General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsYou know what ALSO takes courage?
Growing up female, and then BEING a 65 year old woman. Without benefit of family, fame or fortune.
eom
shenmue
(38,506 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Thanks...
Jackpine Radical
(45,274 posts)The same is true of men, Blanche. In fact, we die years earlier when there is no partner in our life, while women show no drop in life expectancy in the parallel situation.
Personally, I don't know what I would do if I lost my wife. I selfishly hope I go first.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)I don't disagree that to be a man causes gender-specific hardships in our lives, such as having shorter-life expectancies.
But comparing that to the systemic and unrelenting oppression that women face in our society and culture in a thread about the challenge it is to grow up as a woman without support isn't right. It hijacks the thread and makes the oppression of men and women appear equal, even if that was not the intent (which I don't believe it was).
Without knowing how the OP feels, or attempting to speak in her place, I would suggest moving this comment elsewhere, perhaps to a new thread. It is reminiscent of the constant attacks on DU, in the online world, and in the real world to detract from women's issues and problems. A short comment or two expressing sympathy with or perhaps even a longer paragraph or two on what we could do to address these systemic biases against women would be more appropriate.
And I hope you and your wife die simultaneously in a huge volcanic eruption while living out your last days in a gorgeous Hawaiian beach house. That'll solve the problem
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)put up to glorify our cannon fodder.
I think such an attitude is what keeps us at odds and holds us back.
This is a perfect place for the comment you write about, Yours, however, suggesting that you would be happier with both of the people you wrote to dying violently, belongs in the trash. Which is where any future comments from you directed at me will be, though I suspect you'll respond anyway.
Like the world isn't mean enough already. Bye.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)On the other hand, that would be an excellent space to discuss the shitty things we do to men in our culture, and in a respectful manner.
That was meant in a genuinely nice manner. Perhaps this forum is not the best place for dark humor. I've heard my parents joke about something like that happening, and how it would be easier for them both.
And yes, I responded anyways. Hopefully this clarifies things for others.
Jackpine Radical
(45,274 posts)I have something of a (very positive) history with Blanche on this board, and if she communicates to me that I have in any way offended, disrespected, or belittled her, I will offer her my sincere apologies.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I'm not in a big talkin kinda mood...feeling down today....
I've seen the articles you mention, about men having a harder time with separation than women.
I can't compare such subjective experiences, I just know I've grieved some ferociously painful losses.
But---I guess maybe having only had "relationships" with a long series of real big mistakes over my life, I should be glad I don't have to worry about losing someone I love... (did I mention I'm feeling really down today? :p).
Anyway, aside from individual heartbreak, I do think the systemic oppression of women makes our later years more difficult, compared to what men can expect.
Just one example that comes to mind, from an article I saw (sorry, don't remember who published it)---women have a longer lifespan, generally. But our health and quality of life is worse. Financially, we tend to be worse off. And alone.
We become invisible due to age shunning much sooner than men do. We are judged by our looks to an extent men can probably never truly understand, and the first requirement is youth. Our "shelf life" ends around our 40's. If you haven't experienced invisibility, it's hard to explain what it feels like.
don't know what else to say. I just ran out of words.....
Jackpine Radical
(45,274 posts)And it's really tough to be down.
PM me if you need an ear.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I should go chant. Raise my life condition.
Oh, that takes effort! *gasp*
Or, I could continue to vegetate and feel pathetic! Grab a gallon of ice cream while I'm at it. Maybe drive around till I find a place with deep fried twinkies....
brer cat
(24,615 posts)Sorry you are feeling down, BlancheSplanchnik.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Thanks brer cat.
No Vested Interest
(5,167 posts)in recent years, by their Daddies and granddaddies.
Moms and grandmoms seldom advocate for the chest-thumping wars our nation has engaged in in the last half-century.
This is meant as a comment, not an argument.
And, yes, I agree with OP that aging of both men and women without family is tough.
I'm widowed, and can't imagine how much harder and emptier life would be without my adult children looking in, helping out now and again. Though I want to stay in my home as long as possible, I think if I had no family I would seek a community for older adults, as they do usually look out for one another.
ChristianGrey
(39 posts)During the two World Wars, which is what we were discussing, the women were doing just as much chest-thumping as the men. In England for example, the women were involved in the White Feather campaign, which attempted to shame men for the cowardice for refusing to fight.
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)Unrelenting oppression?
Only someone in the first world could write that in all seriousness.
We still have a ways to go, but have some perspective, please! Otherwise, you're going to drop dead from anxiety and anger long before you should.
Peace.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)Unrelenting just means it never stops, never gives up. It's always there.
And there's not enough anger in this heart to fill a teaspoon, today. Anger is good and desirable at times, but today? Today is sunny and there's a candle nearby and it smells good. Too much anger for today
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)erronis
(15,355 posts)N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,782 posts)Been married for 41 years, known Mrs. since I was 16, 63 now.
