I am heartbroken about my friend.
Exactly one month ago, he was involved in a head-on car collision, sustaining a broken neck, a concussion, and shoulder injury.
His spinal cord miraculously was not damaged. He can walk, think, speak, move all four extremities, breathe independently. He had successful surgery to align and position his neck and head.
However, his recovery is dependent upon his family and that is not optimal.
He is 72 and his wife is 68 and she dominates him emotionally and psychologically. That has been the basis of their marriage but it has not been determining until now. She browbeat him until he agreed to prematurely leave his rehabilitation where he was receiving physical therapy for three weeks and where he was making good progress. He echoed her pronouncements that the room was too small, feeding his claustrophobic feelings. The reason she wanted him to leave: so she could attend their daughter's Thanksgiving dinner 3 hours away in Pennsylvania.
And so he agreed to be driven with a newly repaired and still healing broken neck for three hours during (arguably) the most dangerous time to be out on the road (greater risk of accidents) with a woman who drives with her left foot due to having a drop foot. What could possibly go wrong? 
Well, they made it safely to the daughter's home. And you figure, well, the daughter is a physical therapist. Good, right? Nope. Daughter was preoccupied with feeling extended family of 12, understandable. My friend has not received physical therapy for four days now. No prospect of getting it as of today.
I spoke to his sister who attended yesterday's Dinner. He was stuck in a corner and ignored by everybody. His two children, his grandchildren, his in-laws, his wife. Neglected and ignored. He only got food when his BIL prepared a plate for him. The irony: he told me he wanted to go to Thanksgiving so that he could enjoy the company of his family. It didn't exactly work out that way.
He lacks the personality and the will to protest. He is meek and accommodating. I understand that it's his decision on one hand to submit to this situation. But he deserves more, better. He is an accident victim and one would think that at least a fuss and true thanksgiving of his survival would be made.
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nothing worse than being treated like crap by your own family, that's why we all need our friends. Best vibes to both of you. 
You get it.
we can't just divorce our families. I am the only somewhat 'normal' one in the whole damned bunch! 
No_hypocrisy many of us are both introverts and raised to be stoics (mostly by parents that went through the Depression), so it's natural to not complain and especially to never create a scene. However, we're also highly vulnerable to abuse from selfish people, especially extroverts and psychopaths. Took me 'till past my 60s to learn to keep my guard up.
One thing that helps me is to have at least one trusted, loving friend that is a good listener that I can share my emotions with in private without fear of gossip coming from the conversations. Those events go a long way toward relieving internal stress, and also provide courage to be more assertive toward those who are abusive. In some ways, those special friends are our lifeline.
I would strongly suspect this man feels extremely emotionally isolated, which can be just as dangerous as a hurt neck because we tend to just quit caring about ourselves at all.
Best of luck and I hope you can do some things to help this fellow get through this very difficult time.
You might also discover he has a great shoulder for you to cry on as well!....
There literally is nothing else for me to do but to remain available and supportive and to help him be strong.
there's very little noise or interruptions. He may also be a highly sensitive person (HSP) like me, so that noise blocks his clear thinking. If he is truly an introvert like it sounds, you may need to break the ice and suggest a meeting.
Perhaps start out by sharing some of your painful experiences first and not making him feel you are prying or offering solutions right away. You may be pleasantly surprised how he will begin opening up and let 'er rip after a while, but take it slow. It may require more than one session. I worked with some young guys in alcohol recovery that took many kitchen table sessions for them to shed some male ego an let their hair down. That's what our society does to many of us. Unfortunately, a few never are able to shatter that wall of isolation.
We all need those one-on-one emotional interactions that then gives us the courage to look after ourselves. This can be powerful medicine for you as well. If nothing else, he knows he has a friend he can trust and rely on.
I'm not a professional and I don't know why it works so well that way, I just know it does from personal experience.....
Whether it's the person with the acute health situation or the immediately surrounding people who can provide support, somehow, people can recover within imperfect family dynamics.
Ideally, if he needs intense, inpatient rehab he'll get back to it after the holiday. While not ideal, in some ways, the haranguing Thanksgiving trip might have been good for him - stimulating, and a push to increase stamina for activity while giving a sense of regular living could be a set of underlying benefits. How any of that compares to his stress, risk of the ride, and pain levels creates the level of net positive aspects.
My overall recommendation from having a family elder a year ago with fractured vertebrae and him trying really hard to get pneumonia while bed ridden with a terrible bout of hay fever (sounds like your friend is in better shape than this, which is good!) is to get as much home health support as possible coming to the house for ongoing PT, OT, and health aides. (Btw, at 90 years old, he did recover and got back on his feet with the help of a walker after a successful procedure and intensive PT/ home healthcare).
I've found that home health isn't emphasized or always directly offered at hospitals. Have had to ask, and insist at times. It’s been the family practioner for my family members on Medicare who can prescribe home health service. The service in their area will come out and do an evaluation for how many visits/type of care. Professionals coming to the home can help bring attention to the person’s needs that untrained or aloof family members cannot recognize on their own. They’re also trained to keep an eye out for neglect and abuse, which can take some pressure off of you watching your friend’s situation from the outside.
I have given the same advice to acquaintances going through similar situations and have gotten reports back that home health PT, etc. really helped them. I think just conveying how this process works with the general practioner needing to be in the mix is helpful. Retired nurses (who certainly have their own healthcare blind spots and peculiarities, but with good skills and extra vocabulary, may listen closer to the authority of healthcare professionals in the home) may not be aware of this, as these services have become more common in recent years.
Otherwise, imo, your friend, the patient at the center of this needs to take ownership of his recovery. Asking him about it and nudging him with positive support to keep up his motivation to stay on his recovery regimen is important. I could be wrong, but I suspect he’s leaned on his wife for health matters over the years, so having a friend give him positive feedback about the results of his PT efforts is super helpful for reiterating that it’s his efforts, his work that gets results.
Hope you find this helpful, but I must emphasize that I’m not a health professional, and I’ll go ahead and beg your pardon if I’m telling you stuff you already know. I’m fortunate to have had good, meaningful relationships/friendships with seniors and elders all my life. Having had my own health problems starting as a young adult has helped me key into health needs of the people around me, and have found I’m compelled to speak up when folks are struggling with health situations.
And props to you, for being a good friend by watching out for your friend’s well-being!
(And because this post is already long, I'd like to add the importance of getting enough vitamin D this time of year. Having levels checked/asking one's doctor if adding some vitamin D is okay during these fall/winter months can be helpful for someone spending more time indoors while recovering. Low iron levels can also be a drag on energy and healing. Have run into this for myself and others over the years.)
