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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI will tell you what about rape...till all these folks have come out
I am thinking that I was actually drugged..I voluntarily drank beer, not knowing what the effects would be. I was drugged!
I was 11 years old...loved beer, had sips of beer, but never had an entire can...my (friend) said we should get in the car with my rapists.
They dropped her off and kept me...drunk beyond ability to do anything, they drove me around and raped me.
I wished I had the ability to not tell, but I was found by the police drunk, and laying in a a field...guess I should be glad they didn't murder me?
My mother told me to 'wash that filth off'.....wished she never knew
Man who raped me and his family came to our house to ask for mercy..mother said no way...boy did I feel guilty...wish I never said.
Went to court...they claimed I asked them to have sex...and said they thought I was 16...hell I was 11!
Court was hard as I had to sit on my hands as they lied about me...wish I was able to NOT be there..Not report...but it was outside my ability.
Because I was on my period, my doctor could not say if I was a virgin....but I woke up to pain, and saw the street signs which told the venue of the court.
irisblue
(32,829 posts)TEB
(12,716 posts)lark
(23,006 posts)This is exactly why so many girls don't come forward, don't tell their parents. They are re-injured and lied about and it's absolutely heinous. Many parents will actually blame their girls and shame them and it's like they are under assault all over again. I went through an attempted rape at 17 and when I told my mom, it was my fault for going to my friends so her roommate could do this.
I hope you have been able to get help in the years afterwards.
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)tiny sitting on the chair in the psychiatrist office after I was raped.
And during group, I wanted to swallow myself, turning me inside out.
Don't know what happened...didn't go back?
Parents suggested a all girls catholic school...I was excited, but nothing ever came of it..may be cost?
calimary
(80,700 posts)- and brings out - a lot of memories. Painful ones. Memories that victims from coast-to-coast have suppressed or otherwise tried to ignore or bury or deny. I bet there are more victims, even long-ago victims, who may finally feel like coming forward with their own rape and attempted rape experiences.
Having to relive such a real-life horror - God, I cant even imagine the pain and renewed anguish! God bless those courageous victims. What they have to endure. And the latter-day horrors Dr. Ford has to not only relive but endure - the downright scary and real death threats shes received - merely for the sin of coming forward with her truth. Merely for throwing real and painful shade on their chosen little judicial sun god.
If he were REALLY innocent, hed be yelling and screaming for the FBI to bring it! Just like Cory Booker did. Im NOT guilty! Bring on the FBI! Bring your investigators! Let em crawl all over this! Theyll prove Im innocent! But notice - hes NOT doing that! Hes never once said or asked for or advocated or urged an investigation. Dr. Ford is the one asking for an investigation. Maybe shes not afraid of what theyre apt to find in such an investigation. His behavior suggests he IS afraid of what might be turned up. Otherwise, wouldnt he be eager to bring it on for the sake of clearing his name?
Remember what Michael Avenatti said, soon after he first came on the scene: those who have nothing to hide - hide nothing. If youre really innocent here, Brett, then you should not fear an investigation. You should be calling for one. You should be demanding one!
Adding one thought, on edit:
EVERY man in this country needs to see the 1972 Burt Reynolds movie Deliverance. Thats as close as any man can get to understanding what rape is.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deliverance
Ilsa
(61,675 posts)I truly hope you were able to get help over the years as you progressed through developmental stages, especially.
I also hope you got justice from the court.
Bettie
(15,998 posts)it shouldn't happen to anyone. But it does, far too often.
Squinch
(50,774 posts)Response to Squinch (Reply #7)
Lotusflower70 This message was self-deleted by its author.
cpamomfromtexas
(1,243 posts)angstlessk
(11,862 posts)I ran away after the trial.
I ran away and I became promiscuous, when I went to court at age 13 for running away, she said I was incorrigible and the judge sent me to reform school...Bonair School for Girls.
That's another chapter in my life...
The first thing they did back then was to give each girl a very hot douche, send them to the hairdressers and cut and perm their hair, not so they look pretty!
Peterson Cottage was the intake cottage.
I almost forgot about all this till Kavanaugh
AND there is more!
cpamomfromtexas
(1,243 posts)She always made excuses for my father. Together they have committed at least 6 felonies lately with me as primary victim.
I didnt run away only because I thought the abuse couldnt last and My grandmother was amazing and I couldnt break her heart. Oh how wrong I was. I regret not telling my grandmother of all the abuse.
cpamomfromtexas
(1,243 posts)You are not alone, my parents are still monsters. As in around 6 felonies against me in the last few months. Last issue was my father pulling a gun on my son.
Its about to get real in his world. Gloves are coming off.
Lotusflower70
(3,077 posts)I wish you healing and love. All the responses you received were so wrong. They make you turn inward and question yourself. It's disgusting and heartbreaking. There is no excuse, justification or rationalization for what happened to you. It was wrong then and it's wrong now. You are innocent, they are guilty.
