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Wed Jul 11, 2018, 05:28 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-4: Wheel Of Corruption & The Goblet Of Fire Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-4: Wheel Of Corruption & The Goblet Of Fire Edition

Ed. Note: We had some technical difficulties with the Wheel Of Corruption which resulted in the delay but we are back up and running! Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Austin???? Yeah we need the reggaetón horn for this one! It’s our first ever road trip show and we’re doing it where else but the capital of Texas, Austin! Yes we have left our confines of the UCB Theater in Hollywood to go out and take the Top 10 out on the road. This time we’re hanging out in the one area of Texas where apparently liberals are still welcome – Austin, at the Cap City Comedy Club! Holy shit what a week it’s been! So do we have time for the thing or not? Yes? OK let’s talk about the World Cup. And one of my favorite subjects – prop betting. Because we here at the Top 10 will help you make money off just about anything. So we have the semi finals tomorrow with France vs. Belgium and Croatia vs. England. By the way did anyone else love it when Russia lost? Come on Austin! But there’s one prop bet in particular that I want to talk about and that involves former phenom David Beckham and current phenom Zlatan Ibrahemovich. I really hope I’m pronouncing that right. Anyway the two of them made a wager that if England won the winner would get dinner anywhere in the world – which is pretty cool in itself. But then if France won, Beckham would have to buy Zlatan anything he wanted from Ikea. To which the rest of the world responded: “Really?”. This has to be a joke right? I mean Zlatan can afford a mega mansion in Los Angeles, why would he shop anywhere else? Unless Ikea sponsors our show to which we say please by all means buy anything you want at Ikea! Great place! OK enough of the intro. Man it sucks on July 4th weekend when there’s no good talk show content being produced. So instead I’ll play Bill Maher’s new rule from a couple of weeks ago where he discussed “The Tick”:

Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yay!!!! Wow, even on July 4th, conservative idiocy doesn’t take a holiday. In the first slot – another shake up in the Trump administration means it’s time for another installment of the Trumper Games! Woooooooooooooo!!!! Hell yeah! It’s been a while, but Tribute Pruitt has resigned because scandals, and it’s time for another go round! In the second slot we’re going to debut a new segment called “Profiles In Civility” (2). And by GOP “civility” they mean “kicking black people out of every public establishment”. There have been a lot of these stories lately and we’re going to burn through a few of them. In the third slot this week we have a new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” and we are going to profile Ohio rep Jim Jordan in the wake of that massive and horrifying wrestling sex abuse scandal. In the 4th slot this week is also Donald Trump (4) and we’re going to recap his rally in Montana last week and it is something else. We’re talking off the rails batshit crazy. In the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to investigate actual NAZIs running for office, and some might be in YOUR OWN BACKYARD!!! *cue horror music* Taking the 6th slot this week of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”. And this week our resident pastor is going to take a look at the Ark Encounter theme park and its’ allegedly skyrocketing attendance. In the number 7 slot we’re going to bring back “Explaining Jokes To Idiots” and this week we’re going to tell you about how Alex Jones got trolled hard in response to his bizarre claim that democrats were going to start a civil war on July 4th, it was sweet! At number 8 we’ve got a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse” and this week we’re going to talk about the Alt Right’s favorite conspiracy theory – Pizzagate. Seriously, guys, enough of this shit already! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of our favorite segment People Are Dumb because people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries and this week we’re going deep into the White House to take a look at how the White House Press Corps has been doing under Trump mouthpiece Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Plus we’ve got some live music for you from the Interrupters you guys! Yes I think this is the first ska band we’ve had on the show, but they are great and their new album you should definitely check out. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games
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Hey everybody! It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!! Yay!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Chance
- 5,000
- Infowars
- Nazis
- Go Directly To Jail
- Buy A Vowel
- The Trumper Games
- Lawsuits
- Whammy
- Donald Trump
- People Are Dumb
- ‘Merica!
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- A Random Tweet
- 10,000
- Community Chest
- Talk Shows
- Clip Without Context
- Something Random In The News
- Fox News
- Top 10 Investigates
- Polls
- Chance
- Nukes
- Civility
- Intermission
- Deep State Diaries
- 15,000
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Golf
- The GOP
- Butter Beer
- Community Chest
- Florida (Obviously)
- This Fucking Guy
- Beating A Dead Horse
- Holy Shit
- Guacamole ($1.50 Extra)
- Harry Potter
- T-Shirt Cannon
- ? (Mystery Item)
- I Need A Drink
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round… and it lands on… clip without context!

Well… at least he admits it! And we’ll kick their asses again! Spin it again! Hey it lands on the Trumper Games!

Yes, my pretties!!! I am back! And where’s my drink! Damn it, Charlie, I asked you not to bring me the cheap champagne! I want the good stuff! Now where was I? Oh yes! Another Tribute has been eliminated from the games. But not before the president could fire the tribute. No! He has been eliminated through self elimination! And we think that’s probably the best move he could have made given the circumstances.

WASHINGTON -- Scott Pruitt, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency who was key to implementing President Trump's conservative agenda but came under intense scrutiny for a series of questionable ethical decisions, resigned Thursday afternoon. Pruitt's deputy at the EPA, Andrew Wheeler, will serve as the agency's acting administrator starting Monday, President Trump said in a tweet.

"I have no doubt that Andy will continue on with our great and lasting EPA agenda," Mr. Trump tweeted. "We have made tremendous progress and the future of the EPA is very bright!"

Pruitt had been the subject of a seemingly endless deluge of stories about his behavior and spending practices. It began earlier this year when it was revealed that Pruitt had rented a room at a favorable rate from a well-connected energy lobbyist. Pruitt's lavish spending on his own security then came under scrutiny, as did his decision to install a $43,00 private phone booth in his office. There were also allegations that Pruitt had created an toxic professional atmosphere at the EPA that penalized his critics.

Pruitt said his decision to leave the EPA was a hard one in his resignation letter to Mr. Trump.

Yeah!!!!!! Let’s all toast to Pruitt leaving! Of course he leaves and our temperatures skyrocket by 30 degrees! The environmental gods must be pissed! Enjoy Hell, assholes! So we might be asking – how did this happen? Because Pruitt is not exactly what one would call “honorable”.

Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt has resigned after months of ethics controversies, citing "the unrelenting attacks" on himself and his family, which "have taken a sizable toll on all of us."

President Donald Trump first tweeted the news Thursday that Pruitt had resigned.

"I have accepted the resignation of Scott Pruitt as the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency," Trump tweeted. "Within the Agency Scott has done an outstanding job, and I will always be thankful to him for this."

Pruitt's resignation follows months during which the EPA administrator has been embroiled in one ethics controversy after the next.

To which I respond: “womp womp”. Followed by an “I don’t really care. Do U?”. So who is the next tribute who’s in line to replace Pruitt? Well, Bill Shine is the guy! And here’s more about him!

The revolving door of the Trump White House swung again this week, with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt resigning and former Fox News head honcho Bill Shine coming on as deputy chief of staff for communications.

Let's cover the departure first. Pruitt left after months and months of negative headlines -- primarily surrounding his apparent attempts to use his office for personal profit. According to Brookings' Kathryn Dunn Tenpas, 54% of top staffers -- including Cabinet-level officials -- have left the Trump administration to date. Among Cabinet officials, seven have now left in Trump's first 18 months in office.

