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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDad took a turn for the worse yesterday, and I have to face the fact that I am
never going to be able to bring him home.
I won't let him languish in a nursing home.
I can't.
This is the hardest thing I will ever have to do.
It's Father's Day
LaydeeBug
(10,291 posts)in history, and even accused the doctors of bullshitting me.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)died the day before my birthday, his wife my grandma died talking on the phone to my brother on his birthday and my mom died the day after my sisters birthday.
I hug you.
cali
(114,904 posts)I wish you strength during this difficult time.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)malaise
(269,244 posts)as your dad.
badtoworse
(5,957 posts)You have my most sincere sympathy.
Have you looked into Hospice? They were wonderful for the last month of my father's life. Hospice is not a death sentence and people do sometimes come off it. I highly recommend you speak with them.
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)He was miserable in the hospital - in constant pain, and not being given enough medication to make a dent in the pain. They kept pestering him with treatments like respiration therapy, even though it was clear he wasn't going to survive his illness. They kept kicking family members out of his room, even though his 8 sons and daughters, their spouses, and his grandchildren wanted to spend time with him.
We were lucky to move him to a very good hospice on another floor of the hospital, and it was like night and day. His pain was controlled, he was made as comfortable as possible, and anyone who wanted to see him, at whatever hour, could do so. He died a few days later, in peace.
Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #13)
badtoworse This message was self-deleted by its author.
badtoworse
(5,957 posts)The hospital was a horrible experience for him (he had Alzheimers and didn't understand what was going on - he kept ripping at his IV and had to be restrained.) I didn't want him to suffer; I wanted him to leave with his dignity and I wanted to be there when he passed away. Hospice gave him the first two and I was blessed to get there in time for the third.
rurallib
(62,471 posts)mgardener
(1,824 posts)IS to do what your dad wants, no matter how hard it is for you.
xchrom
(108,903 posts)davidpdx
(22,000 posts)I don't know exactly what the backstory is on the situation, but I went through something similar 13 years ago.
My father had his first stroke in 1992 and was severely limited in speech and use of his right side. He got along and lived alone after his second wife divorced him. I had a really up and down relationship with him all my life, but the last few years we patched things up. In late May I was down visiting my mother and got a phone call right before we were going to walk out the door. My father had another stroke and he was found outside where he fell down. I had to drive about 300 miles to get back up to Portland. He was in the hospital a few weeks including his birthday (which is June 14th), father's day, and my graduation ceremony for my master's degree. The doctor's said there was no chance of recovery and recommended moving him to hospice. I asked my siblings what they thought and eventually they came around and agreed. When he was moved to hospice, they took him off life support and he died a few days later.
My advice is try to focus on the good memories and stay strong.
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)hue
(4,949 posts)I'm thankful You have a loving relationship! Yet this is so hard!
Both my Parents are gone and I know this is very hard!
Always remember Your Father wants You to live a full & happy life!!
He loves You no matter what & this is really something!
ctsnowman
(1,903 posts)to you and him.
janlyn
(735 posts)Went through this with my Dad in June of last year, hospice is AWESOME! They made Dads last days comfortable, and he was where he wanted to be at home. And hospice isn't just for them it is for the family as well. They are there to support and give comfort.
Hope all goes well, and that your Dad recovers!!
Cal Carpenter
(4,959 posts)Sissyk
(12,665 posts)Tell him how much you love him, and all he did throughout your life to make you the person you are now.
uppityperson
(115,681 posts)csziggy
(34,139 posts)Have you talked to any hospice groups? If he would he more comfortable at home, maybe they could help with that? I don't know the details of his illness or the situation at home, but it can be possible for hospice to assist.
When my BIL was dying from pancreatic cancer at the very end an Orlando hospice group helped bring him home from the hospital, helped care for him in his final days, and helped my sister and her children with the aftermath. It made all the difference to the family during that time.
I'll be sending strong thoughts and best wishes to you and your father.