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Heartstrings

(7,349 posts)
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:17 AM Aug 2018

Mollie Tibbetts family weighs in.....powerful!

Last edited Sat Aug 25, 2018, 07:20 PM - Edit history (3)

No.

No, no and no.

Especially for those of you who did not know her in life, you do not get to usurp Mollie and her legacy for your racist, false narrative now that she is no longer with us. We hereby reclaim our Mollie.

Mollie was a young, intelligent, caring woman with a ready smile and a compassionate heart. So many across the state of Iowa and the entire country embraced her, and us, as we all searched and hoped for her safe return. It was not to be. Mollie was killed, and a man has been arrested and charged with her murder. Yes, that man is an immigrant to this country, with uncertainty as to his legal status. But it matters not. He could have been a citizen, born in this country; he could have been an older, white man from anywhere; he could have been a man from Mollie’s world. He is a man, whose path in life crossed that of Mollie’s life, with tragic results. He is a man who felt entitled to impose himself on Mollie’s life, without consequence. He is a man who, because of his sense of male entitlement, refused to allow Mollie the right to reject his advances – the right to her own autonomy. Mollie was murdered because a man denied her right to say no.

Our national discussion needs to be about the violence committed in our society, mostly by men, as seen by these grim statistics from the FBI:
• 89.5% of murders are committed by men.
• 98.9% of forcible rapes are committed by men.
• 80% of violence against families and children is committed by men.
• 85% of intimate partner violence is committed by men.

We must be willing to address the way we raise our boys and young men, so that violence is not a part of their response to this world. Like the recent murders of the Colorado family or the similarly tragic homicide of Kate Steinle, Mollie’s death is further example of the toxic masculinity that exists in our society.

Mollie’s murder is truly tragic and horrifically painful for all of us who knew and loved her, the extinguishing of a treasured spirit much too soon. It is not your right to exacerbate this grievous act by hijacking Mollie and all she believed with your racist fear-mongering. You do not get to use her murder to inaccurately promote your “permanently separated” hyperbole. You do not have permission to callously use this tragedy to demonize an entire population for the acts of one man.

No. We reclaim our Mollie.

**Written by Mollie Tibbetts' mother, Sandi Tibbetts Murphy, and posted on Facebook yesterday.

https://www.facebook.com/1583523803/posts/10214879319368195/
https://www.facebook.com/100013284091496/posts/524382918014507/

