Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-22: Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Whatever Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Last edited Wed Dec 18, 2019, 02:30 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-22: Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Whatever Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up USC? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Man it is good to be back home! We’ve been touring all over the country appearing at universities all over this great nation of ours, and no, we’re not afraid to set foot in red states, though we probably won’t be going to Alabama or Mississippi any time soon. Well hey, it happens! Do we have time for the thing? Yeah so I don’t know if you saw this story pop up first of all, but someone duct taped a banana to a wall and called it art. And then that art was sold for $120,000. I will repeat that. Yes, that was sold for $120,000. But what made it even weirder? Someone pulled the banana (*DING*) off the wall and ate that banana. I’m no art guy, as you can plainly tell by the quality of graphics on this program, so I am not one to judge art. But really… what the fuck? And as you are probably well aware, one of my favorite TV shows of all time is Arrested Development. I do love all of the posts on Twitter that were referencing the show’s famous banana stand. I mean it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? $10? Well, this particular banana cost $120,000! And really I’d point out how absurd it is but since we’ve been covering how absurd everything is for the better part of nearly 3 years now, I will just say fuck it, and we need Bernie Sanders to tax the crap out of whoever bought this, but we don’t have time for rational solutions! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to but first Stephen Colbert delves into the impeachment madness on “Don & The Giant Impeach”:

Well folks, impeachment… no longer a hoax! In the number one slot we’re going to dedicate it to all things impeachment (1) including Louis Gohmert’s stunningly stupid revelation on the House floor about future career choices. In slot #2, ugh, I don’t want to talk about this story but really, George Zimmerman (2) can go fuck himself with a rusty spoon, and the NRA can go eat shit. Yes he’s suing the Martin family for an ungodly sum of money. And yes, he can go fuck himself. Taking the third slot this week is Trump’s press secretary Kellyanne Conway (3) and her Twitter feud with her husband George is something to behold, and if you think Trump gets the most grossly unqualified people for the job, you might also be right! In slot number 4, a Russian hacker collective known as “Evil Corporation” (4) got busted by world intelligence operations and we can’t help but cue the references to USA Network’s excellent series Mr. Robot. For the #5 seed this week, is the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (5) and don’t think for a minute that we’re not going to let him get away with his absolutely insane ramblings on toilets, bathrooms, and how babies work. At slot #6 is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (6) and this week – how could a brewery that nobody’s ever heard of suddenly take over one of the largest craft breweries in the world? We are going to get to the bottom of this insane merger! And in the 7th slot of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (7), is the Christian right gaslighting us? It would certainly seem that way, given their unrelenting support of the unholy Dark One, and our resident pastor has some thoughts on that. Taking the 8th slot this week is our feature “Unpopular Opinions”. OK people stop freaking out about Billie Eilish not knowing who Van Halen is, OK! There’s plenty of dead references in popular culture that you just flat out won’t get unless you were there. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, is a new “I Need A Drink” (9) and this week we’re going to talk about how the German holiday of Krampus is getting mainstream popularity, and if you’re tired of the Christmas ad blitz, have we got a holiday for you! Finally this week is our 2020 Voter’s Guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates” (10), and this week we must bid adieu to the Kamala Harris campaign, but she isn’t done yet! And the palate cleanser for putting up with my BS, we have a live performance from an awesome new band out of Mongolia – The Hu! Buy their new album “The Gereg” or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment
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It’s no secret that conservatives literally lie about everything. They are the party of liars, bullies, and assholes. And the more they lie, the worse they look to the rest of us who aren’t indoctrinated in the cult. Here’s the thing – impeachment is no longer a hoax, it is a reality. Of course you wouldn’t know that if you read the Twitter feed from @realDonaldTrump, he is doing everything he can to distract us from what’s really going on, and his administration is just a flat out dumpster fire at this point. Which is what it was designed from in the beginning. But before I get into the meat of the impeachment discussion, I want to first address Louis Gohmert’s stunningly stupid revelation about your kids’ possible future career choices.

When a Republican congressman went so far as to encourage American mothers to refrain from sending their children to some of the nation’s top law schools, he was articulating a sentiment that has been prevalent among conservatives for a while: Higher education — particularly of the elite variety — is harmful for America.

Four constitutional scholars testified before the House Judiciary Committee on Wednesday; the three invited by Democrats — Harvard Law School professor Noah Feldman, Stanford Law School professor Pamela S. Karlan and University of North Carolina School of Law professor Michael Gerhardt — said that there is evidence that President Trump committed an impeachable offense by using his power to request that Ukraine investigate a 2020 political rival.

Republican lawmakers weren’t happy with what they heard — or the places from which they believe these views came.

While speaking at a news conference following the 8½-hour impeachment inquiry hearing, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.), a Baylor University Law School graduate, said:

“All I got to say is: If you love America, mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to go to Harvard or Stanford law school.”

Rep. Douglas A. Collins (Ga.), a graduate of Atlanta’s John Marshall Law School and the top Republican on the committee, opened the hearing stating: “America will see why most people don’t go to law school.”

And Rep. Matt Gaetz (R.-Fla.), a College of William & Mary Law School graduate, sought to paint the professors as out-of-touch offenders of everyday Americans.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/12/06/republicans-disdain-intellectualism-was-display-wednesdays-hearing/

Man that’s the laziest country song ever. Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be whatever… just don’t let them be doctors and lawyers and such. Because education is bad for the Trump base, it encourages independent thinking y’all! But here’s the best part – all their gaslighting is backfiring on them and there have actually been articles of impeachment produced! So what are they? Well just two and here’s what is in them.

The process for dealing with a President or other federal elected official who abuses their office is spelled out broadly in the Constitution.

In Article I of the Constitution, it says the House shall have the sole power of impeachment and the Senate shall have the sole power to try impeachments.

But the process has evolved over the years. The Constitution does not include the term "articles of impeachment," but a November 2019 Congressional Research Service analysis of the impeachment process explains what they are.

"The House impeaches an individual when a majority agrees to a House resolution containing explanations of the charges," according to the report. "The explanations in the resolution are referred to as 'articles of impeachment.'"

Once articles of impeachment are approved in the House, the Senate takes those allegations and conducts a trial considering whether to remove a President from office. The Constitution mandates that the chief justice of the Supreme Court presides.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/11/politics/what-are-articles-of-impeachment/index.html

Hey Trump guess what? You’re fired!!! Well not yet it’s still going to take a trial in the senate and that could go… either good or bad depending on how you look at the situation. But of course our government is currently being run by people who have absolutely no idea how the constitution works, and we unfortunately got to deal with these people. But is Lindsay Graham really the guy who you want controlling the chaos? He’s an agent of chaos!

Rep. Jim Banks is calling on fellow Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham to ratchet up his defense of President Donald Trump, as House Republicans race to influence the Senate’s GOP strategy in a looming impeachment trial.

In a Wednesday letter to Graham, Banks encouraged the Senate Judiciary Committee chairman to “rethink” his impeachment strategy, in the latest sign that the House GOP is growing restless with their Republican colleagues across the Capitol.

The letter comes after Graham, a top Trump ally, rebuffed a number of the House GOP’s calls for hard-line tactics to defend Trump — including a request from Banks to subpoena the phone records of House Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), who led the Democrats’ impeachment inquiry.

But while Trump and his conservative allies in the House are pushing for an aggressive defense in the Senate impeachment trial — which they view as a chance to go on offense and clear the president’s name — Senate GOP leaders are taking a different approach. They’ve made clear that they don’t want the trial to turn into a spectacle, increasing the likelihood that long-simmering tensions between the House and Senate GOP could boil over.
https://www.politico.com/news/2019/12/11/jim-banks-lindsey-graham-impeachment-082385

No one’s getting fired just yet! And really people can we stop with the damn polls already? We all know they’re meaningless at this point. Politics in America is becoming like an 8th grade dance – Democrats are firmly on one side and Republicans are firmly on the other side. And no one is going to be doing any inter mingling anytime soon. So stop it, cut it out! No one’s mind is going to be changed on anything at this point, and that’s scary.

