Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 12:39 AM Feb 2020

I had a kind'a upsetting day.

Got a letter inviting me to my h.s. class 60th reunion. Included was a listing of deceased class members.... 54 of them of a class of 153.

Some were strong athletes in the day... our school teams won many state championships in football and track.

Some were girls who distracted me from my studies. I know I would'a gone to Harvard or Columbia if I didn't spend class time looking at them out of the corner of my eye and pondering --- well, lets not go there. As it was, my graduating class rank was third from the bottom. I blame them girls on it.

Several became lawyers, school teachers, principals -- one was even a Nobel Prize laureate.

Some were friends. One of them, I couldn't stand because he was a bit of a bully to me.

Most of them just got through school as best as they could like everyone else. Contrary to popular sayings, high school is not the best time of most of our lives. That, I learned one night in a hotel room in the Poconos. It was a couple of years after h.s. and I was on a ski trip with a group of employees from a local insurance company. It was about 1 a.m., I was in the room getting ready for bed when the door opened and my new room mate came in, three sheets to the wind. Bar had just closed for the night. We made introductions and recognized we were both from the same school. He was two years ahead of me.

He was on the football team that had won the state championship, two years in a row. I envied him at that time. I weighed 105 lbs. in my senior year and I wasn't scheduled to excel at any sport. I told him I remembered watching him at the football field and how good a player he was. It was at that point, he broke down in tears, remembering the pain of getting hit and the emotional pain of having his play not meet his father's expectation of a top notch football player.

Two years ago, I encountered the quarterback of the team in our senior year. He broke his hip during a game and now walks bent over a cane from arthritis where he had his injury.

I concluded that maybe I didn't have it so bad, after all.

I don't know if I will attend the reunion. The two people I was closest to are on the deceased list. Those that are left, nothing against them but would there be anything to talk about besides grand kids, how I screwed up my marriage and how I screwed up most of the jobs I had.

Anyway, that's what's going through my head tonight.

44 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
I had a kind'a upsetting day. (Original Post) 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 OP
Hey, man.... Sogo Feb 2020 #1
Matt Drudge graduated in the bottom 5% of his class and even failed his own Bar Mitzvah! TheBlackAdder Feb 2020 #5
LOL! lunatica Feb 2020 #15
Bottom of the class sometimes is the best place to be. mercuryblues Feb 2020 #25
10 years later, May, 1970, I was graduated from Kean U in Union, N.J. 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #27
I went to three high schools Skittles Feb 2020 #2
I changed schools 13 times. lunatica Feb 2020 #18
I went to a few schools in England Skittles Feb 2020 #20
You definitely get an education in British schools! lunatica Feb 2020 #21
yes Skittles Feb 2020 #22
Sounds a lot like 2naSalit Feb 2020 #37
You gotta admit though lunatica Feb 2020 #38
I was always bullied whixh made me focus on 2naSalit Feb 2020 #39
That's pretty universal for school age children. lunatica Feb 2020 #42
yes Skittles Feb 2020 #43
Did you attend English schools? Or American schools in England for service members' kids? JustABozoOnThisBus Feb 2020 #24
Yes, there are. Listening to other people yak about their gran.... 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #28
I get it. Didn't go to my 50th because most of them are still ignorant white wingers. Hoyt Feb 2020 #3
That's really some shit about the K and Q. 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #32
I hope you feel better now madaboutharry Feb 2020 #4
I feel better. Still sad about the list of the dead. Also, my own mortality comes to the fore. 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #33
"That, I learned one night in a hotel room in the Poconos" pamela Feb 2020 #6
This is a wonderful essay. I identify and I think it would resonate with many people. emmaverybo Feb 2020 #7
I'm 73 next month and went to 50th reunion 5 years ago. vlyons Feb 2020 #8
++++++111111111111 KPN Feb 2020 #10
nice Kali Feb 2020 #11
I wish I wasn't out of hearts. I'd give you one. nolabear Feb 2020 #17
I apply your suggestion to weddings, funerals and stuff I attend. 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #35
Thank you for sharing that story with us. Marie Marie Feb 2020 #9
Something to enjoy. Corgigal Feb 2020 #12
I enjoyed your essay very much. Collimator Feb 2020 #13
Hell! Just stay home and write a book lunatica Feb 2020 #14
I'm sorry you had an upsetting day...but my, what a superb essay! I hope you will post more. diva77 Feb 2020 #16
I did not go to my 50th reunion. FuzzyRabbit Feb 2020 #19
Sounds like you don't want to go - so don't. patricia92243 Feb 2020 #23
HS sucked TruckFump Feb 2020 #26
As I tell my kids by the time you're 22 you don't even remember much about high school Buckeyeblue Feb 2020 #29
Whoa, your high school reunion includes a deceased list Zing Zing Zingbah Feb 2020 #30
About that "best years of your life" idea Maeve Feb 2020 #31
-- never went on facebook 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #40
I went to mine..... MyOwnPeace Feb 2020 #34
Hated high school years... N_E_1 for Tennis Feb 2020 #36
Wow. That's some statement. 3Hotdogs Feb 2020 #41
Hope you can find a way to go. No Vested Interest Feb 2020 #44

