Teen Suicide - It's Not a New Thing

[MineralMan]

And neither are the common causes of teen suicide.

I was a senior in high school in 1962-3. During my senior year in my small town high school (less than 500 total students), a freshman boy shot himself early in the school year.

Back in those days, no counselors came to the school. We were on our own. I didn't know that student. He was three classes behind me, and wasn't in the band, so I had never met him. I knew his family's name, of course. They were devastated by his suicide, but they weren't part of my circle of acquaintances, either.

Over the next couple of days, students at my high school talked about that suicide, though. I learned that he had been teased and shunned by his classmates. I heard slurs from some. He might have been thought to be gay, based on those words I heard. I don't know, but I heard that from several people. He killed himself. The cause was probably related to a complete lack of acceptance of who he was by the kids in that small school. Being bullied is a common reason for suicides now and probably was back then, too. But, that wasn't a topic of conversation at the time. The conversation about his suicide died down in just a couple of days.

LGBTQ young people are far more likely to take their own lives than other kids. They get bullied. They get ignored. They get shunned. Maybe less now than in those old days, but bullying still happens to just about everyone who is different from the norm in some way. Humans are a singularly intolerant bunch of primates.

I wish for a world where being different in some way didn't lead to bullying. I wish we could have that sort of world. It's a shame that we don't. I wish we were more tolerant. I wish we all believed in something that taught us tolerance, instead of hatred and intolerance. That's what I wish for. If we had such a world, that boy who killed himself early in 1963 might still be alive and living a good life. He's not, because that's not the world we live in.

We should work on that, I think. We should work hard on that.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Didn't Melania Trump say she was going to fix that problem?

Back in the olden days when we were kids, suicide happened but it was not talked about as much because it was considered shameful for the families (and maybe still is). And bullying was just one of those things you had to put up with, especially if you were the fat kid or the smart kid or the weird kid, because some kids were and are just mean. There's that unfortunate primate tendency to pick on the one who's odd and therefore perceived as weak. I didn't even know what homosexuality was until I got to high school, but the boys who seemed effeminate or not jockish enough got picked on mercilessly even more than the fat kids and the smart kids. Of course nothing at all was done. It was just the way things were. At least now teen suicide is recognized and some people, not including Melania Trump, are trying to help, but social media bullying is a really tough thing to combat against. At least we didn't have that - the closest thing was slam books, spiral notebooks that were passed around where kids could write down what they thought of other kids. Those were bad enough; I can't imagine what it must be like to be harassed on Instagram or Facebook or whatever.

[MineralMan]

3. I hadn't thought about that kid from my high school for years.

But, yesterday, my wife got an email from a cousin of hers. One of that cousin's grandchildren, a transgender teen, attempted suicide for the third time, it said. That brought back the memory. Very sad stuff.

The email didn't mention bullying, but I have no doubt such bullying occurred. They live in a very intolerant, conservative area, full of fundamentalist churches and the people who attend them. I can't imagine bullying not happening to a transgender teen in that community.

So, I'm saddened by that news. I've never met that cousin of my wife's. I don't know her grandchildren at all. Neither does my wife. But, she knows her cousin, who reached out to share this terrible news. It brought back that memory for me.

[malthaussen]

2. One of my friends in HS shot himself...

... but he waited until after he graduated to do it. His problem was not bullying, however, but existential angst.

-- Mal

[MineralMan]

4. I'm very sorry to hear that.

I imagine many of us have a similar story to tell from our school days.

[malthaussen]

5. I think if we knew all the stories from our school days...

... we'd spend a lot of time weeping for our brothers and sisters.

-- Mal

[MineralMan]

6. No doubt.

[Ms. Toad]

7. Aside from being different

Most minorities lives in a family or community which has experienced the same societal intolerance. There are, of course, exceptions - but by and large, black children are raised in homes with at least one black parent. Jewish children are raised in homes with at least one Jewish parent, etc. When they experience bullying, their parents know - by direct experience - what they are going through

This is not, by and large, the case for LGBT individuals for whom their parents largely have no direct experience being targeted for being LGBT and - in fact - all too many parents of LGBT children bully, harass, or even disown, their children.

To counter this, a large number of older lesbians have informal parent/child relationships with younger lesbians. My legal daughter has two older "siblings," both of whom joined our family when they were exiled or isolated in their families of origins. One had attempted suicide, the other was pointed in my direction because she was suicidal. (Both are now thriving.)

Gay men, by and large, do not feel as free to enter into such informal parent-child relationships with younger gay men because of the pervasive myth that "adult gay men tend to be attracted to very young, post-pubescent types, bringing them 'into the lifestyle' in a way that many people consider to be immoral" The perpetuation of that myth forces many older gay men to reject the foster parenting role that is so critical for younger LGBT individuals whose own parents reject them, out of the very real fear that they will be accused of being pedophiles. This leaves young gay males particularly vulnerable to the devastating impact of being bullied and ostracized, leading far too many to commit suicide, with no one to turn to for support.

Part of working hard on the problem requires that we condemn such myths, and not trivialize the harmful impact of such words as a means of safeguarding against the possibility that someone we support may actually have uttered them a few years ago. (i.e. the defense currently being offered is (a) she didn't do it and (b) if she did it, it wasn't that bad and it was years ago. The former is a perfectly reasonable defense. The latter is not.)

