A Conservative History of the United States

[WilliamPitt]

1500s: The American Revolutionary War begins: “The reason we fought the revolution in the sixteenth century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown.”—Rick Perry

1607: First welfare state collapses: “Jamestown colony, when it was first founded as a socialist venture, dang near failed with everybody dead and dying in the snow.”—Dick Armey

1619-1808: Africans set sail for America in search of freedom: “Other than Native Americans, who were here, all of us have the same story.”—Michele Bachmann

1775: Paul Revere “warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”—Sarah Palin.

1775: New Hampshire starts the American Revolution: “What I love about New Hampshire… You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world.”—Michele Bachmann

It goes on...and on...and on...and on...: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2012/09/a-conservative-history-of-the-united-states.html

[jsr]

1. Helluva keeper

[liberal N proud]

2. It takes a twisted mind to be a conservative

[pinboy3niner]

3. Paul Revere cartoon:

[Scuba]

4. Holy crap these asshats are dumb...

1812: The American War for Independence ends: “ ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’…that song—written during the battle in the War of 1812—commemorates the sacrifice that won our liberty.”—Mitt Romney


September 11, 2001: Nothing happened: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush.”—Rudy Giuliani



May, 2004: Abu Ghraib pranksters pull some funny ones: “This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation … I’m talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release?”—Rush Limbaugh



2011: Arabic is declared America’s second language: “Some of our state’s educational administrators joined the feds in seeking to mandate Arabic classes for Texas children.”—Chuck Norris

[DefenseLawyer]

5. The mythical "1950's"- When everyone in America was white and upper middle class

Everyone was married, no one paid taxes, moms stayed home and baked cookies and every kid had a new bike.

[hifiguy]

6. A great read.

Are there no mental institutions? Are there no history teachers?

Wow, that is an awful lot of stark, raving, bark-at-the-moon insanity in one place.

[white_wolf]

7. Am I the only one who couldn't decpher Palin's quote?

The rest were stupid and factually incorrect, but I could understand them.

[LeftinOH]

8. ..and the Great Depression began when FDR was elected in 1932,

according to Michelle Bachmann (and a few others).

[redgreenandblue]

9. K&R

[porphyrian]

10. . n/t