Support for impeachment has remained virtually unchanged from last month despite several weeks of public testimony, a new poll has found.

The Monmouth University poll, which was conducted before this Monday's Judiciary Committee impeachment hearing and before the House leaders unveiled articles of impeachment on Tuesday, found that 45 percent of Americans believe Trump should be impeached and removed from office while 50 percent do not.

In November, 44 percent of respondents said he should be impeached and removed while 51 percent said they did not support this.

“Opinion on impeachment has been rock steady since news of the Ukraine call first broke. Any small shifts we are seeing now are likely to be statistical noise,” Patrick Murray, director of the independent Monmouth University Polling Institute, said in a statement Wednesday.

The poll also found that 38 percent of Americans believe Trump's actions are clearly grounds for impeachment, while 15 percent say they should be looked at as possible impeachable offenses.
https://thehill.com/homenews/house/474092-poll-support-for-trump-impeachment-unchanged-after-several-house-hearings

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[font size="8"]George Zimmerman
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Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I didn’t want to talk about this story. I fought with my staff about it, and quite frankly it sucks. I wanted to talk about Brexit instead but we’ll save that for another entry in a future edition. Words cannot express my utter contempt for this colossal piece of shit, and that is it. Yes, we’re talking about George Zimmerman here. And if you don’t know why he was trending then you will after this entry. George Zimmerman is effectively suing the family of the child that he murdered in that dark alleyway for an ungodly sum of money. And if you think I’m kidding let’s replay that segment from John Oliver about SNAP lawsuits:

OK that out of the way this is how George Zimmerman managed to prove that he’s the biggest douche in the universe:

George Zimmerman is suing the family of the teenager he shot nearly eight years ago, seeking more than $100 million from Trayvon Martin's parents, their attorney and others. Zimmerman claims he was the victim of a conspiracy, along with malicious prosecution and defamation.

Martin's family has responded with a statement saying there's no evidence to back Zimmerman's contentions that he was the victim of a conspiracy.

Zimmerman was acquitted on all charges related to his shooting of Martin, who was 17 and unarmed when Zimmerman shot and killed him in a gated Florida community where Martin's father lived. Zimmerman claimed he shot Martin in self-defense during a scuffle. Zimmerman had faced charges of second-degree murder and manslaughter in the case, which also shed light on Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law.

Zimmerman and his lawyer, the controversial attorney Larry Klayman, allege that Rachel Jeantel, a key witness for the prosecution who testified about being on the phone with Martin just before the shooting, was an impostor. They accuse her of standing in for another teenager, Brittany Diamond Eugene, whom the suit describes as Jeantel's half sister who did not want to testify in the case.
https://www.npr.org/2019/12/04/784846004/george-zimmerman-sues-trayvon-martins-family-for-more-than-100-million

Oh fuck off you scumbag! You murdered a teenager in a dark alleyway and got off because Florida’s insane gun laws allowed you to “stand your ground”. So while you murdered a kid in an alleyway for carrying nothing more than a bag of Skittles, the state of Florida goes full black knight and says that it was just a flesh wound. And in case you’re wondering, oh this gets worse. So much worse.

Klayman says there is “newly discovered evidence” in a recently published book and documentary by Joel Gilbert called “The Trayvon Hoax: Unmasking the Witness Fraud That Divided America.” Both contend Jeantel was not Martin's girlfriend and had not been speaking on the phone with him.

“The research also allegedly reveals that Trayvon’s real girlfriend and legitimate phone witness was in fact Miami resident Brittany Diamond Eugene, who was switched out for Jeantel when Eugene refused to bear false witness against Zimmerman,” Klayman alleges.

Rachel Jeantel of Miami and Brittany Diamond Eugene of West Park, Florida, are listed as defendants in the suit. NBC News reached out to both by email and got no immediate response.

Gilbert is a frequent InfoWars guest who has produced movies that have falsely claimed that former President Barack Obama's real father was a Chicago communist, that Paul McCartney is dead and Elvis Presley is alive.

Meanwhile, activist Marie Rattigan filed a complaint against Klayman with the Florida Bar alleging that “in an effort to revictimize the family of Trayvon Martin” he filed a “frivolous complaint.” She also noted that Klayman listed the home addresses of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit but not of Zimmerman “to protect him from the same harm he intends to unleash on the defendants.”
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/george-zimmerman-sues-trayvon-martin-s-family-100-million-damages-n1095916

That’s right – it’s the world’s tiniest violin playing just for George Zimmerman. And of course I need not to point out how insane Infowars is, and they’re definitely not helping things here. There’s no mistake how horrible of a person Zimmerman is. But there’s no conspiracy here, he’s just a piece of shit, and anyone who supports this monster is also a piece of shit. And really do we need to know the motives behind this suit? It’s like that kid from Kentucky who sued the Washington Post for $250 million – there’s no motive, it’s just a legal way of saying “fuck you”.

George Zimmerman — who was acquitted in the murder of Trayvon Martin in 2012 — filed a lawsuit on Dec. 4 against Martin's family for defamation and conspiracy. Callie Crossley, host of WGBH News’ Under The Radar, joined Boston Public Radio Friday to speak about Zimmerman's motives for suing.

"This is a $100 million lawsuit that he filed against Trayvon Martin's family," Crossley said. "It doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe he wants some attention."

A new book and film by Joel Gilbert claims that false evidence was used in the 2012 Martin trial, spurring Zimmerman to file the new lawsuit, Crossley noted.

"[Gilbert] directed a film which says the whole case was a hoax," she said. "This reminds me very much of those people running around saying the kids at Sandy Hook weren't killed."
https://www.wgbh.org/news/national-news/2019/12/09/callie-crossley-george-zimmermans-lawsuit-against-trayvon-martins-family-doesnt-make-any-sense

Oh fuck off. Oh and fuck Infowars for helping this monster. But there is some good news is that this lawsuit most likely wont get very far, if anything it would get laughed out of court at the very least, provided we have a competent judge at the helm of this farce. Let’s ask an actual legal analyst what they think of the situation.

George Zimmerman has filed a $100 million lawsuit in Florida state court. The 36-page lawsuit, which reads like a conspiracy novel, alleges that Zimmerman is "the victim" of malicious prosecution, abuse of process, civil conspiracy and defamation.

He names the parents of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin and the Martin's family attorney Ben Crump along with a number of other defendants. In a nutshell, Zimmerman's lawsuit claims that there was no legitimate basis for his prosecution. Instead, he asserts that prosecutors conspired against him to fabricate witness testimony and that a new book by Crump contained false claims about him.

Crump, along with Trayvon's parents, Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton, denied the allegations. "This plaintiff continues to display a callous disregard for everyone by himself, revictimizing individuals whose lives were shattered by his own misguided actions," Crump said in a statement issued on his and Travon's parents' behalf.

How astonishing that Zimmerman, who shot and killed Trayvon on February 26, 2012, can now claim to be the victim. Martin's young life was taken by Zimmerman who incorrectly assumed that Martin was some sort of harmful vagrant. The truth, however, was that Martin was simply an innocent teen with a pack of Skittles in his pocket, who was having a visit with his dad. He represented no danger to the community at all.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/07/opinions/george-zimmerman-lawsuit-insults-trayvon-martin-jackson/index.html

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[font size="8"]George Conway Vs Kellyanne Conway
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OK whew, let’s get the horrible and revolting stench of George Zimmerman and Infowars out of the room and get back to some good old fashioned idiocy. You know there’s a good reason why I post anonymously on Twitter – there’s some real douchebags out there, and I wouldn’t want them getting my name or home address. Plus, you also don’t want to take any chances on running into someone you know online while posting in hashtag games about Disney characters that drink too much, or adding an extra word to a movie to change the meaning of the title. The Big Lebowski Rises. Yeah let’s go with that. But that said, one person you should definitely not run into online is your husband or wife. Especially if you happen to be a prominent member of this insane administration. And you happen to have opposite political views, because that never ends well.

It's no secret that top presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway and her husband, a frequent Trump critic, don't see eye to eye on the president. On Monday, they duked it out on Twitter after conservative lawyer George Conway needled his wife about a Joe Biden tweet.