I'd be lost in a fog of course she knows this and concurs.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)jwirr
(39,215 posts)snooper2
(30,151 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)By the time you're 65, often parents are gone.
Warpy
(111,359 posts)and even old white males are undervalued. We all have great stories that nobody wants to hear, they're all tuned in to some chicken brained Kardashian.
It's not a healthy culture to be old in, especially if you're a female.
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)I even see this on DU at times. It saddens me a great deal.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)It's so normalized, this general attitude that women are worth attention only if they're young and hot....or trans or drag queens....
So normalized that it's hard to disentangle enough to explain. And only women who never experienced the benefits of male privilege know the cumulative results.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)With makeover and starlet clothes provided for the newly born Ms. Jenner.
Life for xx women is a little different as we age. And an xx woman of 65 who "dared" to present herself as a bombshell would be greeted with a very cruel reception.
sigh...I don't have a whole lot more to say right now....feeling low today, and forgot to bring phone with me today, so couldn't reply earlier from work.
Thanks for getting what I was referring to, Warpy.
Warpy
(111,359 posts)That invisibility cloak we got issued in our 50s? It stopped the catcalling dead.
You've got to admit it's refreshing to be able to walk someplace without some wanker yelling trash at you.
It's also nice to thumb our noses at the fertility aisle in the supermarket. If we can afford to shop.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)And true, I don't mind not buying tampoons and medicine for cramps..... Did spend a good deal on perimenopause medicines, though. That was 10 years of joy. Thankfully, that's mostly died down.
But still, I don't like the glorification that xx chrom women are barred from.
Trans MEN don't get much attention either, seems to me.
abakan
(1,819 posts)Not quite 65 yet but I too have no family, fame or fortune. I will shed no tears for those who do.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Hmmm...a 65 year old woman would be unlikely to be named Caitlyn. That's a name from a different generation.
But I digress.
I too have no family. Got a few kind friends.
Due to a badly dysfunctional history, I've only had a series of real big mistakes in the love-life department. Working hard on recovering and developing better life skills, but not feeling too hopeful about finding a Good Love at this stage, either. (I hope I'm proven wrong.)
JDPriestly
(57,936 posts)And you can't get that old when-I-was-young, last-resort job as a waitress because you are "too old." Absolutely right!
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I don't think any xx chromosome women would be glamorized and glorified at Ms. Jenner's age.
zeemike
(18,998 posts)REASON FOR ALERT
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
ALERTER'S COMMENTS
xx chromosome woman? jenner identifies as female and that should be the end of it. i empathize with the op and am watching my 64 y/o mom struggle with this, but this is transphobic.
You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Thu Jun 4, 2015, 10:33 PM, and the Jury voted 3-4 to LEAVE IT.
Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: The opinion expressed is swimming against the current that flows through here. That alone does not meet the TOS standard. I do not detect an intention to be hurtful, over-the-top, etc. One can argue persuasively that we could stand a few more contrary opinions here. They are an uncomfortable protection against groupthink.
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Take a break.
Juror #4 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Referencing biology is not transphobic...it's science.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Geez.
I know the current term is cis woman or cis man, but since I'm not certain of the proper usage, I figured I better use biology.
Yeesh....sometimes it's hard to just make a frikkin point around here.
zeemike
(18,998 posts)And some of them you can't see coming.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Well...I can only hope they're cruelty free eggs.
LostOne4Ever
(9,290 posts)[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]They give the impression that transwomen are not "real women" and your xx chromosome women might have come off that way as well.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/feminist-phrases-marginalize-trans-women/
Further, there is an intersex condition where a person is born and raised female, but have an XY chromosome called Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complete_androgen_insensitivity_syndrome
Cis is preferred because it breaks the idea that cisgender individuals are the "normal" and trans are in someway "abnormal."[/font]
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Where does CIS come from? what's the etymology? That would help to clarify for me.
LostOne4Ever
(9,290 posts)[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Cis meaning moving along side.
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=trans-
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=cis-&searchmode=none
Transgender-moving across genders/sexes
Cisgender-moving alongside gender/sex[/font]
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I may use both approaches for a while, until the term CIS is more widely known.
LostOne4Ever
(9,290 posts)[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Take care[/font]
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)absolutely.
WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)Widowed last year; taking care of very infirm mother in my house literally since that month. No siblings.
I sure don't look as swell as Caitlyn Jenner!
annabanana
(52,791 posts)b. 11/25/49
widowed last year
My Mother, thank heavens, is in pretty good shape at 89 and lives in assisted living near my kid sister....
I have BETTER smile lines than Caitlyn!
Jackpine Radical
(45,274 posts)WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)Tierra_y_Libertad
(50,414 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Heh...
Zorra
(27,670 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Age before beauty?