Sogo

(4,967 posts)
1. Hey, man....
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 12:47 AM
Feb 2020

It's pretty impressive that you were third from the bottom of your class and can write that well.....

mercuryblues

(14,491 posts)
25. Bottom of the class sometimes is the best place to be.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:55 AM
Feb 2020

My spouse's best friend from college graduated last in the class. He went on to develope a computer program for a niche area of business and became a millionaire at age 35.

When you are at the bottom, there is no place to go but up.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
27. 10 years later, May, 1970, I was graduated from Kean U in Union, N.J.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:26 AM
Feb 2020

My grade point average was one tick below Cum Laude. I made dean's list for three semesters. I don't want D.U. readers to think my life has been all shit.

I am retired, with a pension, net, $62k.

I am in pretty good health with a self evaluation of 8.9 out of 10.

Skittles

(152,967 posts)
2. I went to three high schools
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 12:51 AM
Feb 2020

in England, Illinois and Iowa

I can count on one hand the names of people I really remember.

If you know the folk, if you remember them, go - why not? I'm sure there are worse things than yakking about grandkids and bad marriages

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
18. I changed schools 13 times.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:26 AM
Feb 2020

We moved around a lot. In Mexico I went to a British School a couple of times, and to a couple of American schools, also a couple of times. Then in Colombia, South America it was to the American School. When we moved to the US I went to a school in Boston and in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

When I went to the British school I learned everything I would later take in all the other schools, so I pretty much skated through high school.

It was interesting.

Skittles

(152,967 posts)
22. yes
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:35 AM
Feb 2020

it's so accelerated - we were a military family, moving back and forth between England and the States - I'd take trigonometry in England, then come back to America and have to take.....geometry.....weird

2naSalit

(86,069 posts)
37. Sounds a lot like
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:48 AM
Feb 2020

what I had in that we moved all the time as military, not internationally though. I did have the advantage of being in New England for 90% of the 14 public schools I attended... I bailed early in ninth grade but went to several trade schools until I found my way into college twenty five years later. I have never gone to a reunion.

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
38. You gotta admit though
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:47 PM
Feb 2020

that moving around and attending many schools is an invaluable education. There’s nothing like it. It molds your entire life. Even when sometimes it can be really painful, like the heartbreak of leaving your friends. But still, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

2naSalit

(86,069 posts)
39. I was always bullied whixh made me focus on
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 04:26 PM
Feb 2020

the lessons which, I guess, is why I did well and retained so much. I was always the "new kid" and since I am not blonde and blue eyed, it was pretty miserable in the 1960s.

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
42. That's pretty universal for school age children.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 05:02 PM
Feb 2020

I’m blonde and blue eyed and was treated like a pariah for being new or for the biggest sin of all in Mexico and South America, for being an American. It’s probably the main reason why and how I learned to stand up for myself. There were actually a few times it came down to blows. In High School I was always the butt of the Mean Girl’s social bullying. It was where I first learned to protect the underdogs, the nerds who finally had a champion. I discovered I have an incredibly strong sense of fairness and justice when I was in school.

It’s not the same as outright racism and I don’t claim it is, but I did experience rejection and bullying. Being the outsider in school is painful.

The best socially and racially integrated school I went to was in Fayetteville, North Carolina right at the time the first Black children were being bussed to White schools in the South. Fayetteville is where Fort Brag Army Base is so my classmates included army brats of career military, which is how they referred to themselves. Black children and Puerto Rican children and White children. And because everyone was so used to being integrated, everyone got along. As far as I know there was never any racist tension. I graduated from that school so I was old enough to know those things. The modern military services evens everything out for everyone. Though they may be having some severe growing pains with women included now, in time women will be seen as just another soldier.