Kellyanne Conway had retweeted a brief video clip of the former vice president speaking to a crowd, along with a comment: “Sleepy Joe is Creepy Joe,” she wrote. “We need Ukraine’s help to defeat THIS guy?”

To which George Conway responded: “Your boss apparently thought so.”

Such online sparring has become a staple of the Trump presidency. Earlier this year, after George Conway suggested that Trump wasn’t mentally fit to serve, the president called him “a total loser,” “the husband from hell” and a “whack job.”

“You. Are. Nuts,” the lawyer responded on Twitter.

But speaking to Politico, Kellyanne Conway defended the president, saying he should be able to respond after a “non-medical professional accused him of having a mental disorder.”
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/george-conway-takes-swipe-wife-kellyanne-conway-twitter-n1094626

Yeah so an online feud never looks good for everybody, but this program is based on an online feud between liberals and conservatives, so you never know! I really wonder what Thanksgiving is like at their house. Especially when Kellyanne gets paid to support literally everything this administration does, and George does not. But this isn’t the first Twitter clap back between the two.

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway confronted CNN's Wolf Blitzer on live television Thursday after he played footage of her husband criticizing President Trump and Republicans as part of MSNBC's coverage of the impeachment hearing the day before.

Conway accused CNN of "embarrassing" itself by playing the remarks from frequent Trump critic George Conway, suggesting it was only doing so in a bid to drive ratings and make her look bad.

"It's the same stuff all the time. What you just quoted is said every day by other voices but you wanted to put it in my husband's voice because you think somehow that that will help your ratings or that you're really sticking it to Kellyanne Conway," she said after the clip was aired.

The incident came toward the end of an already contentious segment during which Conway and Blitzer sparred over the impeachment hearing.

Blitzer then told Conway he had a “final question” for her.
https://thehill.com/homenews/media/470433-kellyanne-conway-after-cnn-plays-george-conway-remarks-im-embarrassed-for-you

Oh boy pass the popcorn because dis gonna be good. You know how we have often talked about how much the Trump presidency is resembling a cult? Well, let’s ask someone who’s not only in the cult, but only a few tiers below Dear Leader, and not only is the Trump administration a cult, it’s very closely resembling Scientology at this point. Just replace Xenu with Jesus and you’ve pretty much got the same thing, only without the e-meters.

Things are apparently getting even more tense in the Conway household. As impeachment hearings heat up, the relationship between George Conway and his wife Kellyanne Conway have “become increasingly distant,” writes Gabriel Sherman in Vanity Fair. A Republican who speaks frequently with George Conway claims that he “tells people she’s in a cult.” The word cult is apparently bandied about quite a bit in George Conway’s circles. “It’s not going to get better until she’s cast out of the cult,” a “person close to George” told Sherman.

Rather than confront them, the couple appears to largely ignore their differences of opinion and act as if they don’t exist. That is made easier by the way in which George Conway is spending lots of time working in Manhattan. When they see each other, they really avoid the whole Trump issue but they apparently can’t avoid some “passive-aggressive digs” here and there.

George Conway’s constant attacks on the administration don’t just bother his wife though. It seems Donald Trump himself is not too happy with the situation and has blamed Kellyanne for the situation: “George gets all his power from you,” he reportedly told her recently. The situation is so bad that Jared Kushner is pushing for Kellyanne Conway’s ouster but so far Trump doesn’t seem convinced.
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/11/george-conway-tells-people-kellyanne-conway-in-cult.html

If there’s one thing you need to know about a cult is that you never, ever question Dear Leader or there will be some consequences! Also if there’s one thing you don’t do either, it’s get between a couple who has dueling political differences. I’m just saying you don’t want to be that guy because it could get really ugly for everyone involved, especially you. Think of it like drinking that mysterious green liquid thinking it’s Mountain Dew but it really is radioactive toxic waste. Actually, radioactive toxic waste and Mountain Dew pretty much have the same color. I’m rambling again.

George Conway slammed President Donald Trump's 2020 campaign manager, Brad Parscale, after the official issued a personal attack against the husband of White House senior counselor Kellyanne Conway.

Parscale's initial criticism came in a tweet commenting on a sarcastic post by George Conway. In his tweet, the attorney and staunch Trump critic shared a post highlighting the book cover of The Toddler In Chief, which includes an image of the infamous Trump baby balloon. Conway quipped, "Who cares if there's any text."

Trump's campaign manager then retweeted Conway's post, describing the attorney as "irrelevant" and a "lost puppy."
https://www.newsweek.com/george-conway-hits-back-after-trumps-2020-campaign-manager-invokes-wife-kellyanne-twitter-spat-1475729

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[font size="8"]Evil Corporation
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This is some next level James Bond shit come to life. Remember the Pierce Brosnan flick Goldeneye? In the movie, a group of Russian hackers planned to take over the Bank Of England by using a satellite to fry the bank servers. Eh. In 2019 all they need now is your login information and bank account password and they can get in that way. You don’t need to fry servers and use expensive satellites, either, it would be too hard on your profit margins. In real life, while you were sleeping last week, the FBI nailed a Russian hacking group called “Evil Corporation” – yes, that’s the name, and it’s not at all obvious what they are up to. They’re out to steal your identity and your money. Now if only we had someone as charismatic as Pierce Brosnan to stop them!

The US Treasury Department announced new sanctions Thursday on a Russian-based cybercriminal organization called "Evil Corp" for using malware to steal more than $100 million from hundreds of banks and financial institutions.

Specifically, Evil Corp used the malware known as Dridex to "infect computers and harvest login credentials from hundreds of banks and financial institutions in over 40 countries, causing more than $100 million in theft," according to the Treasury Department.

US banks were a prime target, a senior administration official said Thursday.

"Treasury is sanctioning Evil Corp as part of a sweeping action against one of the world's most prolific cybercriminal organizations. This coordinated action is intended to disrupt the massive phishing campaigns orchestrated by this Russian-based hacker group," Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin said in a statement.

"OFAC's action is part of a multiyear effort with key NATO allies, including the United Kingdom. Our goal is to shut down Evil Corp, deter the distribution of Dridex, target the 'money mule' network used to transfer stolen funds, and ultimately to protect our citizens from the group's criminal activities," he added.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/05/politics/us-sanctions-russian-evil-corp/index.html

Come on, you really need to place sanctions on a group that calls itself “Evil Corporation”? That will only encourage them further. It’s like giving Neo Nazis a safe space. Oh wait, we actually do that. But here’s the scary thing is that we actually may not know the true damage of what Evil Corp has been up to and the hacks could be going back decades! I am sure their boss Vladimir Putin is pleased!

The U.S. unveiled criminal charges and sanctions against members of a group that calls itself Evil Corp, which authorities blame for some of the worst computer hacking and bank fraudschemes of the past decade.

The Justice Department, working mainly with the Treasury Department and British authorities, brought conspiracy and fraud charges against members of the group. It said the group “has been engaged in cybercrime on an almost unimaginable scale,” using malware to steal tens of millions of dollars from customers doing online banking. Treasury said on Thursday it would sanction Evil Corp and its leaders for cyber-thefts committed at hundreds of financial institutions around the world.

The organization’s alleged leader, identified as Maksim Yakubets, also worked for Russia’s Federal Security Service intelligence agency, according to the Treasury Department. Yakubets was directed to work on projects for the Russian state starting in 2017, it said. The Russian ambassador to the U.S., Anatoly Antonov, called the accusation “groundless.”
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-12-05/u-s-sanctions-evil-corp-blamed-for-100-million-cyber-theft

Yeah where is that guy when you need him? And speaking of James Bond, if you’re picturing this group to live the life of a lavish James Bond villain, well, you’re not that far off. These guys really do live in giant mansions with moats surrounded by sharks. They probably have giant laser beams attached to their heads, too. This is where it gets really weird. Because why wouldn’t it?

The millionaire leader of what authorities have called "the world's most harmful cyber crime group," Evil Corp, lives a life full of luxury items and exotic animals.

