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Top 10 Idiots

(593 posts)
Wed Feb 20, 2019, 06:00 PM Feb 2019

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-7: In Soviet America Wall Does You! Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-7: In Soviet America Wall Does You Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! 15 minutes with us can save you $300 or more on your car insurance! What’s up Ontario? Yeah we’re hanging out in the 909! This is our last road show for a while and then we’re going back to our home at the UCB in Los Angeles, but this road trip has been really great and we can’t wait to get back out soon. Do we have time for the thing? OK people, have we learned nothing from Pizzagate? Which is don’t get your bullshit conspiracies mixed up in my pizza, damn it! So what am I talking about you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir / madam. There’s a new video on Youtube alleging that Chuck E Cheese, the pizza equivalent of Spirit Airlines, recycles its’ pizza for new customers. Yes, the video alleges that the place where a kid can be a kid takes the slices that you didn’t eat and puts them back on the trays for new customers. Which actually – I shit you not – prompted the parent company of Chuck E Cheese to post their own video of their pizza being made fresh out of the oven. Now you might say that that’s what you get for going to Chuck E Cheese, and normally I would agree with you. However that’s also addressed in the original video and the response from the Chuck E Cheese management. People stop it, just plain stop it. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first we have John Oliver is back (finally!!) and he goes into all possible Brexit scenarios for Brexit III: With A Vengeance!



Well, so Trump declared himself judge, jury, and executioner in his own Fox News manufactured crisis, because he believes that he is only president of Fox News viewers. So in the number one slot is the Stable Genius (1) himself, or Mar-A-LardAss as he was referred to on Twitter and his fake national emergency which he then left us with the mess, while he enjoyed some “executive time” (read: golf). Yeah. Taking the second slot this week is the GOP (2) and why they hate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ proposed Green New Deal, and why she’s making conservative heads explode (hint: the Kochs handed them nice big paychecks). In the third slot this week, we’re bringing back a long dormant and old fan favorite feature – the Top 10 Mystery Machine! Yes, we were all horrified by the MAGA attack on Empire star Jussie Smollet, but it turns out that he’s got some ‘splainin to do, and wait until you see the crazy plot twist! In the 4th slot this week – we’ve got a new installment of “We’re All Gonna Die”. While Californians are prepared for the inevitable “Big One”, an even bigger one looks to kill us all! Storms, that is! So yeah we’re all gonna die. But we still got our guns right? Ha! In the number 5 seed, is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and we’re going to take a look at why California decide to axe a controversial plan to bring high speed rail between San Francisco and Los Angeles. At number 6 this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to find out whether or not GAWD wants another 4 more years of the Dark One serving in power or not. We hope not! For the #7 slot this week, and conservatives, rather than trying to be cool and hip with the young people, be lame and own your lameness! Taking the #8 slot this week is a new edition of “This Fucking Guy” and this week we’re going to profile end times Christian conservative firebrand preacher Jesse Lee Peterson (8) and whew, this guy is certifiably nuts. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is the return of one of our favorite segments, People Are Dumb (9) and there’s been some really stupid people since the last time we had this segment! Finally folks, unfortunately, our series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries is coming to an end. Now don’t be sad! We have one more, then we begin our 3rd annual Stupidest State Contest! So for our next to last DSD, we’re going to see how the government handles disasters (current one not withstanding!) as we hang out with FEMA! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Mar-A-Lardass
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Hey everyone it’s a national emergency! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Or is it? So unless you’re hiding under a rock by now you know that Trump declared himself literally above the law when he signed a national emergency to declare a border wall. You know what before we get into the meat of the story, we got to play the clip of the speech, because it really is Trump at his most exquisite:



Two things – first why wasn’t the Guinness Book Of World Records at the Rose Garden on Saturday because I think Donald J. Trump gets the award for the world’s longest run on sentence. And second do the wall? Do the wall? That makes it sound like a 70’s disco dance! Everybody do the wall now! Oh and in Soviet America, wall does you! Yes, I have been waiting 5 days for that Yakov Smirnov reference. So what is going on exactly?

President Donald Trump will declare a national emergency to speed up funding for his proposed wall on the U.S.-Mexican border, but experts said the move would create a legal morass that could take until the middle of next year to resolve.

The White House announced Thursday that Trump will make the move that he'd suggested for weeks. The announcement came as Congress readied legislation that would devote $1.375 billion to the border wall, far less than the $5.7 billion Trump demanded.

Declaring an emergency would let Trump sidestep Democratic opposition to more wall funding, but it could draw legal challenges from lawmakers and others who viewed the move as a power grab. Although that could delay construction of his border barriers, an extended legal battle would give Trump a potent political issue to run on in the 2020 presidential election.

"Everyone’s going to come out of the woodwork," said Stephen Vladeck, a University of Texas-Austin law professor who teaches national security law. "I think we’re going to see an array of lawsuits that actually would all have to be dealt with separately."
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/02/14/donald-trump-emergency-border-wall-long-legal-fight/2548526002/




Seriously anyone remember when the wall was going to cost $50 billion? Then it was going to cost $25 billion. Then it was going to cost $5 billion. Now it’s going to cost $1.325 billion. Mexico probably could pay for it at this point! So President Trump, you just declared a national emergency! What are you going to do now? “I’m going to Mar-A-Shithole!”.

Donald Trump headed to his private golf club in West Palm Beach, Florida, for the second day in a row today (Sunday, Feb. 17).

The presidential motorcade arrived at the Trump International Golf Club at 9:12am EST, the White House press pool reported. On Saturday (Feb. 16), Trump arrived at the club at 8:42am, the press pool reported, and left at 2:56pm.

After he left Saturday, the president held a meeting with his China trade delegation at Mar-a-Lago, another private club, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement. “Ambassador Lighthizer, Secretary Ross, Mick Mulvaney, and Peter Navarro will join the President in person at Mar-a-Lago and Secretary Mnuchin, Pat Cipilone, Larry Kudlow, Kevin Hassett, Derek Lyons and Clete Willems will join by phone,” she said.

Today marks Trump’s 171th day visiting a golf course since he became president on Jan. 21, 2017, according to Golf Net News. The president declared a national emergency in the Rose Garden on Feb. 15, after Congress failed to approve the amount of money he wanted in a recent spending bill to build a wall on the US’s southern border. Trump hopes to take $6 billion from the Pentagon to build over 200 miles of wall on the border, but the acting Secretary of Defense said this weekend that any budget decision was the Pentagon’s to make.
https://qz.com/1552736/after-declaring-a-national-emergency-trump-spent-the-weekend-at-his-golf-course/


You know what? Fuck the meme, lets’ just show the photo:



So many weird things about this. I mean what’s that weird stripe on Trump’s face? Did he run out of bronzer? Or did he use a Bronzer-By-Numbers kit and just applied the wrong shade? And second who wore it better – Trump or the wall behind him? My money is on the wall behind him. And by the way is it weird when Ann Coulter is on our side? I mean I’ve spent the last 3 years calling Trump an idiot on an almost weekly basis and now Coulter is in on it!

