Finally, a president with the guts to stand up to Canada (Humor/Satire)

[Stonepounder]

https://wapo.st/2y8Iq7e

Finally, a president with the guts to stand up to Canada

O Canada: You had it coming, eh.
They inflicted Nickelback on us. We did nothing.
They sent us Justin Bieber. We turned the other cheek.
They were responsible for one abomination after the other: Poutine. Diphthong vowels. Hawaiian pizza. Instant mashed potatoes. Ted Cruz.
Still, we did not retaliate — until now.

Finally, the United States has a president with the brains and the guts to stand up to the menace of the north. This weekend President Trump called Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau “meek,” “very dishonest & weak” for protesting U.S. tariffs. Trump’s trade adviser said “there’s a special place in hell” for Trudeau, and Trump’s economic adviser said Trudeau “stabbed us in the back” and is guilty of “betrayal” and “double-crossing.”

Trudeau earned his place in the underworld for some truly appalling rhetoric, saying “we’re polite, we’re reasonable, but we also will not be pushed around.” Offensive! He also found it “kind of insulting” that the Trump administration said it was imposing tariffs on Canadian goods “for a national security reason” given that Canadians “stood shoulder to shoulder with American soldiers in far off lands in conflicts from the First World War onward.”

Canada is not a national security threat to the United States? Au contraire, as they say in (very foreign) Quebec.

Trudeau conveniently omits the invasion of Detroit from Canada in 1812. And there was that ugly dispute in 1844 when soon-to-be President James K. Polk wanted the U.S. border to extend all the way north to Alaska at 54 degrees, 40 minutes latitude (slogan: “Fifty-four forty or fight!”) but was forced to accept the 49th parallel, a humiliation that denied us Vancouver and many great Chinese restaurants.

More at link.

[sandensea]

1. Canadian Bacon

Michael Moore saw this coming 25 years ago.

[lame54]

4. Criminally underrated comedy

[sandensea]

6. Very much. And he saw Faux News coming too.

[Cha]

2. Offensive!!! How dare he?!

Go Trudeau!

[lame54]

3. You lost me at poutine

[noncliqer]

5. We ain't seen NUTHIN' yet!

Trudeau (whose father used to be Supreme Leader JUST LIKE KIM JONG IL) is going to send his brutally-polite military juggernaut directly into the District of Colombia to rob the Washington Capitals of the Stanley Cup, make everyone in the city gorge themselves on artery-clogging poutine, force Ivanka to return with him to Canada as his concubi--uh, maybe I was too quick with the word force?--but definitely burn the while place down just for old times' sake!