And now for the arrival. Shine, after resigning last year as the co-president of Fox News following whispers that he had been involved in building the toxic culture at the network, was scooped up by Trump to serve as his de facto communications director. Shine, a close confidant of Sean Hannity, had long been expected to join the White House -- and nary an issue was raised, at least not publicly, about the circumstances surrounding Shine's departure.

Yes, Trump is literally stacking his cabinet with former Fox News hosts! Think of it as a bullshit – to – bullshit pipeline! And by the way you want to know who’s really leeching off your hard earned tax dollars? It’s Scott Pruitt!

The letter, first reported Saturday by the New York Times and obtained independently by The Washington Post, does not spell out the precise actions that triggered Minoli’s concern. But a government official with direct knowledge of the inquiries, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because details have not been released publicly, said the referrals involved instances in which Pruitt potentially misused his position, such as having subordinates help with his housing search, inquire about a mattress or secure tickets to the Rose Bowl. Federal standards of conduct bar public officials from accepting free services or gifts from their subordinates, and from using their position for their own financial benefit.

The referrals also included a $2,000 payment, first reported by The Post nearly a month ago, that Pruitt’s wife received last year to help with logistics at an annual conference for the New York nonprofit group Concordia, the official said. Pruitt also spoke at the conference and had introduced his wife to the group’s chief executive as part of a broader push to find her employment.

So for now consider Tribute Pruitt eliminated! And damn it Charlie, where’s my champagne? Keep my glass filled, damn it!!! But keep in mind that since Pruitt has resigned the planet has got so hot that it almost literally resembles hell!

Scott Pruitt resigned as the head of the Environmental Protection Agency on Thursday, after one of the most scandal-marred cabinet tenures of any official. Pruitt abused his office for personal gain in ways large, small and even ridiculous. Lydia O’Connor of HuffPost has a good list.

Yet the worst thing about Pruitt’s tenure still wasn’t his personal corruption. It was his aggressive campaign to aggravate global warming, by rolling back federal attempts to combat it. Pruitt’s career — from Oklahoma attorney general to E.P.A. administrator — has been defined by his attempt to maximize the profits of energy companies, regardless of the effects on everyone else.

That attitude will almost certainly outlast Pruitt, unfortunately. It is effectively the official policy of the Trump administration. You can expect many more heat waves in the years to come.

“In the end, Mr. Pruitt was driven from office for having abused his position so outrageously,” the Times editorial board writes. “But if Mr. Trump continues down the same policy paths, as seems likely, Mr. Pruitt’s more lasting legacy, along with the president’s, will be an overheated planet and shortened life spans.” Frank Bruni also has a column on Pruitt.

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[font size="8"]Profiles In Civility
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round… and it lands on… wait for it… A random tweet!


Well they know he's so fat that he would need an industrial sized safety pin to hold his diaper in place! Although is it me or does fat baby Trump look like he's about to get popped by Westminster Abbey? Spin it again!!! Oh it’s our new segment… *cue reverb* Profiles In Civility! Ooh that was some good reverb there!

So here’s how this is going to work. Ever since Trump fans have harping on Maxine Waters and calling for civility we’re going to point out Trump profiles in civility. Which means essentially kicking black people out of public establishments. And we can define this the way Newt Gingrich defined it last week:

Newt Gingrich, the former Republican House speaker and Trump ally, said the way to end the public confrontations is “to call the police.”

“You file charges and you press them,” Gingrich said. “We have no reason to tolerate barbarians trying to impose totalitarian behavior by sheer force, and we have every right to defend ourselves.”


So the way to be civil to your fellow Americans is to press charges? All right Newt let’s see how many of these we can churn out. Because it’s just absolute madness at this point and it’s only seeming to get worse and worse. So in for our first “Profile In Civility” we’re going to San Antonio, Texas to talk about this incident. Yeah I don’t want to talk about this incident but it’s a perfect example to get us started.

A suspect who allegedly assaulted a San Antonio, Texas teen for wearing one of President Donald Trump's Make America Great Again hats was arrested and charged with felony theft Thursday night.

San Antonio police detectives nabbed Kino Jimenez, 30, without incident in nearby Universal City, Texas and booked him on a theft of person charge, according to the police department.

Bail for Jimenez was set at $5,000, police said.

The arrest came after a cell phone video surfaced on Twitter showing 16-year-old Hunter Richard being verbally abused and assaulted for wearing the bright red hat early Wednesday morning inside a San Antonio outlet of the popular Whataburger fast-food chain.

The video, which was recorded by a friend of Richard and quickly went viral in online social media, shows a bearded man throwing a drink in the teen victim's face, and then yelling "you ain’t supporting s—t" as he left the eating establishment with the hat.

The search for a suspect led San Antonio detectives from a robbery unit task force to Jimenez. If convicted, he faces a minimum sentence of 180 days in jail and a maximum sentence of two years.

Yeah so that happened. And yes there’s a report of some underlying racism coming from the victim that can’t be verified. But here’s where the #Civility comes into play. Guess what happened next? Kino got the treatment of the internet lynch mob – he got doxed, and very poorly at that!

MAGA Whataburger video: Vigilante mob justice leads to social media users doxing wrong suspect as threats of intimidation and violence sweep the internet demanding Kino Jimenez’s head.

In a sign of unrelenting fury and anger following the release of the MAGA Whataburger video, members of an internet mob seeking justice against the man seen throwing a drink at a teen at a San Antonio, Texas, fast food joint have been reportedly turning up at the wrong man’s home.

Livid with the apparent transgression against the teen and the boy’s rights to his beliefs, members of the public had taken to releasing what they believed to be Kino Jimenez’s address and phone number in the hope of inciting revenge.

Except the revenge never happened the way they had envisaged following many users on social media sharing what they believed to be Jimenez’s details. Details which in the end only turned out to be the suspect’s brothers, who have since told KSAT that they have been unfairly targeted and that their wanted brother hasn’t lived at their address in over five years.

‘People have been posting his old address and doxing it, but it’s really my address. He doesn’t live here anymore,’ Jimenez’s brother, Zeus, said. ‘He hasn’t lived here for the last five years.’

Damn straight, Principal Skinner! But the examples just don’t stop there! There was plenty of madness to go around this week! Like look what happened in Florida when this woman screamed “I don’t really care, do U?” at a disabled kid just trying to get around in a Wal-Mart.

AFlorida Walmart refused to allow a 10-year-old disabled boy to use their motorized carts because one employee claimed it was against their policy.

His mother, Tiffany Ferris, was furious after the situation and posted a video to Facebook about what happened. According to Ferris, her son, Cameron, has muscular development problems which makes it difficult to walk.

“He has been in special shoes, wheelchairs at school, and there have been many nights spent rubbing his legs so he can just sleep. Well, he started to have leg spasms, and I had him use a motorized cart to finish our trip,” Ferris wrote on Facebook. “I had stepped away for a minute the first time a lady (Walmart associate) approached him and told him that he couldn’t be on the carts, he was trying to explain but she just continues to tell him no! My husband approached a manager (a floor manager) who apologized and said he would make sure that didn’t happen again”

“Then another lady says loudly ‘Ma’am, ma’am, excuse me Ma’am, is that your son?’ Pointing to my youngest. Yes he is, he is disabled and he needs it. To which she replies, ‘I don’t really care about that, but minors can’t ride our carts it’s policy because it’s a liability.'”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Come on, you’re at a Florida Wal-Mart. Of course they hire these kinds of people. But this isn’t the only one. There’s literally been *HUNDREDS* of these kinds of stories coming out like this in the last two weeks. I could post them all, but I don’t really have that kind of time. Like how about this one in Georgia where a Subway employee called the cops on a black family just trying to eat there?