Maksim "Aqua" Yakubets, a 32-year-old Russian man, was indicted on Thursday by US authorities. He's charged with carrying out "two separate international computer hacking and bank fraud schemes" across the past 10 years, siphoning millions of dollars from UK citizens into the coffers of Evil Corp, the UK's National Crime Agency said.

Since Yakubets resides in Russia, the indictments won't affect him unless he leaves the country. "If Yakubets ever leaves the safety of Russia," the agency said, "he will be arrested and extradited the US."

For now, Yakubets still lives in Russia and is apparently living it up alongside his cohorts. When they're not driving his custom Lamborghinis or taking videos of a lion cub roaming an ornate rug, they're posing for photos with wads of cash.

Take a look.
https://www.businessinsider.com/millionaire-russian-hackers-evil-corp-car-pictures-video-2019-12

Yeah so if this seems like a James Bond movie – there’s fast, ridiculously equipped cars, giant villain like mansions and tons more. Now we just need an uber spy who is capable of taking them down, but at the very least we have the FBI. And you know how they got caught? You know in those movies how there’s a plan how the villain always has a test control before carrying it out on a massive scale? Well that’s how they got caught.

A high school, banks and a handful of businesses in Western Pennsylvania were victims of cyber crimes by Russian hackers, federal authorities said Thursday.

After a 10-year investigation, Russian nationals Maskim V. Yakubets and Igor Turashev were indicted in Pittsburgh and accused of distributing financial malware as part of a conspiracy involving computer hacking, wire fraud and bank fraud schemes.

The two allegedly stole about $70 million and attempted to steal about $200 million from at least 300 victims around the world, investigators said.

The first victim in the area was Mercer County’s Sharon High School, said Scott Brady, U.S. attorney for the Western District of Pennsylvania.
https://triblive.com/local/pittsburgh-allegheny/feds-allege-russian-hackers-targeted-school-banks-businesses-in-western-pa/

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[font size="8"]Toilet Gate
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There’s two things that are perfectly clear here. The first is that the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump, doesn’t know how babies work. The second is that he also doesn’t know how toilets and lightbulbs work. We also get the suspicion that he spends way too much time in the bathroom depending on how many Big Macs and Diet Cokes he eats in a given day. But you know what? Before we delve into this story, we need to roll the tape on it. Because the entire rant is just… spectacular to say the least. Well, spectacularly stupid to say the least. Hit it!

What the fuck is he talking about? And how can anyone not see this as the ramblings of an absolute mad man?

President Donald Trump on Friday had a lot to say about toilets, sinks and showers.
The President claimed Americans are flushing their toilets "10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once" and argued that they are having difficulty with washing their hands in what appeared to be a tangent about low-flow sinks and toilets.

"We have a situation where we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers and other elements of bathrooms where you turn the faucet on -- and in areas where there's tremendous amounts of water, where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it, and you don't get any water," the President said during a roundtable with small business leaders about deregulatory actions.

"You turn on the faucet and you don't get any water. They take a shower and water comes dripping out. Just dripping out, very quietly dripping out," the President continued, lowering his voice as he spoke about the drips. "People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once."

It wasn't entirely clear what he was talking about but it appeared to have to do with bathroom fixtures with low-flow appliances. He said the Environmental Protection Agency was looking into the issue on his suggestion.

"They end up using more water. So (the) EPA is looking at that very strongly at my suggestion," Trump said, though he did not give details on what suggestions, if any, he made. Video of the President's comments has been viewed more than a million times online.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/07/politics/trump-americans-flushing-toilets-intl/index.html

I'm pretty sure that's a live look in at what Trump thinks people actually do in the bathroom! And to be fair, Trump is setting the American Standard for presidents! I wish I could take credit for that joke, I found it on Twitter. But there is a lot to unpack here and it is the stuff of pure insanity. Oh yes these are the thoughts a completely rational, sane person here. And by the way in case you’re wondering where this nonsense comes from, leave it to the libertarians to install some bad ideas:

In a 1998 20/20 segment, in what might be his magnum opus, libertarian icon John Stossel laid waste to the very same toilet regulations that Trump complained about on Friday. He interviewed toilet pressure enthusiasts who were so bummed out by new regulations on the amount of water that could be used for flushing that they searched junkyards and traveled to Canada to find high-powered commodes.

Stossel appears to be pretty into toilets in general. In 2013, he epically owned any moron who was stupid enough to prefer public provision to private. He tweeted: “It’s intuitive to think public is better than private. #ThinkAboutThis: public toilets.”

More recently, Stossel in 2017 eviscerated New York City public officials for spending too much money on public bathrooms and doing oppressive things like allowing the public to comment on how taxpayer funds are spent.

But the cause’s most eloquent exponent is surely Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.). In 2011, during an appliance efficiency hearing, Paul told Kathleen Hogan, then the US Department of Energy deputy assistant secretary on energy efficiency, what we’ve all been thinking: “Frankly, the toilets don’t work in my house. And I blame you, and people like you who want to tell me what I can install in my house, what I can do.” The video of his rant was blasted out to his father’s email list, Good noted, and Rand Paul was praised for “taking the fight to the statists.” Howard Roark crapped.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2019/12/trumps-weird-toilet-rant-is-actually-a-crappy-old-libertarian-hobbyhorse/

Yeah I just needs to check inside ya asshole…. Because I mean really who flushes 10 times when they go to the bathroom? Either they have a defective flusher or they have been eating some shit, both literally and figuratively! And this wasn’t the weirdest thing Trump has said either. I’d show what he said about childbirth but surprisingly there’s a lack of articles on it. Does anyone ever tell him to shut up? But he really needs to at some point because every time he opens his mouth he looks foolish, and that’s saying something considering he used to be on a reality show.

President Trump is no stranger to ranting, whether it’s on Twitter, in the White House, at a rally, or on the phone with Fox & Friends. He’s ranted about “fake news,” Hillary Clinton, and the alleged need for a border wall. But his latest tirade made it clear the president has his head in the gutter. And that’s not just a figure of speech.

At the White House on Friday during a meeting about small businesses, the president of the United States took a break from denouncing the impeachment inquiry to order a federal review of water efficiency standards. In his view, current conservation standards are taking a toll on the public. “People,” he said, “are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once.”

He didn’t stop there. New homes, Trump said, have become so environmentally friendly that “you can’t wash your hands, practically.” As a result, he said, he’s “looking very strongly at sinks and showers.” He said he directed the EPA to “open up the standard,” though it’s unclear which specific water efficiency standard he was talking about.
https://grist.org/article/we-investigate-trumps-claim-that-people-are-flushing-toilets-10-times-15-times/

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Beer Mystery
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Corporate takeovers are a story as old as time. Usually it’s the larger corporations that take over the smaller corporations. But this is a head-scratching merger that has people talking and is turning an entire industry upside down. In the craft beer world, one of the largest names and most easily recognizable is a brewery from San Diego called Ballast Point. In recent years the Ballast Point name has become big business after a merger with mega brewing conglomerate Constellation Brands. So how does one of the largest breweries get taken over by a small brewery from Chicago? This is a merger for the ages.

It's a reversal of the familiar scenario in which a big-name craft brewer is bought out by a multinational "big beer" consortium. This time, the brewer has been bought back from an international consortium.

On Tuesday, Kings & Convicts Brewing Co. announced they had purchased Ballast Point Brewing Co. from Constellation Brands. Constellation is a Chicago-based company that owns American rights to Mexican brands including Modelo, Corona and Pacifico. Ballast Point, founded in 1996, was a darling of the California craft brewing scene, known for their line of Sculpin West Coast IPAs, and was bought out in 2015 for $1 billion. The mythical "synergy" of the merger never materialized, and Constellation began cutting personnel and closing locations.

Kings & Convicts was founded in 2017 by CEO Brendan Watters, a native of Australia, and brewmaster and COO Chris Bradley of Great Britain. It's estimated they will have produced 660 barrels of beer by the end of 2019, while Ballast Point will have made 200,000 barrels at several production breweries and taprooms. If closed, the deal will include Ballast Point's taproom on Chicago's Fulton Market District, and California facilities in Downtown Disney/Anaheim, Long Beach, Miramar, Little Italy, and San Diego.