President Donald Trump's announcement Friday that he was declaring a national emergency wasn't received well by all Republicans, none more vocal than Ann Coulter.

The conservative commentator had for weeks been bashing Trump for what she said was him caving to Democrats over his demands for additional funding to construct a wall along the southern border, even calling him the "biggest wimp ever to serve as President of the United States".

On Friday, the bickering made its way into a nationally televised news conference where Trump announced his plans to use executive powers to declare a national emergency to free up billions in funds for the proposed wall.

"Ann Coulter. I don't know her. I hardly know her. I haven't spoken to her in way over a year but the press loves saying Ann Coulter, probably if I did speak to her, she would be very nice," Trump said, adding that she is "off the reservation."
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/02/16/ann-coulter-donald-trump-national-emergency-order/2890714002/




YES YOU DID!!!! Ann Coulter has *LITERALLY* spoken at your rallies, President Lard Ass! And by the way you know the phrase “I’ll see you in court” will absolutely apply here because Trump is going to face a lot of legal challenges in the forthcoming weeks. So get ready Trump, you will be having to answer for all of this insanity:

A coalition of 16 states, including California and New York, on Monday challenged President Trump in court over his plan to use emergency powers to spend billions of dollars on his border wall.

The lawsuit is part of a constitutional confrontation that Mr. Trump set off on Friday when he declared that he would spend billions of dollars more on border barriers than Congress had granted him. The clash raises questions over congressional control of spending, the scope of emergency powers granted to the president, and how far the courts are willing to go to settle such a dispute.

The suit, filed in Federal District Court in San Francisco, argues that the president does not have the power to divert funds for constructing a wall along the Mexican border because it is Congress that controls spending.

Xavier Becerra, the attorney general of California, said in an interview that the president himself had undercut his argument that there was an emergency on the border.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/18/us/politics/national-emergency-lawsuits-trump.html





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[font size="8"]Green New Deal
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If there’s one liberal currently that conservatives *LOVE* to hate, it’s New York’s freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Is it because she’s Latina? Is it because she’s a woman? Is it because she’s from New York? Is it because she cares about the environment and the people? Or is it all of the above? Oh who am I kidding? The answer is easily all of the above! But her proposed “Green New Deal” has them talking and not in a good way. I wonder if it’s because the Koch Brothers handed them a large sack of money to talk trash about it? Or something else?

Democrats are bristling over a GOP effort to pit senators against the party's newly resurgent progressive base.

Republicans, fresh off a border funding fight they are widely viewed as having lost, are eager to pivot to offense as they hunt for 2020 fodder, when several Senate Democrats will be running for president.

Republicans say Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is mulling a series of votes to try to jam Democratic senators, whom he has repeatedly tried to paint as pushed off center by the “radical left.” His first step this week was fast-tracking the "Green New Deal" resolution by putting it on the Senate calendar.

But top Democrats are brushing off the potential political fallout of McConnell’s tactics, comparing them to a “political stunt.”

Sen. Dick Durbin (Ill.), the No. 2 Senate Democrat, said Republicans were using a routine maneuver because it “amuses some small-minded senators.”
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/430309-gop-sees-green-new-deal-as-weapon-against-dems




Oh yeah it’s just par for the course. Mr. Senator, if I may guess what senators those were? I’m thinking McConnell and Lindsay Graham. I’m correct? Woohoo!!! And we’re not even doing the Wheel Of Corruption this week! Oh and by the way in case you’re wondering whether or not republicans couldn’t possibly be any more childish, one representative in Kentucky is trying to prove it wrong with a whoopee cushion! Yes, the worst environmental problems can now be solved with fart jokes!

Kentucky’s Republican agriculture commissioner is giving away a green whoopee cushion to highlight his opposition to the “Green New Deal” pushed by Democrats in Congress.

Ryan Quarles is running for a second term as Kentucky’s commissioner of agriculture in 2019. Last week, his campaign announced it would hold a contest to give away a green whoopee cushion to draw attention to what he says are the anti-agriculture messages pushed by Democrats.

The “Green New Deal” pushed by some Democrats in Congress is a plan to combat climate change. An early draft of a FAQ about the plan mentioned getting rid of “farting cows.” A spokesman for U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said the quip was meant to be ironic.
https://www.wtvq.com/2019/02/19/ag-commissioner-opposing-green-new-deal-whoopee-cushion/




Uh… farting cows? Did you not see that episode of South Park? If we all hold it in, we all spontaneously combust! I mean it’s just science! And by the way Mitch McConnell is such a worthless piece of shit that you can’t get him to vote on anything or do anything meangingful, but he’s forcing a vote on this because he knows it will fail. What a jackass!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday that the Senate would vote on the Green New Deal introduced last week by Sen. Edward Markey, D-Mass., and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y.

"I've noted with great interest the Green New Deal, and we're going to be voting on that in the Senate to give everybody an opportunity to go on record," McConnell told reporters.

The proposal, which is not expected to pass the Republican-dominated upper chamber, could force some Democrats to make a politically awkward calculation.

Democratic liberals, including all of the senators currently running for president, have come out in support of the legislation, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years. Scientists have said dramatic, immediate action is necessary to stem the catastrophic effects of climate change.

Democratic moderates have been less than enthusiastic about the proposal. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi derisively referred to the House version of the resolution as a "green dream," while only 11 of the 47 senators who caucus with the Democrats have signed on as sponsors.
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/12/mitch-mcconnell-to-force-the-senate-to-vote-on-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-green-new-deal.html




I swear that there’s a Simpsons GIF for everything! But in case you’re wondering whether or not there’s a rhyme or reason for Mitch McConnell’s madness, well you are absolutely correct because he’s forcing this vote because he knows the democrats will lose on this issue and that it will make them look like losers. Um… fuck you Mitch!

The Green New Deal, unveiled by New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Massachusetts Sen. Ed Markey, will not resonate with American voters, longtime Democrat Barney Frank told CNBC on Tuesday.

The proposal, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years, is emerging as a major campaign issue, with all the Democratic senators running for president in 2020 pledging their support and President Donald Trump and Republicans blasting it.

"I think the Green New Deal would be loser," said Frank, the former Massachusetts congressman who retired in 2013 after more than three decades on Capitol Hill. "There's an argument that you don't destabilize a society by doing too much change at once."
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/19/barney-frank-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-green-new-deal-would-be-a-loser-against-trump-in-2020.html





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[font size="8"]Jussie Smollet Attack: Latest
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So why are we bringing back the Top 10 Mystery Machine? It’s been long dormant (last appearance was Top 10 #39 ) but we need to bring it back because we were all horrified by the MAGA attack on Empire star Jussie Smollett as he was dining at a Subway after his flight got into Chicago at 2:00 AM. But as the layers keep unfolding on this story, the more it’s like peeling back an onion – the more it stinks and the more likely you are to cry as a result. So how did this thing get so twisted? Let’s find out what is going on with the latest.

Two brothers told police that "Empire" actor Jussie Smollett staged an attack on himself because he was upset a threatening letter he received a week prior did not get enough attention, a law enforcement official briefed on the investigation told ABC News on Monday.