The family was returning from their grandmother's birthday party in South Georgia over the weekend.

On their drive home to North Carolina, Felicia and Othniel Dobson stopped for dinner at a Subway on Newnan Crossing Boulevard with their children -- ages 8, 12, 13, and 19, -- and the children's aunt.

“I have a 24-year-old sister who’s a recent graduate of North Carolina A&T (State University). My daughter’s 19. She’s entering sophomore year at Wake Forest University,” Felicia Dobson said.

The family was at the restaurant for about an hour when a Subway employee made an urgent 911 call.

"I need somebody to come through here please, ASAP. Now," the employee said. "There's about eight people in a van, and they've been in the store for about an hour. They keep going back and forth to the bathrooms by my back door."

So who’s the bigger danger here – the innocent black family just trying to eat a shitty footlong sandwich, or the white supremacist behind the counter who’s making them? And our final Profile In #Civlity this week we have to talk about this story out of San Bernardino, California, where a prosecuting attorney threatened to murder Maxine Waters, among other horrible atrocities committed on Twitter:

Michael Selyem, the lead gang prosecutor for the county district attorney’s office, is being investigated over the offensive Facebook and Instagram comments, authorities said Monday.

Staff complaints prompted the investigation, District Attorney Michael Ramos said. “The San Bernardino County district attorney’s office does not condone hate, discrimination or incitement of violence, he told reporters on Monday. “Our community and the entire criminal justice system depends on having a fair, ethical, and unbiased prosecutor.”

Selyem’s Facebook and Instagram accounts have been deleted. But a former member of his office captured screengrabs of several posts, which were passed on to law enforcement officials and The San Bernardino Sun, which first reported on them.

The post about Waters reads: “Being a loud-mouthed c#nt in the ghetto you would think someone would have shot this bitch by now.”

The message appeared after Waters called on protesters last month to confront members of the Trump administration in public — peacefully — over the president’s harsh immigration policy. Her comments triggered a debate about “civility” in politics.

To which we respond: “womp womp”, followed by “I don’t really care, Do U?”. You know we’ll bring you more of these stories as we get them. But for now this has been:

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[font size="8"]Jim Jordan
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Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP! Clip without context!

You guys are aware that you elected the antichrist president, right? Hey o!!! Spin it again! People who somehow got elected! Hit it!

Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week – Ohio representative Jim Jordan, who is involved with a sexual predator at Ohio State University that would make the scandals at Penn State and Michigan State look like childs’ play if they get away with it. So let’s just start with how much trouble Jim Jordan is really in, he could be cellmates with Jerry Sandusky and Harvey Weinstein before too long.

In politics, as in life, there are varying degrees of denials. But only one denial counts — a full, unequivocal one. And in the case of what Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) knew about sexual abuse happening while he was a coach for the Ohio State University wrestling team decades ago, he has yet to give one.

That could complicate things for Jordan, specifically with whether his GOP colleagues have his back.

“I never saw, never heard of, never was told about any type of abuse. If I had been, I would have dealt with it,” Jordan told Fox News on Friday night of allegations by seven former Ohio State wrestlers that as assistant coach there, he knew or must have known of misconduct surrounding the team.

But when Fox News host Bret Baier asked Jordan to explain why more than a half-dozen wrestlers insist that sexual misconduct was discussed on a regular basis in the locker rooms, Jordan had this to say: “Conversations in a locker room are a lot different than people coming up and talking about abuse. No one ever reported any abuse to me.”

For something as serious as sexual abuse, that sounds to any logical listener like splitting hairs. In what situation would you hear about your own players feeling violated sexually and think they were just joking, or it wasn't worthy of following up?


I mean… Jesus. It seems Jim Jordan is in some very deep shit. And of course they’re joking – that’s that good old fashioned conservative “humor” at work. You can’t joke about this sort of thing, and neither will we. And of course it’s insane to think this has been going on many years *AFTER* the Jerry Sandusky scandal:

Jim Jordan continued to deny knowledge of alleged sexual abuse by a former OSU team doctor while attending a July 4 Tea Party rally. (AP)

Multiple former Ohio State wrestlers have accused U.S. Representative Jim Jordan of turning a blind eye to alleged sexual abuse committed by team doctor Richard Strauss while he was was a coach for the Buckeyes.

Jordan, a prominent Republican from Ohio, was an assistant coach at OSU from 1986-94. NBC reported on Tuesday that three former OSU wrestlers described the alleged abuse by Strauss as common knowledge and that he assaulted as many as 2,000 student athletes from 1978-98.

“I considered Jim Jordan a friend,” Mike DiSabato, one of Strauss’s accusers, told NBC. “But at the end of the day, he is absolutely lying if he says he doesn’t know what was going on.”...................

So for those of you playing at home, if you are following the conservative logic on this, they’re apparently OK with Jim Jordan’s witness tampering of an alleged pedophile at OSU, but they still think there’s an alleged pedophile crime ring out there somewhere. Yeah just… let that sink in for a few moments. But of course, the party where people completely lack empathy put it on full display of the Ohio State case.

Amid mounting allegations that Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) ignored widespread allegations of sexual abuse at Ohio State, Jordan took to Fox News on Friday evening to defend himself — and to attack the former wrestlers who allege he turned a blind eye to the abuse they suffered.

At least six former Ohio State wrestlers say Jordan knew about ongoing abuse at the hands of team doctor Dr. Richard Strauss, who has been accused of molesting hundreds of student-athletes over two decades. Jordan was an assistant wrestling coach at the university in the 1990s. Strauss committed suicide in 2005.

“There’s no way unless he’s got dementia or something that he’s got no recollection of what was going on at Ohio State,” one of the accusers, former UFC world champion Mark Coleman, told media outlets this week. A former wrestling coach who once worked with Jordan described the toxic environment for Ohio State wrestlers as a “cesspool of deviancy.”

Over the past week, Jordan has insisted he knew nothing about Strauss’ alleged sexual abuse. During Friday’s interview with Bret Baier, Jordan admitted he had heard some things among the team — but repeatedly downplayed these conversations as “locker room talk.”

“Conversations in a locker room are a lot different than people coming up and talking about abuse. No one ever reported any abuse to me,” he insisted.

When Baier pressed Jordan about why multiple former wrestlers are all saying the same thing — that Jordan knew about the abuse yet took no action — Jordan lashed out at the men, calling them liars and opportunists.

So apparently the guys who saw the thing that they saw are lying about the thing that they saw, at least that’s how Jim Jordan put it. And who’s standing by Rep. Jordan? Well you know the old saying – with friends like these, who needs enemies?

House Majority Whip Steve Scalise on Tuesday came out in support of Ohio Republican Rep. Jim Jordan, the first member of the House leadership team to do so since the congressman has been rocked by accusations that he turned a blind eye to alleged sexual abuse while an assistant coach at Ohio State University.
"I have always known Jim Jordan to be honest, and I'm confident he would stand up for his athletes, just like he's always stood up for what's right," Scalise said in a statement to CNN, "I'm glad that Jim is committed to working with the investigators to see that the full truth comes out and justice is served."
Scalise statement marks the first statement from a member of the Republican leadership team in support of Jordan. In a statement released through a spokesman last week when the allegations were first made against Jordan, Speaker Paul Ryan's office only called the allegations "serious" and said that they should be investigated.