[dsc]

15. that is exactly what I was saying

thank you.

[rustydog]

8. We do need to work hard on that MineralMan

It is a very complex issue and with society's gross ignorance of the why of suicidal ideation/attempts and, sometimes coldhearted judgement of those who attempt suicide we have a long way to go to try to prevent these last-ditch efforts to correct or stop some bad thing in the suicidal person's life.

I've worked in healthcare security since 1979 and have assisted medical and clinical staff in the ER caring for people who attempted suicide. Self-inflicted gun shots, wrist-cutting... It can be brutal, scary, and heart-breaking. On Thanksgiving eve around 1990, I remember helping ER staff with a male who shot himself with a 7mm in the jaw. He had no face, and medical staff were able to stabilize him for heli-flight to the regional trauma facility...Happy Thanksgiving.

I prevented two suicides in my career, something I am proud of considering I am not a doctor or clinical staff. One, a girl who tried to jump 5-stories to her death on Christmas Eve and another who intentionally overdosed.

I assisted ER staff with the female who had overdosed on purpose and needed to be given charcoal lavage to absorb the drugs. I explained to the teenager (who I recognized from prior ER visits) that I would be restraining her arms because when the Dr. begins to insert the tube, people automatically reach for the tube when the gag-reflex is triggered. I told her I would stay and hold her hand if she wanted. I told her she would squeeze it as hard as she needed to during the procedure. She took me up on my offer and she did squeeze my hand! When staff were done, I removed the restraints as promised and I left to answer other calls. I told the girl I hoped thing got better and wished her well.

I forgot about her until about a year later when I received a letter at work from the female. It was a thank-you that touched me deeply. I hadn't thought about it much in the ensuing years until 2016 while sorting through things as we prepared our house for sale. I came across the letter, read it again and it still has it's strong effect. I use some of its content in classes I teach.

She wrote:

"I wanted to thank you personally for what you gave to me that Monday night I came into the Emergency Room. Unfortunately, I am not sure when I will be able to.
I have moved to Wenatchee with my sister, her husband and two kids. You'll never know what it was like to have a familiar and caring face to look into when I was so frightened.

I want to thank you for reminding me that there are people out there who care and for not asking questions. Even if you would have asked why, I couldn't have told you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know myself.

There were so many people I wanted to help, for them and for me. I thought no one understood, I felt like it was all up to me, but I had no control and nothing was getting fixed.

So I decided to end the one thing I had control of. I know that this expression of gratitude is inadequate to explain the way I feel. I do want you to know that I am happy and everything will be ok, that I appreciate what you did for me and I really didn't want to die.
Thank you again"

Yes we do need to do something

[MineralMan]

12. Thanks for that reply. It touched me.

My wife worked a crisis hotline, often overnight with calls ringing through to our home. Suicidal callers were the most difficult. Often the calls ended with no clear resolution. Very stressful stuff.

[smirkymonkey]

9. It breaks my heart when I hear of any suicide, but especially when it is a young

child or teen where early intervention could make such a difference. I think there should be some kind of awareness training in the schools so that children understand the effects that their cruelty and bullying can have on others.

I sometimes think back to when I was young and I know I made fun of certain kids - I kind of just jumped on the bandwagon - but it really pains me when I think back on it. I wish I had some kind of awareness about the pain that I was causing others back then. I have grown up to be a very empathetic person, but peer pressure was a powerful force back then.

[Tavarious Jackson]

10. Utah has a real bad problem

(KUTV) Utah suicide rates are skyrocketing and are now the leading cause of death for Utah youth. The youth suicide rate has tripled in Utah since 2007 -- jumping from three out of every 100,000 youth to 8.5, an alarming increase not seen anywhere else in the country.

There is no one cause or clear reason why the numbers are rising, though there are concerns specific to Utah that the State Health Department will focus on as they grapple with a way to save young lives.

The rate of suicide among Utah's adults has been considered high for years but has not seen a sharp increase like Utah youth, ages 10 to 17.

http://kutv.com/news/local/utah-youth-suicide-now-leading-cause-of-death-for-utah-kids-ages-11-17

[Initech]

11. I think a lot of it is society.

And you know the old adage that kids learn their behavior from their parents. If the kids are the bullies - what does that say about the parents? And furthermore - bullying is everywhere. It's in schools. It's online. It's on the radio. It's in our churches. It's on our playgrounds. Look at the crap that their parents listen to. Limbaugh is a bully. Hannity is a bully. Bill O'Reilly is a bully. The thing is that bullies begat bullies begat bullies. It's not something that is going to be addressed overnight but we definitely need to start addressing this problem in our society as a whole. We need a "Me Too" for anti bullying.

[MineralMan]

13. Yes. Adults too often pass their prejudices

On to the next generation. It's very hard to reverse such ingrained things.

[struggle4progress]

18. Although the most common age for self-harm seems to 15-19 years,

only about one in thirty self-harm incidents at that age are completed suicides. The number of self-harm incidents then declines from that age, but the lethal fraction steadily increases. The largest number of suicides are actually seen around 45-49 and 50-54 years, when something one in twelve to sixteen self-harm incidents are completed suicides. After age seventy, perhaps 60% of self-harm incidents are coimpleted suicides