I hesitated telling what happened to me repeatedly as a child by three uncles. I was asked by police officers what I did to provoke it. My guidance counselor when I finally spoke out at age 15 asked me if I enjoyed it. I slapped her face, lit my file on fire on her desk and told her to go to hell. And a priest that told me i was going to hell when I had an abortion at 13. I told him that I had already been there. Those responses sent a message and that message took away accountability and projecting blame. I know better now but at the time, I was mired in doubt and shame.
liberalmuse
(18,670 posts)Im so sorry people around you failed you. That is their shame, not yours. Reading the horrific accounts in this thread tells me that our society has gravely failed and is continuing to fail so many women and girls and the men and boys who have been sexually abused and assaulted. We cannot allow people to side with and protect the predators while further harming those theyve hurt.
A person who is sexually assaulted is then emotionally and spiritually assaulted by societies who fetishize the dominance of the XY while undervaluing the XX. Weve failed half of humanity and need to do so much better. I wish someone could have been there for you so you would have been on the path to healing as soon as these terrible things happened to you. I believe there are enough of us to move our society forward. We simply cant allow human predator behavior any form of acceptance, for the sake of all those who theyve egregiously violated and continue to harm.
raging moderate
(4,281 posts)You were only a little girl. I am so sorry this happened to you; the rest of us owe you an apology for it. By telling your story, you may be preventing some other eleven-year-old from going through this ordeal. I wish you many happy moments, and much joy, and great friendship and love, and lifelong rejoicing in the glory of knowing that you are this brave and this strong.
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)I shall attempt to imitate your life....kindness and caring.
I love people like you, non judgmental, and loving. What we should all emulate, but it's hard.
MaryMagdaline
(6,849 posts)This whole Kavanaugh episode must bring up horrible feelings.
Your story does bring the point home that adults are complicit in harming children. Weve been that way since the beginning of time.
sagetea
(1,363 posts)It never stops. (the rape). My mother too, told me to take a bath, after my father said that's what I deserve when I 'tramp' around (I was 13 and walking home from babysitting). I remember looking at my parents, standing there with my pants torn, ripped, my shirt held together, by a knot that I fashioned. After the rape, I ran home, to that.
A second rape (with all of his buddies) happened in the gym. Only one was suspended.
And again...this time by a 'friend' of my father's. I was locked in a house for more than 4 hours.
and again...a man who was 18 yrs. older than me (I worked for him) I was 16 he 34. The first time was a rape, I moved in with him. Things went from bad to worse, he kidnapped me and kept me in a cage in a basement in a neighboring state. HIS MOTHER got me out, because he was arrested in our home town, with lewd pictures of me. When I got back to my hometown, I was arrested for being a 'runaway' and put in jail. years later, I found out that I was 'put up for sale'. Being in jail actually saved my life. Oh, and...my father's brother, was (at that time) a Justice of the peace, who later became DA then Supreme Court judge for my home state. My mother's brother, was a lawyer, who later became DA, an aunt who was a cop, and nobody helped me.
I never felt safe. Then when the man who kidnapped me, died, I felt that I could tell my story, and I did, to a therapist, to my husband and my family. There was only two people on this planet that knew what happened, and I couldn't say anything because I was afraid what would happen.
I did tell!! I did!! the first three times!! But, how can you keep saying something when 1) it keeps happening and 2) nobody helped you?
I became a hermit. I never went back to school, heck I never learned how to do algebra or other things you learn in Jr. high and high school. Until my own daughter was learning it, then she would explain it to me. I felt stupid!
So, when I read how these vulnerable, beautifully brave women say something, in a way, I feel that they are speaking up not just for themselves, but for other women like me, who just gave up and slept for 30 yrs.
sage
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)Like they say, how can you rape the willing...for every person I had sex with, I was raping myself.
After I married I went through a healing to quell the promiscuous..it was personal but it worked!
.
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)You have suffered too much to be a part of someone else's discussion
I tried to once before here on DU, it fell like a lead brick in a lake!! I think most people don't want to know the details of how monsters are made. But, that is what I have become, a monster. My husband is gone more than he is home, my daughter just graduated college and is on the getting her doctorate...in Human behavior and Phycology. I am home alone and have tried to make friends, but even at 50, I can't trust and will destroy any attempt at friendship.
I can talk about it on social media, because then I don't have to see the looks of pity and revulsion on their faces!
I found help eventually, with my tribe, Blackfoot people, (native Americans) I did a lot of healing and learned other stuff, like what is right and what is wrong, I learned so many things! Things you can't learn in school, for instance! lol!!
My life is good, now! And I know I am loved!
Thank you for talking to me!
sage
raging moderate
(4,281 posts)You are wonderful! You are not a monster! The monsters are those who tried to destroy you, just as their cohorts tried to destroy your beautiful Blackfoot tribe. Look, look! You are all still here! Evil cannot win, in the long run! Your strength has defeated them! On behalf of the human race, I thank you, and I thank your Blackfoot tribe, for overcoming a monstrous evil!