And then of course another person who somehow got elected – Louis Gohmert. Yes, he stood by the abuser witnesser:

Rep. Louie Gohmert on Monday defended Rep. Jim Jordan from accusations that he knew about allegations of sexual abuse at Ohio State University more than two decades ago, and blamed a "dirty tricks law firm" with ties to Democrats for raising the allegations.

Gohmert, R-Texas, said Jordan, R-Ohio, was a "fine and decent person," and said he suspects there are political reasons why the allegations are surfacing now. Jordan has been accused of knowing that a former team doctor at the university was abusing wrestlers on the team when Jordan was an assistant coach.

Gohmert specifically cited the involvement of Perkins Coie, a law firm in Washington, DC, as evidence that the allegations are a smear campaign against Jordan.

"They waited over 20 years to make these allegations with the willing and very expensive assistance of Perkins Coie, a Washington, D.C.-based dirty tricks law firm," Gohmert said, adding that the law firm has worked with Democrats before.

There you have it. The GOP doesn’t care whether or not sexual crimes were committed, they will just do everything they can to silence the abused. That’ s Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan – another one of the:

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Ooh that was a good spin there! And it lands on… Community Chest!

Nice! Pay up, suckas! Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. So this last week Trump went to Montana to do some campaign stumping. Who was he there for? Ah, fuck it, it doesn’t matter who he was there for! All that matters is that the only man of the hour was Donald J. Trump, and he doesn’t give a flying fuck that there was someone there who might have been running a campaign. We don’t know.

Without question, President Trump’s Catskills roast of a Montana rally on July 5 was a gasp-worthy disaster. Still, it was, as we used to say as kids, just more of the “same old, same old.” An hour-long rant that mixed the greatest hits from his racist and xenophobic campaign for the White House with some flecks of new material. What has changed is the heightened atmosphere of danger in which he delivered them 18 months into his presidency.

Monday night, before a national audience, the president is expected to hand a rose to his second nominee to the Supreme Court. The retirement of Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, the court’s swing vote, gives Trump the chance to give conservatives the majority they worked decades to achieve. And that will give them a chance to take a sledgehammer to rights they abhor, from abortion to same-sex marriage.

The nation remains appalled by Trump’s morally bankrupt “zero-tolerance” policy, which separated migrant children from their parents at the border and set up jails for babies. Now that his feckless administration is under court order to reunite the children with their parents, its sheer incompetence is plain for all to see. Just when you thought the callous disregard for these children couldn’t get any worse, the New York Times reported last week that “records linking children to their parents have disappeared, and in some cases have been destroyed.” And don’t forget that the Trump administration is going after naturalized U.S. citizens now, too.

Yeah I don’t think there’s any dental floss farms in this Montana. But really this is so fucked up what the Trump administration is doing in regards to immigrants. But that’s not the craziest thing that was said in Montana, and I think we might need an English – Trump translator here.

President Donald Trump held a rally in Montana on Thursday night and rambled for more than an hour about everything from ICE to tax reform to… Sir Elton John

At one point Trump went on one of his trusted riffs: complaining about no one congratulating him for how big the crowds at his rallies are.

“They never say I’m a great speaker,” Trump bellowed, pointing at the media attending the rally. “Why the hell do so many people come? It’s got to be something. I guess they like my policy?”


“I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”
Read more: https://www.mediaite.com/tv/trump-goes-on-nonsensical-rant-about-elton-john-organs-and-the-brain/

Uh… could you repeat the part where you said the stuff about the things, Mr. President? Wow. I mean he has the best words folks! And it gets worse. Oh so much worse. I mean this is Donald J. Trump we’re talking about here. I mean if it didn’t get worse at this point I would be disappointed.

President Trump joked about the #MeToo movement Thursday, making light of the international campaign against sexual assault during a wide-ranging speech in which he also took aim at a potential 2020 White House opponent, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.).

At a rally in Great Falls, Mont., Trump deployed his familiar nickname of “Pocahontas” for Warren, which he has repeatedly used to mock the Massachusetts Democrat for her claims of Native American ancestry.

Trump imagined himself sparring with Warren on the debate stage and told the crowd that he would toss her a DNA kit, “but we have to do it gently because we’re in the #MeToo generation, so we have to be very gentle.”

He then made a throwing motion and said that “we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn’t hit her and injure her arm.”

The #MeToo movement gained steam late last year following revelations about decades of sexual abuse allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein. It has since led to the downfall of dozens of powerful men across a broad range of industries.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dude, abusers don’t get to mock the abused. That would be like Lucy pulling the football from Charlie Brown, then Lucy spits in his face and kicks him in the nuts. You know – just for good measure! But this might be the worst thing said at the rally – and this is after everything that’s already been said! I mean just once I want a headline – “Trump speaks in Montana, nothing bad happened.” Can we have that just once?

It’s hard to maintain any shtick for more than a couple years, especially when the shtick is as innovative as the Donald Trump political rally. It’s now been just longer than three years since the president descended the gold escalator at Trump Tower, inaugurating the form. What is the point of a Trump rally in 2018? Can it still work its magic?

As the president’s appearance in Great Falls, Montana, Thursday evening demonstrates, it’s a mixed bag. The contours are all familiar—you know Trump will walk out to Lee Greenwood, and depart to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” In between there will be a mix of somewhat labored reading from a teleprompter and flights of improvised fancy. Boasts about crowd size and those left outside. Some perfunctory “build the wall” chants.

There was a time when this was riveting spectacle, either enthralling or terrifying or some mix. In person, the Trump rally can still impart a frisson. Viewed remotely, however, it’s increasingly pallid. There’s a reason the networks don’t carry them live in full anymore. During the 2016 presidential campaign, I routinely met attendees at Trump rallies who were agnostic or even against the candidate, but were fascinated to see the experience. As president, he retains the ability to shock or to amaze, but in these Trump-saturated days, who is still curious about him?

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[font size="8"] Top 10 Investigates: Backyard Nazis
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Spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… What? Bankrupt? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Spin it again. And it’s time for: Top 10 Investigates. Hit it!

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The Donald J. Trump presidential race of 2016 has brought to the forefront not only America’s seedy underbelly of hardcore racism, but has also paid attention to something that has become a global problem – hardcore racism. But now with the administration a full year and a half in power, the administration has made famous some extremely, well, let’s say not kosher people. In fact they might be running in your own back yard!

Voters in Illinois, Wisconsin, California, and Montana will be heading to the polls this summer and fall to make what should be an easy decision: neo-Nazi or not?

The candidates, all Republicans, are running various races in those four states — three for Congress and one for a state Legislature position. But they have one characteristic in common: Their views are openly white supremacist. Some even include limiting Jewish representation right in their political platforms or have the endorsement of the Ku Klux Klan.

The wannabe politicians, however, have tough campaigns ahead of them. Only 9 percent of Americans believe holding white supremacist or neo-Nazi views is acceptable, according to a Washington Post-ABC News poll conducted shortly after the violence in Charlottesville.

Yes, don’t be a stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Nazi party! Yes, the horror of the Charlottesville should have been a wake up call of America’s growing racism problem. In fact hardcore white supremacy has been at the forefront of the Trump administration. But guess what party they chose to run on? Yup!

In at least five state and national races across the country, the Republican Party is dealing with an uncomfortable problem. Their party’s candidates are either a card-carrying Nazi, a Holocaust denier, a proud white supremacist, or all of the above.

In North Carolina, for example, GOP officials are stuck with Russell Walker, a white supremacist running for the state House of Representatives. According to his personal website (littered with the n-word), he believes that “the jews are NOT semitic they are satanic as they all descend from Satan.”

