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Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:11 PM

BREAKING NEWS: Trump makes surprise visit to Walter Reed to honor injured serviceman.

White House officials stated that the primary focus of President Trump's visit to Walter Reed Army Medical Center Saturday was to visit a service member recently injured in the line of duty.

Officials did admit that a portion of the nearly four hour visit was dedicated to Trump undergoing what they described as "a routine portion of the President's annual physical"--namely a measurement of his height. They stated doctors remain to recall the President to their hospital at own discretion on an ongoing basis to obtain other vital signs, such as temperature, blood type, nasal and ear canal cleanliness, intestinal appendix functioning levels and other measurements intended to get a fuller picture of his overall health for his yearly physical report.

However, officials insist that the majority of the time Trump spent at Walter Reed was to visit an injured serviceman, Staff Sergeant George George Glass.

"Sergeant Glass was wounded by sniper fire in Kandahar Province," the spokesperson said. "Normally, we don't release details of these highly classified missions, but President Trump insisted Sergeant Glass's bravery not be hidden from public view."

The spokesperson then stated the purpose of the mission was to investigate a potential link between Hunter Biden and Al Qaeda operatives. The link became known after former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, husband-and-wife attorneys Joseph DiGenova and Victoria Toesing, and former columnist for The Hill John Solomon spent the past several weeks in the Kybher Pass region meeting with former Taliban leadership.

Trump told White House insiders his nearly three hour, forty-five minute meeting with Sergeant Glass went very well.

"Upon entering the room, President Trump found Sergeant Glass smiling and wearing a red 'Make America Great Again' baseball cap," the spokesperson said. "Sergeant Glass then repeatedly thanked President Trump for many, many things, such as securing the southern border, taking a hard line on Chinese trade, reducing African-American unemployment to a historic low, exiting the onerous Paris Climate Treaty agreement, tackling new infrastructure projects on a near-weekly basis and draining the swamp."

The spokesperson added, "At one point, a tearful Sergeant Glass looked President Trump straight in the eye and told him, 'Sir, whatever you do, don't let the Deep State destroy you, sir. Sir, you do whatever it takes to bring those bastards to justice for this coup of an impeachment sham that Shifty Shiff and Nasty Nancy have going on in the House, sir.'"

At that point according to White House officials, President Trump pulled out the Presidential Medal for Honoring Bravery in Service Animals that he had originally intended to present to Conan, the service dog assigned to the Delta Force squadron responsible for killing former ISIS leader Abu Bahk al-Baghdadi and instead placed it around Sergeant Glass' neck, noting, "It looks very good on you. It would look good on me, too. You know, I always wanted one of these myself, you know? Maybe I should do that. Maybe I should give myself a medal and wear it around wherever I go. Boy, I bet that would drive the people in the fake news crazy. Fake News!"

When pressed by the media for any proof that this meeting actually took place at Walter Reed and for proof that a Staff Sergeant George George Glass actually exists--noting that such a name mirrored the exact plotline of the Season Two, Episode Nine of The Brady Bunch titled "The Not So Ugly Duckling"-- the White House Spokesperson responded, "You know, that's a very good question. We're going to look into that, and we should have a response for you as soon as we want to give you one."

DETAILS AT ELEVEN





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Reply BREAKING NEWS: Trump makes surprise visit to Walter Reed to honor injured serviceman. (Original post)
Tommy_Carcetti Nov 2019 OP
Caliman73 Nov 2019 #1
Mike 03 Nov 2019 #2
Hortensis Nov 2019 #3
Tommy_Carcetti Nov 2019 #9
Hortensis Nov 2019 #11
Retrograde Nov 2019 #4
Hortensis Nov 2019 #7
JHB Nov 2019 #12
dixiegrrrrl Nov 2019 #5
Tommy_Carcetti Nov 2019 #29
Chin music Nov 2019 #6
Arthur_Frain Nov 2019 #8
Arkansas Granny Nov 2019 #10
nolabear Nov 2019 #13
keithbvadu2 Nov 2019 #16
Tommy_Carcetti Nov 2019 #20
Faux pas Nov 2019 #14
herding cats Nov 2019 #15
onethatcares Nov 2019 #17
Mr. Ected Nov 2019 #18
Tommy_Carcetti Nov 2019 #19
grantcart Nov 2019 #21
cwydro Nov 2019 #22
Ms. Toad Nov 2019 #23
cwydro Nov 2019 #24
Chin music Nov 2019 #25
The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2019 #26
Chin music Nov 2019 #27
leftieNanner Nov 2019 #28

Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:13 PM

1. Good one.

You had me going until George, George Glass. Poor Jan...

