Weight and empathy

[I_UndergroundPanther]

People can
Deny it all they want but fat shaming is a real bigotry problem in this country.

I was fat, I have diabetes,but my sugar levels are in range. I do keto to control my diabetes. I have problems exercising because of psych issues,and PTSD.

Since losing the weight I find people don't degrade me or shame like they did before. They don't look at me like a monster with disgust in their hearts. They don't snicker at me and look away when I look twords them. I don't have to hear fat jokes a table or two away..

People don't whisper cruel stuff about me eating. They assume I am healthy and normal like they are. I pass as a thin person.

It's a different world how people treat me now I am thin.. compared to when I was fat.

Being fat has many issues wrapped up in it. Health wise psychological and more.

Calories in out and exercise only speaks to part of the problem a person can have that causes them weight gain.

I have gone from size 44 to 36. Still losing.The size 36 are getting big. Praising me for this feels so empty.

However the anxiety diabetes causes me ,I
really want to get the YnX route stomach surgery to rid myself of diabetes and the stress and fear it causes me.

I am scared I may die in my sleep, or lose my feet or go blind.

I have started needing a nightlight. I wake up at night wondering if I died alone in the dark.

You can say what you want but being fat hurts not just your body,it's how people treat you and how you treat you.

When I was fat I hated myself. Hated my body was ashamed and it often made me feel suicidal.

Those emotions still come to life even though I am close to what the insurance charts declare as normal weight. Years of hating my body. And that hate was not just because it was fat.

These days the fear that the weight might come back again haunts me .I'm terrified of it returning.

I am afraid of food. My appetite is dead.I hate to eat. Wish I didn't have to eat. When I think about food I just want to rip out my stomach. Make it stop wanting food. I avoid sugar because it's poison.

Do you have any clue how much it hurts psychologically to be fat and how it hurts to be thin now?

How insidiously fatness creeps into you? Do you understand this?

I started getting fat when my female hormones began to torment me at age 8.

8 is when the weight started appearing and the chest began to develop. I hated it. It didn't help I was treated like a sex object and bullies drew pictures of my tit's and threw them at me.

I did not want assholes leering at me, hooting out car windows yelling lookit them juuuugggs!! Or my mom waxing poetic about me being a model or looking like Raquel Welch..It was humiliating and felt unsafe. All the time.

I was molested at an early age,later on my father committed incest.
After that I faced attempted rapes and later was raped.

My body remembers all this. I desperately wanted to be safe in the world.

Besides I knew I wasn't a girl and being female felt like my body betrayed me,that I was mutating into something I was not.
It was terrifying.Facing sexual threats made things even worse.

The fat protected me from the abusers. Hid me from others lust and it hid me from the femaleness that had became a prison.

I have since gotten top surgery and hysterectomy and ovaries out . I have a cool goatee. I feel much more like myself,but it took most of my lifetime to convince other people to help who had access to do the surgery I really needed. I needed help with my gender dysphoria. People are trans phobic too.

I struggle in my mind
Even after the weight is gone and the body is not female anymore.

You never know what issues someone fat struggles with. What scars Criss cross their hearts.

Calories in and out and exercise is but one part of a painful complex situation.

Food companies filling foods with fat ,salt and sugar to make it almost like a drug and being poor and having mental illness does not help at all.

It's complex, why can't the fat phobes out there have empathy with fat people and understand it from our perspectives?

The world is cruel enough why add to it to give you're ego a puffing up.Is it really so hard to listen to a fat persons situation and pain like you would a thin person??

Why point out food and exercise again and again as if fat people didn't already know this dynamic? Do you have any clue how that makes a fat person who already is ashamed of their own body feel?

Please look beyond the body and empathize with the person inside it. It can change everything.

[MustLoveBeagles]

1. K&R

[Ms. Toad]

2. You are not alone.

The fat protected me from the abusers. Hid me from others lust and it hid me from the femaleness that had became a prison.

It took me two decades to realize my fat was an unconscious shield against male aggression, after being raped when I was in college. So now I struggle against decades of habits that I adopted as self-protection. It is a bit easier since I recognize them - but still a struggle.

And whatever weight I am, the constant fat hatred ticks me off.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

7. I wish you the ability

To overcome.
To one day not have to struggle anymore.

[Marie Marie]

3. Thank you for sharing this touching personal story.

I can only add that I wish you much health and happiness in your future - regardless of what the scale says.

