Republican Congressman Ted Yoho Bravely Admits
To loving sprinkles on ice cream, cold beer and the color blue.
"I know there will be those who decry sprinkles as dangerous shards of sugar that can get stuck between people's teeth, but I will not apologize for supporting Our American Birthright to add them to our ice cream desserts.
And while the Radical Left tries to foist warm beer on an unsuspecting citizenry, I do not apologize for preferring my beer cold --knowing that our Founding Fathers risked their lives and sacred honor to preserve their freedom to send slaves to fetch their beers cold from icy, clear mountain streams. I stand with those men in telling the King of England to take his warm beer and clean his buckled shoes with it. For I fear no reprisal from the King of England, knowing that I have God and the military/industrial complex on my side.
And while blue is considered the favorite color of the majority of people all across the world, nevertheless, I will not apologize for my passion in supporting it despite the great danger associated with liking things that most people like. That is because I, Ted Yoho, am not a fucking bitch.
I am actually a spineless cur who knows that having a thoughtful opinion regarding a complicated social issue is the quickest way to be shunned by a stupid electorate who squirm at being challenged in any way. I will always vote to protect the powerful and do whatever needs to be done to enhance my financial portfolio. Belittling women and minorities will remain my passion as I seek to honor my God and follow my hero, Donald J. Trump--or some interchangeable version of that last phrase."