But since Jon Stewart is making it, let's follow through.
The ASPCA says there are 70 to 80 million pet dogs in the US.
Various sources claim there are 270 to 310 million firearms in the US, so there are roughly four times as many firearms as pet dogs.
In 2012 the FBI says there were 12,765 firearms related homicides in the US. Since there are roughly one quarter as many dogs as guns, that means that for our analogy's sake, there are roughly one quarter as many shitting incidents.
Because 3500 dogs took a shit on the rug, all 75 million dogs need to be registered.
Every dog owner needs a license.
If you buy a puppy at the pet store, you need to have a license, you need to have a background check, and the puppy needs to be registered. There is a thirty day waiting period before you can bring the puppy home. The puppy needs to be sold with a muzzle. The puppy must wear the muzzle and be securely locked up when you are not actually playing with the puppy.
If a friend or family member wants to sell or give you a puppy, you need to take it to a pet store and go through the complete licensing, registration, and background check procedure.
Certain dogs that are too large are banned. No more Irish wolfhounds or St. Bernards. Certain dogs that look too scary are also banned. No more pit bulls, Rottweilers, or german shepherds. Large capacity dog food bags are banned. They may only hold enough dog food so that the dog doesn't shit more than three times a day.
It's a stupid analogy. Have I beat it to death yet?
Mr. Stewart, have you considered that the public is not actually apathetic about guns, but is increasingly weary about gun control theater that creates a lot of noise, but does little to bring about effective and balanced firearms legislation in the U.S.?
:large
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