A word to Roger Stone: Your life is about to be completely turned upside down.
I don't mean that in the sense that an embarrassing joke photo of you from years ago might surface, or that there might be a few vague, unsubstantiated claims that you grabbed women's rears while posing for photos with them. While that might be enough to derail a career, we're looking at something a little more serious than that.
No...while that might be your idea of having one's "turn in the barrel" to you, what awaits you in the next weeks....months....and years....is actually going to be much, much, much worse than that.
What we're talking about is the indignities of your arrest, arraignment, court appearance after court appearance after mind-numbing court appearance, and--since we know you think somehow think you'll be able to beat it all--a very public trial.
And you won't beat it. You think you will because you are a haughty, narcissistic vain asshole of the highest degree, but Robert Mueller cleaned the clock of your old business partner Paul Manafort, and he's going to do the same with you.
You're going to lose it all, Roger. That home on the ocean in Florida--gone. Your assets--seized. Those outrageous outfits you like to wear--traded for prison scrubs. Social media accounts.....please. They'll be gone.
Even those dumb ass Panama Jack hats you like to wear will be a thing of the past, Roger. They're not coming with you.
You might think you'll end up with three years, like Michael Cohen, and sure, you think, you can handle that.
But you're not getting three years, Roger. Sure, Michael Cohen was a weak little coward who mistakenly thought that being one of Donald Trump's goons would somehow give his life purpose and meaning. And of course, it didn't, and he realized that all after the fact and after the search warrant.
But you're far worse than him, Roger. You're a pathological piece of shit. Your track record over the decades--the lives you've ruined, the injustices you've caused--underscores that fact.
So no, Roger, you won't be getting away with three years. You're going to be doing some hard, hard time.
And here's the thing, Roger--you're not exactly a spring chicken there. You're already 66 years old. Time's a'ticking.
You will die in prison, Roger. When you die, it won't be surrounded by your wife or your son or your grandkids in your bed or even at some hospital or nursing home. It will be at an infirmary at some Federal Correctional Facility out in the middle of BFE.
And you--the great political fixer Roger Stone--will die all alone.
And when you die, after the fact, they'll shove your remains into a plastic bag for your loved ones to claim, like you are piece of dry cleaning or lost luggage at the airport.
And that is how it will end for you, Roger.
You'll be known as Roger Stone, the fixer and dirty political trickster who sold out his country and died in prison.
I hope it was all worth it, Roger. That living the way Roy Cohn taught you--tearing people apart, always lying, always spinning, never admitting the truth--was somehow the way you wanted to live.
If not....well, too bad, so sad.
Welcome to the Barrel, Roger Stone.
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