93 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Mollie Tibbetts family weighs in.....powerful! (Original Post) Heartstrings Aug 2018 OP
Heavy Music. Crutchez_CuiBono Aug 2018 #1
Powerful Indeed NickPeace Aug 2018 #2
Welcome to DU, NickPeace. calimary Aug 2018 #89
Thank You Calimary NickPeace Aug 2018 #90
This is directed at Trump..... ProudMNDemocrat Aug 2018 #3
Also directed at Fox...how Fox is stoking hate and fear and division over her daughter...will Fred Sanders Aug 2018 #9
...and a richer-than-shit media mogul...nt 2naSalit Aug 2018 #18
Fox is evil. It is the voice of hatred and division. The siren call of the devil to his imps. olegramps Aug 2018 #93
Wow. What a courageous woman. cwydro Aug 2018 #4
Yes it is very powerful ... CatMor Aug 2018 #5
Write to Rachel and others ask them to. nt tblue37 Aug 2018 #10
Good idea ... I will do that. CatMor Aug 2018 #12
I bet she'll do it too...nt 2naSalit Aug 2018 #19
I emailed her so hope she reads it. CatMor Aug 2018 #20
Great idea, thank you! Heartstrings Aug 2018 #58
Hell, write to 90-percent Aug 2018 #49
Whoa. Incredible and Powerful. Pachamama Aug 2018 #6
+1000 smirkymonkey Aug 2018 #33
Powerful underpants Aug 2018 #7
Added link..... Heartstrings Aug 2018 #25
Thanks underpants Aug 2018 #29
You are welcome.... Heartstrings Aug 2018 #30
The link does not work. nt Skidmore Aug 2018 #56
Try this one, of course if you don't have a Facebook account neither will work, sorry.... Heartstrings Aug 2018 #57
Try this one: pazzyanne Aug 2018 #79
BIG K&R for visibility, and thanks! nt tblue37 Aug 2018 #8
Losing a child Scarsdale Aug 2018 #11
Dirty Donny* & republican hate mongers don't give a shit Achilleaze Aug 2018 #13
Republicans should be ashamed. C_U_L8R Aug 2018 #14
Wow. 💔 irisblue Aug 2018 #15
my thoughts exactly, what an incredible person to be able to write something OhioBlue Aug 2018 #91
A beautiful family MaryMagdaline Aug 2018 #16
Message auto-removed Name removed Aug 2018 #17
Not a lie, FrankR4455 DesertRat Aug 2018 #21
Message auto-removed Name removed Aug 2018 #23
How do you know she barely knew her? ismnotwasm Aug 2018 #24
Message auto-removed Name removed Aug 2018 #36
You're mistaken. It's not a lie. It's on her mother... WePurrsevere Aug 2018 #27
I'm pretty sure Frank doesn't give one fuck about this woman maxrandb Aug 2018 #40
Oh I'm sure he doesn't but I like to fight RW BS w/FACTS for those that might. nt WePurrsevere Aug 2018 #45
Nice of you to pop by. smirkymonkey Aug 2018 #35
... BannonsLiver Aug 2018 #38
K&R ismnotwasm Aug 2018 #22
Trump is probably cursing her in private NastyRiffraff Aug 2018 #26
WOW world wide wally Aug 2018 #28
race isnt the elephant ALWAYS in the room...its gender... samnsara Aug 2018 #31
Yes. Or maybe there's two elephants, trading places at being the most visible. catrose Aug 2018 #41
So glad she said this KT2000 Aug 2018 #32
Wonderful statement. honest.abe Aug 2018 #34
How awful catrose Aug 2018 #37
Brava! malthaussen Aug 2018 #39
This message was self-deleted by its author ehrnst Aug 2018 #42
Powerful sheshe2 Aug 2018 #43
Thank you Ferrets are Cool Aug 2018 #44
Strong wormen msdogi Aug 2018 #46
this is not from her mother Hamlette Aug 2018 #47
I read down on the FB page. She is a cousin of Mollie. (eom) StevieM Aug 2018 #64
Numbers are very old.... TomVilmer Aug 2018 #48
Thanks, but that report focuses on intimate partners, which does not apply to Mollie's situation, spooky3 Aug 2018 #59
I just wandered over... TomVilmer Aug 2018 #73
More current numbers are always better, but my point, which you did not address, spooky3 Aug 2018 #75
It is a powerful and correct message, except ... sarge43 Aug 2018 #50
I thought I read that he'd confessed? The Velveteen Ocelot Aug 2018 #53
I just think we all should wait on the evidence. n/t sarge43 Aug 2018 #55
I believe that he was observed on a camera tape, and when the police spooky3 Aug 2018 #67
+1000! mcar Aug 2018 #51
Even Fox News has backed off this story Snellius Aug 2018 #52
Because the family member killed their ability to use her daughter as a political prop ooky Aug 2018 #68
Absolutely true. Fox has gone beyond fake to disgusting. Snellius Aug 2018 #71
America needed a response like that. Too bad the idiots on Fox and Friends will never read it. George II Aug 2018 #54
After that intelligent response oswaldactedalone Aug 2018 #60
K&R Scurrilous Aug 2018 #61
Powerful, Sad, Compelling Martin Eden Aug 2018 #62
Is there a link other than facebook? Martin Eden Aug 2018 #63
The post is from Mollie's cousin and she only posted it on her own FB page, as far as I know. (eom) StevieM Aug 2018 #65
Try this one: pazzyanne Aug 2018 #80
The post is actually from Mollie's cousin, not her mother. (eom) StevieM Aug 2018 #66
So powerful but heartbreakingly sad Power 2 the People Aug 2018 #69
Sadly, in my lifetime, I have had close, personal relationships Tucker08087 Aug 2018 #70
That's why women should run government. Temarkable woman Pepsidog Aug 2018 #72
Wow awesome post from a grieving Mom. amuse bouche Aug 2018 #74
What strengrh, courage and wisdom! SunSeeker Aug 2018 #76
Just finished up a "discussion" with a friend of my nephew. pazzyanne Aug 2018 #77
get Avenatti to send a cease and desist letter to stop them from using her name! /nt IcyPeas Aug 2018 #78
YES! Thank you, Mr. Avenatti! pazzyanne Aug 2018 #81
Just a heavy heart question everything Aug 2018 #82
Wow. LisaM Aug 2018 #83
FWIW, I do not believe Sandi Tibbetts Murphy is Mollie's mother but her cousin. Drunken Irishman Aug 2018 #84
The FB post is no longer available - I wonder if she got harassed. ehrnst Aug 2018 #85
Wouldn't doubt it... Heartstrings Aug 2018 #86
... Scurrilous Aug 2018 #87
This was a FB post by some 2nd cousin or something, not her Mom. Mom/Dad are silent so far. MadDAsHell Aug 2018 #88
K & R...nt Wounded Bear Aug 2018 #92