It was a good educational experience that you can’t get in any other way.

Skittles

(152,967 posts)
43. yes
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 05:39 PM
Feb 2020

back in the day (lol), there was no internet and international phone calls - heck, any long distance, was out of the question....when I left, and I left all the time, I never saw or talked to my friends again - it is not easy moving constantly while you are growing up - I always felt I sacrificed more as a GI brat than I did as active duty military

I do think it provides valuable lessons though.

oh and like you, I stood up for the underdogs in school - it was easier to do as an outsider who knew I would not be sticking around.

JustABozoOnThisBus

(23,283 posts)
24. Did you attend English schools? Or American schools in England for service members' kids?
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:03 AM
Feb 2020

I attended the latter. American teachers, curricula, sports. English schools would have been an interesting change.

But, yes, due to changing schools and towns every few years, there are only a few I remember from those days.

 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
3. I get it. Didn't go to my 50th because most of them are still ignorant white wingers.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 12:52 AM
Feb 2020

Sadly, the guy and girl — who were quarterback captain of football team and cheerleader head, not to mention King and Queen — were killed/maimed by their son with an ax 30 some years ago. Shows that those that seemingly had the world in their hands back then, didn’t necessarily. The wife/cheerleader has courageously gone on.

I went to my 40th, because it was close by, but left after an hour or so because my friends weren’t there and the rest were as I said above, white wingers. Went home to play my guitar and sing.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
32. That's really some shit about the K and Q.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:33 AM
Feb 2020

Given the socio-economic background to my high school, they will likely be mostly Republicans. Probably not racist.

The town I grew up in has one of the 5 wealthiest zip codes in the country. Pure Republican government until they elected a Democratic council in 2002. My classmates likely retained their Republican corporatist values.

madaboutharry

(40,153 posts)
4. I hope you feel better now
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 12:55 AM
Feb 2020

that you got all that off your chest.

It is hard not to ruminate about the past and have regrets. But it is always good to try to think about the things we have to be grateful about and look forward to tomorrow. It’s always a challenge.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
33. I feel better. Still sad about the list of the dead. Also, my own mortality comes to the fore.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:35 AM
Feb 2020

Yeah, my life ain't that bad. See my post above in response to MercuryBlue.

I plan to respond to many of the comments.

pamela

(3,469 posts)
6. "That, I learned one night in a hotel room in the Poconos"
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 01:01 AM
Feb 2020

Man, I thought this story was about to take a very different turn with that line.


Just kidding with you. Have fun with whatever you decide. So sorry about your friends.

vlyons

(10,252 posts)
8. I'm 73 next month and went to 50th reunion 5 years ago.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 01:14 AM
Feb 2020

Most of my friends from my youth, high school and college, are dead now. But there are still a few left. I would like to offer you a suggestion. Go to the reunion with a definite purpose -- that is, to be a ray of sunshine to the others. So you screwed up big parts of your life. So what? You think you're the only one with regrets? Welcome to samsara, as we Buddhists say. Samsara is suffering. When Buddha became enlightened, he did NOT say that life is great, and we're all going to have so much fun. Nope. The first thing he said was "There is suffering." He went on to talk about the cause of suffering, its cessation, and how to be free of suffering. But if you go with the purpose to be interested in what others have to say, and to speak kind words of congratulations and encouragement, you will not only make others happy, but you too will be happy. It all depends on your point of view.

nolabear

(41,915 posts)
17. I wish I wasn't out of hearts. I'd give you one.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:22 AM
Feb 2020

That’s a wonderful response. I don’t call myself an anything “ist” but I’ve read a bit of Buddhist doctrine and meditate when I remember how valuable it is. It speaks to me. Yes, life is suffering. And attachment to outcomes is a main cause of it. I like your idea.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
35. I apply your suggestion to weddings, funerals and stuff I attend.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:41 AM
Feb 2020

My focus is to listen to what others have to say. I ask questions I hope will allow the respondent to think about a good thing that happened to them or an achievement in their life.

Marie Marie

(9,999 posts)
9. Thank you for sharing that story with us.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 01:45 AM
Feb 2020

Our past has a way of reminding us of the good and bad we all experience in our lives. Very poignant and it touched me.

Collimator

(1,639 posts)
13. I enjoyed your essay very much.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:06 AM
Feb 2020

Well, maybe not "enjoyed" exactly, because it is sad and poignant. Perhaps that proves that you have something worthwhile to do in this world yet. You can communicate and help others to see and to think.