Detectives are actively investigating the allegation, but have not confirmed it to be true, the official said.

Chicago police said this weekend that they are "eager" to re-interview Smollett after releasing the two brothers, who were initially identified as persons of interest in the alleged Jan. 29 attack in Chicago's Streeterville neighborhood. A spokeswoman for Smollett said his attorneys are talking to police.

The brothers, who are not considered suspects in the attack, also told police that they were paid to stage the attack, the official said.

"We are not racist. We are not homophobic and we are not anti-Trump. We were born and raised in Chicago and are American citizens," the brothers said in a statement.
https://abc7chicago.com/brothers-claim-jussie-smollett-staged-attack-after-threatening-letter-source-says/5144861/




Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. So you mean to tell me that Jussie staged his own attack and paid the guys to attack him? And first of all, how is Jussie the only person on earth to actually scam Nigerian people? Let's let that one sink in for a minute! He’s got some ‘splainin to do! In fact the Chicago Police even want to question his own actions on this whole thing. Just what the hell is going on????

Chicago police said Sunday they’re still seeking a follow-up interview with Jussie Smollett after receiving new information that “shifted” their investigation of a reported attack on the “Empire” actor.

The trajectory of the investigation “shifted” after detectives questioned two brothers about the attack and released them late Friday without charges, police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said Saturday. He said police also reached out to Smollett’s attorney to request another interview with him.

Guglielmi said Sunday the interview had not yet been conducted. He declined to comment on published reports that police believe Smollett staged the assault or that a grand jury may hear evidence in the case. The reports cited unnamed police sources.

“We’re not confirming, denying or commenting on anything until we can talk to him and we can corroborate some information that we’ve gotten,” he said.

Smollett, who is black and gay, has said he was physically attacked last month by two masked men shouting racial and anti-gay slurs and “This is MAGA country!” He said they looped a rope around his neck before running away as he was returning home from an early morning stop at a Subway restaurant in downtown Chicago. He said they also poured some kind of chemical on him.
https://www.apnews.com/fe9c70e1cc324228838728c6806abae2




Now you might be asking how are celebrity fans and supporters of Mr. Smollett dealing with this most insane of plot twists? Now this is something that nobody saw coming even though it involved two guys wearing MAGA hats (and really if you’re surprised by that angle, you are in the wrong place!), well the celebrity action was a bit surprising but not really.

Trevor Noah brought up recent developments into the investigation of January's attack on actor Jussie Smollett on his nightly program Monday.

As of Sunday, Chicago police were pursuing "additional detective work" amid suspicion that the attack may have been faked. Two brothers told investigators they were paid by the "Empire" actor to stage the attack, according to a person familiar with the situation but not authorized to speak publicly.

"You have to admit, there's a certain part of the story that was always a little weird," Noah told his "Daily Show" viewers.

"Like, who are the MAGA supporters who hate gay people, who hate black people, but also happen to watch ‘Empire?’ ” Noah asked. In Smollett's account of the attack on "Good Morning America," Thursday he told Robin Roberts his attackers yelled "Empire" to get his attention and used racists and homophobic slurs.

"I've heard of hate-watching, but that (expletive) would be next level," Noah said. "It’s like a member of the Klan buying tickets to 'Fiddler on the Roof.' "
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2019/02/19/jussie-smollett-trevor-noah-the-daily-show/2914297002/




Yes, Mr. Smollett’s got a lot of ‘splainin to do involving his attack. But why do that when this is 2019 and you can just pass the blame onto someone else? I mean come on, blaming the media? That’s something that Trump would do! And he would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

As questions mount over Jussie Smollett's report to police last month that he was the victim of a racist and homophobic attack, two of the actor's siblings have taken aim at the media.

As questions mount over Jussie Smollett's report to police last month that he was the victim of a racist and homophobic attack, two of the actor's siblings have taken aim at the media.

"I have a feeling even if we had video of Jussie (Smollett) being attacked...y'all would still discredit him," the tweet read. "Because it's easier to believe what aligns with your contempt for survivors of hate crimes, sexual abuse, etc who happen to be LGBTQ+, disabled, or women."

Two law enforcement sources with knowledge of the investigation have told CNN that Chicago police believe Smollett paid two men to orchestrate the alleged assault.

In a statement from his attorneys issued Saturday, Smollett denied playing a role in the attack.
"As a victim of a hate crime who has cooperated with the police investigation, Jussie Smollett is angered and devastated by recent reports that the perpetrators are individuals he is familiar with," the statement said. "He has now been further victimized by claims attributed to these alleged perpetrators that Jussie played a role in his own attack. Nothing is further from the truth and anyone claiming otherwise is lying."
https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/19/entertainment/jurnee-smollett-bell-jussie/index.html





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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die! Yeah the sooner we accept that, the better. If you’re not from California, allow me to school you in on a little state secret – we’re all gonna die. Yes, I know that I already said that! Thank you sir! And the way that everybody is going to die, at least what we were all told when we were kids - the worst thing we had to worry about showing up in our schools wasn’t a nutcase with a semi automatic rifle. No sir. It was supposed to be an earthquake measuring 9.5 on the richter scale. The proverbial “big one” as its’ called. Hey kids, I really hope everyone is having a great day today! Now we all have to hide under our desks in case a giant earthquake that could kill us all comes along! Ah, those were the days! And I mean come on have you not seen Spiderman: Homecoming? If a building falls on you, hiding under a desk isn't going to do shit! Well now there’s another big one that is headed its’ way. Yeah that’s what she said.

One of the most potent storms of the winter will continue to trigger flooding rain, mudslides, heavy mountain snow, strong winds and difficult to dangerous travel in California and much of the West this weekend.

Rain and mountain snow will spread inland through Saturday. Areas of rain and snow may persist not only on Sunday but into next week as well.

The amount of rain from the storm is more than enough to cause flash and urban flooding problems and trigger mudslides and rock slides. The mudslide risk will be greatest in, but not limited to, recent burn scar locations.

Evacuations in burn scar areas may be necessary. Several evacuation warnings have already been issued.

"Several inches of rain will fall on the west- and south-facing slopes of the coastal mountains and foothills and lower elevations of the Sierra Nevada this weekend," according to AccuWeather Senior Meteorologist Brett Anderson.

An AccuWeather Local StormMax™ of 8 inches of rain is forecast through Saturday night with some additional rain likely into early next week.
https://www.accuweather.com/en/weather-news/major-california-storm-to-unleash-flooding-rain-feet-of-mountain-snow-and-strong-winds-this-weekend/70007317




Oh calm down! We’re not gonna die just yet!!! So just how bad could this mega storm get? You know Houston has hurricanes, Kansas has tornadoes, California, we do storms and natural disasters way better! We’ve got torrential rains, mudslides, fires and possible earthquakes to worry about!

Scientists call it California’s “other big one,” and they say it could cause three times as much damage as a major earthquake ripping along the San Andreas Fault.