[handmade34]

4. ...

[Karadeniz]

5. Everything you say is so true...you're so brave to face the issues. Congratulations on the

Physical and emotional progress you're making!❤

[I_UndergroundPanther]

6. Thanks

[GeoWilliam750]

8. Wishing you strength and comfort on your journey

You are very important, there is only one of you, and thank you for sharing this bit of your story.

[captain queeg]

9. I always say the biggest "ism" is appearancesism

Fat is right on top but anything that makes you look different. It’s not discussed and it’s accepted by many.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

11. I agree

I have always been artistic creative dresser. I sew and make my own stuff to wear dispite my body and dysphoria issues.

Maybe one day people will open up about and reject apperancism and more and more people will be able to wear and be what they want to be and be different without shame or demands of conformity . I love it when people get creative, in thier looks and dare to be . To me it's a visual feast of coolness. I love diversity .

Anyway I totally agree with you appearanceism is another bigotry nobody talks about. Yet it's everywhere.

[Bettie]

10. I feel this too, well not all of it, but SO much about the abuse

The fat protected me from the abusers.

I was sexually abused by my father from the time I was three until I left home at 18.

I was fortunate enough to meet and marry a man who loves me as I am and I've been fat and less-fat...but as a woman, you're always too fat.

Size 14 was too fat for our society, my current size would make most people around here hate me on sight, simply because my body is not "hot", because "hotness" is thinness.

I got to the size I am by dieting, by trying to achieve an impossible standard. Four full term pregnancies helped shift the sands of time.

Once I stopped dieting, my weight stabilized at a higher weight than it would have had I never dieted at all.

So, I keep active and remind myself daily that my worth isn't a number on a scale or a clothing size.

Unfortunately, too many people believe that the only measure of worth is that number or how you look in clothing.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

12. That must have been

Terrible to go through. I hope you are doing better.

[Bettie]

17. I'm pretty good now

I'm fortunate to have a good life and family.

I'm glad you've found a path that works for you...I'm not every eloquent this morning, sorry.

It was nice to read your post and see that you understand what it's like to be discounted because of appearance.

[Demovictory9]

13. "Food companies filling foods with fat ,salt and sugar to make it almost like a drug"

So true. I recall pre 1990s when almost no one was fat and we ate bacon everyday!! Steak and potatoes!

We were tempted to eat constantly until the last 20 years.. remember that Taco Bell ad from a few years ago... "The fourth meal". and food is processed so it can be eaten while driving.

Even these "plant based" meals are full of fat and salt. I found that I have to eat clean to keep my weight down... mostly feed I prepare myself or only salads if eating out.


Thanks for this thread. sending you good vibes

[cayugafalls]

14. You are very brave. Braver than me.

You are so brave for coming out here, I applaud you.

I have a long way to go.

Your op is so true.

[KentuckyWoman]

15. I hug you with all my heart, mind and soul.

My sister was under 5 feet and maxed out at 294 pounds in her 50's. The dynamic that got her there was very complicated. Her dynamic was totally different than yours. Everyone's journey is unique, but the pain the weight hid was also beyond what anyone could could understand.

She died after a long illness and all that extra weight helped her live nearly a year longer than she otherwise would have. It was long enough to be able to attend her youngest grandchild's wedding. Which was a goal.

I thank you for posting such a heartfelt open piece of yourself here. May you find contentment and love.

[raccoon]

16. Recently I was talking to a woman who had been a nursing director

Recently I was talking to a woman who had been a nursing director, for Christ‘s sake, and I was talking about how SSRIs make people gain weight. She disagreed and seemed to think it was just calories and exercise because some stupid celebrity she knew of was on an SSRI and didn’t gain weight.

It’s hard for me to understand such an attitude in somebody who’s been in the medical field.

Calories in out and exercise only speaks to part of the problem a person can have that causes them weight gain."

You are so right!

[North Shore Chicago]

18. I record

those 600 lb. shows and a strong underlying theme with females is so many were molested, raped when they were younger. I have so much empathy for their struggles and pain and hope they come out shiny on the other side!

Plus, I agree with the poster who realizes the poison in our food. Too many calories, too much sodium and fat. Look at photos of every day folks from the 80's, everyone seemed h/w/ proportionate, so the crap in the food must have started in the 90's. I work in the school system, my guess is at least 75% of students are overweight.

It is a serious issue, thank you for putting your heart on your sleeve and good luck on your journey.