calimary

(80,693 posts)
89. Welcome to DU, NickPeace.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:17 PM
Aug 2018

The statistics are so jarring. Numbers don't lie. As opposed to those who refused to face facts, because they'd rather lie to themselves.

ProudMNDemocrat

(16,481 posts)
3. This is directed at Trump.....
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:21 AM
Aug 2018

And those who use this for political points.

This grieving mother should issue a Cease and Desist letter as well to prevent Republicans from using this in an ad or for their own political means.

Fred Sanders

(23,946 posts)
9. Also directed at Fox...how Fox is stoking hate and fear and division over her daughter...will
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:35 AM
Aug 2018

they be shamed...or now turn the evil on the mother?

Fox is....beyond evil...why do they still exist? Like the National Inquirer, the very dangerous product of no hate speech laws.

90-percent

(6,828 posts)
49. Hell, write to
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:24 PM
Aug 2018

Hell, write to Shepard Smith, Neil Cavuto and sometimes Geraldo even. The worm is turning for these guys and they occasionally show outbursts of COURAGEOUS JOURNALISM. Which I would think is grounds for dismissal at Fox News?

I hope Mueller eventually has enough on Hannity to stew him in his own juices.

-90% Jimmy

Pachamama

(16,874 posts)
6. Whoa. Incredible and Powerful.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:30 AM
Aug 2018

This is it.

Exactly what she said about what the real issue is of violence in our society and the root cause.

Ironically exactly the violence and hatred and über-masculinity that permeates our society and led by the racist angry ilk of people like Trump himself.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
33. +1000
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:06 PM
Aug 2018

This is not about race. It is about gender and the fact that some men feel entitled to end a woman's life when she does not give in to his demands.

Scarsdale

(9,426 posts)
11. Losing a child
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:37 AM
Aug 2018

is devastating enough, but to have to take time out from grieving to try to set racist people straight - well THAT is beyond tragic. What has happened to this country that people have lost their humanity?

Achilleaze

(15,543 posts)
13. Dirty Donny* & republican hate mongers don't give a shit
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:38 AM
Aug 2018

They are happy to piss on Mollie's grave if it will help them hold on to their illegitimate power.


* aka republican Draft-Dodger-in-Chief

C_U_L8R

(44,892 posts)
14. Republicans should be ashamed.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:43 AM
Aug 2018

It is so horrible how they exploit victims and twist the truth for their own political self-interest. Shame on you.

OhioBlue

(5,126 posts)
91. my thoughts exactly, what an incredible person to be able to write something
Sun Aug 26, 2018, 12:14 AM
Aug 2018

so intelligent, courageous and selfless while suffering such a soul-wrenching, tragic loss.