Although it might sound absurd to those who still recall five years of withering drought and mandatory water restrictions, researchers and engineers warn that California may be due for rain of biblical proportions — or what experts call an ARkStorm.

This rare mega-storm — which some say is rendered all the more inevitable due to climate change — would last for weeks and send more than 1.5 million people fleeing as floodwaters inundated cities and formed lakes in the Central Valley and Mojave Desert, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Officials estimate the structural and economic damage from an ARkStorm (for Atmospheric River 1,000) would amount to more than $725 billion statewide.

In heavily populated areas of the Los Angeles Basin, epic runoff from the San Gabriel Mountains could rapidly overwhelm a flood control dam on the San Gabriel river and unleash floodwaters from Pico Rivera to Long Beach, says a recent analysis by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
https://www.latimes.com/local/california/la-me-ln-mega-storm-dam-failure-20190218-story.html




Hey! Haven’t you kids ever seen a storm that could kill a whole lot of us? Yes I’m channeling my inner Stan Lee on this one. And you know what? While my state has been busy preparing for “The Big One” we’re certainly underprepared for what’s going to come when the great storm hits.

Scientists call it California’s “other big one,” and they say it could cause three times as much damage as a major earthquake ripping along the San Andreas Fault.

Although it might sound absurd to those who still recall five years of withering drought and mandatory water restrictions, researchers and engineers warn that California may be due for rain of biblical proportions — or what experts call an ARkStorm.

This rare mega-storm — which some say is rendered all the more inevitable due to climate change — would last for weeks and send more than 1.5 million people fleeing as floodwaters inundated cities and formed lakes in the Central Valley and Mojave Desert, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Officials estimate the structural and economic damage from an ARkStorm (for Atmospheric River 1,000) would amount to more than $725 billion statewide.

In heavily populated areas of the Los Angeles Basin, epic runoff from the San Gabriel Mountains could rapidly overwhelm a flood control dam on the San Gabriel river and unleash floodwaters from Pico Rivera to Long Beach, says a recent analysis by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
https://ktla.com/2019/02/18/rare-mega-storm-in-l-a-area-could-cause-3-times-as-much-damage-as-major-earthquake/




No we’re still not gonna die! At least not yet. But this thing could have the potential to be a million times worse than a polar vortex and an even worse trail of devastation than the proverbial “big one”. Although at least on the flipside, California is finally getting some much needed water! Which will help with that “poor forest management” that President LardAss is accusing us of!

There’s still more than a week left in February, but already California has received about 18 trillion gallons of water thanks to a series of storms this month, according to the National Weather Service.

That’s enough water to fill 27 million Olympic-sized pools, forecasters said. The amount of water is also nearly half the total volume of Lake Tahoe.

Los Angeles has gotten its fair share of the rain as well, receiving more than 4 inches between Feb. 1 and this past Saturday, according to the weather service.

Those totals are likely to increase this week, too, with more showers forecast to drench Southern California from Wednesday night into Thursday.
https://ktla.com/2019/02/18/series-of-february-storms-dumps-18-trillion-gallons-of-water-in-california/





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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: CA’s Literal Train Wreck
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Hey! It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!



One of the keys to California’s strong economy is a solid infrastructure. We have easy access to air travel and sea travel. And our freeway system is one of the best in the entire country and the entire world. So what’s missing? A European style high speed rail network. And one of the cornerstones of the new California administration was to help usher in a high speed rail network that would connect Los Angeles, the Central Valley, and San Francisco. But recently California Governor Gavin Newsom cancelled the project, prompting criticism and protest from around the state and around the country. What went wrong? We will find out.

Even before California’s High Speed Rail bond proposal appeared on the ballot in November 2008, the Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association commissioned a study in conjunction with the Reason Foundation because of deep concerns about the project’s viability. The study, published in September 2008, just prior to the election, confirmed our worst fears. Specifically, the executive summary of the nearly 200-page document warned:

“The CHSRA plans as currently proposed are likely to have very little relationship to what would eventually be built due to questionable ridership projections and cost assumptions, overly optimistic projections of ridership diversion from other modes of transport, insufficient attention to potential speed restrictions and safety issues and discounting of potential community or political opposition. Further, the system’s environmental benefits have been grossly exaggerated, especially with respect to reduction of greenhouse gas emissions that have been associated with climate change.”

In the ensuing decade, it became increasingly clear that every negative prediction about the project came to be realized. Even initial advocates of the project, including a former chairman of the High Speed Rail Authority, turned against the costly boondoggle.

The capstone of criticism came at the end of 2018 when California’s own state auditor issued a scathing report excoriating the project’s mismanagement, waste and lack of transparency. To understand just how damning the HSR audit was, just consider the subtitle: “Flawed Decision Making and Poor Contract Management Have Contributed to Billions in Cost Overruns and Delays in the System’s Construction.”
https://www.ocregister.com/2019/02/17/please-governor-dont-derail-the-bullet-train-derailment/




So some extremely poor business decisions lead to the cancellation of California’s ambitious high speed rail project. Now before you go playing the blame game, let’s not blame the governor or the democratic party for this mess. In fact there’s several contributing factors that led to this getting cancelled.

On U.S. railroads, it’s been a week of emotional whiplash.

Just days ago, an outline of the much-anticipated Green New Deal— a proposal from Democratic lawmakers to dramatically cut U.S. carbon emissions—described the country’s need for high-speed rail network to help replace short-haul flights with lower-emission trips. Commentators on both sides of the aisle ridiculed the idea as politically impossible, even as environmental and transit advocates staunchly defended it.

Then, on Tuesday, California Governor Gavin Newsom tossed cold water on the state’s high-speed rail project, which represents a rare beacon of progress on next-generation train service in the U.S. In his first State of the State address, Newsom announced plans to scale back the scheme to link San Francisco to Los Angeles with a passenger train that could connect those cities in under three hours. Instead, only a much shorter, first phase of construction would be completed, putting 110 miles of improved rail service between the Central Valley cities of Merced and Bakersfield, with Fresno in the midst. That’s a huge step back from a 700-mile route connecting coastal population centers.
https://www.citylab.com/transportation/2019/02/california-high-speed-rail-why-green-new-deal-gavin-newsom/582655/




OK now it’s kind of like that. But there is a silver lining in an otherwise flawed plan. Think of it like the plot of Superman III if the bad guy had actually been able to get away with his money laundering scheme. But while this plan was flawed to begin with, that means that it could potentially come back in a big way for not only California but the entire US.

Despite delivering what some interpreted as a death knell, California Governor Gavin Newsom has confirmed—and re-confirmed—that a comprehensive high-speed rail system is still happening in the state.

But one part of Newsom’s original statement wasn’t open to nuance: This high-speed rail project has serious problems.

“The project, as currently planned, would cost too much and take too long,” Newsom said at his State of the State address. “There’s been too little oversight and not enough transparency.”