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:20 PM

2. ...

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:21 PM

3. Edit: I can't find this.

I initially assumed this was the usual Republican tactic of confuse with lies, irritate and turn off weak sisters among the electorate, get away with everything.

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Response to Hortensis (Reply #3)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:33 PM

9. Yeah, this is my Mountain Lightning brand of The Onion.

"Details at Eleven" and these guys are my tell.



I try to post all actual breaking news in DU's Breaking News section and attempt to make my satire as eventually apparent as possible


However, Trump did insist that part of his trip to Walter Reed on Saturday was to supposedly meet with an injured serviceman, who has never been identified.




Donald J. Trump‏Verified account @realDonaldTrump ∑ Nov 16

Visited a great family of a young man under major surgery at the amazing Walter Reed Medical Center. Those are truly some of the best doctors anywhere in the world. Also began phase one of my yearly physical. Everything very good (great!). Will complete next year.

9:09 PM - 16 Nov 2019


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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Reply #9)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:36 PM

11. Ergo "George Glass." You have Trump down pat.

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:23 PM

4. Is this from the Onion?

A spur-of-the-moment semi-physical is easier to believe than a show of sympathy from someone who never considers the needs of anyone other than his bloated self.

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Response to Retrograde (Reply #4)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:28 PM

7. Sounds like the OP's interviewing for The Onion.

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Response to Retrograde (Reply #4)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:37 PM

12. See #9 above. Tommy's been posting these for years

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:25 PM

5. I have mixed feelings about you right now, Carcetti....



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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #5)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 04:04 PM

29. Join the crowd. I always have mixed feelings about me.

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)


Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:32 PM

8. .""???

Do people even read before they post?

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:35 PM

10. The little dog laughed to see such a sport and the dish ran away with the spoon.

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:40 PM

13. Christ. You almost killed me there for a minute.

Iím breathing into a bag and typing with the other hand. The fact I could even buy into the first paragraph shows the depth of the crazy.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #13)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 02:00 PM

16. I kept looking for Borowitz or Onion.

I kept looking for Borowitz or Onion.

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Response to keithbvadu2 (Reply #16)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:03 PM

20. My satire can be found exclusively at Whole Foods.

It's all organic.

And ridiculously overpriced.

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 01:55 PM

14. Isn't that special?

We know how much he cares about 'his' military... and gag and

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 02:00 PM

15. You're always good, but this one is exceptional!

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 02:46 PM

17. stopping to check his height

cracked me up..

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 02:55 PM

18. I think you might have this report all wrong, Tommy

My sources tell me that the President did, in fact, submit to his physical exam over the weekend, but had requested and was granted the right to take it as a written exam.

Unfortunately, the President "does not recall" his height, weight, eating habits, or symptoms, so we can only assume he's the paragon of great health and now shall never speak of this again.

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Response to Mr. Ected (Reply #18)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 02:55 PM

19. LOL. nt

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:21 PM

21. Glass got it in the ass at Bowling Green Massacre

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:26 PM

22. Lol!

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:27 PM

23. Too close to reality. A disclaimer would be helpful. n/t

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Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:32 PM

24. "Intestinal appendix functioning!"

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Response to Chin music (Reply #25)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:46 PM

26. It's satire.

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Response to The Velveteen Ocelot (Reply #26)


Response to Tommy_Carcetti (Original post)

Mon Nov 18, 2019, 03:58 PM

28. Good one Tommy!!

We all need some levity sometimes! Thanks.

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