“We look forward to engaging the community and getting a connection back to the local markets through our distributor partners, on and off-premise retailers and our dedicated salesforce ambassadors,” said Bradley in Kings & Convicts' news release “Ballast Point has well-established R&D programs and we want to continue fostering that innovation and experimentation by listening to our consumers and serving specialty and local beers in each market.”
http://www.chicagonow.com/the-beeronaut/2019/12/surprise-kings-convicts-buys-ballast-point-from-constellation/

Except there’s no such thing as free beer sir. The Ballast Point Brewery has tasitng rooms all over the country including a shiny new one at the Disneyland resort in California. So how did an upstart brewery usurp one of the largest breweries in the world? And also how did they have a billion dollars to throw at it when nobody has ever heard of them?

Fresh off a family trip to Rome, Chris Bradley sat down with Brendan Watters, his partner at Kings & Convicts, a little Illinois brewery. Anything happen, Bradley asked, during his vacation?

“We’re buying Ballast Point,” Watters announced.

“What?” Bradley sputtered. “How?”

That exchange occurred in a Chicago suburb this summer. Similar scenes played out across the U.S. last week, when Constellation Brands — Ballast Point’s current owner — and Kings & Convicts announced the deal. Really? How could an obscure two-year-old brewery from Highwood, Ill., (2018 production: 550 barrels of beer) land an industry icon (2018 production: 320,000 barrels) once worth $1 billion?

The full answer is cloaked in nondisclosure statements, but a partial explanation involves 9/11, golf and a desperate seller. New York-based Constellation was eager to dump Ballast Point, with its plummeting sales and a trademark value — a measure of its worth outside of its assets — in free fall, cratering from $223 million in January 2018 to $17 million in October 2019.
https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/entertainment/beer/story/2019-12-08/ballast-points-rise-fall-and-re-sale-unpacking-craft-beers-most-baffling-deal

Yes, “what” and “how” are two very valid questions. But neither of them are answered here, and they most certainly won’t be for the foreseeable future. Mega mergers in the beer industry are nothing new – look at InBev and MillerCoorsSBA and all of their various mergers and acquisitions. But usually this type of thing happens in reverse. The bigger brands are usually the ones who takeover the smaller brands.

Craft Brew Alliance (CBA) chief executive Andy Thomas likes to use metaphors when explaining complicated scenarios.

For proof, look no further than this week’s announcement that Anheuser-Busch InBev had agreed to wholly-acquire the Portland, Oregon-headquartered maker of Kona, Widmer, and Redhook beers, among others.

Speaking to Forbes, Thomas likened the two companies’ 25-year history to a somewhat complicated long-term relationship.

“We’ve all been through ups and downs in a relationship,” he said. “Sometimes, you get so used to each other and you don’t realize what makes the relationship unique.”

Before we dive into the backstory of these two companies, let’s examine some of the highlights of this week’s merger announcement.

As part of the cash transaction, which is expected to close in 2020 following a mandatory federal antitrust review, A-B will purchase the remaining 68.8% of CBA that it doesn’t already own for $16.50 per share. That works out to approximately $221 million, excluding about $130 million in liabilities that A-B will also be responsible for.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrisfurnari/2019/11/14/examining-the-history-behind-anheuser-busch-inbevs-221-million-purchase-of-craft-brew-alliance/#2fc6755f2304

That is a really large beer there, sir! But with such mega mergers as Ballast Point, and recently Boston Beer and Dogfish Head, and Anheuser Busch’s purchase of Platform Brewery, it seems that the pocketbooks are opening back up for craft brewery, and just like the recent mega mergers, this could be a game changer for the industry once again. Just ask craft brewery insides.

When I paid a visit to Dogfish Head Craft Brewery in early 2016, one of the questions I asked founder Sam Calagione was why so many of his beer peers were selling out to large conglomerates like Anheuser-Busch InBev and Molson Coors. His response: “It was inevitable.”

“The patriarchs and matriarchs of our [craft] movement are coming to retirement age,” said Calagione, as we stood in his brewery in Milton, Delaware. “I don’t fault those that are choosing to sell the majority or all of their company.” Calagione had sold a 15% stake in his company to private equity firm LNK Partners in 2015 to bring more business acumen to Dogfish, but told me that he was holding out on a full sale so his children—then aged 13 and 16—could one day potentially run the business he and his wife Mariah built.

Inevitability came earlier than Calagione anticipated. On Thursday, Dogfish Head announced it would merge with Sam Adams brewer Boston Beer Company in a $300 million cash-and-stock transaction, combining two of the nation’s top 15 craft brewers to better take on competition from Big Beer and a crowded craft beer landscape that’s put pressure on the smaller players’ sales. Calagione has agreed to take a seat on Boston Beer’s board of directors.
https://fortune.com/2019/05/10/dogfish-head-boston-beer/

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Palo Alto! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Is it OK to mock someone’s faith? Well I do ask because we are an entity that essentially is designed to mock faith. But we only mock faith in general. We never attack or question one specific person’s faith. Because our brothers and sisters do it on the right all the time, which makes them horrible people. We don’t question or attack, we just mock the shit out of them! And we also mock their unrelenting faith in the unholy, ungodly Dark One, who currently holds the highest office in the land, and whose name shall **NOT** be spoken in my church! But really the people who hold such strong beliefs in favor of the Dark One are those who should be mocked and ridiculed profusely! People like this guy:

End Times broadcaster, rabid anti-Semite, and radical right-wing conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles kicked off his “TruNews” broadcast last night by announcing that he has begun stockpiling ammunition in response to yesterday’s announcement by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that the House would begin drafting articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump.

Wiles, who recently warned that “there is going to be violence in America” if Trump is removed from office, said that Pelosi’s announcement has forced millions of Americans to start preparing for the possibility of civil war.

“Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, Eliot Engel, Brad Sherman, and Charles Schumer are compelling calm, law-abiding, middle-class American citizens to prepare for the unthinkable: a violent civil war in America fought between the pagan left and the religious right,” Wiles said. “Their actions are compelling me and others to immediately get ready to defend our families, our personal lives, and our properties if violence erupts in America over the impeachment and ouster of President Trump.”

“The Democrats are forcing me to stockpile ammunition, food, water, and medical supplies to defend my family, home, and church,” he added. “This is a bad dream that won’t end, and it’s brought to you by the Trump haters.”

“I strongly encourage you to take immediate action to prepare your home and family for the worst,” Wiles advised his audience. “Don’t foolishly dismiss my warning that a revolution could erupt, or widespread civil disruptions, even civil war.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/rick-wiles-says-hes-stockpiling-ammunition-to-prepare-for-a-violent-civil-war-between-pagan-left-and-religious-right/

Now I know that in our good book it says that “JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!”. Well, since all these people do is judge others, then we will do the same! If you watch the news right now, you know that impeachment is all over the TV and the right really needs to pull their heads out of their asses. And since they pick the pettiest battles to fight, is it any wonder why we’re in the mess that we’re in?

A group of President Donald Trump’s evangelical cheerleaders worshiped at the White House and prayed with Trump in the Oval Office Friday. Among the attendees were White House spiritual adviser Paula White, pastor Robert Jeffress, and congressional candidate Sean Feucht.

Jeffress appeared on Lou Dobb’s Fox Business show Friday evening to rave about Trump. “I’ve never seen the president more upbeat or positive or focused than he was today,” Jeffress said. “And look, this impeachment farce, it isn’t paralyzing the president⁠. It is energizing him.” Jeffress said that “the longer the Democrats want to drag out this impeachment farce, the larger his margin of reelection is going to be in 2020. The American people are with this president.”

Dobbs asked Jeffress about the House Speaker Nancy Pelosi citing her Catholic faith in her response to a reporter from the right-wing Sinclair Broadcast Group who asked if she hated Trump. While Dobbs listened with a smirk, Jeffress mocked Pelosi’s faith:

Dobbs and Jeffress went from suggesting that Pelosi isn’t Catholic enough to slamming Pope Francis for comparing Trump to the biblical character King Herod, which Dobbs said was “pretty nasty stuff.”

