It's time to tell my story
Last edited Wed Sep 23, 2020, 11:58 PM - Edit history (1)
WARNING the content of this message may not be suitable for all audiences.
This Epstein case has triggered many women like me. You see, I was a sex slave at least that was what I was being groomed for from age 11 to age 16 1979-1984. I've tried to write a book about this, even switching genres` to fiction, to self help, as a novel and on and on...the thing is, I get too emotional. Maybe I'm not done, maybe it's not the right time...who knows?
I first met the man who would later kidnap me at age 11. He was the first person, male or female to talk to me, let alone talk to me like an adult (because isn't that what all young girls want, to be spoken to and asked questions about their thoughts, ideas, and observations?) My mother was friends with his wife, she took me with her to their house and left me in the living room with him while they talked in the kitchen. I didn't know at that age that it was inappropriate for a man to hold the attention of a young girl the way he did with me, sending me flowers, seeking me out whenever his wife and mom were doing things together. The way he touched me. Kissing me...etc. That was at 11.
Touching became more and more inappropriate the older I got. When it finally came to a head (with sexual abuse) I was 14 and walking home from school, and stopping by their house, because, I did. His wife was gone (out of town) and he had a friend. They locked the doors and asked me if they could take 'pictures' of me...okay, I said. These men were just a few years younger than my own father. They kept me locked up in that house for the rest of that day and into the next. I finally got out and ran home. I couldn't tell my parents (because what do you say??? they were their friends!!) I kept silent, he kept abusing me until the day that my own mother gave me to him.
I'll call him 'Bob' You see, in the small town in Nevada, his family was a wealthy one, where as my family was not. While living with him, he gave me LSD because he wanted to see what a human could achieve if they used their whole brain. I was his test subject. he bathed me, dressed me, kept in a state of of perpetual psychosis. Never really knowing what was real and what was fake. Threatening me with death of family and myself. He kept giving me more and more drugs, LSD, heroin, cocaine, showing me how to ask for water, food, clothing. ( had to trade sexual favors for those luxuries to his friends, family, and men that paid.
When I was 16, just before my 17th birthday, he took me out of state, to a friend of his and kept me in a cage, in the basement. The abuse got worse, of course, I would be left alone for days at a time, no water let alone food, I can't tell you what I drank to survive, I think you get the jest of it though.
One time, just before I was rescued, I overheard him on the phone looking to sale me. At the time I remember being curious of how much I was worth. Bob, would go back to our little town and put the charm on the patrons of that town, because, he didn't look like the type to do what he was doing! He got busted for drugs though when they looked through his house, they saw the shackles, the photo albums, the clothing...etc. And they arrested him...sooo....
When I was rescued, I weighed 89 lbs. and wore children clothing. The person that rescued me, was a civilian, who got wind of Bob trying to sale (a girl) and he came up and convinced Bob that he could make me the best I would get the most money. He took me to Bob's now ex wife (the friend of my mothers) and while there, a detective came and arrested me for being a 'run away' and as he was questioning me (no parents, no advocate, nobody) he pulled out the photo albums and made derogatory comments about my body, hair, face, clothing. I blamed myself, I couldn't come up with a reason why Bob would do what he did to me, I was a very naive 16 yr. old. I suppose.
The state dropped the charges against Bob, but, threw me in jail.
I had nowhere to go, my parents truly believed I was a runaway, they didn't want me so, Bob's ex wife took me in. She told me that the reason she divorced Bob was because she was pregnant and they didn't't know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, bob wanted a girl, because as what he thought was his right, he must be the one to take her virginity. Se, she divorced him and ran away, which is when he took me. She felt at fault.
Children are resilient, I guess at least until they get older. At 17 Was out on a date at the Drive Inn, my mother and little brother in the lane next to us, when Bob came up to my date's window and started hitting him. the minute I heard his voice, I froze...and sang this certain song that he always sang to me when he would bathe me or rape me. I didn't even know until years later that my mother jumped out of her car and started hitting bob over the head with a rock...I just sat there singing like a lunatic! Oh well...
I ended up getting my life on track, got married to a wonderful man. had a daughter and had a blast raising her, teaching her things I never knew!
At 47, I stood up...that's the only way I can describe it, like a hen sitting on all her hatching eggs, I stood up, then all the regressed emotions, anger came out. Bob's son found me and asked if he could live with me (my daughter was away at school husband gone) and I let him. his mom had died and his dad (Bob) was very sick. With one condition he could not drink. he broke that within the first month and proceeded to tell me something his father made me do whenever I was in his presence, "You will sit in lotus position, nude, while in my presence." I never felt such anger. I kicked him out. I think Bob jr. came into my life so I would be one of the first people to know that Bob had died.