California’s rail campaign is a cautionary tale to be sure. A ballot measure was passed in 2008, setting up a bond measure intended to funnel $10 billion to the $38 billion project, which was estimated to finish in 2029. Yet, due to a politically fraught, lawsuit-plagued battle to determine the train’s route, over a decade later, construction costs have ballooned. Now there’s not enough money coming in to finance the project’s completion—especially as rail funding became limited nationwide after the 2009 economic stimulus.
https://www.curbed.com/2019/2/15/18225441/california-high-speed-rail-gavin-newsom




That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.




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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:



My fair congregation!! What are our brothers and sisters on the far right trying to tell us? Do we really need another four more years of the wretched, unholy, ungodly DARK ONE in the presence of the highest house in the land??? I mean from the very first DAY they have been somehow convinced that the Dark One is GAWD and JAYSUS combined into one person. But we all know that he isn’t! In fact he is the most egregious sinner of all – a man who lives the life of decadence and luxury that these people otherwise claim to despise.

The annual anachronism known as the National Prayer Breakfast attracted its usual array of clergy, military, and political leaders in Washington on 7 February. Most prominent of all, of course, was Donald Trump, who used the de facto pulpit to call for outlawing abortion, among other positions dear to the Religious Right.

Yet the presidential comment that most typified all that has gone morally haywire with the supposedly moral majority came when Trump praised the “abolition of civil rights”. You can consider that statement an innocent, if embarrassing, misreading of the Teleprompter. Or you can hear it as a Freudian slip.

As inspired by the Reverend Billy Graham and originated by President Dwight Eisenhower in 1953, the National Prayer Breakfast served two consensual, almost anodyne purposes. It epitomized the moderate, mid-century civil religion that preached that an American was a better citizen for believing in God and going, at least occasionally, to church or synagogue. And amid the Cold War, American leaders insistently portrayed their nation’s collective faith confronting what was routinely called “godless Communism”.

In fact, the greatest application of religion in the public square during the 1950s and 1960s occurred in pursuit of a liberal goal: civil rights. Like the abolitionists of the 19th century, civil rights leaders such as the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr wielded the Bible and its concept of all humanity being formed in the divine image as an argument for racial equality.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/feb/10/in-revering-trump-the-religious-right-has-laid-bare-its-hypocrisy




Well we hope it doesn’t come to that. But then this guy had to go and make a bad situation worse, which is what he usually does. You know, the guy who we currently call president had to go and rub salt in the wound of high speed rail advocates:

President Donald Trump hit back Tuesday at California’s latest lawsuit against his administration in his trademark way — through Twitter.

In two tweets early Tuesday morning, Trump criticized California and the other 15 states filing suit, calling them the “mostly ... Open Border Democrats and the Radical Left.” He said California “seems in charge” and implied state officials had no room to criticize him on wall spending due to the billions spent on the California High Speed Rail Project.

“The failed Fast Train project in California, where the cost overruns are becoming world record setting, is hundreds of times more expensive than the desperately needed Wall!” Trump said.

The lawsuit, which California Attorney General Xavier Becerra announced on Friday, was filed in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California Monday evening. Trump announced Friday that he is declaring a national emergency to divert funds from military construction projects to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border after Congress did not budget the amount he wanted.

California’s lawsuit, its 46th against the Trump administration, argues that border crossings are at historic lows and that Trump overstepped his power by trying to redirect money that Congress denied him in its most recent budget agreement.
https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/white-house/article226455200.html




Yes, that’s not how any of this works, damn it! Oh you know we are allowed to swear in my church because I do believe that it is our GAWD given right! Can I get an amen???? And do we really need another 4 more years of Q anon? Remember this nonsense? Even the people who it attracted are the ones who are now apologizing that they doubted it!

On Saturday, radical right-wing commentator and rabid conspiracy theorist Sheila Zilinsky issued an abject apology on her podcast for ever having doubted QAnon.

Last month, Zilinsky appeared on “The Hagmann Report,” where she declared that she was no longer a believer in the QAnon conspiracy theory, which posits that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election is really a cover for a plan by President Trump to take down a massive global pedophile ring.

Zilinsky said that while she was once “really onboard with the Q thing,” she was no longer convinced that it was legitimate since the long-promised wave of mass arrests never seems to actually occur.

“Let’s cut the crap,” she said. “Until there’s some people in jail, I’m not a Q fan anymore. I’m just kind of giving up the whole thing, unless I see something happen real quick. I just really don’t want to go down that rabbit trail anymore.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/sheila-zilinsky-apologizes-for-ever-doubting-q/




I mean Qanon, Pizzagate, are we certain that we want another 4 more years of this? I know that I definitely don’t! Especially since the forces of AYVIL have descended upon the White House in the form of the unholy Dark One, whose name I dare not speak, are the ones who are saying that the other side is AYVIL!!! Yes, AYVIL!!!! THE DEVIL IS INSIDE US!!!! Well… maybe.

Right-wing commentator Josh Bernstein posted a video today in which he proclaimed that the Democratic Party should be declared a terrorist organization and disbanded.

“They are Islamic compliant,” he said. “They are Marxist/Leninist/Stalinist/Maoist, if you will, in their ideology. They support terrorism. They are anti-Israel. They support open borders, which means that they’re fine with having Americans be killed by illegal aliens. They are for taxing you to death. They are for controlling every aspect of your life.”

“I think, at this point, based on their platform, based on their advanced leftist ideology, that the Democratic Party should be dissolved, they should be banned from all elections,” Bernstein continued. “They’re pro-death. They’re demonic … and to be quite frank, they should be labeled as a terrorist organization, just like ISIS, just like al Qaeda, just like Hamas, just like Hezbollah, just like Antifa, just like white supremacist groups.”

“They are a terrorist organization right now and they are literally terrorizing this country,” he added. “They are killing infants. They are murdering people and getting away with it legally, they’re passing more and more laws to do this. These people are evil.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/josh-bernstein-the-democratic-party-should-be-declared-a-terrorist-organization-and-dissolved/




Yes, I am complete!!! Ha ha! You didn’t really think I was the devil did you? No? Well I mislead you, just like the Dark One misleads his followers! There you go, mass has ended, may you go in peace!! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Nike Protests
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Hey conservatives, guess what? You’re not cool. You’re lame! And if you want people to take you seriously, it’s way past time that you own your lameness. In fact don’t even try to be cool or hip. Because as we’ve seen time and time again, any time a conservative tries to be cool by showing us that they can use social media, or that they are into what the kids are into, it backfires on them big time. And don’t even try to mix politics and your business, because then things like this happen. Yes, of course I’m talking about the guy in Colorado who brought politics into his sporting goods store business and then it backfired on him big time and now, well, who’s the loser now?

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (CBS4) – A sporting goods store owner in Colorado Springs decided to close up shop months after he started boycotting Nike products. In September, Stephen Martin, owner of Prime Time Sports, took issue with a Nike advertisement featuring Colin Kaepernick.

The former NFL quarterback started kneeling during the National Anthem before football games in 2016, sparking a movement among other NFL players, including Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall.

That in turn sparked large outcry from thousands like Martin.

In 2018, Nike chose to feature Kaepernick in one of its ads.

