I am "gay" married! (ETA....thanks)
Last edited Wed Feb 18, 2015, 01:35 AM - Edit history (1)
Actually, I am just married. There is no such thing as "gay" marriage. There is only "marriage." There is nothing special about my marriage, other than it is now legal in my state. Did you notice I italicized and bolded the word "state"? Yeah, that is what makes my marriage "special." It is only legal in my state and 36 others (there are 50 states) and not on a federal level. So, ever wondered what a difference it can make?
Well, for one, my home and possessions can't be claimed by the State if my husband were to die (G-d forbid). Unknown or distant relatives can't roll up and take my shit (or his, if it were me to go). I don't have to get documentation to visit him in the hospital or get his medical records. And this year, I am not a "dependent", I am a "spouse." So, instead of a return of $750 from Federal, it is now almost $5900! I don't have a job. I don't work from home. I take care of our home, but now, it is different. To be clear, it isn't just about the Benjamins, it is about being EQUAL! Well, kinda. See, if we were to move to one of those other 13 states, well, I am back to being a "dependent."
The Supreme Court is supposed too take up this issue soon. Many are already popping their champagne corks. Don't. It is very possible they will rule in our favor, but don't think for a moment the haters will stop trying to declare me and my husband second-class (or worse) citizens. Already we are seeing states trying to fight marriage EQUALITY. To this day, we are seeing efforts to overturn women's reproductive rights, and, in many places, they are still limited. Too many are becoming complacent; thinking the battle is over, or almost over. We have to stay strong, be loud, and continue to demand that gay people are entitled to being seen as citizens; human.
My marriage is boring. It is nothing spectacular. It is routine. But, I love my husband, please remember I should be entitled to share the rewards (and responsibilities) of that love.
[hr]
ETA: I wanted to say thank you to all the people who wished us well. It was very kind. I think, however, I didn't make the point I intended. LOL! We got married in November of last year, so as of today, we have been married 3 months. I was trying to point out how, for years (for us), that our 'partnership' had several disadvantages but once being allowed to legally marry, many of those disadvantages evaporated. The tax situation was just one glaring example of how unjustly and unequally we were treated because of our sexual orientation.
That said, it was nice to see all the well-wishes again. :giggle:
I apologize for my point being a bit convoluted, but I hope people do see how something as simple as marriage "rights" makes a huge difference in the life of someone they know.
= new reply since forum marked as read
WOO!! 
The toothpaste can't be put back into the tube. So many states and loving couples are married now and taking that away would be a ginormous mess. I am so very happy for you and so many other couples.
It's bittersweet because my close friend and his partner of 10 years got engayged (his word) a few days after the DOMA/Prop 8 rulings.... and then passed away very suddenly 2 months later. He would have been thrilled at all of the changes in the short time since. And married now.
A friend posted this recently to FB, it made me smile.
I am cautiously optimistic and VERY happy for you. 
- such a wonderful post. 
Happy for you and your spouse!
Awesome post!
Um, well, neither do I! 
Congrats!!
I've got your back. 
I hope we can see each other again some time in the near future!
So happy for you - and what an awesome post. Congrats!!
May you have many years of "routine" with your husband! 
you have a long and happy union!
Congratulations, BTA! 
Sid
Congratulations This is wonderful news and what you wrote is exactly what it is and should be.
Complacency will ruin it all. Just look what our lovely governor did in my state just to your North. We will get it back, you can be sure of that and our response was rapid and large and will not let up. You let up for a second in states like ours and the game is over.
I am so happy for you!
for a lifetime of happiness together. 
Have fun ruining all the the straight marriages around you as well! 
I hope one day it is legal everywhere.
I'm hoping that soon you won't have to say 'my state'.
Wishing you two many years of love, laughter and peace.
Now let's party. 
You might not have known it, but there were a few DU'ers who were with me in spirit...you were one of them!
says it all. Congratulations and best wishes for all good things - even if some of them may be boring.
