A Woman Scorned vs. A Woman Wronged

[TygrBright]

And other idioms, assumptions, quotes, stereotypes, etc.-- and why they are minefields.

But-- let's start with "A Woman Scorned" versus "A Woman Wronged"

Surely you recognize the phrase, "a woman scorned," and its larger context from Congreve: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

It has, in the 317 years since its appearance, become a cliche', a cultural shorthand, recognized wherever the English language holds currency. (Incidentally, it's also a paraphrase, not a quote. The actual quote is "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.&quot

What does it say about women?

It says that when we feel "scorned"-- a word that has connotations of "rejection, dislike, disrespect," and more particularly, sexual rejection-- we get, not just angry, not just sad, not just resentful or depressed, but even more "furious" than hell itself.

Now, kindly think about this in the context of a few other words and phrases, such as "hysterical" and "on the rag" and an endless parade of others affirming that People With Vaginas (PWVs) are just so emotional, yanno. Not logical, rational, analytical folk like People With Penises (PWPs). All out of proportion.

Overreacting and all.

Yeah, those PWVs. They're ALWAYS overreacting. Hysterical.

Say, that's one helluva no-win box y'all have corralled us into, isn't it?

So, let's take a hypothetical PWP who gets called out for tossing off the phrase "woman scorned," who then A) Plays the "overreaction" card, and then B) claims that there's no real difference between "woman scorned" and "woman wronged."

O rly?

Srsly?

Here's the deal: There are about 4,000 years plus of written patriarchy, and about 600-700 years' worth of written English patriarchy, defining women in words written largely by men. Painting a portrait of women in harmony with what the men wanted to define us as, wanted to believe about us.

Write something, get it published, get it widely read, and suddenly it has currency all out of proportion to its validity.

Those quick shorthand phrases: "A rag and a bone," "woman scorned," "deadlier than the male," all of them... they are descriptions, and therefore definitions of PWVs, by PWPs, that have become cultural shorthand, and reinforced the patriarchal stereotypes and assumptions that form the strong bulwark against equity.

They're so powerful, so accepted, so ubiquitous, that we PWVs even find ourselves using them, without a thought. They encapsulate dog whistles we respond to just as much as the PWPs. They are the perfect linguistic judo that betrays us into defeating ourselves.

So, yes, when we call someone on them, we are reacting.

But if you think we're "over-reacting," think again.

I'm truly sorry that the desire of PWVs for equity in culture, society, economy, and politics, has rendered all that history, all that language, into a minefield, which requires the individual of any gender to stop and think, before using a quick shorthand. To analyze and decide, rather than tossing off the easy bon mot. It's a damn' nuisance, I know. To everyone.

But we are half the species, and in respect to oppression, patriarchy has been built longer, deeper, and more persistently into humanity's perception of "normal and right" than virtually any other kind of oppression.

It's gonna take at least that much effort to overcome it.

Can't we start here and now, by questioning those "easy" cliche's and idioms and quotes, etc., before we toss them off?

Or at least by saying "Whoa, never thought about that, yes I can see how it's sexist now that you've brought it to my attention. I'm not gonna use it that way again!" rather than going straight to doubling down with "overreaction" and self-justification?

wearily,
Bright

[Squinch]

1. If you want to paraphrase it, it says, "Hell has no fury like a woman who a man has rejected."

It's just the guys thinking it's all about them again. And thinking that they are the basis on which women are defined. And thinking that if we have bad feelings about them, it must be all because of something unattractive in us.

Deeply ingrained, deeply insulting and deeply delusional bullshit.

[TygrBright]

2. Yeah, that's as pithy an exegesis as I've seen...

...for that particular phrase. I was trying to riff from that to a larger examination of how such phrases in general-- so many "famous quotes" etc., are part of the problem.

Maybe too big a step.

philosophically,
Bright

[cyberswede]

3. Very good post!

[seabeyond]

4. another side of the scorn issue. the man is getting a pat to, for the scorning. not scorned himself

he can be a real sleaze, fuckin on his mate, in a horrible way and in that saying, not only is the women implied to be all that, but the man is getting the salute, the wink, the atta boy.

[redqueen]

5. Thank you.

But we are half the species, and in respect to oppression, patriarchy has been built longer, deeper, and more persistently into humanity's perception of "normal and right" than virtually any other kind of oppression.

This is so important to keep in mind. As I often say, this stuff is woven into the fabric of our subconscious. It is such hard work to recognize and address it, but it is critical that we do.

[PeaceNikki]

6. Thank you for this. DU in general needs to get better at listening and learning from each other.

Instead there is so much animosity, fighting and belittling.

[TygrBright]

7. Considering how much vaster our common ground is...

...than our areas of difference, it's particularly dismaying.

regretfully,
Bright

[hlthe2b]

8. very well said, TBright

[intaglio]

9. I have just posted on this subject in cali's thread

Claiming that a quote from an significant playwright or author renders it harmless

... is nonsensical.

The Congreve quote is definitely out of line, just as quotes from "The Merchant of Venice" are antisemitic and much of "The Taming of the Shrew" is misogynistic.

As to DU juries; a while ago I unsuccessfully alerted about a "dumb blonde" joke. Jurors who had the guts to comment variously said that "it was just a joke, FFS," or "blonde can mean a man or a woman," or "get a life". This is just indicative of the inability of many people to examine their own preconceptions and, on a progressive MB, is rather frightening.

Link to original

[bigtree]

10. rec

[valerief]

11. In truth, pretendHell hath no fury like a woman denied birth control by activist justices.

Now, that's something to get royally pissed about.

[TygrBright]

14. If we start getting pissed about everything we have damn' good reason...

...to get pissed about, the rage may well incinerate all of us.

So, one battle at a time.

ALL of them are important.

Language shapes thought, thought shapes action.

persistently,
Bright

[moriah]

12. You know, it's kind of interesting that so many of the patriarchal myths and taboos....

... often actually imbue the woman with more power than the man.

It would almost seem that the myth of male superiority may arise from a sense of inferiority.

[TygrBright]

13. That, or the fruitless striving after control of unruly women.

The flip side of patriarchy is the damage it does to men.

The expectations and assumptions about them being able to control other human beings, just because they are PWPs and we are PWVs. They build up this elaborate structure to help them, too.

But we keep being not controllable.

The expectations of men in a patriarchal system can be just as damaging and even lethal. But it's apparently worth it, for the privilege they get out of it.

Still, when they demonstrate they're not "worthy" of the privilege, because they can't hold up their end by keeping us under control, the damage to them is correspondingly intensified.

Thus the sense of fear and yes, maybe inferiority.

It's not really a good system for anyone except those who require privilege to succeed.

diffidently,
Bright

[F4lconF16]

15. This is a beautifully written post.

Posts like this are why I come to DU every day. Well written, persuasive, and insightful. I am confident I will be quoting some of what you said here irl.

+a bajillion

[TygrBright]

16. Thank you!

Feedback reinforces the notion that it's worthwhile to share my thoughts!

And the kind words are greatly appreciated.

gratefully,
Bright

[redqueen]

17. Agreed. nt