I did not receive any invitations to reunion beyond the first five year one. Having attended that, my married name was clearly known, and I was sort of in touch with a few people around the 10th year reunion. Moreover, my parents lived at the same address that I had in high school up to the year of the 20th reunion.

My conclusion was that people didn't really like me. That was sort of communicated to me while I was actually in high school. It's not one of my biggest regrets.

I am currently struggling with depression and trying to figure out what--if anything--is worth doing with the remaining 20 or more years of my life. So, I do grasp that odd, detached feeling that comes with a certain age.

A thought just occurred to me--are you in good enough shape to swing on a swing? I think that it may be at least five or more years since I have done so. But one thing that I do know--It is impossible to be depressed when swinging on a swing.

Please consult your local physical or mental health care professional for an explanation of why this is so. I fear that I have written too much and have descended into being pedantic* as I often do.

* Hmm. . . could that possibly be the reason no one invited me to all those reunions? No, of course not!

FuzzyRabbit

(1,958 posts)
19. I did not go to my 50th reunion.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 02:27 AM
Feb 2020

All through grade school and high school few other students wanted anything to do with me. My few friends from school either live too far away to attend or have passed on, so as the time grew close to the reunion I decided that I would skip it.

However, the organizers wanted grade school class photos and I sent them copies of the ones I had. The only one I was missing, someone sent me a copy. So in some small way I participated.

TruckFump

(5,812 posts)
26. HS sucked
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:17 AM
Feb 2020

I went to two reunions. Last one was the 25th. The bullshit was so thick I nearly chocked. Never did that again.

Buckeyeblue

(5,491 posts)
29. As I tell my kids by the time you're 22 you don't even remember much about high school
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:28 AM
Feb 2020

Most people move on, as they should.

Zing Zing Zingbah

(6,496 posts)
30. Whoa, your high school reunion includes a deceased list
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:31 AM
Feb 2020

That's kind of morbid. Including a list of dead people who aren't going to be there doesn't seem like the best way to invite someone to a social gathering.

My high school reunions are never all that organized. They basically don't know where you are if you aren't in Facebook. There's no budget for it either. I probably won't be going to any more of them since I'm not on Facebook unless another friend knows about it and convinces me to go with them. There's also one person I really don't want to see. Big fall out and I don't know how I would handle ever seeing them again.

Maeve

(42,224 posts)
31. About that "best years of your life" idea
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:33 AM
Feb 2020

If it's high school, that means you peaked at 18. Honestly, looking back, they were among the worst years of my life. College was so very much better, my 20's were better still and having the kids in my 30's...
I just this week dropped most of the people I went to grade/high school with from my FB friends list. They weren't really friends back then and after 40-some years, they are simply reminders of why I left my rural community and never looked back.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
40. -- never went on facebook
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 04:45 PM
Feb 2020

so I don't have the pleasure of unfriending anyone.

But again, there is no one from the class that I don't like, except for that one guy an he's deceased.

MyOwnPeace

(16,888 posts)
34. I went to mine.....
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:37 AM
Feb 2020

and glad I did.

Interesting to hear from others that I knew and what their perspectives were about our HS experiences. Spent a lot of time talking to another guy who was in the band with me (yeah, I was a band geek. We played a "tag football" game every Wednesday before we had the band practice for the football game on Friday. Turned out we were tougher than the football team that year!).
Anyhow, it was great to talk to him and I realized I had more friends from that time than I realized.

Hope you go - why not? It will probably leave you pleased with your own station in life....... not a bad thing!

N_E_1 for Tennis

(9,593 posts)
36. Hated high school years...
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:42 AM
Feb 2020

Graduated in 1970 from an all boys catholic h.s. along with 62 others. Joined the Army instead of getting drafted. Got out went to the Five Year reunion...what a sad state of affairs. War took too many young classmates.
It was decided at the end of the gathering, NEVER AGAIN, MO MORE, and there hasn’t been.

No Vested Interest

(5,157 posts)
44. Hope you can find a way to go.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 04:25 AM
Feb 2020

The focus will not be on you, but you can focus on all the stories of people who shared that time of your life so many years ago.
Too late tonight to expand, but let the thought simmer in your head for awhile.
Our time here is short.

Latest Discussions»General Discussion»I had a kind'a upsetting ...