General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThis Week in Hell: Coronavirus and White Supremacy. Yes, Again. (Ferret/Shower Cap)
I think its cute that Im even bothering to write tonight, when I know all yall are watching Hamilton. And thats fine, you absolutely deserve the break. I assume the folks thatre actually reading this are the sadomasochistic news junkies that couldnt look away if they wanted to, to whom I say, grab a beer and your favorite cat o nine tails; lets self-flagellate our way through another weeks news!"
(As always, click here to find this post with all those nifty nooz links: http://showercapblog.com/this-week-in-hell-coronavirus-and-white-supremacy-yes-again/)
Demonstrating the keen political instincts of a Dukes of Hazzard-branded mudflap, the Bonespur Buttplug threatened to veto a massive military spending bill over a provision that would sandblast the dead loser names of dead loser generals off our military bases, betting he can turn his visibly-rotting electoral prospects around by motivating some fanciful silent majority that doesnt want active duty troops to get a pay raise but cares passionately about the honor of incompetent, long-deceased traitors. I mean, no, it doesnt make any sense, but this is the clod who told us to mainline Clorox and install UV bulbs up our asses, sooooooooo...
He truly seems incapable of processing the countrys sharp turn against his trademark brand of Supbar White Jagoff Supremacy in recent weeks, and I salute both the turn and his obliviousness to it. Like, even the long-intransigent Washington NFL team is finally, FINALLY looking towards a bold, slurless future, and heres Government Cheese Goebbels, unapologetically calling the very phrase Black Lives Matter a symbol of hate. Its electoral suicide, which I appreciate and enjoy, but fuck, its terrifying that the guy whose whole message is Yes I Fucked Up Literally Everything But I Will Preserve Institutional Racism While the Nation Burns to Ash even has a shot at re-election.
Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epsteins BSTMFF* has been arrested, and has yet, at posting time, to die a mysterious death in custody. Maxwell is said to be cooperating fully now that shes busted, so some of the most powerful underpants on Earth are filling up with the terror shits right now, and I think that and a six-pack of a passably-fancy IPA might just be enough to get me through another weekend.
President Poosquirt is certainly leaving his maniacal mark on the Republican Party, and it looks like no amount of scrubbing will be able to remove the rapidly spreading stain of the batshit-gargling QAnon movement, as more and more Qnatics win their primaries and find themselves in line for seriously important, powerful jobs. The latest slobbering psychopath to leap onto the national stage is Lauren Boebert, who defeated Shart-endorsed 5-term Republicrook incumbent Scott Tipton, and enters the general election favored to win in this solidly red district. Looking forward to the formation of the House Pizzagate Caucus and all the spittle-drenched Defund Hillarys Sex Slave Camp on Mars legislation theyll propose over the coming years.
Even though its killed us by the tens of thousands, it seems Americans just cant get enough of that kooky koronavirus kraze; were spreading the little bastard wherever it feels like going, and smashing new case records pretty much daily. And after all this time, and all this senseless death, the entirety of Doctor Dotards strategy remains Dont Worry Itll Go Away on Its Own, and anyway, in future presidential debates, the moderators should ask every candidate to describe a problem theyve solved using tools other than my fathers money, dontcha think?
Well, now that we have more or less officially lost control of the outbreak again, despite the helpful Containing Coronavirus for Dummies manual that was RIGHT THERE FOR ANYBODY TO READ, Republicans are starting to realize that maybe opening their silly Masks are for Cucks front in the culture war was a mistake, and now theyre huffing and puffing that Golly Somebody Politicized Mask Wearing, Who Would Do Such a Thing, This Partisan Bickering Must Stop and fuck it, lets just roll our eyes and let em have this one, so long as theyre finally sending responsible signals on mask-wearing, because it really would be nice to get this shit under control at some point in my lifetime.
Shit, even Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot took an uncharacteristic step towards positively influencing public health, talking up masks a teeny-weeny bit after weeks of juvenile posturing, saying he looks like the Lone Ranger when he wears one, and whatever, old man, the Lone Ranger didnt look like a drunken prairie dog crawled onto his head, vomited, and passed out, but its kind of you to at least momentarily stop pouring gasoline on this fire weve all been fight SINCE FUCKING MARCH, you colossal nitwit.
The suddenly-pro-mask GOP was probably hoping some prominent figure could serve as a cautionary tale about the dangers of taunting a contagious disease, and out of nowhere, almost-forgotten pizza ghoul Herman Cain was all, I volunteer as tribute! Yes, hot off his appearance in a smug, maskless photo tweeted from Fat Q*Berts humiliatingly under-attended Tulsa rally, Herman announced a surprise guest appearance at an Atlanta hospital, because wonder of wonders, he somehow caught COVID-19 at That One Place Everyone Agreed People Were Going to Catch COVID-19.
Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick has long been one of the high priests of the Republican death cult, and these days hes positively horny to get to the Kool-Aid-chugging portion of the Apocalyptic Pandemic Show. Dan-O announced hes done listening to that stupid cuck Dr. Fauci and his stupid cuck science, hes gonna do things Dan Patricks way from now on, so I hope yall like untimely death.
