BREAKING NEWS: Trump to travel to Florida to view Hurricane Michael damage at Mar-a-Lago

[Tommy_Carcetti]

President Donald Trump announced that he will be traveling to his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida to get a firsthand view of the aftermath of the damage that Florida incurred after Hurricane Michael--a near Category 5 major hurricane--struck the state this week.

Trump will take an up close tour of the grounds of the club, which is located approximately 500 miles from the Panama City area where the storm made landfall. Palm trees at Mar-a-Lago reportedly lost multiple fronds during a Tuesday afternoon thunderstorm from one of Michael's outermost bands as it moved up the Gulf of Mexico towards the Florida Panhandle.

"From what I heard, damage to Mar-a-Lago was tremendous, the likes of which has never been seen before," Trump said to reporters as he boarded Marine One on his way to Andrews Air Force Base. "The amount of rain, which was wet, very, very wet, and some of the most incredible, powerful wind imaginable. I've heard estimates of winds in excess of 500 miles per hour, actually. It's really, really something."

Trump noted the "furious" work of groundskeepers to rake up fallen leaves and power wash muddied walkways to make sure the club was in spotless shape for the upcoming winter club season.

"It hasn't been easy," he noted. "For anyone. But especially for me. Of all the people out there, I have to say I've probably suffered the most because of this storm."

When asked if he had any thoughts for homeowners in storm ravaged areas like Mexico Beach--where houses were ripped from their foundations by devastating storm surge and obliterated into rubble by catastrophic winds--Trump replied, "Well, I'm certain any of those people would have to feel sorry for the situation I'm in. They'd very likely feel very, very bad for me. I'm sure if they had people wanting to pay $200,000 for access to them and their house, they'd know the type of situation I'm in, and they'd feel very, very bad. They wouldn't want to be in my position, believe me."

First Lady Melania Trump was expected to join her husband and pose for pictures alongside maintenance workers trimming hedges. The President and First Lady would then reportedly sit down for a dinner prepared by banquet staff.

"We're going to have cake, chocolate cake, that most wonderful, magnificent chocolate cake like no other," the President said. "No natural disaster is going to stop us from enjoying that wonderful, beautiful cake."

Details at Eleven.

[malaise]

1. Get thee to the greatest page

because satire is way too close to reality these days.

[louis-t]

2. (sigh)

[lpbk2713]

3. Trump might have to hire extra Mexican/Cuban groundskeepers.

And then not pay them after threatening to deport them and their families.

[bdamomma]

4. is this for real???

this is what he said really?? what an AH, he is . Always thinking about himself ALWAYS.

is this satire? sounds like the truth to me.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

6. It's real satire.

But I'm sure if he does visit Panama City, he'll find a way to work Mar-a-Lago in there. He always does.

[Cha]

44. When or if he goes to Panama City it will definitely

be about him.

[NastyRiffraff]

27. It's hard to tell, but it's satire

It's easy, very easy, to imagine him saying those things.

[Girard442]

32. Somedays it feels like we were somehow transported to "the upside down."

We're all struggling to get back to our home dimension.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

38. .......

[Grasswire2]

39. lest we forget...nt

[murielm99]

41. Christmas at Mordor.

[Dr Hobbitstein]

5. .

[mitch96]

7. May 1000 tons of Red Tide

and blue green algae reside in his crotch....
m

[mithnanthy]

21. GOOD ONE!

Thanks!

[malaise]

37. DUzy

[Mendocino]

51. Breaking News

Mushroom Infestation

The Mar-a-lago Club has been stricken with mass mushroom breakout following stormy hurricane Michael. Thousands of orange, yellow and pea green toadstools have popped up on hole #2.

Reported by Dr. Egon Spengler of The Mold Spores and Fungus Institute.

[nolabear]

8. Will nobody think of the greens?

They might be wet, people!!!!

[sellitman]

9. The horror of mangled Palm Fronds.

lmao

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

10. Great satire.

The mark of really good satire is that it's almost believable. You nailed it.

[backtoblue]

12. +1!

[TreasonousBastard]

11. Good one! Had me going for a minute.

[bdamomma]

35. me too

you can really imagine he could say something like that.