Republicans in the state have regrets. “This is a very Democratic district, one that we failed to keep our eye on,” Dallas Woodhouse, executive chair of the North Carolina GOP, told me in an email. “However, we can’t stop him from running.”

Apparently there’s nothing that the GOP can do to stop actual Nazis from running in their own party, so let’s take a look at some of the winners who are running. They might be running in YOUR OWN BACKYARD!!! Like this man from North Carolina.

A North Carolina state House of Representatives candidate who recently won the Republican primary has claimed Jews are Satanic, U.S. soldiers are being poisoned by the government and that God is a white supremacist.

Russell Walker, the Republican candidate for House District 48’s Scotland and Hoke counties, lost the support of the North Carolina Republican Party this week after being tied to several racist and bizarre claims. Walker’s personal campaign website and Facebook pages tied to him espouse his belief in white supremacy and what he sees as the Christian Bible’s support for the white race above all others. Walker has filed lawsuits to keep Confederate symbols in public places as well as against the Hoke County News-Journal for refusing to publish his conspiratorial letters to the editor.

After being linked to years of bizarre and racist behavior, the North Carolina GOP officially severed ties with the lone Republican candidate on the ballot in the upcoming November election. Walker, who owns property in Aberdeen, will face Democratic incumbent Garland Pierce, an African-American minister.

And then there was this gentlemen (sic) from California, who was so extreme that the GOP had asked him to leave the party:

A anti-Semitic GOP Senate candidate was kicked out of the California Republican Party’s convention in San Diego Saturday morning, with one witness saying he was dragging and kicking an Israeli flag while being escorted out.

Party officials said from the outset of the convention that the candidate, Patrick Little, was not welcome at the political gathering.

“There's no room for that kind of hate speech that that man uses," said Cynthia Bryant, executive director of the California Republican Party.

In an recent interview with Newsweek, Little praised Adolf Hilter. His website is filled with anti-Semitic rants.


Or this guy who is an actual pedophile running in Virginia:

Nathan Larson, a 37-year-old accountant from Charlottesville, Virginia, is running for Congress as an independent candidate in his native state. He is also a pedophile, as he admitted to HuffPost on Thursday, who has bragged in website posts about raping his late ex-wife.

In a phone call, Larson confirmed that he created the now-defunct websites suiped.org and incelocalypse.today ― chat rooms that served as gathering places for pedophiles and violence-minded misogynists like himself. HuffPost contacted Larson after confirming that his campaign website shared an IP address with these forums, among others. His sites were terminated by their domain host on Tuesday.
“A lot of people are tired of political correctness and being constrained by it,” he said. “People prefer when there’s an outsider who doesn’t have anything to lose and is willing to say what’s on a lot of people’s minds.”

And finally there was this guy from Illinois, who we have previously profiled here. Yes, an actual Illinois Nazi. Where are Jake and Elwood when you need them?

Arthur Jones — an outspoken Holocaust denier, activist anti-Semite and white supremacist — is poised to become the Republican nominee for an Illinois congressional seat representing parts of Chicago and nearby suburbs.

“Well first of all, I’m running for Congress not the chancellor of Germany. All right. To me the Holocaust is what I said it is: It’s an international extortion racket,” Jones told the Chicago Sun-Times.

Indeed, Jones’ website for his latest congressional run includes a section titled “The ‘Holocaust Racket’” where he calls the genocide carried out by the German Nazi regime and collaborators in other nations “the biggest blackest lie in history.”

There you have it. Nazis might actually be running for office in your own backyard. Do everything you can to stop them. Or history might repeat itself. That is it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… clip without context!

Woohoo!!! I hope it comes with a flaming electric guitar player like in Mad Max: Fury Road!

Spin it again! And it lands on… Holy Shit! Hit it!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! I have returned from a journey! One that will test the mind and bend the spirit to our heavenly father’s will! For we were off last week and I decided to take a spiritual journey! To the great state of Kentucky! For there, they have a theme park that you might have heard of. Well it’s essentially a giant boat-shaped zoo. But they call it a “theme park” anyways. I’m of course talking about the theme park in Cincinnati known as the “Ark Encounter”!

Northern Kentucky's Noah's Ark replica attracted one million visitors during its second year of operation, officials said.

Answers in Genesis (AIG), which owns the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum, reported a 20 percent jump in attendance year over year for the ark.

The structure, literally of Biblical proportions, opened to the public in July 2016 and drew about drew over 1 million visitors to Williamstown during its first year of operation as well. Answers in Genesis initially projected 1.2 million would attend.

By most accounts, the ark draws more visitors than its sister attraction. AIG does not release yearly attendance numbers for the Creation Museum, according to spokeswoman Melany Ethridge, however, organization leaders said in 2016 they were hoping the museum would draw 600,000 that year.

New additions are planned for the Ark Encounter grounds including the Answers Center, more zoo space, restaurants and a children's play area. The center will house a 2,500-seat auditorium and a 36,000-square foot basement with classrooms.

So it’s essentially a theme park with no rides and classrooms! I mean because the last thing anyone wants to do when they travel to a theme park is to sit at a desk. It sounds like the worst theme park ever. I mean my fair congregation, why should they even call it a theme park? Doesn’t that sound like they are lying? In fact they might be!

After not collecting the anticipated amount from a safety assessment fee in 11 months, Williamstown has scaled back its projected revenue in its 2018-19 fiscal year budget.

As of June 20, Williamstown has collected $374,700 on all businesses within city limits that charge admissions with tickets, including the Ark Encounter, Williamstown Family Fun Park and Main Street Gardens.

In fiscal year 2017-18, the city anticipated $715,000 in revenue based on ticket sales projected for the Ark Encounter and other ticket-based businesses in the city.

The Ark brought in $374,295 in its 11 months.

Williamstown still has one more month, June, to collect for this fiscal year. Skinner said June is expected to be the Ark’s best month for attendance.

“Last year, we based out budget figure on attendance at the Ark Encounter at 1,400,000,” said Williamstown Mayor Rick Skinner. “This year, we are more conservative and using 870,000 visitors. We had a very bad winter and a very wet spring, which probably affected attendance in those months.”

Now… that is a good question there! But seriously though I have been trying to contemplate what exactly this thing is supposed to be. Is it a zoo? Is it a Christian… well, anything? I mean no one wants to go to a theme park with classrooms and desks do they? I mean that’s why you go to theme parks!

AIG says Ark Encounter is in the process of a major expansion. Here’s what upgrades in 2018 and 2019 are bringing:

A large 2,500-seat auditorium inside a multi-purpose facility called the Answers Center will open later this year near the ark. The center will include a 36,000-square-foot basement with classrooms and breakout areas.
The impressive Ararat Ridge Zoo behind the ark is doubling in size, to be completed by the summer of 2019. Tibetan yaks, zebras, alpacas, kangaroos, and many other animals have been added since the Ark Encounter opened.
A large new children’s play area is being planned for a spring 2019 opening.
Village Market on the west side of the lake features new food venues and one-of-a-kind retail items for sale, including Fair Trade products. Featured in this village is Oscar’s Store, with unique hand-painted items.
The new Monument Walk entrance to the ark, now open on the east side of the lake, is an instructive area where guests are introduced to major biblical events of Genesis prior to Noah’s Flood. Exotic live birds are also exhibited.
The beautiful Rainbow Gardens are a must-see for guests as they walk to the Ararat Ridge Zoo. In one spot, flowers help recreate the rainbow of Genesis chapter 9 for visitors to view as they sit in covered eating areas.
The huge Emzara’s Buffet restaurant, with 1,500 seats, now features an expanded buffet with many new menu items, drawing raves from guests.

