in_LA]

102. yes. it has happened to me

[JustAnotherGen]

112. Yes - doesn't matter what you feel

People who had no home training - ie terrible parents who did not teach them basic manners and to keep their hands to themselves - engage in this behavior.

I think - if she had framed the argument as - "can you believe the Ritz allows people who put their hands on other people into their establishment?" -

She would have made it palatable for a segment of the population who are too self absorbed to understand why being a rude obnoxious boar is inappropriate.

[NaturalHigh]

135. I didn't say it wasn't inappropriate.

I've just never heard of it happening, and I'm still very skeptical that it happens often. My "feelings" have nothing to do with it.

[JustAnotherGen]

136. Skeptic - hmmm 'Kay

Does it have to happen every day - five times a day for it be a thing?
:lmao: - my husband slapped someone's hand away from my hair at a graduation party two weeks ago.
Luckily it was another Calabrese man and they bring their respect - and he apologized. It's their culture. but an American born and raised white male - was too ignorant to even apologize.

Again - he wasn't raised right. His mother did a poor job.

[NaturalHigh]

137. OK

[mythology]

92. Why would people do this?

It's really kind of creepy to think you have the right to touch other people you don't know.

[JustAnotherGen]

105. Because - I've always gotten the impression

They had a black friend once in the third grade who didn't have hair like xyz.

Most of the people who have done this to me - seem to think black people are something fascinating - like we are from a circus freak show.

Here's an idea - if everyone kept their hands to themselves - it wouldn't be a problem.

I was raised that you don't ever put hands other people.

The man in the OP was intrusive, rude, ignorant, and made a problem for another person because he has zero social skills.

[DisgustipatedinCA]

100. Also, green-eyed people should never, NEVER touch my pancreas

And no pageant winners of any type should ever touch anyone else's earlobe.

[Zenlitened]

103. Never fails to disappoint.

A black woman tells of her experience in this life, out jumps a bunch of old white guys to blurt out, "I've never heard of that, it's not a big deal anyway, no you're the racist for bringing up race."

And they've lived such sheltered lives, apparently, that they really don't seem to realize how obviously, glaringly ridiculous their comments are to everyone looking on. Didn't you notice you walked out of the house today with no pants on?

It would be funny, I guess, if it wasn't so toxic. But it's so damn toxic. Leaves even an old white lady like me retching and ill.

[Snobblevitch]

104. I have a niece with platinum blond hair. She was born with it.

People would touch her hair without asking permission while she was in a stroller.

I wonder what hairstyle this actress was wearing when she had her hair touched. I just looked at her photos at imdb.com. While there is no excuse for anyone touching somebody's hair without permission, this actress certainly has sported some interesting hairstyles. I'm not convinced this is all about race and not just plain rudeness.

[JustAnotherGen]

124. Maybe it was the first time

He ever saw a black person in the Ritz?

[Snobblevitch]

127. I still think it was about the hair. (Without information telling me otherwise.)

[JustAnotherGen]

107. I think every tweet she wrote

Was funny!

You are getting push back because you showed - by her tweets -


That sometimes when non black folks overstep physical boundaries - they get laughed at in a group setting (twitter, the tea party at the ritz) - and treated like a culture oddity.

And disregard some of these folks who have no clue. The blind man says one day we'll see. When you choose to be blind - that's your issue.

They can't relate, don't give one fuck, and just stepped into this to look down their noses at a womn doing the right thing - using her words - instead of the wrong thing -


Slapping his hand so hard he'd put them in his pockets every time he saw a black woman on the street.

[Behind the Aegis]

119. "When you choose to be blind - that's your issue."

a-yup!

Rather than listen to the perspective of the affected party, it is the "guilty" party who becomes the "victim." When you are offended, you are supposed to take their offense and abuse with good nature and aplomb. Or, better yet, they will tell you what your opinion/action/feelings should be in order to satisfy their needs.

"Slapping his hand so hard he'd put them in his pockets every time he saw a black woman on the street."

But would that have been wrong? He invaded her personal space...repeatedly.

[akbacchus_BC]

108. Oh Cali, this is the least of our problems!

Who cares if someone wants to touch your hair, they are just being curious!

We need to concentrate in electing another President who cares about working class people and not only the middle class.

You know what, am from the Caribbean, and many a times I see someone with dreadlocks, and I wish I could touch it to see if it is real but I refrain. Back home, it would not be an issue but here in Canada, a white guy or girl with dreads is not a good idea to ask.

Hair is not the issue and I do not understand what is your issue about hair. I might be insensitive, I suppose.

[BumRushDaShow]

122. "am from the Caribbean"

Welcome to the American way. Where millions of us were dragged here and objectified into commodities that were to be bought and sold and dehumanized for financial gain. And even today, we are considered animals to be petted, scolded, disciplined, hunted, and shot on sight like wild game. When you are a minority in the country to which you were born (which you weren't), there's a whole different dynamic.

The "problems" are NOT the "least". It is a part of the issue of the American definition and cultural manifestation of "race" and "superiority", which have been going on for centuries - the hourly, daily, monthly, yearly, and generational indignities. A President "who cares about working class people" is irrelevant when you are the wrong color because they treat the least among us and the greatest among us, the same way - as chattel and non-human.

[ScreamingMeemie]

120. No excuses, but it sounds like perhaps diminishing mental capacity was at play.

Some of the words he said and the way his daughter responded. That said, I agree with you.

[Marr]

121. I used to touch my friend's afro in kindergarten.

But I was five. And it was enormous.

Seriously, it was like he had his own storm cloud that followed him around, lol.

But yes, I would agree that it's bad form to touch anyone anywhere without permission, or at least a very good reason-- like they're about to be run over by a bus.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

126. This bit made me laugh......

"Having tea at The Ritz w/beautiful brown folk".

[JonLP24]

130. Its battery if unwanted

It is always wise to keep your hands to yourself.

[SMC22307]

131. How many old white men have hair-related "add on" as part of their vocabulary?

I wonder if this really did happen, or if Teyonah has "created a fiction" to promote her hair movie.

She's the one who may be clueless and ignorant, especially if the old white man has some sort of dementia.