Response to Heartstrings (Original post)

Response to DesertRat (Reply #21)

Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #24)

maxrandb

(15,188 posts)
40. I'm pretty sure Frank doesn't give one fuck about this woman
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:13 PM
Aug 2018

or her family.

He's just disappointed that he and the Retrumplicans can't stand on her grave.

Buck up Frank. Lots of murder in America, maybe your boys will luck out and find another Benghazi family to exploit... looks like you missed out on this one. They're too human for your tastes.

KT2000

(20,544 posts)
32. So glad she said this
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:06 PM
Aug 2018

It's time for this to become part of the national discussion. For too long we have tip-toed around what precedes the rapes and murders - murders of men and women by men. It has to change.

catrose

(5,047 posts)
37. How awful
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:12 PM
Aug 2018

That she has to mourn her daughter, arrange her daughter's funeral, and fight the trumpeteers for her daughter's legacy.

malthaussen

(17,066 posts)
39. Brava!
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:13 PM
Aug 2018

That is some powerful stuff. And it identifies the core problem forcefully. Now, if only some people would listen.

-- Mal

Response to Heartstrings (Original post)

msdogi

(430 posts)
46. Strong wormen
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:18 PM
Aug 2018

Like Sandi Tibbetts will make a big difference in the lives of our future generations. Just tragic that she had to speak these words, but she had the strength and moral certainty to write them. My heart goes out the the whole community that lost a very bright young light to the evils of male entitlement. And yes, we are all part of that community.

Hamlette

(15,388 posts)
47. this is not from her mother
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:19 PM
Aug 2018

google says her mother is Laura Caulderwood and an Iowa paper that reprinted this said it was from one of Mollie's relatives. So I don't think it is from her mother.

It is very powerful none the less.

spooky3

(34,302 posts)
59. Thanks, but that report focuses on intimate partners, which does not apply to Mollie's situation,
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 01:37 PM
Aug 2018

and most of it focuses on the gender of the victims only (not the perpetrators, which is the primary focus of Mollie's mother's comments).

TomVilmer

(1,832 posts)
73. I just wandered over...
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 03:17 PM
Aug 2018

... this number: "85% of intimate partner violence is committed by men". That number is more than twenty years old, and also outdated by better research now. Such "numbers" should generally be avoided, since they pretend a precision which simply is not there.

Generally minor intimate partner violence is quite equally shared and done. And yes, men is on top of the statistics about more severe violence. I could do similar research to show how all the other numbers are missing their mark, but you are welcome to google them yourself, since the post are missing any kind of sourcing.

She is herself hijacking the murder with confusing numbers, which disrupts her good message.

spooky3

(34,302 posts)
75. More current numbers are always better, but my point, which you did not address,
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 03:38 PM
Aug 2018

is that the numbers in the report you cited, do not update the numbers in the Facebook post cited in the OP. Apples and oranges... I invite you to do a better google search, since you are the one who does not like the numbers in the OP.

sarge43

(28,939 posts)
50. It is a powerful and correct message, except ...
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:26 PM
Aug 2018

The man arrested may not be Mollie's murderer. He would not the first to be accused for being the wrong gender, wrong color, being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,276 posts)
53. I thought I read that he'd confessed?
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 01:04 PM
Aug 2018

Of course sometimes there can be false confessions but I hadn't heard there was some doubt they'd got the right guy.

spooky3

(34,302 posts)
67. I believe that he was observed on a camera tape, and when the police
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 02:02 PM
Aug 2018

located him, he led them to the body.

mcar

(42,210 posts)
51. +1000!
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:31 PM
Aug 2018

Blessings on Sandi Tibbetts Murphy for this powerful statement. She and her family should be able to mourn in peace.