You know that is a good point. Nowhere in the Bible does it really explain what happened after the Great Flood! But it does say it in our Good Book! And I can point out the chapter and verse where it does, good sir! And by the way how great is our gospel choir? Let’s give it up for them! I guess hundreds of years of cleaning up dead animal and human corpses wouldn’t exactly be exciting reading material would it? But of course if you *DARE* question the attendance numbers of the Ark Encounter, guess what? It’s fake news!

Despite costing $100 million and taking tax credits from a nearby town, the Noah’s Ark-themed “Ark Encounter” attraction in Kentucky appeared empty during peak tourist season in a visitor’s video.

Hemant Mehta at The Friendly Atheist reported Monday that a video posted by drone-owning YouTuber Ken Heron shows the nearly-deserted Christian theme park. It was recorded on Sunday, June 3, a time that Mehta noted should be “a day of peak attendance.”

Ken Ham, the Ark Encounter’s creationist founder who once blamed the town housing the theme park for its low attendance numbers, posted about the attraction’s “thousands” of daily visitors on June 6 — but Mehta noted that Heron’s video appears to prove otherwise.

There you have it folks! Questioning the poor attendance numbers of the almighty is questioning the Lord’s work! Mass has ended may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Alex Jones
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Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! Clip without context!

Of course, because with Alex everything is a false flag, right down to the reaction his bowel gave him after eating his dinner last night! Spin it again! And it lands on… Infowars! It’s now time for another edition of:

Alex, Alex, Alex. Really this is why conservatives just plain don’t have a sense of humor. You know this Wednesday was the fourth of July. You know the holiday where you fight traffic to go to your high school’s football stadium to watch a janky fireworks show, while your idiot neighbors practically blow their arms off igniting them at home, because, patriotism. But this July 4th was different – not in the sense that it’s our second year with Donald J Trump as president, but that Alex said this.

Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has a bold prediction for America's Independence Day on 4 July.

No, it's not that aliens will come down and attempt to blow up the planet like that film starring Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum... we forgot its name.

Instead, he seems to firmly believe that liberals and Democrats will converge upon Washington DC and instigate a civil war.

His 'facts' on the subject seem loose at best, as he points to things like the left-wing media and activists stirring tensions. which he feels will eventually break out in a conflict that will attempt to oust Donald Trump from office.

If you want to sit through his 20-minute speech then please, be our guest.

Uh huh. Sure. Right. Whatever you say, Alex. So here’s the thing – you know the first Civil War didn’t happen overnight. It took years and years and years of planning. With that in mind the internet took to trolling Alex extremely hard, and quite frankly, well deserved, over the fail.

Alex Jones named his website Infowars. Their slogan is, "there's a war on for your mind!" His central, long-running thesis? That he and his conspiracy-believing followers are at war, or on the verge of war, with the "deep state," liberals and the mainstream media.

All that is probably why Jones tweeted the following on July 1:

"BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th."

And yet, because this is 2018, the tweet and accompanying video became a point of conversation, going viral on Twitter among those who believed this statement was an escalation for Jones. It even inspired a satirical hashtag that trended much of Tuesday (July 3) on Twitter.

Yeah Alex looks like the kind of guy who would enjoy a glass of champagne. Although even their champagne looks like water! But this isn’t the first time he’s cried about a Civil War that only exists in his head. And this is Austin, this is Infowars headquarters, their offices are right down the street! But really I was having a great time reading all the trolling going on on the 4th. No, I didn’t shoot any illegal fireworks, I value my limbs too much.

The "second civil war" is off to a fun start.

A baseless claim by InfoWars conspiracy theorist Alex Jones that Democrats will launch a civil war on July 4 has inspired a viral #SecondCivilWarLetters social media movement of users mocking that idea.

#SecondCivilWarLetters became a top trending Twitter topic Wednesday as users wrote imaginary dispatches from what a civil war would look like in 2018.

"Dearest, I am okay. I was almost captured by a curly hair blonde girl with an AR-15. But she was just taking selfies with the gun so I was able to escape," one user in New York City wrote.

Col. Morris Davis, a retired U.S. Air Force officer who served as chief prosecutor for Guantanamo Bay military commissions, chimed in: "Dear Alexa, We are pinned down and in urgent need of ammunition. Please send ASAP ... but only if it qualifies for Amazon Prime's free shipping."

And by the way if you want an example of how *NOT* to troll, just look at Orrin Hatch!

Yeah that was a swing and a miss. Especially coming from a guy who has a long history of striking out!

The "Infowars" host announced that Democrats, in alliance with anti-fascist protesters and billionaire philanthropist and liberal donor George Soros, had been planning to overthrow President Donald Trump since his 2016 presidential election.

"This is it," Jones warned in a livestream that logged nearly three-quarters of a million views. "The globalists see July 4th as their new D-Day against us, and a lot of stuff is going to start then."

Jones claimed to have seen recent indicators that the alleged effort was coming to a head around Independence Day, though he gave no specific reason that a "civil war" or any other potential actions would initiate on the Fourth of July.

The radio personality has a history of incendiary and false rhetoric. In 2016, Jones helped promulgate the fictitious "Pizzagate" conspiracy theory -- which falsely alleged that a child sexual assault ring was being run by figures tied to the Democratic party. He later apologized.

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Pizzagate
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Spin it! And it lands on… Food! Of course I’m in Austin, what better way of getting to know the city better than sampling the local flare? Which of course is barbecue, and we brought in some great local catering. Let’s check it out – I’ve got brisket, sausage, pulled pork, baked beans and potato salad. Wow, good shit!

Man you gotta love smoked meat. Not that kind of smoked meat, sir! Austin you guys are awesome! All right spin it again! And it lands on… Beating A Dead Horse!

You know conservatives, you really got to let this Pizzagate thing go! You already shot up Comet Ping Pong in Washington, DC trying to prove it, and you also got kicked out of the same restaurant videotaping children’s birthday parties in a creepy stalker manner. And you also got to accept that you don’t really care about children, especially if you advocate that they get separated from their parents at the border! The sooner you face your denial, the better! But nope, this bullshit continues to be a thing despite getting called a hoax time and time again. And for the purposes of comedy, all of our funny memes and clips will be replaced with images of pepperoni pizza. Because we care! And Trump loving conservatives apparently get off on that sort of thing.

Larry Klayman, the founder of the right-wing organizations Judicial Watch and Freedom Watch, appeared on a YouTube podcast called “Crowdsource the Truth” this afternoon. The show, hosted by Jason Goodman, is an established outlet for conspiracy theories on YouTube and has published content related to Pizzagate, QAnon and other conspiracy theories that accuse public officials of pedophilia.

Klayman first met on camera with Goodman earlier this year and has become a somewhat frequent guest on Goodman’s program ever since that meeting. Klayman has also appeared as a guest on other conspiracy theory propaganda sites including Infowars and otherwise can be seen with some frequency on Newsmax TV.

Klayman explained to Goodman, “I’m not interested in getting on Fox News. First of all, I can’t say what I want to say on Fox News because it’s censored to some extent. That’s why I like being on with you, and being on Newsmax, and like being on Infowars, because I can say it straight up.”

Yeah sure, right. Keep talking guys – everything you say is worse than what came before it. And this wasn’t the only Pizzagate related story that’s been brought up lately.