“Herod wanted to extinguish Christmas by getting rid of Christ before the first Christmas,” said Jeffress. “President Trump celebrates Christmas, has brought it back to the forefront of our country, and that means bringing Christ back as well.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/robert-jeffress-mocks-pelosis-faith-says-trump-has-brought-christmas-christ-back-to-u-s/

Really, the unholy Dark One celebrates Christmas? He’s a real life Ebaneezer Scrooge! And really enough with that “Keep Christ In Christmas” crap, it’s been beaten to death by now! If you guys want to fight a war, you’re going to be the only one who’s fighting it. Really because with friends like these, who really needs enemies?

Pastor Augusto Perez of The Appearance Ministries appeared on Sheila Zilinsky’s podcast last month, where he declared that anyone who opposes President Donald Trump must engage in fasting and prayer “because something is wrong in you.”

“This is not political, this is spiritual,” Perez said. “If you hate this man, if you hate this president, if there is something in you that you hates this man, I strongly counsel you to go on a fast-and-prayer and seek the Lord with all your heart because something is wrong in you. You have been deluded, you have been blindfolded, and the enemy is having his way with you.”

“If you still hate Trump, forget about the man himself—the personality—forget about that and focus on what he stands for and what he has done and what he is doing,” Perez added. “He is doing our Father’s agenda. He is tearing down the pedophile rings, human trafficking, drug smuggling. He is also coming against abortion, he wants to get rid of abortion, all of it. He has already defunded Planned Parenthood and they are fighting him tooth and nail. He has appointed many constitutional judges and two Supreme Court justices. He is bringing this nation back to righteousness, or he is trying to. He has given Christians a voice, he is protecting the Christians, he’s protecting the churches. He is stopping all these Muslim terrorists from coming in. He is doing the will of the Father in this country.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/augusto-perez-if-you-oppose-trump-you-need-fasting-and-prayer-because-something-is-wrong-in-you/

Yes, humbug indeed! The people whoa re indoctrinated into the cult couldn’t be any crazier especially in this time of year. Really, who watches stuff like this? It’s bad enough that we have to put up with these people here, I can’t imagine running to them in real life. History existed before the unholy Dark One and it will most certainly exist after. The sky is not falling like they would have you believe.

Pastor Johnny Enlow, a leading proponent of Seven Mountains Dominionism, appeared on a MorningStar Ministries webinar last week, where he recounted a vision in which he claims that God told him that he was going to use President Donald Trump as “a hinge of the ages” to break human history into two eras: “Before Trump” and “After Trump.”

Enlow said that prior to the 2016 election, he asked God who would win, at which point God showed him a vision of Trump wearing a red, white, and blue bandana while sitting on a Triumph motorcycle on the top of a mountain.

“So, in an instant, it wasn’t hard for me to figure out what was being said,” Enlow said. “The first thing [God] said is, ‘He is going to save you from things you don’t know you need to be saved from yet.’ And then the Lord progressively began to speak regarding that and he said, ‘His time in the presidency is going to be a hinge of the ages and it’ll be known as Before Trump and After Trump because of the way I am going to use him. I’m using him as a trump card, but I’m the trump card player. Your nation will be known as Before Trump and After Trump.’ And he said, ‘The nations, the whole world will be known as Before Trump and After Trump.’ The Lord said, ‘I’m really not interested your all’s vote this time, I’m doing it. I usually give you all that option, this time I’m not. This is a rescue operation from Heaven.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/johnny-enlow-god-is-using-trump-to-separate-history-into-before-trump-and-after-trump-eras/

I just can’t… words cannot express how insane they are. There you go. Next week we’re going to delve into the right wing War On Christmas and look forward to what we have in store for 2020~! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Unpopular Opinions: Billie Eilish & Van Halen
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Look people, stop freaking out about the fact that Billie Eilish doesn’t know who Van Halen is. Hell at this point I’m not even sure that Eddie Van Halen knows who Van Halen is. Hey I watched The Dirt! Yeah that’s what a lifetime of hookers and blow will get you. Watch any movie from the 80s, doesn’t matter if the references are from Ferris Bueller or Beetlejuice, you will find plenty of dead references that don’t apply to a society in 2019. Dead references are as old as time itself. Popular culture comes and goes. There's people being born today who will have no idea what the hell a Sears or a K-Mart are! The people who are freaking out about Billie Eilish not knowing who Van Halen is, are probably coming from the same parents who started freaking out when their kids didn’t know who Led Zeppelin was. But here’s the thing – Billie Eilish is 17! It’s OK for 17 year olds not to know 40 year old bands! Can we calm down and pull each other’s heads out of our collective asses please?

Is there anything more tedious than a music snob? Apparently not, given the rush to pile on 17-year-old Billie Eilish earlier this week, and all because she hadn’t heard of the rock band Van Halen.

The revelation took place on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, where the late-night host decided to quiz Eilish on whether she’d heard of artists such as Madonna (she had) and Van Halen (she hadn’t). Upon learning she was blithely unaware of the Seventies rockers, Kimmel’s reaction was one of horror, despair, and glee. “I’m gonna start crying,” he exclaimed, perhaps acknowledging that Eilish’s knowledge gap was actually highlighting his own age. “You’re making me look so dumb,” Eilish fretted in return.

While this was an innocent enough exchange that riffed on the age-old tradition of intergenerational repartee (“young people don’t know how easy they have it”, “old people don’t understand technology”, etc), the comments about Eilish online were harsher. There’s a particular type of person who relishes any opportunity to highlight the perceived ignorance of younger generations. Yet there’s absolutely no reason why Eilish, or anyone her age, should give a fleeting moment’s thought to a rock band who carry little to no weight in the 21st century. Why does she need to prove herself, when she’s become the biggest success story the music industry has seen in years? Clearly, she knows something these older critics don’t.

Besides, had Eilish told Kimmel she was a massive Van Halen fan, hardcore fans would likely have revolted, insisting there was no way she could be serious – she’s too young. There was a similar reaction when Justin Bieber was spotted wearing a Metallica T-shirt in 2015. He had no right to like them, hardcore fans decreed.
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/billie-eilish-van-halen-jimmy-kimmel-rock-music-spotify-a9234371.html

Shut up!!!! Take that article’s advice – there’s nothing worse than a snob! These are the same kinds of people who blame bands for being too political in 2019 when they’ve been political since the early 1990s! Like Anti-Flag or Pearl Jam, hey there was a time before Trump and social media existed. But you know what enough of my rambling let’s play the clip.

And here’s where there’s nothing worse than being a snob. I’m a Gen Xer, and I’m totally OK with all of this. But here’s where music snobs need to shut the hell up. People get old it happens. When the young generation doesn’t know the old generation’s music, it’s OK! Be lame and be proud of it! Until then shut up!

Today in “can we all please leave Billie Eilish TF alone,” the 17-year-old singer is being dragged by boomers for not knowing who the band Van Halen is. Which, no offense to Van Halen, but WHY DOES ANYONE EVEN CAAAAARE.

The moment in question went down on Jimmy Kimmel Live when Jimmy asked Billie to “name a Van Halen” and she responded, “Who?”

The audience was shook that Billie doesn’t know who the famous band is (again, she is only 17!), and Twitter wasted no time dragging her. But those tweets are lame, so here’s a couple from everyone mocking them instead:

Meanwhile, Wolf Van Halen chimed in, writing, “If you haven’t heard of @BillieEilish, go check her out. She’s cool. If you haven’t heard of @VanHalen, go check them out. They’re cool too. Music is supposed to bring us together, not divide us. Listen to what you want and don’t shame others for not knowing what you like.”