[TheBlackAdder]

13. You know he'll be claiming 10x damages to FEMA!

[geardaddy]

14. Well done, Tommy!

[OMGWTF]

15. MAR-A-LOGOFUCKYOURSELF!

[treestar]

16. Took me a few paragraphs

[Haggis for Breakfast]

46. It took me 'til the third paragraph.

Being a former air traffic controller, it was the 500 mph winds that got me. Even he can't be THAT stupid.

Strongest winds ever recorded - in the world - would be found atop Mt. Washington in NH (230+ mph). At 500mph, not much would be left standing. Well, maybe trump's hair.

[treestar]

49. LOL!

His hair would survive that!

[irisblue]

17. 🤦

You got me.

[VOX]

18. The space between satire and reality has really gotten razor thin.

If one could magically stop 45 and Republicans from doing damage, the whole inept, incompetent circus is so surreal and insane that it’d actually be laugh-inducing.

But it’s all very real. And it’s a genuine tragedy.

[True Blue American]

19. Is that you

Borowitz? Surely he did not actually say that? No one could be that ignorant.

[Cyrano]

20. Trump will go down in history as one of the

most cruel, miserable pricks that ever lived.

I'm certain he envy's Mussolini, Caligula, Hitler, Nero, Vlad the Impaler, Stalin, and every other miserable prick that ever lived. He really wants to be in their league. But it doesn't seem that's gonna' happen.

He'll be remembered as a sad, ignorant, wannabe dictator. I only hope he lives long enough to see himself viewed as a bad joke, who just happened to fall into power, and fucked up everything and everyone he touched.

[mountain grammy]

22. Excellent! and far too close to truth.

[DoctorJoJo]

23. Love It! But If There Was a God, Michael Would Have Hit Mar-a-Lago Directly!

[Hekate]

24. Like an onion, you peel satire and then you cry. Well done, Tommy.

[JohnnyRingo]

25. Don't be too surprised.

This wouldn't be the first time life imitated art if Trump did indeed fly down for a round of golf while the Gulf Coast weeps in their disaster. Won't you feel silly then. LOL

Well done, thanx for posting.

[lunatica]

26. This is obviously a reliably fact based report

[samnsara]

28. im sure it crossed his mind!!

[TwistOneUp]

29. He'll squeeze in a No Collusion interview..

On the break, before he tees off on the 10th hole.

Oh, and it's members-only, so each reporter has to wrangle their own invite...

[Chicago1980]

30. Really?

So how much of our tax dollars will be spent fixing a "billionaires" mansion and grounds?

[barbtries]

31. the trump era is so crazy

earlier today i read about a post about kanye doing a "keynote" speech on a table in an Apple store and was sure it was a joke. nah, that really happened...
then i see this and just kind of knee jerk to total disgust, because i found it 100% believable.

[Doreen]

33. Satire and trump are to close.

It was not until the chocolate cake part that I realized that I was reading satire. It is really sad that it is hard sometimes to realize what is trump spewing vile and what is satire.

[INdemo]

34. "the rain, which was wet,very very wet"

this fucking guy has lost it,and this guy has the nuclear code keys?
He no doubt has early stage of Dementia

[bdamomma]

36. I think he is pass

the early stage of dementia. When he sees people after a disaster he says have a good time?????

[locks]

40. I don't have any more tears

left for our dear leader after watching the Pennsylvania rally supporters who had to stand out in the sun waiting to yell "Lock her up".

[Permanut]

42. Nicely done,Tommy_Carcetti..

Black satire hits the bullseye.

[homegirl]

43. This is from

The Onion!!!???

[turbinetree]

45. Tag you got me......................good one...............the rain was very wet................

[keithbvadu2]

47. I told you we needed a wall around Mexico Beach.

I told you we needed a wall around Mexico Beach.

And we'll make sure they pay for it.

[oberliner]

48. You should identify this as "satire" in the message title

[kaotikross]

50. Perfect except..

You forgot where he fast tracks lots of disaster relief money to himself for "repairs".

[Joe Nation]

52. Yeah, I was in Palm Beach during the hurricane, and...

The pool was wet. It rained a little bit in the afternoon. I toured the Everglades on an air boat. Hurricane damage....not so much.