Martin then decided to sell all of his Nike product at highly-discounted prices, despite him acknowledging Nike merchandise makes up 40-50 percent of the store’s inventory.

Fast forward five months.

“Being a sports store and not having Nike jerseys is kind of like being a milk store without milk or a gas station without gas. They have a virtual monopoly on jerseys. There is no other option,” Martin told the CBS affiliate in Colorado Springs, KKTV.
https://denver.cbslocal.com/2019/02/13/stephen-martin-prime-time-sports/




Well, I guess that’s why you don’t mix business and politics. And next time, maybe shut the fuck up about it? So that’s one way conservatives can own their lameness – don’t take a stand. You know what else they should do? Maybe, I don’t know, before you tweet out a video, maybe check the political status of the artist before hand?

Rock band R.E.M probably couldn’t predict their early ’90s hit song “Everybody Hurts” would be put to political use in 2019. When it was, they were not happy about it.

The episode began on Friday afternoon, when President Trump retweeted a video meme. The clip, created by Trump-supporting meme-maker Carpe Donktum, showed Democratic lawmakers like Senators Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harris looking stoic during the President’s State of the Union address. The video was set to R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”

R.E.M. was immediately critical about Trump’s use of their song to taunt his political opponents. The band’s official Twitter account tweeted its displeasure on Friday night, referencing the song “World Leader Pretend.”

“Congress, media–ghost this faker!!! Love, R.E.M.” the band tweeted.
http://time.com/5531454/rem-trump-democrats-everybody-hurts/




So Trump attempted to show that he was cool and hip by tweeting out an egregious copyright violation, and replaced REM’s song “Everybody Hurts” with Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA”. As if that couldn’t possibly get any lamer, guess what? The video was created by an Infowars troll who won a contest and has a ridiculous name at that.

The clip, which runs more than two minutes in length, plays audio from R.E.M.'s early-'90s hit single "Everybody Hurts" over excerpts from Trump's Feb. 5 State of the Union address.

But, as of the early hours Saturday ET, Twitter users could not play the video posted by Trump, and many saw a message that read, "This video has been removed in response to a report from the copyright holder."

The creator of the video that the president tweeted Friday, self-proclaimed Trump supporter @CarpeDonktum, accused Twitter of censorship after the clip became unplayable on the platform.

The clip, clearly meant to mock a selection of lawmakers in Congress, cuts lines from Trump's speech, together with reaction shots of stern-looking politicians whom Trump has criticized in the past. They include Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., and Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Utah.

On Saturday afternoon, Trump tweeted a similar video — but this version's backing track replaced R.E.M. with Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A."
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/15/rem-publisher-asks-twitter-to-remove-video-tweeted-by-trump-over-song-use.html




Who knew Trump had mad video editing skillz, yo? And really? God Bless The USA? That’s the best he could do? I mean he couldn’t use Cat Scratch Fever or BAWITDABA? That’s where Trump could take a stand and own his lameness. And by the way this wouldn’t be the first time that Trump has used a song without the artist’s permission. He’s been caught not once, not twice, but over a dozen times! Yes, a whole fucking dozen!

Axl Rose After Guns N' Roses frontman learned that "Sweet Child O' Mine" was being played at the president's rallies, Rose fired off a series of tweets accusing Trump of using licensing loopholes to ignore his request to stop playing the band's music. "Unfortunately the Trump campaign is using loopholes in the various venues’ blanket performance licenses which were not intended for such craven political purposes, without the songwriters’ consent," Rose tweeted on Nov. 4, 2018.

Pharrell On Oct. 27, 2018, the day after the synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh that left 11 dead, Trump played Pharrell's 2013 summer hit "Happy" at a rally in Indiana, according to reports. Pharell's attorney Howard King sent a cease and desist to Trump with a statement regarding the usage. "There was nothing 'happy' about the tragedy inflicted upon our country on Saturday and no permission was granted for your use of this song for this purpose," the letter read.

Neil Young If you go way back to when Trump first announced he would be running for president at the Trump Tower in 2015, you may remember that Neil Young took issue with Trump's use of "Rockin' in the Free World." "Donald Trump was not authorized to use 'Rockin' in the Free World’ in his presidential candidacy announcement," a spokesperson for the musician's Lookout Management said in a statement in 2015. Young recently reiterated his feelings on his official Facebook page: "Legally, he has the right to, however it goes against my wishes."
https://www.thewrap.com/music-stars-slam-trump-songs-campaign-rallies-axl-rose-rihanna-photos/





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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Jesse Lee Peterson

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This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is Christian conspiracy theorist, former Newsmax and current radio host, and occasional Infowars contributor Jesse Lee Peterson. This fucking guy. Whew, he is equal parts scary and crazy. And talk about a guy who votes against his own interests at that. He’s a firm and staunch believer and promoter of completely insane theories like Qanon and Pizzagate. He’s also a black guy who’s a firm believer in the fact that racism died when Obama got elected president. Which, as we’ve seen and pointed on this program time and time again, that is simply not true at all! So what’s he been up to lately?

Right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson kicked off his radio program this morning by heaping praise on President Trump for his State of the Union Address last night, while launching personal attacks on Democratic leaders and declaring that anyone who votes for a Democrat after last night “hates God” and “loves Satan.”

Peterson said that Trump’s speech reminded him of the good old days “when men where in charge” and they “didn’t take any crap.”

“Do you see the difference when a man is leading as opposed to when a woman is leading?” he asked. “Especially a liberal woman. It was the difference between night and day.”

After declaring that Democrats “looked like defeated brats” who “demonstrated that they do not love America,” Peterson attacked Rep. John Lewis as a “bug-eyed, fat black guy” who “looked like a dirty, old black trash man.” Later, Peterson turned his attention to Stacey Abrams, who delivered the Democratic response, blasting her for having supposedly “forgotten to straighten her hair.”

“She had this little nasty-looking nappy hair on her head like she just got out of the bathtub from washing her hair and didn’t straighten it,” Peterson carped. “Remember when black women used to … know not to go outside looking like that? Stacey Abrams didn’t straighten her hair. She left it nappy.”

“And she’s getting fat,” he added. “She’s just fat from the head to the toe.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jesse-lee-peterson-anyone-who-votes-democratic-hates-god-and-loves-satan/




Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Hey, Jesse, you can’t fat shame someone when you worship the fattest and most slovenly president we’ve ever had! Although seriously, did anyone else have as much fun as I did when #MarALardAss was trending? That guy did! WOOOO! Thank you random audience member! Seriously, Trump’s got the fattest ass of any president we’ve had since Taft. I mean this fucking guy:



That’s actual, unedited footage by the way! And by the way if you’re wondering if Mr. Peterson couldn’t be any more against his own interests, just take a look at what he said a few weeks ago. He’s a guy who actually wants white people to take over, otherwise its’ over!

Right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson appeared on a white nationalist’s podcast last week, telling the host that white people in America need to get married and “have a truckload of white children” because “unless white people take over, it’s over for America.”

Peterson has ties to Fox News host Sean Hannity and has appeared at events with right-wing media personalities including Mike Cernovich. He’s made several appearances on Fox News and he currently hosts a show on Newsmax TV.