Adherents to the “QAnon” conspiracy theory and former “Pizzagate” truthers who have alleged that President Trump is secretly working behind the scenes to dismantle a global network of satanic child sex traffickers believe a new press release from the Department of Justice has validated their wild conspiracy theories.

Yesterday, the Department of Justice issued a press release announcing the arrest of more than 2,300 “suspected online child sex offenders.” The DOJ statement reads:

The Department of Justice today announced the arrest of more than 2,300 suspected online child sex offenders during a three-month, nationwide, operation conducted by Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) task forces. The task forces identified 195 offenders who either produced child pornography or committed child sexual abuse, and 383 children who suffered recent, ongoing, or historical sexual abuse or production of child pornography.

The operation targeted suspects who: (1) produce, distribute, receive and possess child pornography; (2) engage in online enticement of children for sexual purposes; (3) engage in the sex trafficking of children; and (4) travel across state lines or to foreign countries and sexually abuse children.

OK for those you keeping score at home – actual sexual abuse, physical abuse, human trafficking, and child sex crimes committed by ICE, they’re perfectly fine with. But let’s keep investigating those fake child sex crimes that so far have not existed! And then there’s our favorite whack a doodle conspiracy theorist, Liz Cronkin. Who definitely isn’t helping!

On Saturday, “journalist” and fringe right-wing conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a video on YouTube in which she celebrated that President Trump had supposedly confirmed that “Pizzgate is real.”

“Pizzagate” is a right-wing conspiracy theory that alleges that thousands of highly influential politicians, entertainers, and business leaders are part of a global pedophile ring and Crokin asserted that Trump “trolled” the Illuminati by using a Cabinet meeting last month to confirm that the conspiracy theory is actually true.

Proponents of the conspiracy theory allege that members of this massive pedophile ring use code words like “pizza” and “hot dogs” when discussing their pedophilia and Crokin noted that Office of Management & Budget Director Mick Mulvaney had used these very words during a Cabinet meeting while railing against what he sees as overbearing government regulations.

“If you have a cheese pizza, it’s governed by the Food & Drug Administration. If you put a pepperoni on it, it’s governed by the USDA,” Mulvaney said. “The hot dog meat is governed by one; you put it in a bun, it’s governed by the other.”

“What I do love about President Trump is that he trolls the Illuminati and the deep state and the cabal,” Crokin said in reaction to Mulvaney’s statement. “He trolls them with their own words and symbols and it’s hilarious.”

Mulvaney’s use of cheese pizza and hot dogs in his example “was a thousand percent a troll,” Crokin declared. “President Trump and his staffers are constantly trolling the deep state … That’s President Trump’s way of letting you know that Pizzagate is real and it’s not fake. He’s constantly using their words against them and throwing it in their face and God bless him, it’s amazing.”

You know it’s like playing a fucked up game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree and Kevin Bacon is a Satanic pedophile! Does that image of cheese pizza turn you on Liz? I had leftover cheese pizza for lunch yesterday, actual cheese pizza. It is not a metaphor, you sick fucking lunatics!! Or is it?

Jack Posobiec, now a contributor at One America News, played a central role in promoting the so-called “Pizzagate” hoax that resulted in a man entering a Washington pizza restaurant and firing a gun as part of a supposed rescue mission of children whom he had been convinced were hidden beneath the building. Now, Posobiec is trying to rewrite history.

Pizzagate was a hoax that captured the imaginations of right-wing conspiracy mongers online toward at the end of the 2016 election. Proprietors of Pizzagate cited a hodgepodge of hacked John Podesta emails, screenshots of the restaurant’s menu, Instagram posts by the owner, and other random bits to build up the laughably untrue claim that Hillary Clinton and top members of the DNC were sex-trafficking children via an elaborate tunnel system beneath Washington. The conspiracy theory was spread by figures like self-described “New Right” pundit Mike Cernovich, Infowars’ Alex Jones, pedophilia-obsessed conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin, far-right YouTuber Brittany Pettibone, Posobiec and various anonymous users inhabiting the culverts on 4Chan and 8Chan.

In the last couple of weeks, Posobiec has been claiming with increased frequency that he actually “debunked” Pizzagate. He’s now declaring that Pizzagate was a hoax (which is obviously correct) and has accused former Fox News host Megyn Kelly of lying about his role in spreading the conspiracy during a Fox News segment. Posobiec has made his debunking claims for months, but something seems to have inspired him to restate his claims in recent weeks. These recent reiterations have earned him the ire of pundits like Crokin, who still believe the hoax.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!

You know Dave, you should never fall asleep watching reruns of True Blood. That will screw with your head. Spin it again! People Are Dumb! Hit it!

So of course by now you know that people are people and people are dumb. So who’s dumb this week I ask you? And I answer you: a whole lot of stupid fucking people, Austin! And hey give it up for our sound guy Bryan! So this week I want to start with this story out of where else but our favorite state of Florida! So apparently the reason Florida man gets arrested all the time is because apparently he *LOVES* getting arrested all the time!

A Florida man who tussled with a cop trying to arrest him for disorderly conduct later said that he "really enjoyed resisting" because it was like being on “Live PD,” a cable program that chronicles the mayhem police officers encounter on the night shift.

A patrolman was dispatched yesterday to a home in Sebastian, a city near Vero Beach, after a 911 caller reported that a man wielding a golf club was chasing a woman.

When an officer arrived on the scene, he encountered Rudolph Grant, 53, who smelled of booze and was screaming and cursing in front of the residence. After trying to walk away, Grant struggled as the cop sought to handcuff him, according to an arrest affidavit. Grant, the cop noted, tried to pull away from him, "tensed his arms with an attempt to get away from me," and finally “made his body go limp.”

Due to his “erratic behavior,” Grant was subsequently placed in “mechanical restraints that were double-locked.”

I love that scene! Next up – apparently people aren’t just the only dumb species out there – animals are dumb too! Now let me explain – this happened in Australia, there were gay swans involved, and the “infant” they thought they were protecting wasn’t an infant at all!

A pair of swans in Austria have been forcibly removed from the lake they called home after a series of violent, escalating attacks to defend their nest from intrusive humans. The twist in this case is the swans weren't biological parents, but appear to have been two gay male swans who had formed an inseparable bond – and the nest they were protecting didn't actually contain eggs or cygnets, but at least one colourful plastic cup.

That minor technical point didn't seem to matter too much to the doting dad and dad, though, who treated the responsibility of protecting their plastic proxy with dangerous, almost deadly seriousness.

Last summer, the pair were known to approach people and boats and display aggressive gestures, but this year the attacks "reached a new dimension", according to the mayor of Grundlsee, Franz Steinegger, in the Austrian state of Styria.

"They have thrown themselves on the swimmers, trying to submerge them," Steinegger told Kleine Zeitung. "That was the biggest danger."

My daughter lives in Europe and this is apparently a big story there. The 2 male swans were moved to a more remote lake where they can stay together.

SWAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next up – one of our favorite sources of stupid people – Flat Earthers. Yes, the organization that literally welcomes people from *AROUND* the globe to discuss why the Earth is flat. I mean you can’t make this shit up!

That’s real. That happened. So why are they back in the news this week? Well for a rather bizarre theory! Because of course!

As the New Zealand Herald points out, some Flat Earthers think the massive continent down under doesn’t exist. But what about those lovely Australians we all know and love? Actors, all of them. Who’s paying for this massive fraud? Why, NASA of course.

