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Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin

(107,092 posts)
Fri Aug 23, 2019, 07:58 PM Aug 2019

God Says He's Getting a Lot of Prayers About Mitch McConnell Having a Stroke

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — The CEO of Holy Trinity Inc., one of the afterlife’s premier eternal timeshare resorts, told heavenly reporters today that he’s been getting “absolutely douched” with requests on his resort’s prayer hotline that he’s “not all the sure what to do about.”

“People praying for something bad to happen to Republicans is really nothing new, because I think most Americans figured out a long time ago the only way to get Republicans to care about something tragic is to have that same tragedy befall a Republican,” Larry “God” Schumway told the press today, “but since prayers for pain and suffering aren’t really our thing around here since about the time my son Jesus went down there, we typically just forward those requests to a special folder and don’t even really look at them again.”

Schumway divulged, however, that since about January of 2017, and ramping up until now, there have been increasing numbers of Americans praying for a very specific thing to happen to a very specific human being.

“I have to tell you — we are getting absolutely douched these days with people asking about Mitch McConnell having a stroke,” God said. “Not even really me giving it to him. People are just praying about the possibility of him having one. It’s like, they’re too afraid to have hope, so they’re just kind of asking in a roundabout way if it’s even possible for Mitch to have one. To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do about those prayers, because they’re not really asking for him to have a stroke, but you can definitely infer from the context that they wouldn’t look a gift stroke in the half-paralyzed mouth, if you know what I mean.”

https://www.politicalgarbagechute.com/god-mitch-mcconnell-stroke/

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God Says He's Getting a Lot of Prayers About Mitch McConnell Having a Stroke (Original Post) Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin Aug 2019 OP
I'm not normally up for wishing anyone ill will. Control-Z Aug 2019 #1
He heard me! librechik Aug 2019 #2
Every morning I wake up hoping to hear that he or Trump has gone over the smirkymonkey Aug 2019 #3
Reunited with one of the Koch brothers... HipChick Aug 2019 #4
WTF. We're in the electric age. Use lightning. dalton99a Aug 2019 #5

Control-Z

(15,681 posts)
1. I'm not normally up for wishing anyone ill will.
Fri Aug 23, 2019, 08:47 PM
Aug 2019

But this was done tastefully. I'm glad I decided to read it in it's entirely.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
3. Every morning I wake up hoping to hear that he or Trump has gone over the
Fri Aug 23, 2019, 09:46 PM
Aug 2019

"Rainbow Bridge". Sorry. That was the nicest way I could say it.

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