Putin Denies Mitch McConnell Is Russian Asset: "He Has Never Been an Asset to Any Country"

[BeyondGeography]

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Pushing back against charges that Senator Mitch McConnell is a Russian asset, the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, said on Tuesday that McConnell “has never been an asset to any country.”

“You can scour the four corners of the globe, and you will not find a nation that would ever in a million years consider Mitch McConnell an asset,” Putin said.

The Russian President urged pundits who have called McConnell a Russian asset “to look up the word ‘asset’ in the dictionary.”

“You will find that ‘asset’ means a useful or valuable thing,” Putin said. “The only part of that definition that fits McConnell is ‘thing.’ ”

More at https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/putin-denies-mitch-mcconnell-is-russian-asset-he-has-never-been-an-asset-to-any-country

Note: Borowitz = Satire. There was no room for "The Borowitz Report" in the most excellent thread title.

[onetexan]

1. Sure Vlad, we believe u

[JI7]

2. he is making fun of McConnell

assets are usually seen as idiots by them so this shows he is a Russian asset

[AlexSFCA]

3. useful idiot

[mitch96]

4. +1 A left handed compliment fer sure.... nt

[malaise]

5. ROFL

This is almost as good as yours

[TheBlackAdder]

6. His Putin has that right! "He Has Never Been an Asset to Any Country" Especially the United States.

[lagomorph777]

7. Satire (Borowitz)

But really funny stuff!

[spanone]

8. Bwahahahahahaaaa

[louis-t]

9. Haaa!!

Borowitz.

[GoCubsGo]

10. I knew that was going to be a Borowitz piece before I even clicked on it.

His satire is getting too close to the truth these days.

[grantcart]

11. He is a genius

[Wounded Bear]

12. Actually, I think it's getting to be the other way around...

Real life is getting so absurd that satire is losing it's emphasis.

[GoCubsGo]

19. Yep. You are right.

Can't tell the difference anymore.

[djacq]

13. Only Trump Supporters would believe Putin.

Lie, Cheat, and Steal.

The Republican way.

[Nighter]

14. Asset to None

Asshole to All. #moscowmitch

[Perseus]

15. Oh, OK, that settles it, if Putin says so it must be so.

Geez! I am glad Putin spoke out, how can we doubt MoscowMitch now.

Hey Vladimir, thank you for confirming what we already knew, MoscowMitch IS a Russian asset.

[AllyCat]

16. Hah! Agreed!

[C Moon]

17. That can only mean the opposite. Otherwise, why would Putin even acknowledge it.

This isn't playing into Putin's plans for 2020. They didn't expect this.
I hope there are many more disruptions into the GOPutins plans.
It's not as secretive as it was in 2016 and prior.

[burrowowl]

18. K&r