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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsUnskilled Man Fears He Will Lose Job in Recession (Borowitz)
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)A man with no identifiable skills is deeply worried that a recession could cause him to lose his job, people close to the man have confirmed.
The man, who has barely clung to his job for the past two and a half years, is justified in believing that an economic downturn would result in his unemployment, experts said.
When the economy is good, its possible for someone like him to hold down a job for which he is woefully unqualified, Harland Dorrinson, a human-resources specialist, said. But when the economy goes south, look out.
Dorrinson said that the unskilled mans résumé, which lists six bankruptcies and multiple business failures, could come under scrutiny in the event of a recession.
His employers might find themselves asking, How did he get this job in the first place? Dorrinson said.
Additionally, the mans near-total lack of educationevidenced by his inability to spell common one-syllable words or to identify the century in which the airplane was inventedcould make him vulnerable to termination, the human-resources expert said.
On the plus side, he enjoys watching television for eight hours a day, Dorrinson said. During a recession, hell be able to do even more of that.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/unskilled-man-fears-he-will-lose-job-in-recession
Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty
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