According to those who’ve done a little digging, the theory first originated in a Flat Earth Society internet forum back in 2006, but found new life in a now-deleted Facebook post by a woman named Shelley Floryd back in 2017

A summary of the theory is as follows: The concept of Australia was created by the British government as a cover-up for a genocide. The Brits allegedly shipped over 160,000 criminals into the middle of the ocean during the 18th Century and intentionally drowned them.


Just contemplate that one for a minute! Next up – OK we get that gas is fucking expensive these days but you also got to remember that this is America! No free handouts, damn it!

GILLETTE, WYOMING — A Montana man led law enforcement officers on a 48-mile chase Sunday evening after threatening to kill everyone near the Skyline Drive Kum & Go if he didn’t receive free gas, Undersheriff Quentin Reynolds said.

Paul Posey, 68, called 911 at about 8:40 p.m. and declared his plans. Police then responded to the Kum & Go where they told Posey to stop, Police Lt. Brent Wasson said. Posey sped off in a Toyota Tundra, and police and sheriff’s officers pursued him south on Highway 50.

After driving through a fence at Concho Valley Estates, Posey continued south, reaching speeds of 100 mph, Reynolds said.

Sheriff’s deputies deployed spike strips near Moore Road, and Posey came to a stop with all four of his tires deflated. When officers told him to get out of his truck, Posey reportedly took off, traveling 3 miles before deputies forced him to turn sideways and drive off the road.

Deputies then arrested Posey on suspicion of terroristic threats, a felony, as well as on suspicion of four misdemeanors: not having insurance, failure to stop at the scene of a crash, eluding officers and reckless driving, Reynolds said.


Yeah I can imagine it kind of went like that. Finally this week we go to Wisconsin – some might call it the Florida of the North, or others might say Florida’s cousin was visiting for the weekend. But one thing is for sure – ladies, if you travel, there’s one place where you probably shouldn’t hide anything!

J ULY 6--A Wisconsin woman had a literal grab bag of illegal narcotics--cocaine, methamphetamine, marijuana, Ecstasy, and synthetic pot--hidden inside her body when police arrested her following a recent traffic stop, court records show.

Acting on a tip, police pulled over a 1997 Monte Carlo being driven by Desiree Webster, 20, who was accompanied in the vehicle by Jaral McCollum, a 39-year-old convicted drug dealer. Investigators had been told that McCollum would “travel with females and have them conceal the contraband inside their body.”

After Webster refused to cooperate with a strip search, she was taken to a local health care facility where a CT scan revealed a “baggie type mass” in her pelvic area. Webster eventually removed what cops described as a “plastic baggie about the size of a fist from her vagina.”

The baggie contained three other baggies that held cocaine, meth, Ecstasy pills, marijuana, and synthetic cannabinoids. A white powder weighing 1.52 grams was also found, but police “couldn’t get a positive field test on this substance.”

That’s it this week for:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 4: The White House Press Corps
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week! And it lands on… T-shirt cannon!!! Of course for comedy purposes our t-shirt cannon has been upgraded to a t-shirt gattling gun!

Spin it again! And it’s time for Deep State Diaries!

It’s time for episode 4 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]White House Press Corps[/font]

The White House Press Corps is one of America’s oldest and most unique institutions. See, any time the president makes a major policy decision, or something happens in the news that involves the president, the White House Press Corps will be there to present the news to the people who present the news. So think of it as News-ception – it’s a newsroom within a newsroom within a newsroom. Where does it begin and where does it end? But the last year has been I don’t want to say different as much as run differently by the leader and woman whose curtains are most likely covered in cat hair, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Let’s delve into this institution and what they are up to.

The relationship between the White House and the reporters covering it has grown more tense than at any point in the last 50 years, according to White House press corps dean Tom DeFrank, who began covering Washington in the Johnson administration.

This week marked a new low, he said.

“There’s not a lot of good will,” said DeFrank, a contributing editor at National Journal, who also spent years at Newsweek and the New York Daily News. “I think basically they have no use for us and, for the media’s part, there’s a feeling that we’ve been misled for a long time on many different subjects. I know a little bit about adversarial relationships and it will always be an adversarial relationship and it should be, but this relationship is more adversarial than any I can remember.”

Tension has been growing for weeks between the White House and reporters. In addition to President Donald Trump’s usual attacks on the press, briefings have grown less frequent—there have been just four in June—and shorter, often running 15-20 minutes, when in previous administrations, they could stretch over an hour. And Trump, along with his top officials, including press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, have grown increasingly brazen in peddling falsehoods—particularly about the administration’s policy of separating immigrant children from their parents at the border.

To which I think it’s safe to say every week since this administration took over has been a new low for this country. So how low does it go?

Beck Dorey-Stein found the job on Craigslist, and nearly blew it off before she rescheduled. When she did, the recruiter revealed a few more details: “For transparency’s sake, I wanted to let you know this is a job at the White House, and you’d be traveling with the president on his domestic and international trips. Let me know if this changes things.”

From the Corner of the Oval, which will be published on July 10 from Random House’s Spiegel & Grau imprint, tracks Dorey-Stein’s time in the Obama White House, traveling on Air Force One, recording and transcribing the press conferences after major meetings between the president and world leaders, and even exercising next to Obama—“I slow to a stop,” Dorey-Stein writes, “and out of the corner of my eye, I see someone step onto the treadmill to my right. ‘I thought you’d be faster than that,’ he says. I look over to see who this joker is. It’s the president.”

So apparently the system is so broken that you can apply for a job at the WHCP by Craigslist. Because all legitimate things happen on Craigslist. Gee, I wonder who broke it? Well we can’t point fingers here or anything.

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump gives few news conferences, and when one came Friday it was sudden, unexpected and chaotic.

After making a surprise visit to the White House lawn for a half-hour interview with “Fox & Friends” host Steve Doocy, Trump took 20 minutes of questions from a boisterous group of White House reporters. It was televised live on cable news.

Trump's remarks — about North Korea, his zero tolerance immigration policy, the investigation into his campaign's ties with Russia — offered enough fodder for television talkers to chew over all day and into the weekend. No one had any idea it was going to happen an hour before the president emerged.

Doocy, typically New York-based, was in Washington this week to cover the congressional baseball game. He stayed over to help anchor Trump's favorite morning show from the area on the White House grounds where television reporters usually congregate for live shots. No guests were expected; the White House offered a trade representative and Fox turned them down.

You know just once I want to see a conference where the news says “Trump gave a press conference today. Nothing of note happened.”. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is.

The White House press room hasn’t seen a briefing since Monday, but members of the press corps are still showing up to the empty room.

The White House has cancelled its press briefings for four days straight, CNN’s chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta wrote in a tweet on Friday afternoon.

“For the fourth straight day there was no WH briefing. No officials to explain how the admin plans to return the separated kids to their parents. This is how the briefing room looks.. a few reporters waiting for answers that aren’t coming yet,” Acosta wrote.

He included a picture of the briefing room, showing several reporters waiting inside, despite the absence of White House communications officials.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B
How Things Are Going: F
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to take a look at how our meat is processed (no that’s not a metaphor you perverts!) and visit the USDA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Interrupters[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great punk / ska band from Los Angeles that just released a new album called “Fight The Good Fight”. You can see them on the Vans Warped Tour through August 4th. Playing their song “She’s Kerosene”, give it up for The Interrupters!

Austin, I love ya, you were amazing! I want to thank our gracious hosts at the Cap City Comedy Club for making this happen! We’ll be back soon! We’re off to New Orleans next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, Texas
Special Thanks To: Cap City Management
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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