And Nine Inch Nails art director Rob Sheridan also chimed in, saying, “RE: This Billie Eilish/Van Halen thing, honestly, it’s extremely good that hair metal finally doesn’t matter anymore. We worked extremely hard to kill hair metal in the ’90s, thank you teens for giving it an unceremonious ‘okay, boomer.’ Imagine being a teen in the ’90s and people being shocked that you didn’t know or care about Perry Como. Because THAT’S HOW OLD VAN HALEN IS NOW.”
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a30101300/billie-eilish-van-halen-clip-response/

OK boomer. And yes thank you Rob Sheridan for saying what needed to be said on this subject! Hair metal is a dead genre! The days of doing gratuitous amounts of coke and blow off hookers’ stomachs is no longer a thing. Yeah if you want to relive your glory days then go listen to SiruisXM’s Hair Metal station and leave the rest of us alone! Shit, even Eddie Van Halen’s own son supports Ms. Eilish’s claims!

Don't shame people who don't know Van Halen.

That's the message straight from Eddie Van Halen's son.

Wolfgang Van Halen, who also plays bass in his dad's band, is taking up for current music phenom Billie Eilish.

Eilish, 17, caused a stir recently during an appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

Kimmel asked her to name some members of the famed band.

"Who?," she said. "No, who is that?"

"I'm gonna start crying," Kimmel joked.

The internet also had feelings.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/03/entertainment/van-halen-billie-eilish-trnd/index.html

Yeah seriously stop talking. Even Eddie Van Halen himself has defended Billie Eilish in saying that it’s totally OK – and as I’ve said dead references are dead references. Doesn’t matter the time or the place, and I’m sure your grandparents freaked out when you didn’t know who Dean Martin was. What? He’s the guy who sings “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie”. Nobody? Well, you’re not alone! I must say though I do love Smash Mouth’s response:

Billie Eilish has been defended by Van Halen after the singer acknowledged she hadn't heard of the popular 1980s rock band.

Jimmy Kimmel asked the "Bad Guy" singer on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on November 22 whether she could name a member of Van Halen, to which a puzzled Eilish responded, "Who?"

On Twitter on Monday, the band's 28-year-old bassist, Wolfgang Van Halen, the son of the founding member Eddie, told fans to check out the 17-year-old singer.

"If you haven't heard of @billieeilish, go check her out. She's cool. If you haven't heard of @VanHalen, go check them out. They're cool too," he tweeted.

Wolfgang Van Halen also told people who had criticized Eilish after the Kimmel interview not to "shame others for not knowing what you like."

The '90s rock band Smash Mouth, popular for its songs "All Star" and "I'm a Believer," also defended Eilish, tweeting: "We grew up listening to #VanHalen and we're old as fck so why would @billieeilish know who they are? #NoDiss."
https://www.insider.com/wolfgang-van-halen-defends-billie-eilish-not-knowing-the-band-2019-12

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey everyone we’re almost done for the year and I really need a drink!



So of course you know by now that the idea of this segment is that we know never to mix politics and alcohol, and we need a break from all the insanity, and also inanity, that’s going on in the world. And while we’re imbibing, the idea is to talk about anything other than politics. This week – we’re going to talk about a really traditional German holiday that goes back to the 14th century. And thanks to a movie that came out a few years ago, it’s gaining traction. That holiday is called “Krampus”. And thanks to the movie it’s being celebrated all over the world. And since everything sounds more sinister in German, Krampusnacht, is now a thing. So tell me bartender, what goes well with Krampus? Egg nog with the blood of a sacrificial goat? Eh… I think I’ll just take some regular egg nog thanks! And don’t skimp on the brandy! What is Krampus? Let’s start off with this story.

Be careful this December. Santa’s not the only one watching.

Krampus, Santa’s evil twin, is watching too.

What’s up with that?

Krampus is the horned, hairy demonic beast of European folklore who punishes naughty children at Christmastime. Instead of a bundle of toys, he has birch sticks to swat the misbehaving rascals he hauls down to the underworld.

Dec. 5 is Krampus Night, or Krampusnacht as they say in Europe, where the creepster is a fixture on greeting cards, candy tins and at yuletide events. It’s an excuse for grown men to dress up as Krampus, drink a bunch of alcohol, and run through the streets frightening children.

Around here, sightings are rare.

Krampus was in the fur in November at Oddmall: Emporium of the Weird, a bazaar of the bizarre held twice a year at the Evergreen State Fairgrounds in Monroe.
https://www.heraldnet.com/news/meet-krampus-if-youve-been-bad-this-evil-santa-is-for-you/

Well it’s like Christmas, except everyone is watching horror movies, everyone’s on the naughty list, and everyone is OK with that! And also if your December music soundtrack is missing some good old fashioned death metal, don’t worry because Krampus has you covered! Come on, this is the holiday that has even the most hardcore death metal bands like Cannibal Corpse singing some good old fashioned holly jolly Christmas magic!

For plenty of people, Christmas is more a burden than a joy. While the message of the season is supposed to be one of generosity, togetherness, and warmth, the commercialization of the holiday and the way many devout believers behave during the Christmas season make the holiday an exhausting farce. This is especially true of metal fans, whose love of old pagan traditions and extreme imagery usually feels at odd with the Coke-guzzling Santas and all-white nativity scenes present during Christmas time. More than one hesher has received a sweater with a snowman on it from their disapproving parents and wished the whole holiday would burn to the ground.

But now, an ancient spirit of has returned to the public eye: Krampus, the Bavarian Christmas demon and companion of Santa Claus, who lashes and terrifies naughty children. A leering, goat-legged reflection of jolly old Saint Nick, Krampus represents the draconian seriousness with which Christmas was once celebrated. And now, as a pop-culture figure, he’s given metal fans a new icon with which they can blaze into the holidays.

It’s only fitting that Christmas has a demonic entity of its own. Most of the traditions we consider synonymous with the holiday?—?decorating trees, garlands of holly and pine, gathering around the hearth?—?are pagan in origin, borrowed from the Germanic festival of Yule. In fact, Christ’s birth is believed to have actually happened in May, but its celebration was moved to combat, and eventually assimilate, the lively pre-Christian festivals that threatened to keep pagans from converting to the church. The gods of these old religions, meanwhile?—?figures like Pan, Odin, and Hecate?—?were recast as demons and monsters. One of those, the archaic forest spirit that Wiccans refer to as the Horned God, eventually evolved into the figure we now know as Krampus.
https://www.kerrang.com/features/how-krampus-saved-christmas-for-metalheads/

Mmm that’s some good egg nog there, Steve! Steve is my bartender and he’s been the bartender since we started doing this segment. Well if we extrapolate this, this means that Krampus is a lump of coal in your stocking. But since everyone who is celebrating the holiday, is doing so voluntarily, do we even really need that naughty list? And if you want to celebrate Krampus there’s celebrations all over the world now!

Terra Blue looks to establish a new downtown Greensboro holiday tradition, for the pagans and the persecuted, with a visit from Krampus on Dec. 7.

“Krampus thinks he hasn’t been given a fair shake and he’s demanding his job back. Come and support him in his effort, and get a photo with him, too,” reads the event description.

Terra Blue, a shop for “coffee, beads and otherworldly goods,” is owned and operated by married-duo Sarah and Allen McDavid, and serves as an outlet for pagan cultures and new age practices, hosting daily readings and astrological events.

Following the success of their Samhain Soiree in October (a public component of their three-day pagan conference called “the Gathering”), Terra Blue hopes to establish more recurring traditions with a nontraditional flare.

“This will be our first year hosting Krampus,” said Allen McDavid, the man behind the various Ribfests throughout the state and the Carolina Caledonian Scottish festival in Fayetteville.

“I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, but the other events I produced kept me swamped,” he explained. “Since learning of Krampus, I’ve been interested in the cultural and religious significance of the character. From my perspective, it seems clear that he is ‘The Horned One’ from the European Pagan Pantheon, demonized by the Christian Church, as has been the case for pagan deities for the last 2,000 years.”
https://yesweekly.com/you-better-watch-out-krampus-is-coming/

Chug! Chug! Chug! Basically, think of Krampus as Christmas, but celebrated by the Addams Family and the Collins family from Dark Shadows. You still got your holly jollys and your ho ho hos, only they’re carefully balanced out with some demons and monsters, Annabelles and Chuckys. It’s part the holiday you know and love, and part horror show. But if you’re going to celebrate, just don’t do it the way the Austrians do. It’s meant to bring, um… joy (?) to people, not scare the children!