Lt. Dan is pulling a neat little Orwellian trick here; his constituents are up to their necks in highly contagious shit right now precisely because he (and his cud-brained boss, Greg Abbott) DIDNT listen to Fauci, but he shamelessly plays a round of Pin the Blame on Cassandra anyway, safe in the knowledge that his thoroughly indoctrinated base wont read the fine print, and will indeed stop listening altogether once theyve identified the target of the days Two Minutes Hate.
Like so many Trumpists, up to the Emperor of Hemorrhoids himself, Patrick is a very, very stupid man who believes he has all the answers. These craven, empty-headed bullies, DeSantis, Ducey, Abbott. Theyve done this, theyve made these appalling, unforgivable decisions, knowing in advance theyd cost lives. How they havent been dragged from their mansions and imprisoned in campground outhouses confuses the living fuck out of me.
The Roberts Court had been so well-behaved this summer. They brought a really nice potato salad to your cookout, and they were surprisingly courteous to all your female and LGBTQ friends, and just when you were thinking gosh, maybe I was wrong about conservatives, Neil Gorsuch left an almost-impossibly-long floater right in the middle of your pool, then ran away making obscene gestures and snickering Were STILL the willing tool of institutional white supremacy, muthafuckaaaaaas! because while Johnny Robs may periodically save the Republican Party from its least popular policy impulses, he's not gonna get all radical and suddenly start believing that every American has the right to vote or anything.
Meanwhile Smilin Joe Biden just keeps on out-raising the Marmalade Shartcannon, both in terms of campaign contributions and the ability to handle water glasses one-handed ayyyyyyyyy tip your wait staff.
...and now I see the Shart House is rolling out yet another doomed coronavirus messaging strategy, waving the white flag and admitting A Bunch of You Have to Die Learn to Love It Plebs, even as every other first world nation locks Americans outside to press our noses enviously against the windows of their increasingly reopened societies, for we are a shithole ruled by a shithead, and thus a threat to the worlds health.
And now Strawberry Shartcake thinks he can score points by challenging Biden to a basic cognitive test competition? Hey, if youre sure this is the battlefield you want, please proceed, Sun-Tzu.
As you can see, things got kind of light this week as the holiday approached. Fuck, we deserve it. I know I certainly do. So go ahead. Watch Hamilton. Hell, youre locked in your house, watch all kinds of patriotic shit. Watch jingoistic black and white films with old, iconic movie stars killing Nazis; itll put you in the mood for Election Day, which is suddenly just four short months away...
*Best Sex-Trafficking Monster Friend Forever
Nevilledog
(51,080 posts)ismnotwasm
(41,976 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(149,588 posts)Please don't stop.
flying rabbit
(4,632 posts)tblue37
(65,334 posts)Ponietz
(2,961 posts)Alliepoo
(2,215 posts)We appreciate you!!
oasis
(49,376 posts)littlemissmartypants
(22,632 posts)cp
(6,623 posts)Independence Day in four months!
Thank you, Ferret, for keeping us laughing and hanging on to shreds of our sanity.
You are magnificent!
Tommymac
(7,263 posts)Lugnut
(9,791 posts)Hugin
(33,120 posts)But, first, let me tell you about my successes with time travel. Well, I did accomplish traveling back in time earlier in the Turd Reich. I immediately set the dial to 2012 and went with a warning.
I went from street corner to street corner and all of the Internet forums like some kind of a raving Diogenes talking about and demonstrating with colorful pie charts and elaborate histograms with whiskers what was going to happen starting in 2016. I was almost immediately rounded up as a lunatic to chants of, "It can't happen here." Knowing what was in store and not wanting to end up incarcerated in some sort of half-way house during the inevitable pandemic of 2020. I took my only opportunity to return to my present post-haste defeated, dejected, and crestfallen. (For those of you who were thinking, "Time travel?" and chortling to yourself that you would have chosen to go forward into a happier time instead of being foolish and going backwards. It doesn't work that way. You can only travel in reverse and then forward to where you would be had you not gone back. If you think you can do better, get cracking on it! I'll be the first one in line to buy a ticket.)
Anyway, after that experience, I have come to the conclusion that my trans-dimensional travel into Hillarian Space is going to have to allow me to take along some non-living matter in the form of a club or a stick of wood. Due to the fact that in order to stay in the alternate dimension permanently, I will have to switch places with my avatar there. I believe that he (or I) will not willingly go into Trumpanzeegon Space. There will be some coaxing involved. It sucks to be me (or him).
So, that said, there is a way we can all go into a better place. It requires mail-in voting to alter SpaceTime to move into Bidenolian Space. My calculations indicate there is a window of opportunity this Fall!
We'll see what happens, but, it'll take all of us together to get there.
As always, thanks for everything and take care, SC.
See you on the other side!
crickets
(25,962 posts)unsure I can even make it through. It never takes more than a couple of paragraphs before the inevitable giggle fest begins. Government Cheese Goebbels is my new favorite nickname, and I thank you so much, Ferret, for finding a darkly hilarious way to make the news bearable.
voteearlyvoteoften
(1,716 posts)🍻