Within a month of Bob Jr. leaving, his dad Bob, died, he died drunk, alone, broke, and from MRSA. which is a very painful way to go. I think now, that I was finally given justice for what happened.
This was just one story ( a quick one at that) of one man in that whole web of men out there doing it. police officers visited me, while I was a sex slave, and prominent members of that small town. My life was threatened and I believed they would have done it too. I rarely talked about what happened, during those 30 yrs. I believed him all of them when they threatened.
But, after his death...oh my!!! I have told anyone who wanted to listen!! (and some who didn't !!!)
And since I found out about Epstein, the thought tickling my brain is...'what if, Bob had sold me???" "What if he was waiting for some old, rich, white dude to buy me???" I am ever so blessed that I was rescued!
I'm sorry, to tell this like this, but, man oh man, have I got PTSD with that fucking Epstein! I am so angry, I feel like I could send fire out from my fingertips!!!
Ho`
sage
= new reply since forum marked as read
I had a 30 yr old friend who was kidnapped off the street for a few days but was able to get away and that was very traumatic . I can not begin to imagine your length of slavery and at a young age
Keep talking !!!
about it. This shit is happening every day in every corner of the globe in every walk of life.
Thank you for sharing...it's quite brave. 
You have honored us with your story.
So glad you are here.
THANK YOU
RESPECT
And I know that you know your recovery will take a lifetime. I was raped by a pedophile when I was six and though I have done the important healing a long time ago, it’s still a process.
DU has been a lifeline to sanity for me because there are many of us here who have been raped. Your case is one of the worst and it’s amazing that you’ve come so far. Your daughter was a blessing. Our children truly do heal us in so many ways.
I wonder if you might start a healing group for people who have experienced what you did. Sexual slavery. I must admit that I’m really worried about all children who are kidnapped into sexual slavery. The thought that they might go through life unable to heal is one of the saddest things there is.
Please accept a big, loving hug from me. 
Maybe by asking people you know if they would like to have a weekly or biweekly meeting just to talk. People would trust a group of people they knew had experienced the same thing. Trust is a big hurtle and only someone with the same experience could be trusted. Then the group might grow reaching more people.
It would just be a place to talk. The whole subject is wrapped in silence. You hear about it happening but you rarely, if ever, meet any victims that you know of. The reason must be that they don’t want to talk about it. Hell! It would probably take a book to explain this very thing. I know that I didn’t tell anyone outside telling my family when I was in my early 40s, until someone opened up here on DU. It helped a lot even after so many years. It’s the reason I told you because it’s very important for everyone to know they aren’t alone.
My virtual arms are around you ... such a brave and true human ...
I hope your healing continues and your world is filled with joy ...
Your survival and sanity are amazing!
Find some trusted person to help you write that book. The process could help further your amazing healing. People need to realize that some "upstanding" men in our communities are a farce, that they are predators. I had to endure something quite insignificant in comparison: the advances of a minister. A minister!! A position of power & "respect." Fortunately I was my early 20's, so I knew how to rebuff him w/o losing my position. This was just the 1st of many male bosses with a similar m.o.
I cannot imagine the pain you have felt as a child and as a young person. I'm so very sorry.
Sending you my respect, admiration, praise, and a big I think everyone here sends theirs
And thank you for your bravery in sharing here. 🙏
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are courageous in my book.
Have you contacted anyone to promote you story? I think it would help others realize that all hope is not lost.
But it is your story and staying anonymous is your right and privilege.
Peace to you and your family.
You are so strong and by sharing your story you are helping people. I wish I knew some magical words to make it all better.
You aren't crazy, but you've suffered a lot of pain for a long time, and there was nobody in your family to help you get through it. Every woman who endures rape or sexual assault should seek counseling, and you've been subjected to so much more!
Have you ever gone to a women's center or a rape crisis center to get counseling? It's usually available for no charge if you live in an area that supports this service. Perhaps even a Planned Parenthood center might have a counselor who can help a woman who has been sexually assaulted/abused.
Good luck to you dear, you deserve to be happy and healthy.
Prayers and good wishes for you and your daughter.
Thanks for letting me know, but more importantly, thanks for making the effort to save yourself and your daughter.
No one should have to go thru what you did, at the hands of this monster, and by the legal system. You are a strong person, and a hero to other victims.
I am so glad you found peace and joy in your life.
I'm so sorry you went through that hell. No on deserves that. I know you are not alone.
I’m glad you survived to tell the tale and find your way toward a better, more stable life.
It took great courage to reveal this pain.
SO glad you survived.
Not all off it.