Goat-horned half-demons with scraggy coats of fur, lolling tongues and threatening bundles of birch branches are no one’s idea of a welcome guest on a winter’s night.

In Austria, however, the figure of the Krampus has been part of pre-Christmas folklore for centuries, with men in costumes roaming the streets to scare children and grownups from the end of November to the middle of December.

Yet in recent years the Krampus has developed to become an altogether very modern bogeyman, with a rising number of complaints about the demons acting in a drunkenly and disorderly fashion once they have donned their fearsome masks.

In Carinthia, police recorded a number of violent incidents this year in the run-up to the official “Krampus day” on 5 December, with one person being hit in the face with a birch and an 11-year-old child being left with bloody cut on their thigh.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/dec/08/austria-struggles-with-marauding-krampus-day-demons-gone-rogue

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 17: Goodbye Kamala
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! The next election is shaping up to be about as messy as the impeachment trial is going. We have promised to take a look at all the candidates, issues, ups and downs to keep everything relevant about the 2020 election going into it, and we are approximately 3 weeks away from it officially being the calendar year 2020. Which means that it is going to be an election year. Which means that conservatives are going to be flinging mud faster than you can bat an eye. And it’s also a leap year so we get an extra day of this madness! Yay! But first, sadly, the Kamala Harris campaign has come to an end. No this isn’t Trumper Games because that madness happens on the other side. This is goodbye.

Sen. Kamala Harris ended her 2020 presidential campaign on Tuesday, an abrupt departure for a candidate who was once seen as a leading contender for the Democratic nomination.
The California Democrat told her senior staff of the decision Tuesday morning, and later sent an email to supporters and released a video on Twitter.

"To you my supporters, my dear supporters, it is with deep regret -- but also with deep gratitude -- that I am suspending our campaign today," Harris said in the video.

"But I want to be clear with you: I am still very much in this fight," Harris continued. "And I will keep fighting every day for what this campaign has been about. Justice for the people. All the people."

Harris' exit from the race is a precipitous fall for a candidate who launched her campaign to high expectations. The senator has struggled for months to move her low poll numbers and said Tuesday that financial pressures led her to end her bid. The lack of support and money led to internal squabbling in the closing months of the campaign, campaign sources told CNN, all of which contributed to her inability to stay in the race.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/03/politics/kamala-harris-ends-presidential-bid/index.html

Well that’s probably how we should be saying goodbye to the Harris campaign. But how did we get here and what could this mean for the remaining candidates? We’re you know just a few short weeks away from Iowa and the straw poll, and Harris had a grand entrance but her campaign turned out to be a sparkler. The bad thing is the party of diversity is turning into the exact opposite of that going into 2020!

When California Senator Kamala Harris announced she was suspending her campaign for president on Tuesday, she was quickly met with an outpouring of support and admiration. Many praised the historic nature of her candidacy; she was seeking to become the first black woman to win a major party’s presidential nomination. Others mourned the loss of her particular perspective in the Democratic primary field.

It was just the kind of enthusiasm Harris had been struggling to find the day before—when she was still running for president. Harris’s surprising early exit from the race reflects the complicated racial and gender dynamics of the 2020 campaign: in a year when the Democratic Party says it wants to prioritize building a multi-racial coalition of voters to defeat Donald Trump, critics say it has largely overlooked primary candidates that represent that diversity to focus on almost exclusively white politicians before voting has even started.

In a moment that seemed to embody this dynamic, former Vice President Joe Biden appeared to forget about Harris when he claimed during the November debate that he had the support of the only black woman ever elected to the Senate, referring to former Senator Carol Moseley Braun. “The other one is here,” Harris shot back from her podium, before laughing along with the audience.

When the remaining Democrats next take the debate stage in Los Angeles this month, there’s a real chance that no people of color will be on it. While candidates like Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, entrepreneur Andrew Yang and Sen. Cory Booker still have time to qualify, the situation is not where many Democrats hoped to find themselves, particularly in comparison to, say, the Republican debate at this time in 2015, which featured a woman, a black candidate and two Cuban-Americans.
https://time.com/5743759/kamala-harris-diversity-democratic-primary/

Sigh… I’m really hoping things will turn around for the election because we have to beat Donald Trump and send the GOP packing. But the election is turning out to be just as crazy as impeachment. So the question on the table is who could take over for California and the rest of the country now that Harris has dropped out? Well there’s plenty of possibilities.

Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) said on Sunday that his loved ones were disheartened by Sen. Kamala Harris’ (D-Calif.) decision to drop out of the 2020 presidential race, and he blamed money in politics for her departure.

“Kamala Harris stopped her campaign because of the campaign finance rules and the fact that she couldn’t do what we see billionaires do in this race, which is flooding ads to jack up their polling numbers and get in,” he told ABC News’ “This Week.”

“There are a lot of people hurt this week, including members of my family and friends who are supporting me,” Booker added, praising Harris as an “incredibly talented African American woman” who has “broken glass ceilings at every point of her career.”

Harris withdrew on Tuesday, leaving an all-white set of candidates who have so far qualified for the next debate on Dec. 19. None of the remaining candidates of color ― Booker, businessman Andrew Yang, Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii), former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julián Castro and former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick ― has yet made the cut.

In an email to supporters, Harris cited financial troubles as the death knell of her 2020 bid.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cory-booker-kamala-harris-2020-election_n_5ded223ae4b00563b852dd9c

But here’s the thing, Cory, don’t convince Kamala to stay in the election, if anything there might be something positive to come from this. What that is, we’re not sure. But the bottom line is that you can’t overlook this exit because as we’ve seen before, elections do have consequences. And we need to keep damn sure that we’re on top of things heading into the new year. Do you want another term of this madness? I know I don’t!

Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) said Iowa voters, not big money, should have determined whether Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) was able to remain in the presidential race.

“Iowa voters should have the right to choose," he said on ABC’s “This Week."

The presidential candidate criticized the role “big money” plays in politics and how he said money forced Harris to withdraw from the race.

“And so, the Democratic Party which makes a right critique that this -- we should be stopping the influence of big money in politics,” he said.


Booker on Harris dropping out: 'Iowa voters should have the right to choose'
© Greg Nash

Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) said Iowa voters, not big money, should have determined whether Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) was able to remain in the presidential race.

“Iowa voters should have the right to choose," he said on ABC’s “This Week."

The presidential candidate criticized the role “big money” plays in politics and how he said money forced Harris to withdraw from the race.

“And so, the Democratic Party which makes a right critique that this -- we should be stopping the influence of big money in politics,” he said.

Booker, making a historical comparison, said John Kerry was able to save his campaign in 2004 by loaning himself $5 million while Harris did not have that option.

ABC's George Stephanopoulos pushed back on Booker’s claim of billionaire influence in the race saying the four frontrunners, former Vice President Joe Biden, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) and South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg, are billionaires.
https://thehill.com/homenews/sunday-talk-shows/473564-booker-on-harris-dropping-out-iowa-voters-should-have-the-right-to

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

For our final Keeping Up With The Candidates of 2019, we’re going to take a look at what you can expect going into the new year and it’s an election year!



[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Hu[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a really awesome band hailing from Ulanbataar, Mongolia. Their debut album is called “The Gereg”. Playing their song “Shoog Shoog”, give it up for The Hu!

Thank you USC! We are finally wrapping this whole thing up with our 2019 year in review! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Shrine Auditorium, USC, Los Angeles, CA
Special Thanks To: USC
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: USC Choir Club, Los Angeles, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
The Hu Appear Courtesy Of: Eleven Seven Music
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: [e-mail]


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

[malaise]

1. Bookmarked

K & R - it's 5.00pm and here are the Top 10 Idiots

[Top 10 Idiots]

2. Like a well oiled machine!

Can't wait for next week's Year In Review!

[malaise]

3. We can call it the year of the Idiots

[Top 10 Idiots]

4. I think that's every year!

Especially the last three! I'm going to need a long break after this one!