Peterson gave an interview to white nationalist podcast host Jean-Francois Gariépy on January 4, during which the duo discussed declining birthrates among white people in the United States. Peterson has appeared on other far-right podcasts, where he’s largely sympathized with the hosts. Peterson frequently claims that racism never existed and that people of color have been undermining America since the Civil Rights era.

Gariépy and Peterson agreed with the claim that non-white people immigrating into the U.S. is making it harder for white people to live in America, prompting Peterson to assert that the United States needs “to close the back door and the front door in this country and in Europe and clean up the mess and if you decide you want to let people of color in again, maybe you can be real selective—like they did in the good old days—about who you let it.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jesse-lee-peterson-unless-white-people-take-over-its-over-for-america/




Wait, what’s a black guy doing hanging around white supremacists? I mean has he not seen that episode of Chappelle’s Show? Maybe they just keep him around you know just because they need a guy like that but really I can’t find any reason. Oh and you know that one of the touchiest subjects in America is abortion, right? Well guess what Mr. Peterson’s position is? Well, he’s taken just about the most far right position of anyone:

On his radio program today, right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson told a caller to break up with the woman with whom he has been in a relationship for five years because she has a child who was conceived via rape.

This morning, a 28-year-old caller named Caleb told Peterson that he has been in a relationship with his girlfriend, who has an 8-year-old daughter who was conceived as a result of a sexual assault, and that he has been helping to raise the young girl since she was three and that she often calls him “daddy”

Caleb wanted to know if Peterson thought it would be okay for him to marry his girlfriend, but Peterson broke his heart when he declared that he could not because this young girl needs to be in a family consisting of her natural mother and natural father, who, in this instance, is reportedly the mother’s rapist.

“Absolutely no,” Peterson declared. “Do not marry a woman … who already has children. It’s bad enough on kids when they don’t have both parents, it’s worse when a so-called step-parent steps in because the soul of that child—whether male or female—the soul yearns for a father, not a step-father or a step-mother. They want their natural father and natural mother, and especially their natural father. So, if this woman is a decent woman at all, she will sacrifice for her child, not for herself, but for her child and you’re going to be in the way.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jesse-lee-peterson-a-child-conceived-in-rape-should-be-raised-by-the-rapist/


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So he thinks that children should be raised by both parents even if one of them is an absolute psychopath! And by the way in case you’re wondering if his increasingly hateful rhetoric gets him in trouble or not, well, first consider who his employers are. Then after you’re done with that, consider that his contributions are still a thing!

Jesse Lee Peterson was dropped from Newsmax TV following what his team said was a network restructuring of their 2019 programming schedule, but he will continue to produce his morning radio show independently.

A caller appeared on Peterson’s radio show yesterday and complained to Peterson that she could no longer view his show on Newsmax TV, accusing the right-wing news platform of being staffed with “beta males” who wanted to rid the station of Trump supporters. Peterson asked the caller if she had complained to Newsmax, and she said she had called their customer service department.

Right Wing Watch reached out to Newsmax for comment but did not receive a response before publication.

Peterson confirmed this caller’s complaint in a tweet yesterday, writing “The Jesse Lee Peterson Show is no longer available on Newsmax TV.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/newsmax-tv-drops-jesse-lee-petersons-show-but-keeps-him-as-contributor/




Yeah so he and his hateful rhetoric will be around for a long time. I’d love to see him played by Keenan Thompson on Saturday Night Live. They could have some fun with that! That’s Jesse Lee Peterson, this week’s:




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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!



So of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And here’s a great example of when life imitates art. Remember that episode of Seinfeld where they all board different subway trains and George is on his way to a job interview, but along the way, gets seduced by a beautiful woman who proceeds to strip him of his underwear, rob him and chain him to a bed post? Well, this is kind of like that. Except that his own GIRLFRIEND was waiting for him downstairs!

A naked man was getting ready to have sex with a woman he’d just met, while his understanding girlfriend waited downstairs, he told police in North Carolina, but things went downhill quickly after that.

Randleman Police said Christopher Hancock told them he was attacked and robbed at the late morning sexual rendezvous, the Courier-Tribune reported.

Hancock reported he and his girlfriend have an open relationship, and they both went to a house so he could have sex with the other woman, according to WSET.

With his girlfriend waiting downstairs on a couch on Jan. 28, Hancock told police he and the woman went to a bedroom and stripped naked, per WFMY. That’s when two men attacked Hancock, punching and choking him until he blacked out, the TV station reported.

When the Franklinville resident came to, he told police the men were gone, along with his pants and $10,000 he said he had in one of the pockets, according to the Courier-Tribune.

Read more: https://www.newsobserver.com/latest-news/article226410755.html




I think the bigger question is where was he going with that $10,000? That’s a huge, huge yada yada there! Seriously, was he hiring a hitman? Oh well, we may never know! Next up, what is with people from Florida and burritos? This is the **SECOND** burrito incident from the Sunshine state in less than two weeks! I mean were they channeling their inner Ron Burgundy?

For the second time in as many weeks, a Florida Man has been arrested for battering a woman with a burrito, according to court records.

Police charge that Peter Elacqua, 41, got into an argument with his girlfriend Friday in their Port Richey residence.

After Elacqua allegedly shoved the woman into a chair in their bedroom, he “threw his burrito at the Victim,” striking her in the face with the food item.

When a sheriff’s deputy arrived at the home in response to a 911 call, the woman had “the contents of the burrito dispersed across her face, neck, and left chest/shoulder area.”
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/another-burrito-battery-803261




Next up, we got another gem from Florida Man’s cousin, Maine Man. Yes, Maine, or Canada’s Florida, definitely brings the crazy wherever they can. Seriously, they cant even visit Nana in the hospital without stirring some shit up. Come on, man, if you’re going to visit Nana in the hospital, maybe leave the meth at home?
vJan. 20 fight at an Ellsworth hospital was precipitated by an incident in which a Norridgewock man crawled halfway out of a moving vehicle and pointed something at a car behind him that the other driver thought was a rifle, according to court documents.

The man and his two brothers then stopped their vehicle on East Main Street and ran away from responding police to Northern Light Maine Coast Hospital, where a few minutes later they were confronted by Ellsworth police officers in their grandmother’s room. In the ensuing brawl, each man was shot twice with stun guns, and hospital furniture was broken before the three men were subdued and arrested, according to a probable cause police report filed in Hancock County Unified Criminal Court.

<snip>

According to Heidi Grant, mother of the three men, she was at the hospital and let them in the locked door, not knowing she wasn’t supposed to let them in. She said her sons had called her telling her they were being chased by police and were afraid of being shot.

Police pursued the men to their grandmother’s hospital room and again ordered them to get down on the floor. They refused, at which point police fired their Tasers, according to the police report. The officers then tried to wrestle the three men to the ground, with Wilmot and Brighton Sawyer exchanging blows.
https://bangordailynews.com/2019/02/03/news/hancock/3-brothers-visiting-dying-grandmother-brawled-with-police-in-her-ellsworth-hospital-room/?_ga=2.180751008.666050852.1549286238-789779681.1549286238




Yeah bring it on!!! Next up we go to Virginia where a guy with a name that would imply the exact opposite is happening, decided to use his garage door to project some images on it that the neighbors would find, well, unflattering.