Pearls before swine!!
eissa
(4,238 posts)Tipperary
(6,930 posts)Very well said.
Plucketeer
(12,882 posts)I do, but they barely know my wife since we're so far apart on the continent. I'm a decade older than she and yet I do most of the things around here to keep our home / property up and going. She's gonna be totally lost if I go first.
Tierra_y_Libertad
(50,414 posts)I refused, but she replied, "How in the hell am I supposed to figure out the goddamned remote?"
Plucketeer
(12,882 posts)Yeah, my poor wife is SO spatially challenged. She'd really have a tough time on her own.
Tierra_y_Libertad
(50,414 posts)I've never been able to balance a checkbook or pay bills on time.
Works for us.
Monday was our 35th anniversary.
CharlotteVale
(2,717 posts)randys1
(16,286 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)xx chromosome women, particularly non-famous, male Olympians, do not receive such fèting and glamour at that age.
In fact, now I think of it, xx chromosome women who ARE rich, famous, female Olympians don't get glamourized and fèted at 65.
sheshe2
(83,929 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)seveneyes
(4,631 posts)Blue_In_AK
(46,436 posts)as I was laying in bed contemplating the fact that my last child (who is almost 30) plans to move out of Alaska in the fall, leaving me and my husband here alone. He is almost 68, I am almost 69. If he dies before me (which he's convinced he will), I will be all alone here. I have absolutely NO plans to leave Alaska or even move from this house, but I wonder what I'll do if I'm 80 and living alone. It does give one pause.
Kalidurga
(14,177 posts)And in the circle that Caitlyn is in varying from the white hetro norm is almost taboo. Yes, having money makes everything easier even breaking taboos. But, it still takes a lot to go against cultural norms especially if you are in the class that promotes those norms. And she's a Republican according to one interview. I can't imagine how she is going to stay a Republican there will be a lot of snark directed toward her and going on behind her back, she will be aware of a lot of it.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)The thing that I'm displeased about is the media hypocrisy. No older woman-from-birth is ever treated so rapturously. Usually, if older women try to present themselves as sexy, they get treated to a hostile backlash based in disgust.
I'm not criticizing Caitlyn Jenner's transition. I'm accusing the media and general public of holding different standards and deep attitudes towards older women.
The glamorous focus on Ms Jenner would never be given to an xx chromosome woman.
Kalidurga
(14,177 posts)But, this is actually the society we live in. The hypocrisy runs deep and it's generations long. It will take a long long time to ween people off of being so judgy toward each other over things that are immutable like ageing and ethnic heritage. Perhaps Caitlyn will help on this front too whether she likes it or not. She is going to find out in a hurry how people really feel about women especially older women.
olddots
(10,237 posts)I hear you , we seem to have problem thats getting worse and it makes no sence .
mountain grammy
(26,655 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Not the kind that gets recognition.
I suppose that's what self-respect is for.
mountain grammy
(26,655 posts)despite what ever life throws at you.
I sincerely hope you have a better day today.
JEB
(4,748 posts)fizzgig
(24,146 posts)my mother is 64 and i see all too clearly the challenges she faces, so i am understanding of the issues faced by senior women. but why "other" jenner to bring those issues to light?
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I guess it sounds like I'm othering her, though that's not my intent. I'm good with anyone who has the guts to commit to how they experience their Self.
I've mentioned several times upthread that what I'm actually criticizing is the Media Response (and thusly, one of a number of various social group responses.)
I see the response is much more accepting, friendly, admiring, approving of a glamorous, positive image of her, Caitlyn.
Now, what vocabulary can I use to make clear that MY issue is that conventionally mocking responses towards OLDER WOMEN are clearly acceptable...very different than accepting responses toward fabulous trans and drag queens.
Progressive and other trans positive responses aren't extended to women of that age who want to define themselves as fabulously self-accepting.
I'm not sure...am I getting my point across? ....not sure if I'm explaining the difference as I see it. And why I think it's significant.
What can I say? I'm chilling out before bed.....hope I'm making sense!
fizzgig
(24,146 posts)i agree that she is the exception to the rule and her background has everything to do with the media attention, but there are older xy women who are viewed as glamorous and positive by the media. i just think the issue can be brought to light without making the distinction.
hope i'm making sense. drank a beer or two more than was wise last night and my brain is a bit fuzzy
Jesus Malverde
(10,274 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Last edited Fri Jun 5, 2015, 10:34 AM - Edit history (1)
Unfortunately, it's hard to articulate succinctly. I've tried to explain in a number of posts upthread.
Maybe one of those would give more clarity.... Hope so, anyway.
LostOne4Ever
(9,290 posts)[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Doesn't matter if they are a cis-woman or a transwoman.[/font]
cantbeserious
(13,039 posts)eom
malaise
(269,187 posts)K & R
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)It would have been nice to share thoughts with you....
Who would have thought the deeper significance to develop later?