Snellius

(6,881 posts)
52. Even Fox News has backed off this story
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 12:36 PM
Aug 2018

Caught grave robbing for political gain. Now their online headline is a story sympathetic to an Hispanic mother and child killed in a car accident. By who appears to be Hispanic also, of course. Always an angle with Fox.

ooky

(8,885 posts)
68. Because the family member killed their ability to use her daughter as a political prop
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 02:05 PM
Aug 2018

for their campaign of Trumpian fueled hatred. Good for her. Hopefully, more families will follow the writer's lead as they see Fox pulling this stunt during their times of grief. That Fox online rag should be shut down. Its not journalism and does not deserve the journalistic protections of our constitution. Instead, it publishes some of the most hateful and disgusting propaganda I've ever seen. Virtually every "story" is designed to incite hate. Its a stomach turning website.

Snellius

(6,881 posts)
71. Absolutely true. Fox has gone beyond fake to disgusting.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 02:14 PM
Aug 2018

Even Geraldo was throwing shade. Even Cavuto, on his last legs. I follow right press pretty closely and I'm convinced Fox was tipped off by the police video weeks before the perp was IDed. EVERY story, at least online, has a racial/Trump slant. These were Drudge's old tricks and oddly he hasn't been using them as much. Even as diversionary cover, Drudge loves a good scandal even more.

StevieM

(10,499 posts)
65. The post is from Mollie's cousin and she only posted it on her own FB page, as far as I know. (eom)
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 02:01 PM
Aug 2018

Tucker08087

(621 posts)
70. Sadly, in my lifetime, I have had close, personal relationships
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 02:11 PM
Aug 2018

with three sets of parents who have lost their children suddenly and tragically. I have heard the primal screams of a mother who is told that her child is gone. I have been in a prayer circle while a father, just after his son’s death, asked us to hold hands and pray for his young son’s swift passage. I have seen massive grief and hysteria, and a powerful strength that can only come from the need of parents to do what they can to make final arrangements as perfect as they had hoped to make a wedding. I have seen the aftermath, the years of aching and longing, and I have asked myself if I, myself, could endure. Honestly, I don’t think I could.
To have to deal with a national crisis at the same time is too much to ask of Mollie’s parents. The fact that she responded is, in itself, amazing. That she so eloquently answered simply brings me to sobbing tears. I’ve seen the pain, but I can only empathize. I know that it is a pain the breaks the strongest of us. Mollie’s mom is beyond the end of her rope. She is gasping for air and she needs to be allowed to come to shore, to lie sobbing in grief and then try to somehow rebuild her life. Instead, she is forced to continue with her Mama Bear instincts and protect her child. I am both horrified and in awe at the same time. I wish strength to endure and eventual peace to Millie’s family.

SunSeeker

(51,367 posts)
76. What strengrh, courage and wisdom!
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 04:21 PM
Aug 2018

With a mom like that, Mollie must have been amazing.

It is so appropriate to point the finger at toxic male masculinity. Immigrants don't cause more crimes, but those numbers show men sure do. It is about time we addressed the elephant in the room: male violence.

pazzyanne

(6,518 posts)
77. Just finished up a "discussion" with a friend of my nephew.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 04:29 PM
Aug 2018

He believes that her death belongs to everyone to say what they want. After all the girl is dead. I posted the editorial from her hometown paper, but apparently he has more of aright to use this girl's death anyway he sees fit and her parents and family's wishes don't count. Disgusting!

Heartstrings

(7,349 posts)
86. Wouldn't doubt it...
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 07:55 PM
Aug 2018

I changed the header of the op to reflect "family" not "mother" as there seems to be some debate on the author.

I just checked Facebook and it has been removed....

Freedom of speech......pffffft!

 

MadDAsHell

(2,067 posts)
88. This was a FB post by some 2nd cousin or something, not her Mom. Mom/Dad are silent so far.
Sat Aug 25, 2018, 11:11 PM
Aug 2018

Last edited Sun Aug 26, 2018, 07:05 PM - Edit history (2)

Might want to correct that in the OP.

Also, it’s kind of a strange post. She says we need a “national discussion” regarding the toxic masculinity we’re instilling in our boys and young men, but the accused wasn’t even one of those boys or young men raised in this culture. Sounds like his entire childhood was outside the USA, and he still killed.

Toxic masculinity goes far wider than the USA.

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