FEBRUARY 8--A Virginia man is behind bars after projecting a porno film on his garage door in full view of his neighbors, police allege.

Antonio Smallwood, 41, was arrested Wednesday evening in connection with the al fresco 7 PM screening on a tidy Newport News street. A patrolman responded to the block after a 911 call reported "pornographic material being displayed," cops say.

"Upon arrival, the officer observed a movie involving sexual activity being projected on the garage door of the residence," according to police. At that point, a cop sought to serve Smallwood with a summons. But when the film enthusiast refused to sign the summons, he was arrested.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/virginia-screening-382017




Ah that was a great scene! I may need to break out my Fight Club DVD later. Finally this week for People Are Dumb, we go to Hong Kong for this one. And sometimes a potato is just a potato, or sometimes it might be a hand grenade! Yes, there was a hand grenade found in a batch of potatoes. I hope they didn’t charge extra!

A World War One-era German hand grenade has been found among a delivery of potatoes shipped from France to a crisp factory in Hong Kong, police say.

The muddy device, which was 3in (8cm) wide, was "in an unstable condition" because it had been discharged but had failed to detonate, officials said.

It was discovered at the Calbee crisp-making factory in the eastern Sai Kung district on Saturday morning.

The bombe de terre was safely detonated on site by bomb disposal officers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-47107609




That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 30: The Federal Emergency Management Authority
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It’s time for episode 2 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the many branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Federal Emergency Management Authority[/font]


When a natural disaster strikes (presidential disasters not withstanding), you call the experts who know how to handle it at FEMA! Yes, FEMA. You might remember them from such movies as Deep Impact, Volcano, San Andreas, Deepwater Horizon, Into The Storm, Armageddon, Knowing, and most recently Geostorm. Yes, Geostorm – the Suicide Squad of disaster flicks. Hell, there was even a very poorly made conservative documentary chronicling FEMA’s rise in the Deep State. Look it up. It’s worth a Google. But what does FEMA actually do? FEMA was founded in 1978 by president Gerald Ford under an executive order but has since branched out into its’ own branch of the US government. And with climate change rearing its’ ugly head, FEMA is working overtime.

A federal advisory panel that's supposed to provide scientific information to the National Flood Insurance Program is entering a five-month work stoppage, even as property losses mount against the backdrop of severe inundation related to climate change.

The Technical Mapping Advisory Council, or TMAC, is composed of 20 experts tapped by the FEMA administrator to answer complex questions about flood dynamics and flood risk in areas across the United States that are experiencing higher temperatures.

Created by Congress in 2012, TMAC’s specific charge is to “ensure that flood insurance rate maps (FIRMs) reflect the best available science and are based on the best available methodologies for considering the impact of future development on flood risk.”

Its findings have direct implications for NFIP, the federal insurance program meant to protect private properties from catastrophic flood losses. Today, NFIP has nearly 5.1 million policyholders and is more than $20 billion in debt, a crisis brought on by unprecedented payouts since Hurricane Katrina in 2005.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/femas-panel-of-flood-experts-unable-to-meet-as-losses-mount/




So I guess you could say that FEMA is under water? Hey o!!! Thank you I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress! But in all seriousness, things are so bad at FEMA right now that the director was forced to resign. Things are going just swimmingly!

Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Brock Long announced Wednesday that he is resigning.

"It has been a great honor to serve our country as FEMA Administrator for the past two years. During my tenure, the Agency worked more than 220 declared disasters," Long said in a statement.
His resignation comes months after a controversy over his use of government vehicles.

Last fall, Long was the subject of a Department of Homeland Security probe into whether he was misusing government resources when he used government vehicles and personnel for six-hour drives between his home in North Carolina and FEMA headquarters in Washington.

An inspector general's investigation, released by House Democrats in September, found that even after Long had been told not to, he continued to use government SUVs and drivers to shuttle between home and work.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/13/politics/brock-long-fema/index.html




Yes this is fine. Just make sure that you don’t live in an area where natural disasters occur and you should be fine. Oh wait, natural disasters are everywhere! There’s fires, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes, and they’re all escalating thanks to climate change deniers! So how is FEMA prepared to handle such disasters?

FEMA is pushing back on claims from the Town of Surf City that it is "not protecting its citizens’ best interests” when it comes to restoring the beaches of the Pender County community in the wake of Hurricane Florence.

Ashley Loftis, Surf City town manager, said Monday, “Our citizens felt this way when they saw that only certain homes were classified as imminent critical.”

The town sent out a news release conveying its frustration with FEMA over the weekend. The release said town leaders are moving forward in hauling sand to areas considered “imminent critical areas” by FEMA and non-critical areas will receive a sand push. Town leaders are advertising for bids for the sand projects.

John Mills with FEMA external affairs responded to that release Monday.
http://www.wect.com/2019/02/12/fema-denying-claims-surf-city-press-release/




We’re talking about actual disasters here. Oh and in case you’re wondering if things couldn’t get any crazier at FEMA than they are, they have to do damage control within their own department! Because there’s a FEMA manager who was under fire for watching way too much Infowars and repeating some ridiculously horrible conspiracy theories about Michelle Obama (that I won’t repeat here) – and got busted for doing something shady. I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!!

The West Virginia woman, who made national headlines in 2016 when she was fired from a county development organization over a racist Facebook post about then-First Lady Michelle Obama, has now pleaded guilty to defrauding the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) out of $18,000 intended to help flood victims.

According to the Charleston Gazette-Mail, Pamela Taylor, 57, admitted to taking the government benefits after falsely claiming her home was damaged in the June 2016 floods that killed more than 20 people and wrecked houses on along the Elk River and beyond.

In reality, her home was not damaged at all.

WSAZ reports Taylor has agreed to pay $18,149.04 in restitution. She faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to half a million dollars at her sentencing on May 30, according to the local television station.

As CBS News reported in 2016, the racist Facebook post compared Mrs. Obama to a primate.

“It will be refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a Ape in heels," the post said.
https://www.wtsp.com/article/news/nation-world/woman-who-called-michelle-obama-an-ape-defrauded-18000-from-fema/67-74347c1a-69be-41e6-a6db-2415648048b0




[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: C-
How Things Are Going: B-
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Unfortunately folks, all good things must end, even our journey down the government wormhole, and we are going to take a deep dive into the US State Department!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Hozier[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a new album coming out on March 1st called “Wasteland, Baby!”. You can see him April 9th at Hollywood Forever and on tour this April and May. Playing his song “Nina Cried Power”, give it up for Hozier!



Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Ontario Improv, Ontario, CA
Special Thanks To: Improv Group
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UC Riverside Choir Club, Riverside, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Research: Top 10 Research Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Hozier Appears Courtesy Of: Columbia Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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