...the tax savings alone...
I've never been married nor had the desire to be married to any of my lovers. It always seemed like such a straight thing to do. Now that it's actually legal, I'm beginning to see what all the fuss was about.
The fact that you now have a choice and a legal right, makes your marriage spectacular!
Congrats and cheers.
TYY
Blessings on your union. 
I wish you and your husband every happiness in your journey. May you always share the joys and heartaches of living and growing old, together!
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
--- William Shakespeare
You make a really good point. We got married, we also got three notarized copies of our marriage license. I have easy access to them. If we travel out of state, I will definitely take one with me. To be honest, I wouldn't have thought to do so, but you make some valid points, especially because we have different last names.
As for are ONLY hospital (yeah, there is only one here), I doubt they want a repeat of what happened several years ago, when we weren't legally married, and I threated to defenestrate a doctor! I may be short and look unthreatening, but try to harm my husband or get in my way and our sleepy little town will be all over the national news!
Thanks for the advice. I hope others see your post and take it to heart as it is better to be safe than sorry (or end up in jail because you go bat-shit psycho on a bigot).
(since everyone else was sending Mazel, I had to toast you "To life!"
But you know, your marriage is recognized on the federal level for tax purposes, which is about as legal as it gets on the federal level:
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of the Treasury and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) today ruled that same-sex couples, legally married in jurisdictions that recognize their marriages, will be treated as married for federal tax purposes. The ruling applies regardless of whether the couple lives in a jurisdiction that recognizes same-sex marriage or a jurisdiction that does not recognize same-sex marriage.
The ruling implements federal tax aspects of the June 26 Supreme Court decision invalidating a key provision of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act.
Under the ruling, same-sex couples will be treated as married for all federal tax purposes, including income and gift and estate taxes. The ruling applies to all federal tax provisions where marriage is a factor, including filing status, claiming personal and dependency exemptions, taking the standard deduction, employee benefits, contributing to an IRA and claiming the earned income tax credit or child tax credit.
Any same-sex marriage legally entered into in one of the 50 states, the District of Columbia, a U.S. territory or a foreign country will be covered by the ruling. However, the ruling does not apply to registered domestic partnerships, civil unions or similar formal relationships recognized under state law.
Legally-married same-sex couples generally must file their 2013 federal income tax return using either the married filing jointly or married filing separately filing status.
Individuals who were in same-sex marriages may, but are not required to, file original or amended returns choosing to be treated as married for federal tax purposes for one or more prior tax years still open under the statute of limitations.
http://www.irs.gov/uac/Newsroom/Treasury-and-IRS-Announce-That-All-Legal-Same-Sex-Marriages-Will-Be-Recognized-For-Federal-Tax-Purposes%3B-Ruling-Provides-Certainty,-Benefits-and-Protections-Under-Federal-Tax-Law-for-Same-Sex-Married-Couples
Oh,...so it's "traditional".
please get documentation in order. You can direct your doctors, hospitals, etc. with whom to share and not share your medical info, get wills, etc.
The bit about your medical records should not require more than a letter. Unless you have a huge complicated estate, a standard will should not cost much. If you can't afford even a little, a form that you find online for your state might do it.
And I hope with all my heart that someday soon, your state will also recognize your marriage. If not, I urge you to consider living in Massachusetts, the first state to recognize fully equal rights to marriage (IIRC, while Romney was Governor, too, though he tried to use an old statute against it).
And, since equal marriage has been law in Massachusetts for so long, you don't have to worry about traditional marriages because, of course, equal marriage ended them all within a year.
Couldn't happen to a nicer chap. I remain very happy for you two.
And as for the rest of it, full and total recognition at Federal and all state levels- 
and glad to continue the fight.
Welcome to the ups and downs of plain old married life.
Isn't it wonderful!? 
May you both have a joyful, prosperous and healthy long life, my friend!
