Michelle Wolf's funniest jokes and most biting barbs on President Trump, Congress and the media.

[Scurrilous]

<snip>

ON PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

'It's 2018 and I am a woman so you cannot shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000,' said Wolf, referencing the Stormy Daniels controversy. 'You can find me on Venmo under my porn star name: Reince Priebus.'

'Trump is racist. He loves white nationalists, which is a funny term for a Nazi, it's like calling a pedophile a kid-friend or Harvey Weinstein a lady's man.'

And finally: 'He grabs p**sies because he thinks there might be loose change in them.'

ON SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS

'I like Sarah, I think she's really resourceful. She burns facts and uses the ash to create a perfect smokey eye,' the comedian added. 'Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's lies. It's probably lies.'

'I'm never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Cousin Huckabee, is it Aunt Huckabee Sanders?' Wolf said, continuing, 'What's Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Ah I Know, Aunt Coulter.'

Ivanka Trump also came under fire: 'Ivanka, she was supposed to be an advocate for women but she is about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons.' Wolf also compared the president's daughter to a 'diaper genie', saying she 'Looks sleek on the outside, but inside is full of s**t.'

ON CONGRESS

'Mitch McConnell isn't here tonight, he had a prior engagement. He's finally getting his neck circumcised.'

'Paul Ryan couldn't make it, of course he's already been circumcised. Unfortunately while they were down there they also took his balls.'

ON THE MEDIA

'CNN, you guys love breaking news. And you did it, you broke it.'

'Fox News is here so you know what that means, ladies: cover your drinks.'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5670451/Michelle-Wolfs-funniest-jokes-biting-barbs-White-House-Correspondents-Dinner.html


Michelle Wolf Scorches White House Correspondents Dinner

<snip>

“Here we are at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Like a porn star says when about to have sex with Trump: let’s get this over with,” Wolf began, setting the tone.

“I’m here to make jokes. I have no agenda. I’m not trying to get anything accomplished. So, everyone who’s here from Congress: you should feel right at home.”

“And…what would I do without Megyn Kelly? Probably be more proud of women,” Wolf blasted. “Megyn Kelly got paid $23 million by NBC and then NBC didn’t let her go to the Winter Olympics. Why not? She’s so white and cold and expensive she might as well BE the Winter Olympics. And, by the way, Megyn, Santa is black. That weird guy going down your chimney was Bill O’Reilly.”

Wolf excoriated cable news networks who “could be covering anything” but instead cover just three things: Trump, Russia, Hillary, and with a panel of people “who remind you why you don’t go home for Thanksgiving.”

“You guys are obsessed with Trump,” Wolf chastised. “Did you use to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him but I think you love him.”

“I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you,” she continued to scold. “He couldn’t sell steaks, or vodka, or water, or college, or ties, or Eric. But he has helped you sell your papers, and books, and TV,” she said, as some of the more uncomfortable attendees were maybe thinking Trump got it right when he decided to give this a miss."

“You guys got to stop putting Kellyanne [Conway] on your shows. She lies. If you don’t give her a platform she has nowhere to lie. It’s like that old saying: if a tree falls in the woods, how do you get Kellyanne under that tree? I’m not suggesting she gets hurt, just stuck. Incidentally, ‘tree falls in woods’ is Scott Pruitt’s definition of porn.”

http://deadline.com/2018/04/michelle-wolf-donald-trump-white-house-correspondents-dinner-jake-tapper-sarah-huckabee-sanders-video-1202378764/

[SunSeeker]

1. K & R

[Achilleaze]

2. republican porn - Pruitt-style

[Hortensis]

6. :) That one was spot on.

[dalton99a]

9. +1

[malaise]

3. K & R

for truth - sometimes it hurts - tough!!

[SammyWinstonJack]

4. !!!

[Blue_Adept]

5. I think I'm enjoying even more seeing how many liberals are offended by all of it

There's lots of good stuff in there, some sharp bits that sting hard and hit the truth to the reality.

But that fear that this will hurt long term with the Blue Wave?

This'll disappear within a day or two - just like everything else - because of whatever insanity comes next. Just like it has for the past two years. I can barely remember last week's nuttery.

[robbob]

10. Yeah seriously!

How does this hurt Dems? Is she running for President? Or Congress? Is she now the official voice of the Democratic Party?

She was a comedian hired to do a notoriously hard gig mocking pundits and politicians alike and people on this forum are coming down on her like she is our new long term strategist and policy advisor.

If faux and friends are having a meltdown then A) good, and B) respond the way they do when people get alarmed about the rantings of Rush: “she’s just an entertainer, a comedian!”.

Except, of course, she spoke more truth in 20 minutes then Limpballs does in a years worth of shows, and some of what she said was actually quite funny.

[eShirl]

7. Preibus laughed and applauded at the joke about him.

She noticed and acknowledged that.

[uponit7771]

8. K&R